Last night at rehab!!!

Beautiful freedom.  Independence.  Whiteboard gift.  Magic of magic marker!

Tomorrow is the big day.  We are both so excited and happy.  He misses his chair and his bed. We miss being together.  We will lounge around and start his home therapy on Monday.  Not therapists coming to home but the two of us doing therapy in our home.  And walking.  Lots of walking.  Good wholesome food etc. etc.

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Today I was reminded of how wonderful the Holy Ghost is.  I was getting ready to go to the Rehab and suddenly the thought popped into my mind... Zaycon fish is today. I hadn't given it a thought that early December I'd ordered salmon and cod that would be delivered on Jan. 31st.  Today!  I couldn't remember the delivery time and thought I'd missed it but I hadn't.  It was in the evening.  Heading up to see Terry, I took my receipt and had my GPS,  as I couldn't place where the delivery spot was.  they would be there for pick-ups one hour.  Only one. 

I left Terry, and he gave me directions to get to street.  I went to car to set my GPS and couldn't figure out a part of it.  I decided to just follow Terry's direction but I turned the wrong way and ended up on the freeway and time was running out.  I was breaking into a sweat as this was not a little package of frozen fish.  It was a big package!! Actually 2 packages!!

I was praying that I'd not be late and that I'd find the delivery place as I had no clue where it was.  Suddenly the thought popped into my mind....It's behind the Stake Center.  And there it was!  Tucked away behind the Stake Center.  The truck was waiting for me.  I so appreciated that man. 

The Holy Ghost is so kind in bringing things to our remembrance.  I felt so unworthy of such kind help but I still recognized where it came from and it was so appreciated.  

Later I remembered that Shannon had told me where that place was and also some of the Wards in our Stake took some meals for the homeless and I think that was the place I wrote them to go to but at the moment when I desperately needed that fact, I drew a blank.. 

To much going on and my single-minded Stroke focus and rushing and panic feelings worked against me remembering details but the Holy Ghost gently spoke twice and helped me.  My life is blessed with/by this Gift.  Lots of gratitude going on in my heart. 

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Therapy!! 

I is for Independent!

Good morning!  Yesterday was one of the happiest days ever!  They marked his schedule board with I's.  I for independent!  He is free to walk anywhere, indoors or outdoors, on his own!  No one needs to be with him!  Just his cane!

I was so happy for that freedom--for both of us--that it wiped me out!  I was so tired that I came home and took a long nap.  I had realized the last couple of days that I'd been thinking/wondering how were we going to accomplish what needed to be done and regular life at the same time, when he comes home.  I had no idea how deep that concern was until I heard the news that he won't be restricted because of waiting for someone to be next to him.... if he wants to do something, like go to his garage which he's always puttering around in, or go for a short walk, or sit on porch, or walk around at Church, or any of those other little jaunts considered normal.  We have been blessed beyond measure in this entire trial.

I continue to feel at peace but I never know exactly what comes with that peace package.  I knew we'd make it together but I still didn't know what the future held.  And in a way I still don't but I do know he has been blessed beyond measure in his recovery and we are thankful to our innermost selves.  Soul-deep.

We have experienced the miraculous power of Priesthood blessings, results of united prayer from family, friends and strangers that care and also pray.

As we experience the challenges/trials/adversities of life, and live that visible physical life, there is also an inner spiritual life going on.  That physical life is filled with data, drugs, therapy and etc.  At the same time the spirit is speaking and is calming, peaceful & hopeful. I've had several wonderful times of being sustained by the Spirit. I look forward to sharing those happenings with you, that are etched in my heart, when life settles just a bit more.

He is coming home tomorrow!!!!  We are both so excited!! 

This is my life right now.

Dad had another great day! He admittedly is weak and lacks some strength but he's trying so hard and has moved ahead to the point that he is going to come home on FRIDAY!!! Tonight he talked about having friends come see him in the evening. Of course he starts to feel that way 2 days before he comes home! It was good to know he has that desire even though the days wear him out. They said he will have to continue home therapy in order to have more recovery. He's ready to do that. He will follow the rehabs plan of a walk and light therapy on Sat. and no therapy on Sunday. That will give him time to catch his breath. Because he came in on a Tuesday he's only had Sunday off. They have to document 5 days a week of therapy and all the details of the 3 hours spent per patient. I never really understood the importance of PT and OT before. Guess I never really understood the brain! Those workers are my favorite people. They do incredible things.

I miss Dad so much and will be glad when he is home. I'm with him during the day but it's still hard to leave. We are used to being around each other day & night. There are a lot of unknowns with him coming home. Uncrossed bridges. A lot of people have wanted to help but with Dad going through his battle and me not here at the house we didn't really need anything but this may be a different story and we may take them up on their offers although I still don't know what we need!

Thank you for every single prayer, love note, pictures and good thoughts.

My heart is so tender towards Dad. He looked so innocent and pure to me tonight. It's 11:30. I'm rambling.

Love,

Mother

PS- Dad is not eating any desserts. The last thing he ate was chocolate cake. Says he will never eat cakes, pies, cookies, candies etc.

In the loop

good morning!  Our son had been keeping his siblings posted and now I have used the time that I could blog to tell my kiddo's the happening.  If you don't mind I'll share those with you today.
His recovery is such a testament to the power of united prayer and Priesthood power.  I have some personal incidents to share but right now I'm getting ready for my day so that will be later.  Thanks so much for your prayers and love.

To children yesterday--

Hello to all. I know you are worried but things are moving along so just keep the prayers and faith going. Just came home to do 3 loads of laundry. In between folding- so wanted to drop a line. Amazing how he is doing. A week ago he couldn't hardly stand up with assistance. This morning they gave him the go ahead to get up out of bed, walk in room with cane, totally go to bathroom....all on his own. doesn't need to let nurse know at all! also he can walk with me down hall or wherever he wants with his cane. We can go anywhere he wants but if a long distance then I need to take a wheelchair. 

