My friend Mariah dropped me a note and honestly, I've thought about this so much since she dropped that line. Mariah is my gay friend. I've written about her before. She is married. To a woman. Between the two of them they have 9 children.
So here is what she told me. A "friend" in their Ward was going to teach a RS lesson about the Family Proclamation and she suggested/requested to Mariah's wife that they not attend RS on that day. Taliatha went to the Bishop seeking a confirmation/affirmation that they really were welcome and wanted in the Ward. He told her yes. Then he said he didn't want them having the Missionaries come to their house for dinner anymore because it is not fair to make them visit such an unwholesome environment!
The Bishop told them if they wanted to have friends that should be their HT/VT. Not the Missionaries. The HT/VT seem ideal because they have a daughter that is gay. Problem is- they don't talk to their daughter beyond acknowledging her and she doesn't go to family events. Not even Christmas. IF their daughter comes to visit them...she sits with Mariah and her family. Did I mention they have not yet visited them as HT/VT?
When they were ex'd they were told by the Bishop that they could feed the Missionaries and also clean the Church. A high councilman, used to be in their Ward, doesn't want them to clean the Church anymore.
Both women are hurt and confused and as Mariah said...this could be the straw that breaks the camels back regarding their staying active in Church. Taliathia wrote the Mission President explaining her sadness of being told they are not to have the Missionaries over for dinner anymore. This just recently happened so she hasn't heard back yet.
So this scenario haunts me!! On so many levels. I know I keep harping on this entire Gay issue which is barely moving but it is going to escalate and again here I am, harping away, blowing bubbles all over the place...we each have to figure out how to deal with this situation...how to teach your children to deal with this situation. We need to do a deep soul assessment as to how we feel and how we will act.
Mariah and I are on entirely different places in this subject. She believes and hopes and prays and expects, in time, that the Church will change this policy. I feel it is doctrinal and will never change. I know way down deep in my heart that it will not change. Ever. She believes in her heart of hearts that change is slow in coming but it will evolve. Out of respect of our differing views, and a friendship that dates back before her gayness surfaced, there is nothing for us to discuss on this subject. We are each unmovable on our viewpoints.
My concern is how do we show unconditional love? isn't it scary to have someone tell you that you cannot invite certain people into your own home, when you technically aren't even a member? How are these 9 children going to learn about and be strengthened by full time missionaries if they can't have them in their home and eat and play games etc. Wouldn't it strengthen the children to be taught by the Missionaries?
Both of these women are well aware of the Family Proclamation. It wouldn't be new to them to sit and hear it be taught in a RS lesson. Yes, it would be a challenge for the teacher and maybe some class members would squirm and feel uneasy but couldn't it also be such a thing that the teacher might think she could "reach them" and "help them"? also...don't we have to figure out how we will conduct ourselves in a like situation? I think so.
This is all such uncharted territory and I'm sure it's awkward and uncomfortable for all concerned. I personally would not go to a Church that felt I was a sinner and doomed. Church to me is my worship haven. I would simply go elsewhere. They stay because they believe the Church is true. I know. I know. But that is not our area to wade into. our little arena is to be kind and show forth unconditional love.
Anyhow it just made me so sad on so many levels. I probably need to repent for feeling the Bishop was unkind and overstepped a boundary.
Tell you what...I'll go think about repenting and you can take a minute and read these two little articles that were in the Salt Lake Tribune after Aprils General Conference. Many were upset by the Conference focusing on traditional marriage, which is a mainstay of our religion, and spoke out.
**********************
A few weeks after officials from the LDS Church
and Utah's gay-rights community jointly celebrated the passage of an
anti-discrimination law with religious freedom protections, the two
sides once again are critiquing each other.
On Saturday, Mormon apostle L. Tom Perry, 92, defended "traditional families" — a legally married mother and father, who rear their children together — and warned against the dangers of "counterfeit and alternative lifestyles."
On Wednesday, the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil-rights organization, expressed "deep disappointment" in Perry's comments, which it believes "disparag[ed] LGBT families and children as 'counterfeit.' "
and (below is written by a gay LDS man)
A few words about something that was said during the Saturday morning session of General Conference.
I grew up in Spokane, Wash. Living so close to the Canadian border, I frequently came across the random Canadian penny or dime. As a child, I learned that they were easily used to pay at the cashier but they were rejected outright by vending machines.
You see, those Canadian coins weren't counterfeit. They're just foreign. The cashiers knew the difference … but machines did not. And what separates the cashier from the machine is experience — and the willingness to learn from it. The cashiers knew that the coins were valued the same as their U.S. equivalents by their customers. LGBT Mormons, I would hope we understand how vital it is to live our lives out loud. It's my hope that our lives might bear testimony to our friends, neighbors and leaders of our lasting and inherent value — bear testimony that our lives and loves are simply foreign … not counterfeit.
We've come so far and have so far to go. Legislation like SB296 helps, but the heavy lifting will be done in our wards and in our neighborhoods. It's hard to hate someone you actually know.
D. Christian Harrison
Salt Lake City
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