Last hours of 2015

I have caught myself off guard by being super happy/excited, even joyful, just contemplating this wonderful new year!  I can't remember when I've felt so joyful over a turn of the last calendar page!!

This new year is one I'm longing for and looking forward to embracing- with a newness of life approach.

That being said...we had Chinese food tonight and I couldn't read the fortune in my cookie because I didn't have reading glasses on...passed it to my son and he said...oh, Mom this is really for you!  He then read...Stay Healthy. Walk a mile.

All 3 of us laughed (did Terry laugh sort of to loud???).

I said...What does it really say?

He said...Mom, that is really what it says!

and it was there!  in black and white  ...STAY HEALTHY. WALK A MILE.  

Who on earth, gets a fortune cookie fortune on New Years Eve like that???!!!  I do!  I did!

I'm going to try and put a picture on so you can see it!

(no luck with that attempt!)

Fate?  Karma?  Coincidence on New Years Eve with goal planning running rampant?  something in the air?

Whatever it is...tomorrow I get a new lease on life.  My life.  Auntie Mame-like...I'm going to live darling!!  LIVE!

Talk time. My turn.

10 days or so ago, the Bishop called and asked me to speak on the last Sunday of the month.  I thought it would be goals or the likes, instead of the subject-- Endurance!  Enduring to the end! and using the October 2007 Conference talk by Elder Uchtdorf entitled- Have We Not Reason to Rejoice?  I found that humorous to couple enduring with rejoicing.  Enduring to the end of mortality and cover it in 10 and up to 15 minutes!  Volumes have been written about this, as it's the entire purpose of life, to endure with grace and dignity, to the end of each life experience until life is over.  (I felt I could just put the Scriptures on the stand, along with referencing all CR reports and people would have the subject info available and could know what they could/should do.)  It seemed an overwhelming topic.  (Probably because it is!)

I finally just went super simple and pared it down.  I was as ready as I could be and even at that was deleting-- to end up with bare bones.  Even with all of that butchering...it was to much talk for to little time!  My talk time was slowly devoured by others in their talks.  I was last on the program and it boiled down to a few minutes.  I tried to pare it back the best I could.

Was it jumbled/fumbled and sort of scattered/confusing?  Probably.  Afterwards the Bishop said...You said you'd share 6 items.  You did 5.  What was the 6th?  and I said...music.  Turns out that was a lie.  When I was emptying my Church bag and looked at all the chicken scratches, on my one page of notes, I realized my error.  I'm still trying to figure out the order on my messy notes, of the order of the 6 steps I wanted to share, that I use for helping me with enduring beyond the Basic 6 steps in the Church like Prayer etc.  Probably totally confusing to you.  That was my mindset...scattered and yes--confused whilst talking!!!

I think, from now on, I will always write a Reader's Digest version of any talk I'm ever asked to give.  I could have pulled it out today...made my point...and sat down.  Next time...in a year or so!  Seriously.  I am going to do that.  Always.

The previous speaker was great and inspiring.  I would have had no problem if they'd canceled mine as she was so prepared.  Well thought-out and personal.  Music.  Stories.  Plus she was a former Laurel of mine, many years ago, so I love her!

I enjoyed Church today, so much, even if I was caught off guard!

Are you a time stickler on talk time? 

********************

Is anyone excited about a New Year?  I really am!  It's going to be the greatest ever!!

The season!

I did not get lost in space, just lost in time. 

So...first of all my sister is gaining strength!  She is able to do more things in her quest for independence, even though the Dr. tells her she will not be able to do that very deed!  She admits that she knows the happenings and eventual outcome but she is still going to do as much for herself as she can. 

Note to Natalie:  That is amazing the coincidence of your daughter's wedding reception being in the back yard of our current Yakima Mission President's Utah home.  To think they are special friends!  Truly a small world.  (Natalie left a comment a couple of blogs back.  She and Dixie are the same age and were cheerleaders in high school for all 4 years)

*****************************

A totally different Christmas for us this year but before I get to Christmas I just have to say how much I love Christmas music, especially sacred music.  I went to a couple of concerts and the highlight of the local Community Choir?-- one of my Laurels, Sophie, was the Special Guest Soloist.  She was outstanding!!  Standout of that evening for sure!

As far as Choir experiences- the highlight of all the Christmas music I listened to, was the Selah Stake Christmas Concert.  It was by far the absolute best Church Concert I've ever heard!!  (and I've heard a lot of them!!) 

The Chapel has several ledges up near the Choir seats, by organ, by piano, across front, Sacrament table...you get the drift.  So they garlanded across the front and then they had a bank of poinsettias on all of those ledges.  Costco purchased the oversize ones and the regular sized ones and it was just a gorgeous bank of flowers.  The 45+ voice choir wore black skirts/pants- white blouses/shirts and a red scarf for the women.  They removed several of the front pews and had an orchestra of probably 25, all dressed in formal black.  everything was costumed to color perfection right down to 40? young girls, 8-9?, all dressed in white dresses.  And a youth choir and on and on and on.  The most outstanding singing ever!!  Best Program outline I've ever seen!

The director was just amazing.  I happened to be sitting where I could see her and that music direction just streamed through her fingers with such power!  She was like a dancer!  She was just making magic happen and when they got into the 3 Messiah songs, there were times that I just felt enveloped in this beautiful roaring swell and wondered if that was the sound of the angels when Christ was born.  It was sheer heaven!!  Sigh.

True it's over and done but that memory is so vivid that I feel that beauty again in the telling.

Tears rolled down my cheeks for sure. 

Plus I love the Messiah music!  (I will tell you about my Choir experience with it.  real soon!)

**********************************

Do you regift? My Grandmother Clark did. 

She enjoyed using her dictionary.  It was wearing out with dog-eared pages and tears and straight pins holding pages in place- etc.  Plus her eyesight wasn't very good. 

My Mother decided to find her the perfect dictionary with large print.  After lots of shopping she found the ideal dictionary for Grandmother.  She glued a piece of fabric, about 4" wide, inside the cover, over the front & back spine area, so it wouldn't tear.  As I recall the book was about 6 inches deep and probably 12"x14".  it was very heavy.  Huge!

I was in Alaska and my Mother in Idaho and my Grandmother was in Missouri.  My Mother told me about finding the perfect dictionary for her and that she had mailed it off for Christmas.

I eventually saw it, with my own eyes, when it arrived in my mailbox, from my Grandmother, with a note...Emogene gave me this and I don't want it as I already have a good dictionary. 

My Mother was not pleased with Grandmothers generosity.

************

So all month long we listened to Christmas music.  We had no trappings of Christmas it seemed.  Things already looked a bit bare because we hadn't put things back after the paint job as we thought we'd  put out Christmas.  Then we couldn't get to things.  Then we couldn't get things out that we could get to!  We knew that we'd not put out our big tree that we love.  We knew that we'd given the Christmas houses away.  We knew we had a big box of Nativities ...somewhere.  We knew the garland for over the mirror was behind a stationary bike. We also knew we had garlands that we love and we did know where one of the 2 boxes was!  So there you go...the majority of excuses on why we didn't decorate.  Oh, and we gave our outdoor/McCall tree to Goodwill as it had some branches that needed mending and a some problems with lights.