The PT Therapist this morning said that his improvement was so great that he was concerned that it was a "false reading" and didn't know whether to write it on chart or wait until tomorrow and check him again. After he left, Dad said...I sure could tell him a lot about blessings and the power of prayer and the love of people and my great kids. We are both stunned at his progress. Plus he finally got his first nights sleep in a week and he has started eating and headache is gone and nausea is gone and IV is gone. I could not believe how straight and firm he walked with the PT and no cane. Amazing! We continue to just focus on his Therapies and rest. I'm doing fine. I won't overdo as I know that would be foolish. People are so generous in their offers and I feel bad to say we are fine but we are. Kipper watches out for us. He will make me a beautiful salad for dinner. I feel very peaceful inside. We will be in battle mode when he comes home with outpatient therapy and other exercises and good food. I'm thinking that he may end up like a reformed smoker and be telling everyone whether they want to hear it or not about....boy, do all you can to not have a stroke and then tell his story. More than once!! Kipper and I were talking about him going to be like Jack LaLanne and maybe wear a headband like Richard Simmons and being my exercise coach. Spare me!!!

Anyhow things are looking miraculously incredibly fantastically amazing and we are so grateful.

He has learned so much from these therapists and I have also. He expresses appreciation to them. I thought of Maureen and her therapy skills. What a service for people to receive. Oh, wow!!! Isn't it Murphy's birthday today!!!??

Sorry about that.

Dryer buzzing.

I will send you a couple of pictures for you to see that he's alive and mostly well.

Love each of you!!!

Mom

 dear children...you would not believe how great he is doing. He said he feels very weak overall but he works like a monster man!! We can just feel the power of love and prayer as his brain heals and that reconnection makes marvelous things happen. We are still working our game plan of rest and therapy. And I keep myself busy fluffing my pom-poms and checking my pony-tail as I cheer for him in my poodle skirt!!

Today he had the head speech therapist come in and she evaluated him. Ended up telling him that he doesn't need another visit with her so that was great. She shared in conversation a fact about drivers' licenses. Interesting that they don't just automatically take your drivers license when you have a stroke. The Dr. can tell you that you shouldn't drive until he clears you but technically there is no law stating you can't. sort of scary to contemplate!!

Today Dad was told that he needs to wear high-tops tennis shoes to aid his balance! That will be interesting. He is an excellent patient in that he does no arguing, feels they are there to help him and he accepts their advice. Those tennis shoes?...uh-huh...ALL the time! What were those boots in AK that were so popular? maybe they would work.

He uses a cane and they are going to get him one that stays upright when you let go of it. He walks so great with it. I assume he will go home with one. Always have to use it???? I don't know yet.

You know how opening jars etc. we say....lefty loosey. righty tighty. ? In teaching Dad how to walk on the practice stairs, the therapist gave him a way to remember it. He said...You know how in the Bible it says that good people go up to Heaven and bad people go down to hell? Going up the stairs ...good leg first. Going down the stairs...bad leg first. Good-up. Bad-down. So there you go in case you have a bum leg.

He can tie his tennis shoes and tries to use both hands which is what they want. That was a first today.

When I take him for a little ride in the wheelchair, I always let/make him push the button with his left hand. At first it was thrashing but they have taught him to slow down and focus and he has become more certain in use of his hand. A lady was so kind and held the elevator door open because of his wheelchair. I stopped and let him stab at the buttons and her face showed that she thought I was not so nice but we are battling for full use of his arm and that is a part of it.

Pictures-- he is tying his shoes. waving to reassure you he is okay. and then being ridiculous and re-enacting that movie...Weekend at Bernie's? by holding his bad arm up. bad acting. Gong!!

I'm pacing myself and it was wonderful and felt normal to do up some laundry and fold it and load up the dishes. It just felt sort of comforting, relaxing and soothing. Not a burden. Just homey.

Kipper fixed a great salad tonight.

I feel very peaceful inside. We are in for what may be a marathon of effort to help Dad but I truly believe that I am witnessing a miracle right before my eyes. We will deal with whatever comes our way as you know how those lutefisk lovers are!!!

take care and know that your parents love and appreciate you so very much.

Mother

At rehab inbetween therapy session

First day-Echo Gram also note upchuck bag

Speech Therapy testing-checking for brain damage

PT showing him fish pictures

PT checking his gait.  No cane.  Awesome.  Roadrunner man.

Yes!  using both hands.  success!!!!

reassuring family that he is okay.

no cane!!  left arm in place! straight posture!!

working on balance.  still on IV in this one. so physically sick at that time.

Sunday night

today, Sunday, started off pretty rough with Terry's battle.  He could not get his mind quiet and slept little, had a headache.  He said he wasn't worrying but his mind was just alive with songs from Abba running around and putting the Christmas things up in the garage etc.  All things he'd done and was reliving or hearing.  We were in hopes for visitors but he was pretty wiped out.  So we put a stop to that.  The Dr.s are so great in figuring out the right meds for him and eventually things leveled out.  that was so wonderful!!  he was able to eat and got some rest.  Hopefully Monday will be awesome and he can really have a lot of oomph to do his therapy.  My thoughts are jumbled!

Here is how his days go.....

He has 3 hours of Therapy a day. awakened at 7, dress, eat breakfast, rest, 45 minutes of PT therapy, rest, 45 minutes of OT therapy, rest, eat lunch, rest, 45 minutes of PT therapy, rest, 45 minutes of OT therapy, rest, dinner at 5pm. The therapy is exhausting but he is doing so great and making such great strides. You can see why he can't deal with a social life like having people visit during day as he crashes after his therapy each time.  It's intense but so worth it. 

