It's amazing that we survived all those years and are still married! I remember just before my Dad escorted me down the aisle at the Methodist Church, taking one look at my terrified face and saying...Baby you don't have to do this!
But do it I did! Tough as it's been at times...I'm so glad I did.
Marriage is very difficult. I have learned from those not married that --being single is very difficult.
Neither situation is easy peasy. There are challenges in each. One way or the other, we are given the tests we need for growth and development, be we married or not.
In my lifetime I've seen marriages survive and marriages crash. Relationships are sorely tested in marriage. We were 18 when we married. I was 4 months into being 18 and Terry was 4 weeks shy of turning 19. People are not grown up at that age. People change and many times grow apart. Interests change. Likes and dislikes change. Expectations of each other change. Differences are sometimes magnified through the false lens of faulting one another.
We thought we knew everything and didn't have enough sense to realize we were so very clueless.
We were fearless in many ways. We wanted a family! Now! We were so happy that 5 days after our 1st anniversary we had a little adorable son. Surely the most beautiful sweetest baby ever born! We enjoyed him so much!!
Tonight that baby, now a man, shared a delicious Mexican dinner from El Porton with us. The 3 of us sat around our table and enjoyed each others company.
He expressed his appreciation that we are still married! I realized how things have changed as we sat and calmly discussed what Rx painkillers would be good for his Dad to try!
When we awoke this morning, the first thing Terry said was...happy anniversary, honey. 59 years! can you believe it? would you go to Safeway and buy some flowers for yourself from me? Please.
It's been sort of a rough time with all my sorting and regrouping this past week or so and today as we reminisced about our life, a life that really and truly, only we know the nitty gritty of that time span, I felt thankful. Thankful that I'm with someone that has known me for nearly my entire life and thankful that we comfort each other. Yes, there are times we drive each other bonkers but those times are fleeting and few and far between.
There are things we miss...he's not been to the Temple since his stroke...he now has a lot of pain...he can't do things and he misses doing those things...he does the best he can.
I listen to his breathing at night. I reach out to make sure he's there. I pat the bed if he's not. I get up to see if he's okay. I feel sad/bad when I can't help him. I appreciate his bravery with what he deals with.
He tells me he adores me and loves me and that I have no wrinkles which he insists is amazing. I take to heart his adoration and love. I've seen me in the sun...flattery on his wrinkle comment but that is okay because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Men age so elegantly. All those years of shaving and automatically doing those neck/cheek moves? Is that what makes them look so taut and great? His over all handsomeness is his white hair (that he keeps cut way to short) and that super handsome face that I adore. I loved him as a boy and I love him as a now older man.
Today I looked at his walker, that he sometimes uses, and thought... wow! are we really at this point in our life?
Then I see two new cake pans filled with assorted tools of his that I found today, sort of tucked away so maybe I wouldn't see them? and I think...some things never change!
******
My friends are a treasure to me...Some are enjoying a new phase of empty nest and time to do things as a couple...a widow is adjusting to being totally alone after her nest emptied of a granddaughter- off to college...an unmarried friend is lonely for companionship and doubts she will ever marry...a friend is figuring out how to survive her marriage...a friend is in process of ending her marriage. So many women...so many unique experiences. Again I say...marriage or no marriage...life is a challenge and
neither is easier than the other.
In my case, we have ridden out the storms of life, and as we age together...I'm thankful for the Gospel that got us through. The Gospel will get you through your relationship challenges/heartaches also.
Today I read what Elder Eyring said and I connected it to marriage relationships.
*************************
As the challenges around us increase, we must commit to do more to qualify for the companionship of the Holy Ghost.
Casual prayer won’t be enough. Reading a few verses of the scripture won’t be enough. Doing the minimum of what the Lord asks of us won’t be enough. Hoping that we will have the Atonement work in our lives and that we will perhaps sometimes feel the influence of the Holy Ghost won’t be enough. And one great burst of effort won’t be enough.
Only a steady, ever-increasing effort will allow the Lord to take us to higher ground.
*******************************************************************************
That last line just sums it all up, doesn't it???? That is a truth he stated!! Feel it in my bones...don't you?
No comments:
Post a Comment