Then Terry saw our big huge wreath so that got hung.  Then Jeanee got 3 garlands and put them out. On top of things...not hung because we took hooks down when painting was done.  Then I brought out my lone Nativity that I keep in my office and also moved our favorite village house on piano with garland.

We started really missing a tree.  So we bought a beautiful overpriced 4.5' tree from Hobby Lobby.  Truly it was gorgeous.  On the 20th we confessed to each other that we liked big trees and this was to small even sitting on a plant stand.  So...I took it back!  Looked at the others and just left.

I just didn't want to buck the traffic, weather and shoppers looking for a tree so we opted for placing a poinsettia gift and put a tree skirt there and some white beads.  Festive but not a tree!

My tree for NEXT year will be here on Tuesday!  it's a steal of a deal.  free shipping and it's 7' tall and has lights on it!  We are ready!!...for 2016.  we weren't ready for 2015.  This new tree only weighs 20 pounds!!  our other tree (that we have loved for years!) weighs a ton and is in a hugh box. 

So....next year we will enjoy a big tree.  I learned from this experience that there are certain things that you just flat out enjoy and that it really contributes to the Christmas feeling...the Christmas spirit in your home because it just makes you happy.  Cozy.  comfy.  reminiscent mood. 

We found that we enjoy a garland over the mirror and other garlands, the nativity sets, at least one Christmas house and a really big tree.  Next year will be wonderful when all of that happens!! 

***********************

I hope your Christmas was wonderful!!  No matter what is happening or not happening with ornaments etc...really, what does matter is the fact that we are celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ and that is the greatest of all things to think about and enjoy!

Life...

So I have a new set-up and I'm so in hopes that all my tech problems are over.  I am below low-tech...I am no-tech.  I am at the mercy of computers and if a human is needed to answer questions in what to me is Computery- a foreign language- then I have to take advantage of my son and ask so many questions, that he finally just comes over and fixes whatever.  This time it involved buying a new outfit, and I don't mean clothes, an All in One (supposedly trouble free.  time will tell on that!)

********

Today a friend's Mother unexpectedly died.  My heart goes out to her and her sweet little family.  I remember when my Daddy died (yes.  I called him Daddy all my life).  I was at the hospital and realizing that this was the first time I'd lost a family member and I was now in the Church.  I wondered if it would hold true.  If I would survive it.  How it would feel.  Would the Gospel really hold up and hold me up to be able to endure such a loss?  Yes...it did all I'd hoped and more.  I felt comforted and all of the scriptures and things I'd studied about death really held firm and I was thankful, so thankful for the Gospel.

One year in our life we had a family event just filled with heartache and tragedy.  It was one of those...how can I possible bear this?...situations.  Someone commented that it was a shame to have this happening during the Christmas season...to mar it.  I told them this was the best time to have heartache and sorrow because everywhere I look I see Christmas lights and I hear Christmas Carols and I see wonderful Christmas programs.  I feel the Spirit as I see these tangible items and driving by houses of strangers or walking through commercial stores...lights everywhere.  I am the Light of the world, He said.  He is my light and He is your light and He is Julianna's light and she has great faith that will sustain her through the days ahead.

**********************************

When my turn to leave this earth arrives...I hope my friends and family will remember...

Written by Henry Scott Holland-- (27 January 1847 – 17 March 1918) He was Regius Professor of Divinity at the University of Oxford

What a great opportunity!

Holding my breath to see if this is actually going to work and allow me to do my blog and send/receive email!!  Have a new setup and after practically pulling my hair and screeching in frustration...here we go!! 

This is just a quick post because I want to get it out pronto!  It's an opportunity for all of us to do a little Christmas gifting!  In July the Washington Yakima Mission was formed.  I read the blog of the MP's wife...Anne Lewis.  Anne is from Utah and knows Wendy, a friend of mine- from Zillah who now lives in Utah, where she met Anne before her Mission call.  Are you with me?...Anyhow on the Mission blog she showed all the Christmas mail that had come in...mounds and stacks all over the place!  Then later she posted Missionaries standing by the piles of packages.  It really hit me...what if, for whatever reason, some missionaries or even one missionary, had no packages!! 

I contacted Sister Lewis (Anne) and asked that question.  There are 5 with no Christmas mail/packages.  The Mission home will put together something for them BUT you and I can add to those boxes!!  You can drop socks or ties or candy treats or gloves or whatever you feel would be nice for the 4 Elders.  She said a card with an encouraging note would be so welcome. (Address at end.)

In this mix of 5 their is one Sister!  She has never received a letter or email or package since she came on her Mission.  She is new to the Mission field.  36 years old.  was adopted at some point by her 80 year old Grandma.  She was preparing herself to be a nun and a year or so ago, the missionaries taught and baptized her.  She has no one else that is LDS.  The picture Sister Lewis sent me...she looks so sweet.  (I'll see if I can share that with you)  She looks like she wears jewel tones and not pastels.  She was wearing cardigans/scarves.  Sister Lewis says size XL would work.

You can drop something off for her, if you want, when you maybe give a treat to the 4 Elders for their Mission Office boxes.

This is also the mailing address for those of you out of State.

Yakima Mission Office
1006 S. 16th Ave.
Yakima WA 98902

Sister Lewis said I could email her and Sister Call (works in Mission office.  hubby counselor??) said you can too!!

Desiree.Danger@myldsmail.net

Let's support Sister Danger on her Mission!!!

just a portion of the packages...

I can't stand for someone to not receive a gift!!!  Look how happy this Elder is!!

Family Time

Today was testimony meeting and I enjoyed each personal heartfelt expression.  My heart was full but I didn't share.  I'm still absorbing all that has happened in the last week with Dixie.  I said a private prayer and told the Lord that I hoped He didn't think I was ungrateful for not sharing my gratitude.  

My emotions are tender right now.  I have a son that suffers emotionally, from time to time, and when he dips down it tugs at my heartstrings.  I was thinking today of how I've had to learn to adjust my thinking in how I deal with his malady.  When people ride that up and down emotional roller coaster, bystanders sometimes want to hop on board....in hopes they can help in some way.  As a co-dependent (uh...could we make that a recovering Co-D?), I, of course, have wanted to alleviate suffering and solve problems and make things all better. 

Life isn't that way.  We can encourage and support but we can't fix people's mood swings.  Sometimes we are told that we are the cause of the suffering.  I can't tell you the many times I've apologized, for things not really as stated but finally I realized that mental problems can't be allowed to take more victims than the sufferer.  For ages I hopped on that roller coaster with a terrorizing ride going on...put my life on hold...until life had returned to normal.  I basically stopped living until all ruffled feathers were smoothed out.

I don't react that way now.  I realize he suffers and as a Mother, or just a human being, I so want to soothe his pain.  All I can do is offer unconditional love towards him.  AND...a healthy private dose of that balm for myself!

My heart goes out for those suffering from any form of mental stress/illness from depression to bi-polar and the full gamut of degrees of insanity...momentary or long-term.  Equally my heart goes out to those bystanders, that love these people that suffer, and are so wounded themselves in watching their mental agony and pain.

Life is to learn from and this segment of learning is hard-core!