Random thoughts

First.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for praying and thank you for your love.  When traumatic events happen it creates a detour that none of us have ever been on.  There have been so many offers of help and each is appreciated.  We didn't need meals or the likes but we sure wanted prayers and we received them.  In abundance.  Thank you!

 Terry has an excellent attitude of...This is life.  Let's deal with it.  No questioning or whining or feeling sorry for himself. 

 He is moving ahead rapidly and we are just amazed and thankful.  My thoughts are all scrambled into a weeks worth of scrambled events.

A week ago today we ended our Sunday as we always do by going to bed.  We stayed up to late.  Again!  Probably 6am I was awakened by him turning on his lamp and shocking me by saying....I think I'm having a stroke.  He was right.

From there it's been a mad dash of tests and evaluations and rehab.  I am so thankful for rehab and how things are going.  Thankful for specialists.

Thoughts are strange sometimes in their randomness.  Some of my thoughts have been so random!

He's having an Echo gram to check his heart, to see if they can trace where the blood clot originated and I'm watching all of this, sitting against the back wall, facing the screen and the tech's back and looking at Terry on the bed and suddenly out of nowhere the thought pops into my mind...I don't know how to tie a necktie.  What if he can't ever tie a necktie?  Will I take him to Church and ask the first man I see to tie his tie?  Maybe I can have someone teach me that skill?  Could the Deacons Quorum take that on as a service project?  To weekly make sure his tie is tied?

Random.  For sure.

 He was admitted early Monday morning, diagnosed with a TIA/mini-stroke, & spent the night.  Tuesday, around 4:30 he was going to come home. We were excited to think he was leaving to come home but as we were about to leave, the entire plan changed.  He was going to rehab as an in-patient.  It was really hectic and we didn't even come home for a minute.  We went right up to the Stroke Center.

He wanted to come home and I wanted the same thing.  I felt emotional and so did he but we decided to not start crying.  We were tired and had been through a lot of shock.  That was very hard to leave him there but he wanted me to go home that night and I knew I needed to.  He wasn't in danger, they were professionals monitoring him closely, and he had no pain.  We had talked in the car about me staying rested and strong etc.  So I drove off late that night and headed home.

As women, with our divine nurturing nature, we are automatically tuned in to multitask in caring for our chicks and even our tough old roosters.  I felt like I dropped my only child off at some new daycare.  I wanted to leave them a list of what he needed and make sure they'd check on him etc. etc.
In the middle of the night I awoke with a start...what if they didn't give him the Plavix???!!!  They had taken him off of aspirin and went "next step above aspirin".  I had not filled the Rx from the hospital.  At the rehab center I was to show the nurses what the hospital doctor wanted him on.  The rehab nurses said they had their own Doctor and their own Rx and that might not be given.  The Rehab Dr. would decide.  So I awake in a panic that he has no aspirin AND no Plavix....Does he have Thick blood!  Sludging towards his brain?  Clots!! Another stroke?  At any minute!  I need to call them.  Did they check the chart?  Do they know?  Maybe I should go over there even though it's 2am?   Me hyperventilating!!!  Prayer calmed me and reassurance came and I kept to my original plan of staying in bed until 7am.

Yesterday morning, 5 days later,  as I headed over, I suddenly felt so overwhelmed with mentally scanning through the what if  book.  What if the car breaks down?  What if our kids think we are a burden because maybe we are or will be?  What if he can't go to the Temple?  What if we run out of $$$?  What if they tell us we need to build a new bathroom?  What if I can't do my Church calling?  What if he can't get the Christmas tree down for next year?  What if he can't go to McCall?  What if he falls and breaks a hip?  What if I get sick?  What if he has another stroke?  What if the brain damage causes him to be a horrible mean man?  What if he gets depressed?  Rapid fire doubts rolled over me like a steam roller and tears welled up.

I said a little --help me.  Please-- prayer.  Immediately the quote from Joseph Smith, popped into my mind, about doubt and faith cannot be in the same thought.  You either have one or the other.  And then the words to the hymn, I will not doubt, I will not fear popped into my mind.  I ran those words through my mind.  and then a reminder thought popped up ...reading the what if  book of my future imaginings was as much a waste of time as reading the if only book of the previous years of my life.  What if...dealing with the future.  If only... dealing with the past.  I can't change either one.  One dealing with worry over non-existent future happenings and the other dealing with guilt/regret over a past event.  A total waste of energy.  I pulled my thoughts into the present and breathed deep and looked at how things really were at that very moment.  Now is called the present because it is a gift. (not my original idea but one that impacted me when I read it years ago) 

And that present moment, was a good place to be, as I drove down the freeway and looked at how wonderful things are right this second!  He can talk.  He can walk.  He can feed himself and all those simple tasks that get you going for the day.  Rehab is strengthening all those areas!  At that moment, that very moment, all was well.

Last night when I came home I got out the Hymnal and read/sang/hummed #128. 

When Faith Endures

I will not doubt, I will not fear;

God's love and strength are always near.

His promised gift helps me to find

An inner strength and peace of mind.

I give the Father willingly 

My Trust, my prayers, humility,

His Spirit guides; 

his love assures 

That fear departs when faith endures.

Letter to our kiddo's....

Dad's nausea stopped!!! Yes!!! He just called me. He sounded tired but wonderful!!! I was just feeling so concerned and tears welled up and I was just ready to call the hospital nurses and find out how his night went and he called!

I am so thankful that stopped!!!

This is just the boost we needed! I will call Kipper during the day and he will let you know what is going on. Calling him was long distance and that wasn't working but we have that figured out. If Dad's evening energy is okay etc. etc. then he will call each of you one by one so you can know he's okay. Maybe not all in one evening but you will hear from him so you can know for yourself that he is okay.

