This last week I've really thought a lot about my sister. Thanksgiving has filled my thoughts with memories. The weather just brings out sentiments galore. As her health fails, my memory bank just keeps bringing up past shared experiences, and it's in the segment reserved just for her. All scroll-y and fancy and be jeweled in honor of her love of bling with her name in equally scroll-y Spencerarian Penmanship...Dixie.
Her birthday is December 15th and for this year I have been planning a collage of pictures of the two of us as little girls. I have several pics and they are really sweet to look at. Sentimental things like that make her happy and she has seen some of them and commented that I was always protective of eh and had my arm around her. That was what someone a full 2.5 years older does naturally.
We shared a wonderful childhood and teen years during the magically 1950's. We also shared our beautiful Mothers desire to make everything last as long as possible. Now we didn't share the desire to do that time extension but we shared the fulfillment of what our Mother did. We each endures a Toni permanent yearly. Given the night before school started so it would last longer into the school year! We hated those corkscrew curls with lines showing where every rod had been placed and wound so tight our eyes were pulled to a slant! We also endured weekly shampoos at the kitchen sink with a vinegar rinse that Mother would pull the hair, to make sure it squeaked clean, and let her know that all soap was gone. We also endured shopping for school shoes and Sunday/party shoes. We would plead for fashionable shoes and she only had one thing on her mind...brown leather oxfords with brown laces. She was always pleased that the shoes lasted until we outgrew them and because she bought them a larger size for a long lasting wear...they would see us through until the next school year. We also shared the delight of gorgeous patent leather shoes for special occasions...Church and special parties or gatherings at friends or the likes.
We shared a beautiful Mother. A look-alike Ava Gardner. I thought my Mother was the most beautiful woman in the world. My DixieLou, was also graced with Mother's beauty. She has style and flair and class on so many levels.
When I was thinking about that collage picture, a few days ago, I remembered a dress that Mother had made each of us. Twin dresses. When I grew taller and the dress was to short on me, then mother would cut through the skirt and extend the length by sewing in a wide band. Dixie and I were laughing about some of the hand-me-downs she got that had been worked over.
You know this summer I've been with her quite a bit and getting her household items allocated for when her time comes to exit life. On one of my trips over she emptied an entire large drawer of scarves. She loves scarves and she said...take these I'm not going to wear them anymore. I ended up taking some that I really liked and then divided the rest into 4 piles, packaged them up and gave them away at our Christmas in McCall. I have DIL'S and granddaughters that enjoy scarves. One recently wore one to a concert so they are getting used.
A couple of weeks ago I was looking for my personal stash of sister gifted scarves and could not find them. Today I found them!! I opened the sack and was overwhelmed with her perfume scent. It was so her! She loved her perfume and always wore it. I've cried looking at pictures. I've cried reliving memories. When I saw those scarves and that scent ascended, I cried again as I held them close.
She's not going to make it. We never know when the specific time will happen for any of our life-leaving dates but hers is close. She is in the hospital, they can't do anything for her and she's on Hospice as of this evening. My sweet Sissy. We have shared her entire lifetime!!!
My darling children are being so kind and sweet and good to me as I'm heartbroken right now. Who can find words about caring children and loving friends? Jeanee will be here tomorrow afternoon and we will figure out when to go see her. Maybe the next day? I don't know yet.
I want to hold her and hug her and kiss her cheeks and tell her that I love her and she's been a wonderful sister to me and such a great friend. Just one more time. No matter how long she lives, I feel compelled to go now and reassure her that she will be fine...to not be afraid...that she will see Mother and Daddy....and share/remind her of all of those things that we know to be true. I will see her again. Love is so beautiful and causes such pain when we think about separating. Even for a brief while.
I'm rambling. I'll close and check in when I get back.
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