So that is one peek at my challenge right now BUT on the flip-side...my daughter is here and finished painting the living room.  She did find a few spots to touch up and the door needs another coat.  getting the living room carpet/couch/chairs cleaned tomorrow.  It seems strange to have Christmas so close at hand and no tree up etc. but until we get the tasks at hands done...not on list!  This is not the time she was planning on coming out so that is why it's being done now and not January or spring! What we will do this year decoration wise, most likely, is put up garlands.  I love garlands!

My heart is filled with gratitude for Dixie's health improvement!  I feel a tenderness towards the Savior and this marvelous/magical time of year when Christmas is in the air and everywhere!  My heart is filled with thankfulness for friends that care about me and love me.  That includes you wonderful blog readers!

When the dust settles and things are back in some sort of order furniture-wise....We will put up a folding table in dining room for Jeanee to work on an art project, or maybe she will just use our dining room table...she will do her art and I will bake and cook some food for us to enjoy.  I'm going to make that gumbo I mentioned before and also that lentil soup.  We have a lot of living and memories to make and things to do between now and the 11th, when she leaves.  I may be scarce blog-wise until she leaves.  Depends on our projects!

My testimony is certain and I'm just beyond thankful for the ability to feel the Spirit and to know God is in charge of everything.  How comforting that thought/belief is!

A good morning to you!

Dixie continues to get stronger, and more determined to be independent and not require help 24/7.  Nothing stronger than a determined woman!

***************************

Our children are so good to us.  Compassionate/kind/giving/generous.  Jeanee decided that instead of listening to my constantly talking, about the need to paint the living room, that she'd just do it!  She is a little hurricane and somewhat like an Edward Scissorhands, when she makes up her mind.  My own little windmill!  Kip came over and eagerly jumped on board.  To have 2 happy adult children and 2 happy parents in the same relatively small room just fills the room with Christmas joy!  Terry put on an old Christmas CD, with long ago favorites, and when I'll be Home for Christmas lyrics filled the room...I got teary and Jeanee got teary and at the same time Kipper said that is to intense and we turned it off!  

Christmas has arrived early this year...Dixie's miracle (long term or short term- we are thankful and happy and enjoying every moment!)  and to have our daughter here (until the 11th!!!)  We will just hole up and make the most of having 2 children here!!!

**************************

Celise and Jenny- I was reading about Sister Oaks and her new book.  I think it might be great to add it to your library.  Actually...for all of us!  (I didn't know she has a blog!)

Here is a part of what I read from a recent interview-

You recently came out with a new children’s book, My Home Can Be a Holy Place. What inspired you to write it? What message do you hope people will take from it?
The idea for the book has weighed heavily on me for the last three years. I want so much for the young parents in Zion to prepare and protect their precious children, the future of our church. I hope people will realize (1) by relatively small, consistent holy acts we can achieve a sanctuary for our family, and (2) that children—properly taught—have a magnificent capacity to help make their homes holy.

You also have a new blog,homecanbeaholyplace.com. What is its purpose? What can readers expect to find there?
I have tried to listen to prophets who have told us to share our testimonies with the world. The purpose of my blog is to extend the ideas in my book into real life practice in the lives of members. I’m gathering ideas from a variety of LDS parents on how they make their homes a sacred sanctuary against the ever-increasing evil in the world. The stories, activities, reading suggestions, and other resources on the blog provide ideas and inspiration that can help others make their homes places of joy, safety, and refuge.

In addition, there are reading suggestions, recipes, music, and links to relevant Church talks. I invite everyone to contribute suggestions that have blessed their homes.

Is there something not many members of the Church know about you?
I am essentially a convert to this Church, and I can testify to the great power of our Heavenly Father to bless our lives, our homes, and our families if we are obedient to His commandments. Life under the gospel plan is true happiness.

Is there anything else you would like to share with LDS Living readers?
We have such a sacred privilege and responsibility as members of this Church to serve our Savior, Jesus Christ. Remember: “The first duty pertaining to the training of the children of the Church belongs in the home. It is the responsibility of the parents to bring them up in light and truth…”(Joseph Fielding Smith, page 206, Teachings of the Prophets.), and that “only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness” (Bible Dictionary). We have a daunting charge to be valiant, and I am so thrilled to be part of it.

I pray for the success of all of us—we are all in this together.

---

Read more from Sister Oaks in her new children's book, My Home Can Be a Holy Place, available at deseretbook.com.

In the midst of a miracle...

What a privilege it is to watch a miracle unfold right before your eyes!  Hour by hour!  Even with all that you see, as rock solid evidence that something miraculous is happening, your mind has difficulty believing that everything is real!!  Nothing like a picture to prove my point. We left the day after Thanksgiving, on a Friday and returned home yesterday on a Thursday.  So in that 6 day time-frame  I saw her go from this...

Friday evening arrival

I just crawled into bed with her and she poured out her heart.  Jeanee took a sneak picture and I'm now glad she did. Dixie was telling me of her ER ordeal and how she wouldn't sign for hospice as it didn't feel right to her for this time...someday the time would be right but not now.

So that was a bit of a mix-up as all of that had to be straightened out paper-work wise.  My niece was there and she handled all of that and I just focused on Dixie.  You know that she and I go on a yearly sister trip so we had a house-bound sister trip.  Plus she had her own angel, my darling daughter, that she loves so much.  Dixie has flown to Florida, in the past, to spend time with Jeanee.  So the 3 of us love to be together.

She hadn't been eating and drinking but when we arrived her food-fest appetite returned.  She said she felt like she was eating her "last meal" as she requested Jeanee to make spaghetti and then it just escalated with her favorite meal requests.  Artichokes & king crab!!??  We laughed and visited and heard her whisper voice get stronger and stronger.

We reminisced over shared memories.  I read a letter from our mutual Alaskan high-school friend, Natalie, and we both had tears over her words.  (She and Dixie were cheerleaders all 4 years of high-school.  She sends her love and thanks, Natalie)  and we looked at endless recipe books!!  She collects recipe books and marks them with sticky notes.  She pretty much never cooks any of them but she marks dozens.

I took other pictures but can't figure out this new computer yet.  I copied the two pictures shared today!  I'll share mine later.

Sometimes in life you have to see something to believe it!!  plus you can't find words to express it!  That is how these last few days have been!  At first I did feel that she wouldn't live long.  I even wondered if she would die while I was there.  I spent one night crying about who-knows-what.  Thinking of missing her and then thinking of us singing a duo in the Baptist Church as girls- In the Garden.  The lyrics ran through my mind. I thought about our parents.  I thought about our Grandmother Clark...our Aunt Bonnie.  My mind flitted around and it was a sleepless teary night.

And then I saw her get stronger and more alive and more positive and it was so amazing!  Why on earth I didn't write down what I saw??!!  I do not know!!  Miracles all over the place!

It's winter storms right now and we never travel after Halloween.  And I stopped flying a few years back.  Miracle of miracles...my son-in-law, Scott wanted Jeanee to fly out and drive me over!!  And there was the miracle of the weather.  A one day opportunity that the storms ceased, the roads were great and we breezed along.  Same thing returning home!  One day clear, with storms coming in from both sides, and this lovely swath of a lane for our travel.  Fantastic!