 

Yesterday he was so nauseous and then horrible headache and had been since admission to rehab. He arrived that way and it was around the clock. Horrible. Horrible! Oh, he sounded so good! Last night the Dr. said if they couldn't get a handle on it then they'd do another Cat Scan

 

He mastered his OT and PT yesterday even though he could barely hold his head up and I was carrying a little barf bucket & some water wherever he was going or whatever he was doing. They were able to do a lot of testing and therapy right in his room. They did all they could to work with him being exhausted and nauseous. There is no choice. He either does it or he's out. We don't want him out until he's as strong as possible.

 

They said there are two kinds of stroke patients that come to rehab. One has to really be motivated to do the work and encouraged to move faster. The other has to be encouraged to slow down. Dad is slow down type. On his white board notes they wrote...poor deficit awareness. Translation-- they say, after putting a safety belt on him and having him sit up...we are going to walk to the door. Okay? He, waiting like a slathering race horse, suddenly bolts. Lumbering and lurching with the young therapist, pulling on the safety belt and saying...Sir!! Whoa!! Slow! Slow!

 

I am fine. Truly. I know you are concerned for me but I'm not the martyr type. I won't run myself into the ground and think that's impressive. I know I must do the oxygen mask counsel on airplanes....First put your own mask on THEN on your sweetie. Right now my goal is to stay strong and even keeled which is easy since I'm not an emotional person!!! Ha! Right!

 

I have absolutely terrific friends here and so many offers of kindness and help and food but right now I just go to rehab and come home and visit with Kipper and then just quietly unwind and go to bed. I have wonderful women friends and I'm at ease in calling any of them, if I need anything at all. Dad has men that love him also.

Kipper has been a rock, in spite of dealing with his own challenges, and we feel good having him in our lives and so close at hand.

 

I'll cut this short and get ready to go see Dad and start another day in paradise! He's alive and can talk and flexing his muscles and moving his arm and all those good things. Last night we talked about the fact, if how he is right now, this very moment, ended up being as good as it's going to get in his recovery...we'd make it work. We'd be okay. He said...Hey. This is life so why complain? I'm blessed. And we really are!

 

Love to all of you chickadees from Mother

 

confession: I was rude to a mail nurse yesterday so today I will apologize. I still feel the same but I shouldn't have spoken to him like I did. I'll let you know how it goes! 

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Thanks to each of you, my blog friends, for your kindness and concerns!!  I'll write more later.

Decision making time.

Writing this late Tuesday night.  To tired to write what is in my heart but it will just simmer all night and in the morning I'll jot it down.  A long 2 days.  This evening I drove Terry to Yakima and put him in an inpatient rehab hospital facility for intense therapy.  They feel they can help him to recover faster.  We both hope so and decided to go for it.  Felt like I dropped him off at boot camp!!!  will write on Wednesday, which is actually today!

thanks for all the love and prayers.  So needed and so appreciated.

Life. Oh, sometimes it's hard to deal with!!!

No post today. 

Have Terry in Hospital with a mini-stroke or a TDI/TDA or whatever they call it.  He is okay.  Has regained lots of arm strength compared to where he was and will hopefully be home in the evening. 

Not meaning to be abrupt etc. but I'm heading to bed.

It was a mighty long Monday.   I'm tired!

I so appreciate men that realize the importance of priesthood blessings and are willing to come to hospital and give needed blessings.  Love blessings.  I believe in them.  100%

These mortal experiences are not fun but we all have them and we have to get through them.  And no whining allowed!

Details later.  

Prayers appreciated. 

We are fine.  Just need prayers.

Thanks!!!!

Finding Certainty

I have not shared my feelings about the tragic shooting in CT before now.  Some things in life are so overpowering and shocking and unreal and unbelievable that my mind can only take it a bit at a time.  ...starting with just the bare facts details and not allowing myself any imaginings of what all this actually feels like.

Some things I absorb piecemeal.  JFK assassination and his brother Robert and Martin Luther King and seeing, on live TV, Lee Harvey Oswald shoot Jack Ruby.  Things happening in my America.  Then the horror of 9/11.  It wasn't that I became immune or desensitized, or was it?  A flurry of non-stop tragedy's with no time to recoup or catch my breath.  A real life streaming of loss of lives by human deeds seemed to mix with weather disasters and over-sized accidents and my constant mantra...last days....last days....last days.  I am actually witnessing, as prophesied, events that will happen in the last days.

And then....right in the midst of Christmas readiness, the unbelievable happened...Newtown.  I felt overwhelmed with sadness for every one of us.  I felt such love and such protective instincts for all of the little ones in the world and in my world.  What gratitude I had for every single adult in that school and how hard they tried to protect those sweet children.  This mayhem happened cross-country as children, in my little town,  were coming over to our home to see the Christmas village and tree and Nativities.

I sat and wrote the following but just couldn't bring myself to post it at the time as news talk was everywhere it seemed. 

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 This best depicts my emotions with the impact of the slaying of fragile, innocent, harmless, helpless children.  Little ones still in need of being directed on basic skills of life.  Young brains, still working to learn and retain simple routine behavioral skills.  Trusting souls that count on everyone older than them to watch out for their safety and well being.  A life filled with constant reminders....look both ways before you cross the street....you need to take your bath now...tie your shoes or you will trip...yes, you may....no, you can't.   Surrounded by love and encouragement for a job well done.....learning to read...discovering they are an artist or a singer...how to be kind and considerate.

My youngest friend, Lydia, turned 7 on Sunday.  I can't help but think of those other children her age that were probably so similar.  Here is an example of her character.  When she came to see the Christmas Village houses and tree and nativities with two of her 3 brothers, she greeted me with a hug.  I told her...Happy Birthday!   Lydia, you are free to touch anything you want and even pick it up.  I know you'll be careful and you can really get a good look at the figures.  The houses are wired in and can't be moved but you are welcome to pick up and look at all the rest.  She shyly smiled and said...I don't think that is a good idea because my little brother, Cecil, doesn't know how to be careful yet.   When her Mother came in with Cecil, she shared our conversation.  I was impressed.

