Today was testimony meeting and I enjoyed each personal heartfelt expression. My heart was full but I didn't share. I'm still absorbing all that has happened in the last week with Dixie. I said a private prayer and told the Lord that I hoped He didn't think I was ungrateful for not sharing my gratitude.
My emotions are tender right now. I have a son that suffers emotionally, from time to time, and when he dips down it tugs at my heartstrings. I was thinking today of how I've had to learn to adjust my thinking in how I deal with his malady. When people ride that up and down emotional roller coaster, bystanders sometimes want to hop on board....in hopes they can help in some way. As a co-dependent (uh...could we make that a recovering Co-D?), I, of course, have wanted to alleviate suffering and solve problems and make things all better.
Life isn't that way. We can encourage and support but we can't fix people's mood swings. Sometimes we are told that we are the cause of the suffering. I can't tell you the many times I've apologized, for things not really as stated but finally I realized that mental problems can't be allowed to take more victims than the sufferer. For ages I hopped on that roller coaster with a terrorizing ride going on...put my life on hold...until life had returned to normal. I basically stopped living until all ruffled feathers were smoothed out.
I don't react that way now. I realize he suffers and as a Mother, or just a human being, I so want to soothe his pain. All I can do is offer unconditional love towards him. AND...a healthy private dose of that balm for myself!
My heart goes out for those suffering from any form of mental stress/illness from depression to bi-polar and the full gamut of degrees of insanity...momentary or long-term. Equally my heart goes out to those bystanders, that love these people that suffer, and are so wounded themselves in watching their mental agony and pain.
Life is to learn from and this segment of learning is hard-core!
So that is one peek at my challenge right now BUT on the flip-side...my daughter is here and finished painting the living room. She did find a few spots to touch up and the door needs another coat. getting the living room carpet/couch/chairs cleaned tomorrow. It seems strange to have Christmas so close at hand and no tree up etc. but until we get the tasks at hands done...not on list! This is not the time she was planning on coming out so that is why it's being done now and not January or spring! What we will do this year decoration wise, most likely, is put up garlands. I love garlands!
My heart is filled with gratitude for Dixie's health improvement! I feel a tenderness towards the Savior and this marvelous/magical time of year when Christmas is in the air and everywhere! My heart is filled with thankfulness for friends that care about me and love me. That includes you wonderful blog readers!
When the dust settles and things are back in some sort of order furniture-wise....We will put up a folding table in dining room for Jeanee to work on an art project, or maybe she will just use our dining room table...she will do her art and I will bake and cook some food for us to enjoy. I'm going to make that gumbo I mentioned before and also that lentil soup. We have a lot of living and memories to make and things to do between now and the 11th, when she leaves. I may be scarce blog-wise until she leaves. Depends on our projects!
My testimony is certain and I'm just beyond thankful for the ability to feel the Spirit and to know God is in charge of everything. How comforting that thought/belief is!
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