I have to plug friendship...a best friend of mine offered us her sturdy vehicle, that would be better than my car, in inclement weather.  People are so kind and so good...Checking on Terry and dropping off food, including delicious banana bread last night!  I'm overwhelmed with the kindness of people.  So the weather coming and going was a miracle.

When we arrived Dixie's eyes had that cloudy look, when we left they were bright and alive looking.  Yes...she is still on oxygen 24/7.  Yes...she is limited in her walking ability as her oxygen level plummets.  Yes...she still requires 24/7 care.  BUT...she is getting stronger and more determined and she ended up happy and joyous.  Yes...she still has Interstitial lung disease  but she has been blessed with an extension perhaps?  a little reprieve?  she really wants to be independent again and not have 24/7 care.  She is fighting to bring that about.  Yesterday she got a motorized wheelchair and she is happy about that.  We have planned our next get-together for April 21.  Jeanee will fly in from Florida and I'll drive over.

I got my original desire...one last time of hugging her and visiting with her and laughing and sharing our hearts.  IF she should die anytime soon...I will have this most marvelous stupedous glorious memory...ever!  She said this visit surpassed any other we've had.  In part because Jeanee was there and they have such a speciallness in their Aunty/Niece relationship.

Thank you for your prayers and love!

Life is happening. real life.

This last week I've really thought a lot about my sister.  Thanksgiving has filled my thoughts with memories.  The weather just brings out sentiments galore.  As her health fails, my memory bank just keeps bringing up past shared experiences, and it's in the segment reserved just for her.  All scroll-y and fancy and be jeweled in honor of her love of bling with her name in equally scroll-y Spencerarian Penmanship...Dixie.

Her birthday is December 15th and for this year I have been planning a collage of pictures of the two of us as little girls.  I have several pics and they are really sweet to look at.  Sentimental things like that make her happy and she has seen some of them and commented that I was always protective of eh and had my arm around her.  That was what someone a full 2.5 years older does naturally. 

We shared a wonderful childhood and teen years during the magically 1950's.  We also shared our beautiful Mothers desire to make everything last as long as possible.  Now we didn't share the desire to do that time extension but we shared the fulfillment of what our Mother did.  We each endures a Toni permanent yearly.  Given the night before school started so it would last longer into the school year!  We hated those corkscrew curls with lines showing where every rod had been placed and wound so tight our eyes were pulled to a slant!  We also endured weekly shampoos at the kitchen sink with a vinegar rinse that Mother would pull the hair, to make sure it squeaked clean, and let her know that all soap was gone.  We also endured shopping for school shoes and Sunday/party shoes.  We would plead for fashionable shoes and she only had one thing on her mind...brown leather oxfords with brown laces.  She was always pleased that the shoes lasted until we outgrew them and because she bought them a larger size for a long lasting wear...they would see us through until the next school year.  We also shared the delight of gorgeous patent leather shoes for special occasions...Church and special parties or gatherings at friends or the likes.

We shared a beautiful Mother.  A look-alike Ava Gardner.  I thought my Mother was the most beautiful woman in the world.  My DixieLou, was also graced with Mother's beauty.  She has style and flair and class on so many levels.

When I was thinking about that collage picture, a few days ago, I remembered a dress that Mother had made each of us.  Twin dresses.  When I grew taller and the dress was to short on me, then mother would cut through the skirt and extend the length by sewing in a wide band.  Dixie and I were laughing about some of the hand-me-downs she got that had been worked over.

You know this summer I've been with her quite a bit and getting her household items allocated for when her time comes to exit life.  On one of my trips over she emptied an entire large drawer of scarves.  She loves scarves and she said...take these I'm not going to wear them anymore. I ended up taking some that I really liked and then divided the rest into 4 piles, packaged them up and gave them away at our Christmas in McCall.  I have DIL'S and granddaughters that enjoy scarves.  One recently wore one to a concert so they are getting used.

A couple of weeks ago I was looking for my personal stash of sister gifted scarves and could not find them.  Today I found them!!  I opened the sack and was overwhelmed with her perfume scent.  It was so her!  She loved her perfume and always wore it.  I've cried looking at pictures.  I've cried reliving memories.  When I saw those scarves and that scent ascended, I cried again as I held them close.

She's not going to make it.  We never know when the specific time will happen for any of our life-leaving dates but hers is close.  She is in the hospital, they can't do anything for her and she's on Hospice as of this evening.  My sweet Sissy.  We have shared her entire lifetime!!!

My darling children are being so kind and sweet and good to me as I'm heartbroken right now. Who can find words about caring children and loving friends?  Jeanee will be here tomorrow afternoon and we will figure out when to go see her.  Maybe the next day?  I don't know yet.

I want to hold her and hug her and kiss her cheeks and tell her that I love her and she's been a wonderful sister to me and such a great friend.  Just one more time.  No matter how long she lives, I feel compelled to go now and reassure her that she will be fine...to not be afraid...that she will see Mother and Daddy....and share/remind her of all of those things that we know to be true.   I will see her again.  Love is so beautiful and causes such pain when we think about separating.  Even for a brief while.

I'm rambling.  I'll close and check in when I get back.

Brené Brown on Empathy

A friend referenced this thought today and I LOVE this little short.  You will most likely want to mail me money for sharing this with you!!  Yes...it is that valuable a tool in communication!!  If this way of replying could be a natural reaction, in all of us, in our striving to support, encourage, and show real understanding...now that would be pretty incredible~!  Enjoy! (no charge!)

Seeking Balance

No.  I did not fall off the face of the earth.  Just took a dip in one of those valleys of life that we all go through and am just coming back into the fresh air after a climb out of the muck and mire.

My sister is not doing well.  But that isn't what threw me for a loop.  Just life and an accumulation of finding fault with myself over my inadequacies.  Thank heavens for the Gospel, my testimony, my darling hubby who suggests that he wants to give me a blessing, prayer, and Temple and friends, that don't even realize how valuable they are to me.  Aren't words spoken just magical?  well, when the words spoken are in the tone of kindness and love.  You know what I mean.  Anyhow...on with the life, that I do continue to love, after a brief pity party.  Waaahh!!    Over and done.

**************************

Remember when school started and the first few days were over and in our first Sunday, all of the Laurels were exhausted and school had just started!?  I see these girls overdoing and filled to the max with comings and goings.  They seem to have no downtime and not much relaxing family time.  Something has to happen and have a slow down pace for them.  They just can't keep on like this.  And their Mom's!!  They are on the run also keeping all the plates on poles spinning and not wanting any to drop!  This recent talk expresses my feelings of concern!!  Fantastic counsel for all of us.   Take a bit of your time and read it and see what grabs your heart.  You won't regret the time spent reading and it will help, no matter the age of your children or even if you have no children...you will benefit!!

 Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson: “Keeping Our Balance”         here

 

I like life!!

There is something so magical about being in a place or attending an event where everyone is there because they want to be there and the feeling in the air is filled with anticipation for specialness.  I felt that in Hawaii when we were at Oahu and touring the PCC, seeing the Temple, seeing the University and shopping/sightseeing at the Ala Moana mall (Then hyped as the largest mall in the world).  Everyone was in such a festive state.  Happy and excited and laughing and soaking up the good time along with the weather and beaches.  No clocks in sight!