In reading of the traits of some of the children that are now gone, I was impressed with their strength and wisdom at a young age, just like Lydia.  Extremely young!  The little boy that told some children not to worry because he knew Karate and would take care of them.  How brave.

I've said before that Christmas is the most comforting time to have tragedy.  Everywhere we can see evidence, reminding us of His Birth and we have lights everywhere.  We are more apt to hear music that heralds His Birth.  What comfort, to those that have lost a little one, to be reminded of the available help from He whose birth we commemorate.

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I also didn't want to post as I really wanted to get a better grip on feeling the Lord is well aware of what has happened. My certainties in life, are found in the teachings of the Gospel.  I expect to find answers to help me survive what ever besets me.  I was comforted by several things as I pondered and looked things up.

Not necessarily in any order but here are 6 pursuits of thought that gave me strength and hope and comfort and a dab of understanding the way things work and then a huge amount of faith increase.

1) The King Follett Funeral sermon by Joseph Smith (in Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith)

2) Touching Conference talks about death of children-assorted speakers

3) Thinking of Millennium happenings- about children that have died and parents raising them

4) Knowing the children are okay and what will happen to them. When I really thought about this idea, I found it quite astounding that not one child was 8 that died that day.  There is absolutely no doubt, because of their age, beneath the age of accountability, that they are guaranteed a place in the Celestial Kingdom.  What a comfort this must be to their parents, when they hear that,  and it also comforts me.  How faith promoting that it was an entire band of young stalwarts, angels on earth, all taken at one time.  No doubt of their goodness.  Not a particle of doubt.  ...children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven.  D&C 137:10

5) I thought back to Alma 14:8-11in the Book of Mormon-- the nightmarish scene, of women and children along with scriptures, being burned to death and Alma and Amulek forced to witness such a nightmare.  The horror of the scene pained Amulek so much that he questioned Alma... 

...How can we witness this awful scene?  Therefore let us stretch forth our hands, and exercise the power of God which is in us, and save them from the flames.

But Alma said unto him:  The Spirit constraineth me that I must not stretch forth mine hand;  for behold the Lord receiveth them up unto himself, in glory; and he doth suffer that they may do this thing, or that the people may do this this thing unto them, according to the hardness of their hearts, that the judgements which he shall exercise upon them in his wrath may be just; and the blood of the innocent shall stand as a witness against them, yea, and cry mightily against them at the last day. vs.11

 Alma than taught Amulek about, what I call The Cup of Iniquity Must Be Full, doctrine.  Now this is what I understand-- when atrocities are committed, there must be absolutely no doubt that the dastardly deed was in fact done.  At judgement a just judgement will be able to be given if there are witnesses.  There will be no doubt of what they have done and the innocents they killed will stand as a witness against them.  

Also Alma recorded earlier in Mosiah 17 about the burning of Abinadi.  Abinadi would not recall his testimony even being threatened with death....Yea, and I will suffer even until death, and I will not recall my words, and they shall stand as a testimony against you.  And if you slay me ye will shed innocent blood, and this shall also stand as a testimony against you at the last day. (vs. 10)

True the method of the recent destruction of these little ones was not a carefully calculated fire but nonetheless, innocents were destroyed and just judgement will be meted out. 

I can turn to the TG and be reminded of how God will recompense through righteous judgement every deed...good or bad! 

6)  As I searched for the comfort of truth I was reminded that we will all die.  President Kimball said that we may shorten our life by poor choices but we can't really lengthen it out.  Now that's a paraphrase but it was in our RS manual when we studied his teachings. That goes along with Ecc. 7:17 Be not over much wicked, neither be thou foolish; why shouldest thou die before thy time?  and then the marvelous one in D&C 42:43-48 about laying on of hands for the sick and it ends with...and is not appointed unto death, shall be healed.

Alma also shares about our earth life individual time-frames to accomplish designated work with Amulek.  Alma has told  him why they aren't going to use God's power, that they bear, to stop the atrocities.  Amulek then wonders if they will burn them also.  Alma 14:12-13

Now Amulek said unto Alma: Behold, perhaps they will burn us also.  

And Alma said: Be it according to the will of the Lord.  But, behold, our work is not finished; therefore they burn us not.

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There are all sorts of scriptures that can bring particles of peace and a smidgen of understanding of this maniacal deed, and similar ones, that we have no words to adequately describe what has taken place.  The Gospel just never lets us down, does it?  We can find certainty as we search and I found it.  I love the scriptures!!!     

I feel more determined to love all the little children with greater affection that cross my path.  I want to protect them and show them that life is good and they are good and there are a lot of good people that have their best interests at heart.  I want to do my part to help them feel safe and loved.

Ode to Joy

Enjoy!!!!!

For six minutes a flash mob of accomplished musicians captivated a public square in Sabadell (near Barcelona) one Saturday evening last May.  --  A number of videographers were stationed to record the event.[1]  --  BACKGROUND: The text of Ode an die Freude was written in 1785 (and revised in 1803) by Schiller; Beethoven completed the Ninth Symphony in 1824.  --  The music was adopted as the Anthem of Europe in 1972 and the European Community in 1985 (the European Community became the European Union in 1995).  --  The text of the poem, with a translation, can be viewed here.  --  "Alle Menschen werden Brüder, (1785 version: Bettler werden Fürstenbrüder) / Wo Dein sanfter Flügel weilt."  ('All men become brothers [1785 version: Beggars become princes' brothers] / Where your [i.e. joy's] gentle wing lingers.') ...

1.

[Video]

SOM SABADELL FLASHMOB 6 MINUTE VIDEO

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=GBaHPND2QJg&feature=youtube

2 Gifts that you will want to keep!

 Good morning!

