Really, I felt everyone was a better Christian than I would ever hope to be. The two birthmothers are both faith-filled active LDS women with strong testimonies. Now Vickie is the wife of the one birthfather that entered our lives. Vickie had a daughter die and then her husband died. She is a gracious soul. I met her only one time, at the same time I met her husband and also Carol Ann. She was lovely. I was just so wrapped up in my emotions and really...I could have won an Oscar for my acting so happy meeting everyone. Oh, did I mention that I met these folks at David's wedding reception?
David thought it was good for all of us to meet at such a festive occasion! I nearly croaked when he told me that would be happening. I'm so uptight and rigid? Old-fashioned. Not modern. And don't forget I'm acting like I own these boys, my prized possessions plus throw in my co-dependent insecurities and you have what could be called in the language of today-- a hot-mess! Exit stage left and have a total melt-down!
I love these boys so much!! Exactly like my other 3 kiddos so I'm just now trying to make amends and apologize. It seems that my thoughts of unkindness/ill-will/jealousy etc. were alive in my mind, and only shared with a few close people and so far I'm the one that was hurt and everyone else is fine! I am finding that as I access the Atonement, in even this somewhat SoapOpera scene being lived out in real time, that Atonement will help my poor old soul on many levels.
Now when I write the other BirthMother...I know I hurt her. I've asked for her email address from my son's wife and hopefully she will share it as I no longer have it. that one may not work out so good but it's about me asking forgiveness and not inflicting any pain on her.
*******
Hi Vickie...It's Nancy Seljestad. Jeanee's Mother. When I
saw the picture of you sitting with her (and isn't she just gorgeous and
precious and sweet???) I thought of how overdue I have been, how negligent I
have been, in thanking you for your generous loving heart towards my family.
I
have no idea what it would be like to find out your husband had another son that
he was not aware of and of course, neither were you! You handled this entire
scenario which such grace and compassion and acceptance and love. Thank you.
Dear Nancy,
You could not have touch my soul deeper. Thank you for your beautiful message and I felt the love! We could write a book couldn't we? I have thought about you so much ... and even spoke to Dave about how you feel with all of these "other" people getting into his life. There is so much to tell.
Last year I sat down with Dave face to face and told him that Kiti was always so thrilled to know him and to meet him. I am so grateful to God that Dave found Kiti before he left this earth.... Kiti got a call that a young man thought that Kiti was his biological father. Kiti was so stunned and came to the bedroom where I was watching TV late at night and was so pale and scared I thought that he was going to tell me that his mother had died in the islands. He told me about the phone call. For some reason, I was thrilled ... I never felt like this was an intrusion ... I felt that this was going to be a beautiful thing.
Kiti and I stayed up all night because I insisted that Maika and I join Kiti and little Kiti because I wanted to be there when Kiti met this young man. Long story on trying to get 2 more tickets at the last minute to Salt Lake ... it was crazy. But as you know, the minute we met Dave, it was so worth it. You raised such a sweet giving guy who only has love in his heart.
From there on, we wanted him to know about his Tongan side and there was much to tell. One thing Kiti taught all of us is that in Tonga, there is no word for "step" ... there is no "step"mother, no "step" brother, etc. He wanted the boys and Ana to call Dave their brother. (I hope that doesn't hurt you too much.) ....
Ok, enough of this book!! I hope I have not "hurt" you either with any words I have shared here. I love that we are in touch.
Thank you again for your loving words,
Vickie
To
my sorrow...I wish I'd put aside my petty feelings and insecurities and gotten
to know your husband before his passing and also to have reached out more to
you.
My two children that you know, Jeanee and David, acted better than their
Mother! You have been so welcoming and inclusive to David and that is so
important to his life. ... In such a
situation, a rather delicate one, there was such an opening to be unloving and
rejecting of him.
I am so thankful that you are filled with the capacity to love
unconditionally and reach out and give 100%. Forgive me if I have in any way
caused you a moment of heartache.
Thank you for being Aunty to Cassie and Tori.
Now are we talking amazing young women???
love to you from me. If I had your
email, I would have sent this long letter that way.
Take care and keep on being lovely like you are!
Nancy
(a part of her reply. and this was email! and yet it's the FB message format like mine to her. sorry about that!)
Dear Nancy,
You could not have touch my soul deeper. Thank you for your beautiful message and I felt the love! We could write a book couldn't we? I have thought about you so much ... and even spoke to Dave about how you feel with all of these "other" people getting into his life. There is so much to tell.
Last year I sat down with Dave face to face and told him that Kiti was always so thrilled to know him and to meet him. I am so grateful to God that Dave found Kiti before he left this earth.... Kiti got a call that a young man thought that Kiti was his biological father. Kiti was so stunned and came to the bedroom where I was watching TV late at night and was so pale and scared I thought that he was going to tell me that his mother had died in the islands. He told me about the phone call. For some reason, I was thrilled ... I never felt like this was an intrusion ... I felt that this was going to be a beautiful thing.
Kiti and I stayed up all night because I insisted that Maika and I join Kiti and little Kiti because I wanted to be there when Kiti met this young man. Long story on trying to get 2 more tickets at the last minute to Salt Lake ... it was crazy. But as you know, the minute we met Dave, it was so worth it. You raised such a sweet giving guy who only has love in his heart.
From there on, we wanted him to know about his Tongan side and there was much to tell. One thing Kiti taught all of us is that in Tonga, there is no word for "step" ... there is no "step"mother, no "step" brother, etc. He wanted the boys and Ana to call Dave their brother. (I hope that doesn't hurt you too much.) ....
What a fabulous guy he is! He made Kiti feel so much better
early on when he told him that he was "bathed in love" with his Mom and Dad and
couldn't have had a better childhood!! I hope some day you and I can get to
know each other better because I know you and your husband are very special.
Dave loves you two and I love that love I feel when he talks about
you.....
Two years ago when Dave, Jennifer and the kids
came down, I told Dave through tears that I was so grateful that he still wanted
to be around us. I told him he could have easily dropped us after Kiti died,
but he didn't and we were both crying.
Each time he comes, I try to include Jeanne and her family because of course ... he loves her so much.
Each time he comes, I try to include Jeanne and her family because of course ... he loves her so much.
I was
thrilled when I invited her to come to hear Harry play music at the Cape, that
she came each time ... love that girl.
When she invited us to Tori and
Cassie's graduation, we were so happy ... and it warms my heart that I'm Aunt
Vickie. I could go on and on about those 2 girls. ...
Ok, enough of this book!! I hope I have not "hurt" you either with any words I have shared here. I love that we are in touch.
Thank you again for your loving words,
Vickie
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