I've seen that at Leavenworth.  I've seen that in downtown Seattle and Pikes Place.  I've seen that at Disney world in Orlando.

Almost any place I've gone, with a degree of preparation on my part, has always met and usually surpassed all my expectations of enjoyment.  The memories stack up and are so wonderful to reminisce about.

I've felt similar emotions at our McCall family reunions or even on a smaller level of involvement when family comes for a holiday or even just a visit.  That good feeling is there whether a few or many are here.  Anticipated get-togethers have special-ness all around the venue...be it far away or the back yard.

Church events are that way to me also.  (I even get a charge out Sacrament meetings!)  Saturday I had the chance to attend our Stake Woman's Conference.  It lasted for 2 hours.  Counting travel time...around 3 hours.  A morning gone.  It was worth neglecting whatever was pressing in my life and made it to my to-do list (it never becomes my all-done list!).  The value of attendance, at anything, vacation/stay-cation, far away or near at hand, events/programs/concerts/conferences--is being awash with feelings that cannot be felt when described.  No matter how marvelous/amazing/impressive/tender/spiritual the feelings we experience within our soul...we can only tell.  we cannot impart the actual feeling, to where our description makes someone actually feel what we did.  The program was well prepared and the speakers and music were just amazing/fantastic/tear-making wonderful!  The cello!!  The Pianist!  The singers!  The speakers!  It was strengthening and motivating and made feelings of gratitude for Church membership and being an LDS female really grow!  I felt the peace and strength and faith and dedication and determination of these women and it strengthened me to be the best me I can be!

***************

Next subject.  I was serious, when peace descended on me about the homosexual talk...I realized I really want to do my part, whatever it is, to strengthen young girls.  I ordered two books and they arrived and I took them to my Laurel class today.  They are about strong women in the Bible and the Book of Mormon.  These teen girls have to be strong also!  I also ordered a Fisher-Price Nativity set and have one other set I'm looking at.  I also bought a beautiful stable-like creche for the set.  What am I going to do with these things???  That is the question in my mind also.

I was looking for a book that doesn't exist so I'm thinking maybe I'll write a book for children.  I think it's needed. I can at least jot down the ideas and rough draft it! 

A young girl is coming to visit in the afternoon and I'm going to wrangle a gospel discussion somehow or other with this little kindergartener.

Sin-Resistant children.  That phrase just stays in my mind from President Nelson's conference talk. I want to do my part.

Elder Nelson- A Plea to My Sisters here

Attacks against the Church, its doctrine, and our way of life are going to increase. Because of this, we need women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ and who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation.¹² We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms. We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers and who express their beliefs with confidence and charity. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve.

(I want to be like this!!!  I guess this is way to long for a mantra!!!)

***********************************

PS- I think my sister is doing better.  My daughter's MIL is settling in the home they put her in and she is doing better in adjusting.  Hubby, my sweetster!, seems to be better also!  I'll embrace and enjoy this interlude, in this area of my life, for as long as it lasts!! 

Also...I can't figure out how to put pictures on here after my computer got "fixed"!

Still rolling along...

I love fall!!  but I equally love the other 3 seasons also!  I also love the seasons of my own life although at times I'm eager for a change of season!  Right now, I'm thinking how wise the plan is in it's divinity.  Practical things like the Awareness that there comes a day, a specific time, that you no longer tend babies or bear babies, but you rather naturally transition to tending adults on varying levels.

Such as...My daughter and her hubby just finished moving his mother, starting to be brain-riddled with dementia, into a safe place.  Lots to tend to there!  My sweet hubby is still battling Rx side- effects residue, that manifests itself in high BP/irregular heartbeat/racing pulse.  Lots to tend to there!  My sister has been in the hospital with endless tests and probes and blood draws in trying to help her oxygen level to behave.  Tests prove, thus far, to be okay.  As the mystery reveals itself & tests go on, there is certainly a lot to tend to there!

That is life.  My life.  Your life.  Our life.  We can do it!  We can tend and be bumped around but then we can thrive and regroup.

Gratitude.  I think gratitude is key, don't you?

Natalie, sent me a lovely letter (thanks so much!) and at the end she penned...Getting older is just not for sissies!  Oh the other hand, I think as a general rule our life experiences have given us what we need to cope.  Those of us who are blessed to have the gospel in our lives have been given extra tools to do that.

Cope...great power with that skill!  My sister says ...we just have to deal with things.

Whether we choose to deal or to cope the bottom line is- life goes on and we have to figure things out...sit and bawl/squall/temper-tantrum fit  OR stop the pity party and figure out our plan.

Right now I'm filled with gratitude.  I feel peace.  I'm happy on many levels.  Not exactly ringing the joy bell but feeling good.  Happy!

When I look at the trees and the vineyards and the orchards and the sky and the loveliness of  small town living...happy!!  The wind blowing leaves and the sun shining and the crisp cool air...happy.

How blessed I am to be me!  To live here!  To have the Gospel!  To feel the Spirit!  To feel peace within, in spite of chaos and confusion, in the world!  To have a Church house nearby and a Temple nearby!!  To have shelter and food and clothes and a car and a truck and all those things that I consider necessities!

The changing weather reminds me, that I too will change in the seasons of my life, and even in my winter there is such beauty and homeyness and a sense of safety and security and protection.

This weather makes me feel cozy and makes me feel my nesting instincts surfacing.  It's soup weather!!  It's wood heat weather!  It's reminiscing weather of my childhood and other years of living in Alaska.  When I was a girl, Alaska always had so much snow every winter.  Slowly there seemed to be less and less but still the cold and ice were relentless. 

Bread baking and cookie making weather.

In this nurture/nesting feeling I've made two new soups.  I'm thinking sometimes people have to acquire a taste for new foods.  Hubby, really enjoyed one and gave the other one a snub!  The one he enjoyed was Gumbo!  and the one he only did a spoonful taste test on, and immediately voted thumbs down, was a Lentil soup.

I'd never cooked Gumbo and had only heard that Okra (the name for Gumbo) was slimy.  I found it's not slimy at all, it releases a sticky starch-like substance that thickens and flavors your soup.  Well, it was absolutely delicious.  I'd always heard about Gumbo and now I know why people love this veggie soup so much.  I made a brown base one and not a red base.

To the Hubby's credit...he has never liked Lentils.  Ever.  I have another really good Lentil soup recipe and he can't stand that one so it's not surprising that he doesn't like this new one.  I appreciated him giving it a try.  I was surprised at how good it was (I know.  brag. brag.)  Are lentils an acquired taste?

I continue to be impressed with the power of a family meal.  sitting at the table and eating together.  a real time of being together and eating and talking.  Things had been really hectic/stressful here and Terry was at the hospital and all that sort of thing.  I decided to make that Gumbo and our son came over and the 3 of us had such a great time just sitting and eating a bowl of Gumbo.  it was relaxing and pleasant and made for such good conversation and enjoyment of each others company.  We could visit and unwind and laugh a bit and savor the goodness of a home cooked meal.  I think we could have had the same feelings (well, almost!) if we had Chinese take-out but still sat down and ate at the table together.