Gift #1)  This is such a great super inspiring motivating extraordinary article on all counts!  It's by Sister Janet Kapp Perry.  She is always so generous is sharing her music in what she writes about and this article is no exception.  Enjoy every word and every song!  Given to tears?  you might need your hanky!.....
Meridian Magazine - Seeking for a Deeper Joy - Meridian Magazine - LDS, Mormon and Latter-day Saint News and Views

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 Gift #2) Isn't this awesome????   Reminds me of the oil in the lamp, accumulated through service, drop by drop, that President Kimball (?) mentioned about The Ten Virgins Parable.  Love the personal twist she put to it!!!  Totally realistic, practical, honest and filled with hope.  I realize by the time I get this posted that most will have already read it but just in case you missed it....here it is!
http://www.daringyoungmom.com/2012/12/19/drops-of-awesome/

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 You most likely will be wanting to thank me for both of these posts as they are so thought provoking!  Both could alter your life.  Might be just what you need to hear.  A little love gift for you to ponder over the week-end!  Enjoy both, glean what works for you, and be happy and in love with life.  I will do the same!

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#3) Bonus Gift!!! Oh, my goodness will you look at this man!!!!!  You have to watch the entire thing to see the man I mentioned.  An Alaskan friend shared this.  Saw this after I'd posted gifts #2 & #3.  amazing!!! 

Connecting the Dots

A few days ago we had a great conversation, during dinner, with 2 women that joined us for a FHE.  We called it that because we were all together and it was a Monday evening!  One was a school teacher.  We were talking about schools and security and guns and shootings and the disconnect that she observes first hand in her class room and others on campus.  5th graders?  I think that's her class.

Anyhow she shared the difficulty of trying to teach that a person needs to step up and speak out and stop bullying when they witness it.  I was shocked when she said that the kids don't really care!!  They couldn't be motivated to care about someone else hurting or suffering!  They had no desire, felt no obligation/inclination, to help alleviate the suffering of others!

As we talked about life for children in today's world we talked about video games and Avatars and other, all consuming tech busyness that uses up time, and allows no personal interaction.

The human toll we were describing, as a result of tech overload, suddenly hit me--we were actually describing the behavioral description of people in the last days! 

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It has really made me think an assortment of thoughts....

Who would think that any of us would sit and watch someone cook on a TV show?  Occasionally a chef will get a griddle/grill/skillet piping hot and sear a piece of meat.  

Sear (seer) v. to scorch or burn the surface

We are fortunate to have some of the teachings given to Timothy by the Apostle Paul.  In describing our latter-day time frame he mentions several things that will transpire and one is, there will be people...having their conscience seared with a hot iron... (1 Tim 1:2)

Perhaps that searing renders people being past feeling.  Not able to feel the still small voice.  ...And he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words... (1 Nephi 17:45)

When I was growing up without the Gospel, I still knew right from wrong, within myself.  No one needed to tell me what was correct in personal behavior.  I just had a feeling.  Thoughts.  Later I came to understand that all are born with the Light of Christ, their conscience, as some call it.  The Spirit.

This Spirit was prevalent in the society of my growing up.  Seeming to permeate the atmosphere. We all seemed to have an understanding of good and bad.  right and wrong. Not saying everyone made correct choices but we were all pretty much on the same page standard wise. 

We are told in the last days that this Spirit will be withheld and because of that calamities will happen. 

President Joseph Fielding Smith mentioned "....the Lord decreed that he would withhold his spirit from the inhabitants of the earth. (D&C 63:32-33).  He had no reference to the Holy Ghost, because they never had the gift of the Holy Ghost,  but he had reference to the light of truth, or Spirit of Christ, which would lead them to the truth, if they would heed it.  This spirit he was withdrawing from them because of their wickedness, and the withdrawal of his spirit would bring upon them these calamities..."

 Doesn't this searing of the conscience, being past feeling, and the Spirit being withdrawn, pretty much describe a setting for all of the violence we see?  Isn't that the profile of most of the perpetrators?    

Do you suppose that the combination all of these tech games etc. add up to people being desensitized, unfeeling, and capable of unbelievable acts of horror?   Addicted and removed and isolated from normal society?  Was this the warning by Elder Bednar?   here

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In mulling over and reading different articles, I read this from 1946--67 years ago!  Can you imagine what he's thinking now????? 

"If you think the world is getting better, just observe and witness the vulgarity and the near-approach to indecency that we find published in some pictorial magazines, and so frequently on the screen. Think of the corruption and the debasing conditions due to the indulgence in liquor and tobacco and other narcotics and drugs. Think of the immorality which is so prevalent throughout the country."
Joseph Fielding Smith- CR April 1946 

 

Midnight!

The video I wanted to put on here, the one from Sports Illustrated about the 2 brothers, one with Cerebral Palsy, is impossible for me to put on!!!  I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  I did that other video!!

I'll try again but for now I'm just going to bed.  It's the middle of the night.  I tried for ages
to get it on here.  Maybe you've already seen it.  I hope so but I will try again in a few hours.

Sorry.

also tried to get online and get a quote from 1946 CR that I wanted to share and everything just kept locking up.  Terry tried to help me to no avail.  Things froze!

also tried to find a scripture for several hours between yesterday and today to share.  so frustrating that I can't put my finger right on it.  Drats!

Things happen like this occasionally in life... I tried with not a shred of success, was stubborn and refused to post something else, cut off my nose to spite my face by not considering another option,  and thusly....no real post today!!  Just me sniveling!  Pathetic!

Heading to bed on the same day that I plan on getting up early so I best get going.

So there you go!

Tomorrow!  The sun will come out tomorrow!!!

Need a blessing in your life?????

In 2008 General Conference talk President Hinckley made a promise as to what will happen if we read the Book of Mormon one more time...no matter how many times you have previously read it.
That still holds true.  Read the entire talk.... here

(A couple of paragraphs to read and think about from his talk.  Prophets and their promises just never fail.  Never!)

"We studied the Book of Mormon in Sunday School this past year. Nonetheless I offer a challenge to members of the Church throughout the world and to our friends everywhere to read or reread the Book of Mormon. If you will read a bit more than one and one-half chapters a day, you will be able to finish the book before the end of this year. Very near the end of its 239 chapters, you will find a challenge issued by the prophet Moroni as he completed his record nearly 16 centuries ago.

"Said he:

'And I exhort you to remember these things; for the time speedily cometh that ye shall know that I lie not, for ye shall see me at the bar of God; and the Lord God will say unto you: Did I not declare my words unto you, which were written by this man, like as one crying from the dead, yea, even as one speaking out of the dust? …

'And God shall show unto you, that that which I have written is true' (Moro. 10:27, 29).

"Without reservation I promise you that if each of you will observe this simple program, regardless of how many times you previously may have read the Book of Mormon, there will come into your lives and into your homes an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God."

                                            --by President Hinckley

(I really want these promises to come into my life!!  Just a nice relaxing read and they will all arrive.  Love knowing that they will come about!!) 

Free to Choose

Honestly, ever since I started looking into movie ratings, I just keep going off on tangents and finally decided this is growing like a book!  So I've decided to just stop the mulling and pondering and thinking and checking and just write a mini-book.  right here.  right now.

     Chapter 1 

 Broadway

Chapter 2

 Sometimes I think I might have enjoyed the Law of Moses.  A very long to-do list set in stone and I just monitor my life by checking over the do's and don'ts.  A no brainer.  Just do it.  Cut and dried.

I realize that I actually enjoy "Commandments" that are pretty much cut and dried.   no deciding.  it's there.  In black and white.  the do list....tithing, moral worthiness, tell the truth, Sacrament, Word of Wisdom, Temple Recommend worthiness list etc. etc.   The don't do list... Word of Wisdom no-no's, no robbing banks or killing others, no fibbing, no adultery  etc. etc.

These clearly defined codes of behavior/belief  are time savers.  Learn/read/study/ pray and then do or don't but no figuring any of it out.  Select, proceed with your choice, and get on with the day.

The time consumers are those hazy/gauzy/filmy items that don't have specifics attached.  no measuring guide.  Like....how much time to spend in Church calling?/what constitutes a "good" VT/HT?/how many events at Church am I going to attend?- every single baptism/all Ward dinners/singing in Ward Choir?  How much overall involvement will I decide to do?

And then beyond those questions...what will I do with my personal life?  What is appropriate for an LDS person to expose themselves to in the arena of entertainment in say...Movies and plays?

Truly I so appreciated in 1986 when the Prophet, Ezra Taft Benson, spoke to the young men of the Church and said, at a General Conference  (so that's in cement for me)....

"Don’t see R-rated or vulgar videos or participate in any entertainment that is immoral, suggestive, or pornographic. Don’t listen to music that is degrading."

There had been a lot of nit-picking amongst members up to that point.  It was such a relief to just have that cut and dried counsel.  No guess work.  No defending your choice.  No judgement.  No questioning etc. etc.  Well, you know that sort of ill-behavior persisted in spite of prophetic counsel but for me it was a breath of fresh air.  Whew!  Wonderful!

Then I noticed that the fox was in the hen-house.  The wolf was garbed in  sheep's clothing and things sort of lost their footing and yet the hue and cry was....BUT it's PG-13 so that's okay.  The Prophet said not to go to R-rated.  PG-13 is okay. 

Chapter 3

Not having had teens in my home for years, I don't know when that was changed.  I mean the Church guidelines of no R-rated movies.  2001?  and then updated in 2012? 

Each event will have to be judged on it's merit and content.  Measuring it against the 13th article of Faith.  Well, that's what I got out of it.  So no more set in stone and now I must decide what I want to put in my mind.  This whole Les Miserables BookClub  and discussion of movie really made me think.

I blogged a couple of days ago about the fact that I wanted to keep my memory of the play intact with nothing marring it, as the entire experience with my daughter was just so fantastic.

Chapter 4

Then I decided to look up some reviews and see what people were saying.  I found there are all sorts of places a person can go to check out all the details of the happenings that you will see on screen to enable you to make the right choice for yourself.  The only thing we might agree on is the fact that we aren't seeing eye to eye in the least bit on what is okay or not okay.  Possibly what is fine for me would be on your black list.

Off and on over the years I've had people say in conversation...I look forward to the Book of Mormon being made into a movie.  To see Nephi, and Samuel standing on the wall, and King Benjamin on the tower, and on and on.  I've always said way to much of it would be to gory for me and I wouldn't go.

As I've thought about my personal understanding of what I will and will not put in my mind, hold in my heart and think about, in light of theater, viewing it live or on screen --these thoughts just popped into my mind when I asked myself...what parts of this book, a sacred book to me... a book I share that I know it's true... the Book of Mormon- would be hard for me to view --if brought to life on a movie screen or stage?

Without looking at the book here's the order of things that just whipped into my mind... kidnapping, harlots, missionaries breaking rules, burning people, nudity, covering self with blood, scalping, killings (lots of them.  thousands of them.), murder, rape, drunks, stoning, family estrangements, parental heartbreak, disobedience to Gospel standards, human sacrifice of women & children, horrific results of natural disasters.  Later I thought of cannibalism.  Of course, that is just a dab of what is actually in the book, that I would not care to see brought to life.

Even these 2 verses, Alma 14:21-22 have way to much for me to see it enacted on screen.... You'd have to see the back story, watch the results, witness the happenings and the sufferings- in order to bring it to life.

And yet I can read it in seconds and move on looking for the redemptive heavenly help.  Help that surely will come.  Really searching for the meaning of the story in it's entirety and what I can learn for my own "profit and learning".