Whatever season of life you are in...enjoy it now, as fully as you can, as you are absolutely guaranteed that it will not last forever.

Onward...

So life goes on and things move ahead and we either stay on the track, holding to the rod or we fall into an abyss, mostly of our own excavating!  True, I'm sad for the suffering of anyone for any reason (Church-wise or otherwise) but also true...The Church!  I enjoy the specifics of our Church name...not a Church but The Church.  Pronouncing it thee Church to give it emphasis and setting it apart as The one and only true Church of Jesus Christ.  He referenced it as MY Church and then named it THE Church.  I do believe it is The one and only true Church.

Also true...there are living Apostles on the earth and they speak the mind and will of the Lord.  I do believe that is true.

There are all sorts of scriptures citing these couple of subjects.  We can find scriptures to back up all Church teachings including referencing Conference Reports.  The core of my testimony isn't found in the abundance of scriptural proof available.  The heart, of all this written/spoken evidence, is the Spirit bearing testimony to me, of the truth, of all that data.  Line upon line.  Precept upon precept.  Here a little.  There a little.  Building my faith and testimony with rock solid bits of mortar, in varying shapes and sizes that are held together with my personal conviction.  With each stone, even pebble-size, laid on my foundational belief in Jesus Christ, I become more converted.

I re-read the changes in Handbook 1...  not what others said or are saying but what is actually there in the original document.  One thing I already see, popularly misconstrued, is children having to disavow their homosexual parents.  It does not say that.  They do, when 18 or over, and seeking membership or wanting to serve a mission, disavow the practice of homosexual marriage.  NOT disavow their parents.

Now I will watch how this latest subject unfolds and continue to unashamedly/unapologetically enjoy my Church membership. Endeavoring to feel the Spirit and move on with examining-- how does one truly raise a sin-resistant generation-- as we were counseled by Elder Nelson?  I want to be involved with that effort.  How does that happen??  How can these young ones be trained to accomplish obedience, without standing in judgement of others, with conditional love?  How do we teach unconditional love to children?  Lots to think about.

Funny thinking, isn't it?  Me, with no little ones here, thinking I want to help all women that have young children in their homes or Aunties with nieces/nephews nearby or those privileged Grannies that have grand-babes close at hand.  But ...even me with a totally empty nest, strongly feel-- even I can do something to help the children that cross my path.  Just when I think I'm becoming less Co-d...I confess my desire to help the entire world!! 

Doctrine and Covenants 115:3

3 And also unto my faithful servants who are of the high council of my church in Zion, for thus it shall be called, and unto all the elders and people of my Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, scattered abroad in all the world;

Doctrine and Covenants 115:4

4 For thus shall my church be called in the last days, even The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Doctrine and Covenants 1:38

38 What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.
 

A Clarion Call!!

I ended up going to the Temple because I felt so sad.  I must clarify....not sad over any doctrine or changes by the authorities...not sad over the future of what this means for homosexuals...just sad over the reality and ramifications, as yet unknown/unspoken/unclarified, what will happen to those children already in the Church.

You readers know that I only have two friends that are gay.  I love my friends.  One is a single young man.  Is 41 considered young?  In my ancient life script...he's young.  The other is my friend Mariah.  Mariah married Taliatha and they have 9 children.

As a co-dependent woman, trying to recover at all times!, it makes sense that I would feel such sadness as my mind goes whirling on all of the what ifs.  Can I fix this and make it easier?  Uh, no.  No, I can't!

I read Sam's FB and feel and see the anger from friends/family, some that I know and most that I don't.  I also read of people trying to explain their take on the announcement and arguing.  I read of his Mother's anger and feel her pain and frustration.  2 of her children are gay.  In his case, I PM him so as not to cause any flareup on FB because I'm an active Mormon.  I watch with interest how his peers are taking this.  I read of their anger etc. with the Church.  I read of those trying to persuade others to their viewpoint.  Viewpoints that vary with those trying to calm things down and those frustrated and mad.

I agree with what Sam sent me about the announcement....

Frankly i don't think they are all the way through that recommend process i'm afraid.

To me it makes sense for the Church to issue a guideline as to what to do about those children already in the Church and living with 2 married homosexuals.  Maybe they will just tell Bishops but I do know that they will cover that base.  Eventually.  Not mine to lose a wink of sleep over but still thinking of it.  Ever Co-D!!!  Don't want anyone hurting in any way!!

I love these 2 friends but we are in total disagreement over the subject of Gays in the Church.  We know how each of us feels gospel-wise and those feelings are in cement.  We are still caring friends in spite of this. I believe homosexuality goes against Bible teachings.  I believe the story of Sodom and Gomorrah.  I believe the Roman Empire fell in part because of rampant homosexuality. I believe homosexuality is a part of and a sign of the last days.

It does not stun me that the Church has come out with this clear statement.  I do not believe that homosexuality is along the lines of all men receiving the Priesthood many years ago and that it's just a matter of time before the governing men get real/get modern/ get with it and finally realize their error.

We need watchmen on the tower that give a clarion call.  We need to have peace in our worship.  Bishops need to focus on the Ward task at hand and not issues that must be debated and end up with fights in the midst of defining what needs to be done.  They needed this clear direction.  This addition to Handbook 1 defines exactly the way things are to be done.  (except what needs to be done for children like Mariahs beautiful brood).

I can see it will create less confusion.  I've always wondered about classes teaching Gospel truths like...a man and a woman...and the children in their home are with 2 of the same sex...and how do they grapple with that?  Your religion tells you one thing and your parents live another.  I do feel sad for the lack of baptism and receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and all child/youth centered activities and classes,  for these children with believing parents but not obedient parents (put your stone down!)

In 1995 (already 20 years ago??) the Family Proclamation was given.  I, with others was somewhat taken aback, a little embarrassed, that it was declared, by Apostles, intelligent men, the phrase...marriage between a man and woman is ordained of God.  My thoughts...of course it would be a man and a woman....that is a given!!  everyone knows that!  Well, egg scraped off of my sheepish face...no!  not everyone knows that fact!  IF a person wants to be in our religion...that marriage criteria is in stone.  This recent announcement is solidifying that simple statement with no if's/ands/buts!

All guess work is removed.  All careful examination of what to do in each and every single case, on a one by one basis is gone.  It's man/woman.  That is what our religion believes and IF you want to belong to our Church then this has to be what you live.  I cannot imagine having a testimony and yet not feeling we are led by living Prophets.  Why even join?  or why stay?  My religion is so personal to me and if I wasn't a member I'd be searching for a faith that would sustain my basic beliefs or what I'd always longed for.  I would not consider becoming LDS knowing all of the stipulations if they countered my personal needs.  I seek peace in my faith.  Not confusion. 

I cannot for the life of me understand why, why oh why!, are people trying to change the Gospel?  Trying to swell the ground troops to ban together and awake the sleeping 15 men that support this statement.  The 15---They received it. They support it.  They shared it.  I sustain them.  I expect a clear clarion call.  They did it.  No more guessing.  Yes, this does break hearts of adults that truly believe the leaders are wrong and out of step and that makes me sad for them but most of all it makes me sad for the children.