Chapter 5

We are counseled to teach and we have to understand before we can teach. In Doctrine & Covenants 88:79...things both in heaven and in the earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and the perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are on the land; and a knowledge also of countries and of kingdoms...  (true this is taken out 88: 78- to say 82 or thereabouts.  a snippet but it shows some of what we should learn about)  A study of things which have been  and also a study of the wars and the perplexities of the nations, opens up a study that will include human suffering...Nuremberg, slavery, Auschwitz, all sorts of wars and that horror.

Chapter 6

When Lincoln came out I really wanted to see it.  I felt it would be pretty factual.  I had confidence/respect for the book author that was used as a resource.  My one concern was the brutality of the Civil War.  Civil war to me, is the most horrifying of all wars.  I wondered if it would be violent to the point that it would be so gory I couldn't take it.  I actually thought it was amazing in the way they filmed it.  True it had the hand to hand combat and I just had to close my eyes at times.

When Lincoln rode down the trail after the battle with the horse clopping along and silence and slain soldiers by the roadside, for what seemed endless miles, I shed tears.  It reminded me of the picture depiction of Moroni on that heap of bodies, vultures flying overhead and the flag waving and him pointing off into the distance.

I learned a lot from Lincoln, enjoyed the movie and would see it again.  This, in spite of the fact,  there was a lot of swearing.  My Dad swore and maybe that makes me not pay attention or be shocked by it.  Not saying it's right.  Just saying it was in the movie.  Had it been laced with today's 4 letter word it might have impacted me in a different way.  No might about it.  It would have.

Chapter 7

Originally I didn't want to go to Les Miserable because of leaving a memory intact.  As I've thought about this blog, for several days, I now realize that there are things in Les Mis that I don't really want to see on film.  True it is also about a Civil War/Revolution but there is also a lot of living going on, in the setting of that day, that I don't want to see and most especially on screen.  That being said though, I would most likely go to a great stage production again.  I openly admit that it took forever to stop singing the hook line on Master of The House.  True Bring Him Home and all the others whirled through my mind but their lyrics were so wonderful but that Master one.  oh, my!  My mind just latched on to it and the shenanigans that accompany it.  Not for my old feeble mind!!

(A Chapter for some other book?)

We used to have season tickets to the Capitol Theatre.  A beautiful old theatre.  they brought in touring companies and there were some great productions.  I had a friend that also had season tickets.  Then they got new management and they decided to update things and bring in more "modern" shows.  Racy shows.  Questionable shows.  Shows that made you uncomfortable.  We left at intermission on one.  My friend, who had her neighbors with her, had a time that she also walked out.  We never got Season tickets again.

Capitol Theatre contacted us and asked why and we told them...we did not support their choices and would not be attending anymore.  Since that time they have tried to bring back some of the less edgy productions and have told us so but I'm not interested in supporting them for a season but will go to selected plays that I really want to see.

Chapter 8

Doesn't this entire subject fall under the not have to be commanded in all things/do many things of their own free will/agents unto themselves?  (Doctrine & Covenants 58:26-28)

Also there are a lot of  "free to choose" scriptures with reminders if you pick up one end of the stick you also pick up the other.

and of course Joseph Smith -- I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves.

Chapter 9

 Places you can check for content of what you are longing to go see.  Places to help you make your decision, if you are the least bit curious, as to what you'll see/hear.  There are a lot more!

review of Les Miserable

www.lyrics.com

http://www.kids-in-mind.com/

Must be something in the air with all this movie chatter!  Just read about this on Friday.... a book listing 250 absolutely clean movies.  That is a lot of movie watching!!  
Read about the book    http://www.ldsmag.com/index.php?option=com_zine&view=article&ac=1&id=12050&Itemid=

Chapter 10

 the 13th Article of Faith 

Chapter 11

Don't judge each other on what we individually choose to watch! 

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some of things I read...

Research!!

Unmarked Footnotes/Appendix/Addendum or what to call it????

President Ezra Taft Benson. April CR 1986  (to the young men of the Church)

“The lusts of your eyes.” In our day, what does that expression mean?

Movies, television programs, and video recordings that are both suggestive and lewd.

Magazines and books that are obscene and pornographic.

We counsel you, young men, not to pollute your minds with such degrading matter, for the mind through which this filth passes is never the same afterwards. 

Strength of Youth- 
updated 2001 (must have been when R rating was dropped?)  
2012 came out with new hard copy of standards

For the Strength of Youth  Entertainment   

Additional emphasis on following the guidance of the Spirit, keeping covenants, and being worthy to attend the temple

Choose wisely when using media because whatever you read, listen to, or look at has an effect on you. Select only media that uplifts you.

Satan uses media to deceive you by making what is wrong and evil look normal, humorous, or exciting. He tries to mislead you into thinking that breaking God’s commandments is acceptable and has no negative consequences for you or others. Do not attend, view, or participate in anything that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in anything that presents immorality or violence as acceptable. Have the courage to walk out of a movie, change your music, or turn off a computer, television, or mobile device if what you see or hear drives away the Spirit.

 The thirteenth article of faith [A of F 1:13]. Just ask yourself, Is this virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy? If so, “seek after these things.”

I know. I know....

But I had to share this!  Greg designed this for the family Christmas ornament, which is a childhood tradition, and it just arrived in the mail today!  They had gone to Lorrie's family for Christmas week and even though he paid extra to have it arrive on time, it came after they left for NM.   Just sharing the joy here!!!

tears of joy over this!!!!

Here is the first one from Greg's Mission to Arizona Holbrook.  Then called the 4 corners mission. 
A crocheted Snowflake--- Snowflake AZ and being from snowy AK.  It seemed to fit the bill!

Thankful and excited that Greg went on his Mission!
13 Dec 1979- 16 Dec 1981 

(I have no idea why this wasn't on early this morning!!!  sorry about that!)