And that is where my sadness comes in, for people like Mariah.  I sent her a note.... 

My love for you is still intact and 

so is our friendship. Are all the children baptized 

in your family except for the youngest little girl?

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Your nice, I have been thinking about you. We have three who aren't baptized but it really reaches further than that. We have boys who won't get the priesthood this year and won't be able to pass the sacrament and we don't know if the oldest girl will still be able to go on youth temple trips, which she has been doing. Will they be required to stop taking the sacrament if they have been baptized, but aren't 18? I just really hope they offer clarification on all of this soon. Taliatha's ex's new wife got divorced because her husband was gay. The kids live with them, but the language indicates that her kids will also be excluded from everything as well just because their dad is in a same sex relationship. It is just heart wrenching from so many perspectives!

I broke out in tears at envisioning these exact complications for those already involved in the Church. I'm still so sad. I immediately thought of you and yours.

I didn't realize there were 3 to be baptized.

This is just a mess! 😟

Sat 9:52pm

an apt description. I put your name on the prayer roll today. My heart goes out to you!!

7:59am

I appreciate you. All eleven of us are off to church....come what may! I appreciate your prayers!

9:01am

I hope you were treated kindly and lovingly. I will pray for you and your family. always friends.

Thinking...

The new Church directive on children of  homosexuals made me cry.  Just so sad to me.  So sad.  How on earth this will be dealt with by all of us just breaks my heart.  I have said before that my belief is the entire gay issue will be divisive in the Church and this just makes it more so!!  I never saw this coming.  Did you?

I'm thinking back on what President Nelson said at our recent General Conference about the need for strong women in the Church.  I remembered him saying attacks against Church doctrine will increase and strong women are needed.  I want to be a strong woman.  Right now I feel vulnerable and soft.  I will need to find my will of iron that brings me up to par.  How on earth can any of this be explained?  Explained to adults, much less children.  And teens!!!  Oh, wow!

Am I still a believer in the Church that I love?  yes.  Do I still believe in Apostles and Prophets and that this is the Lord's Church and He directs it?  yes.  yes, I do.

The news...  here and here

Elder Nelson- A Plea to My Sisters here

The part I remembered from that talk...

Attacks against the Church, its doctrine, and our way of life are going to increase. Because of this, we need women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ and who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation.¹² We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms. We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers and who express their beliefs with confidence and charity. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve.

I've missed you!!

Thanks for waiting for me to return!!  It's been rather hectic around here to say the least but I think things are now leveling out and returning to our NewNorm.

I was glad I did my trip to see my sister.  She is really fighting for her life on many levels.  I'm impressed with how she handles the whole experience.  We both said...See you in the Spring!!  Hopefully that is a reality and not just wishful thinking!  She sort of pestered me again about doing her obituary while I was there.  I finally told her that I love to write but on something as personal as an obituary, for my own sister!, that I need private time and to be able to just do it without it being checked over etc. etc.  She agreed so that is off of her to-do list.  well, more like off of my assignment list from her.  All of the other details she wanted settled are done.  Funeral arrangements etc.

Terry has had some real challenges due to a side-effect of a Rx that he's been on.  He spent a bit in the hospital and is now on the mend.

Our life is no more challenging than any other mortal!  Just takes a lot of new coping skills and figuring out how to deal with things that have not been a part of our daily life...ill health...no strength...low/no energy.  All that sort of stuff that is a pain to deal with and slows your normal living down to a snails pace.

But...it's okay.  We will rise above it.  We will figure out great ways to cope.

When  I was heading back from Idaho I got in a sort of funk, thinking about things and mentally reading, the coulda/woulda/shoulda book.  We all have those little personal life books in the recesses of our brains.  They are not a good read.  As a person ages, the print seems bolder and darker, and new topics appear.  So there I was doing a life review of doubts/fault-finding type things.

Finally I realized I was being sucked down a self-made vortex, that would only land me in full blown depression, if I bought into believing what I was thinking about.  Do you ever feel bad over decisions you've made, at different times in your life, and think why did I do that or think that or say that?  To feel you know better so why didn't you do better?  So I stopped that stinkin' thinkin' right then and did the only sensible thing...broke into tears and started praying out-loud!

Tears withheld are such a relief when released!  A good cry just feels terrific when it's justified!

From there I started thinking about why sometimes people feel bad and wish they'd done different.  Parents are prone to feel failures many times.  I talk to young Moms, with their bird-nests full of  birdies, endlessly crying for food or the likes, already feeling a failure at times.  A mother isn't the only one that has the feelings of haven't failed ...lots of women do.  All sorts of women...no matter the age or marriage or no children or a full quiver...sometimes flail on themselves.

I reminded myself that the past is to learn from but not to live in.

In the past I had learned the power of consequences.  Seeing someone you love make choices and blast the dream plan and see consequences settle in is overwhelming.  I used to feel it was over.  all was lost.  There was no hope.

There is a grieving process when when we realize dreams will not come true in regards to our children.  Especially in the Gospel.  Hearts are shredded in brokenness when lifetime plans of Missions or Temple Marriage or Embracing the Gospel in full activity or being confronted with a Declaration of no testimony...no doctrinal belief...no more activity...a division that sometimes becomes estrangement.

I have learned that it is true the original dream may be gone BUT as the consequences settle in, a person can regroup.  Life lessons of learning about unconditional love and how to apply it...learning practical application of the Atonement..reminding yourself that the Lord loves this person with a love even greater than you do.  He cares.  He will help you.  He will help your family member.

We have to learn to dry our tears and roll up our work sleeves, by getting on our knees, and listening for the Spirit to direct us.

I have lived what I have written but that is not my life now.  I know of others going through this same thing right now.  My heart goes out to them.

My own challenges are right here in our tiny house.  I have been reminded of the power of prayer.  I shared an incident at Church that really touched my heart.  One of our sons has had a cat for years and years.  The children have grown up with the presence of Junior.  An accident happened, Junior was taken to the vet, it was thought he wouldn't make it but decided to give him a couple of days.  He spent a night at the vets and they brought him home to see if he'd improve.

Digressing...Terry had been in the hospital and we were thinking thoughts like....stroke possibility?...heart attack possibility?  Just thinking those sorts of things in the midst of sleepless nights etc.

So things were hectic here and then I had this quiet thought ...call and see how Junior is.  I called and the family had just walked in from telling final goodbyes to Junior.  It was a sad time.  I was glad I had called.

The impact of that thought coming to me, in the midst of relative chaos, really hit me hard.  In the midst of real life the Lord still cares about all the details.  Even a cat!  This really brought it home to me, again, of the Lord's awareness of all details in our individual lives.  How He loves us and cares for us and we can have faith that he will manage what he needs to manage and give us faith to allow him to do what only He can do.

My heart tonight is with those women that are suffering over choices their children have made that have caused unwanted consequences to be a part of their family.   

ended up on soapbox!!

I'm trying to get ready to go tomorrow morning.  I seem to run a day behind! Just wanted to chat a minute.  Started off soft and sweet (at least that was my intention!)  and ended up....

This attitude of some about the new Apostles and wanting someone of "color" is really bothering me!!  (will spout off on this later!  when I get back from my trip!!)

also faulting the age of the Apostles!!  Did any of these folks really listen to the same conference that I did??  Really?!  you actually heard what Elder Bednar said??  Even if he hadn't spoken about it, I really like the older experienced men (and yes!  I don't want female Apostles or a female Prophet).  I like someone that has life experience and is settled and someone that has proved their mettle by years of Church service.

So someone might want a 4o year old?  so let's cram in that time a 2 year mission, being a Bishop, and a Stake President, and an Area Representative, and other callings. Did I mention he is educated and does heart transplants?  Oh, yes...and he was willing to leave that and move to Africa for 5 years until last week?  Why last week?  Well, this 63 year old man (young in my book) has willing closed the book on anything he wants to do in life, along with his dreams and plans with his wife, and has taken on the role of serving until the day he dies.  There will be no retirement and traveling or doing what appeals to him.  He will now testify of Jesus Christ until death!  And you want a younger man???  This "older" man will never wonder what he might have missed if he had pursued a career.  This man knows because he lived his dream and gave it up to be an Apostle.  He has surrendered every single plan, every dream, everything that you and I just take for granted!!  And you question him being to old??? (Elder Renlund)

 These are the last days and I want just exactly those men the Lord has seen fit to put in these roles.  Their age, whatever it is, is fine with me!!  Older or younger!  but don't tell me that everyone should be young!  I probably need to refine all of this but I have a trip so see you next week!  Hope I don't come back and have to eat my words or pull my foot out of my mouth but REALLY.  Support the Apostles!!!

Okay.  I admit...I am soapboxing!!  getting a little frothy around the mouth.  A bit frenzied.  I did not start out that way but this really has me dumbfounded!!  remember this???

He was only 52 when he was called as an Apostle and that seemed like a baby to me!

listening and leaving....

 

I'm going to go see my sister.  Her health is not good right now.  I just have to see her and spend a few days.  I'll blog when I get back Wednesday or so.  Okay?

I told Terry that I think I'm sort of in denial as to how sick she really is.  It seems out of sync for the youngest sister to be the most likely to die first.  It's just us.  Our parents are both gone.  We are the only ones of our small family of 4.  I've been very teary and sentimental the last couple of days.

We will enjoy being together and I can then relax about winter coming on and plan on seeing her in the Spring.

My heart is still enraptured with Conference!!

No way to FB etc. from Dixie's so...I'll be here next week.

Conference!!

Between Sunday sessions of General Conference I checked to see if Ordain Women followers were still beating their heads against a brick wall...they are.  I wanted to post something like...stop counseling living Apostles and just follow them!!  I didn't do that because it seemed a waste of time and inappropriate for what I feel to do with my time.  I want to bear testimony of truth and my trying to live the truths I know about.  I definitely don't want to word battle over it.  I feel as I feel and they might say the same holds true for them.  This beautiful Conference has reaffirmed for me to speak my truth, proclaim my individual testimony of Jesus Christ, and speak of the joy that the Restored Gospel can bring into our lives.  To continue to grow and figure out how to have more personal revelation through the gift of the Holy Ghost.  More guidance.  Heavenly guidance!  I'm liking that.  like cures like?

I always want a bundle of things accomplished in all aspects of my life.  Scattered and jumping around in all areas at times.  Never staying focused long enough to really move ahead or I guess that is better said by ...never feeling I've done enough of whatever I'm trying to do.

Definitely my feeling is the Gospel does work for me but I need to simplify on so many levels.

I was spiritually overwhelmed by Conference.  The Holy Ghost was with me and I just couldn't get enough!!  The man who spoke about Pondercize???  Brother Durrant.  He was the Mission President for my friend Betsy's son, Cody.  Small world, huh?  And...Mindy, Bob and Maureen's daughter...Elder Rasband was her Mission President!  Small world indeed.  Anyhow I was saying how that pondering/memorizing challenge was given and I'll join in on that but my heart is feeling pulled a different way and I'm not quite sure exactly how I'll pull it off but I am going to do it.

I was impressed years ago when I heard what President Harold B. Lee said.  I might have read it in his book or heard it quoted but it has really stayed in my mind.  You know that I'm just MsGeeky about Conference talks and this has always felt right to me-- To somehow or other really use the Conference talks for 6 months.  I do read gobs of them and love everyone but this October Conference was so dynamic and so spirit-filled that I want to do more.  Oh, here is the quote...

As the Latter-day Saints go home from this conference, it would be well if they consider seriously the importance … of this conference and let it be the guide to their walk and talk during the next six months. These are the important matters the Lord sees fit to reveal to this people in this day” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1946, 67–68).  President Harold B. Lee

Then President Ezra Taft Benson shared it and put his words in also....
 “For the next six months, your conference edition of the Ensign should stand next to your standard works and be referred to frequently. As my dear friend and brother [President] Harold B. Lee said, we should let these conference addresses ‘be the guide to [our] walk and talk during the next six months. These are the important matters the Lord sees fit to reveal to this people in this day’ (in Conference Report, Apr. 1946, p. 68).


Elder Boyd K. Packer said this of how to use the Conference talks in our lives.

1. 1. 
   Plan and set aside personal time to listen to and study the conference addresses. This may require that you remove yourself from distractions or interruptions. Make the environment in which you view, listen to, or study the conference addresses acceptable to the Holy Ghost.
2. 2. 
   Pray in faith that you will receive messages of significance in your own life. Pray for the Church leaders as they prepare and deliver their addresses.
3. 3. 
   Before listening to or studying the conference addresses, list personal questions or concerns for which you are seeking answers. By taking a spiritual inventory you may notice aspects of your life where you want to improve. In a journal or notebook, record the answers and impressions you receive during the conference.
4. 4. 
   After listening to or studying the conference addresses, recommit to improve your life in those areas that impressed you.

I was so bowled away by the opening talk of Elder Uchtdorff  that I felt we could have closed with prayer.  I felt he gave enough information and encouragement that I could live by it the rest of my life and come out ahead.  At that point I remembered what President Lee said so that is what I'm going to do.  Commit myself to studying and figuring out how to best live the next 6 months as counseled.  I will start with that first talk.  It's not yet available in print but I did find this snippet...

Brothers and sisters, if you ever think that the gospel isn’t working so well for you, I invite you to step back, look at your life from a higher plane, and simplify your approach to discipleship. Focus on the basic doctrines, principles, and applications of the gospel. I promise that God will guide and bless you on your path to a fulfilling life, and the gospel will definitely work better for you. …

God will take you as you are at this very moment and begin to work with you. All you need is really a willing heart, a desire to believe, and trust in the Lord. …

As you exercise a little faith and begin your walk as a peaceable follower of our Lord Jesus Christ, your heart will change. Your whole being will be filled with light.

God will help you become something greater than you ever thought possible. And you will discover that the gospel of Jesus Christ is indeed working in your life.

--Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorff  (Saturday Morning- Oct. 2015) 

There is so much, in even these couple of paragraphs, that just touches my heart and makes me eager to experience it!!!

And you???  What are you going to do to enrich your life spiritually???  Time for all of us to step up the plate and grow spiritually!!