"Yesterday afternoon, I went to the White House and asked the President to be allowed, for personal reasons, to resign from my position as D/CIA. After being married for over 37 years, I showed extremely poor judgment by engaging in an extramarital affair. Such behavior is unacceptable, both as a husband and as the leader of an organization such as ours. This afternoon, the President graciously accepted my resignation." --Patraeus
It's said that we don't notice the individual leaves falling from the oak tree but when the mighty oak tree falls-- we all take note. A little inner disease untreated will blight a tree to it's ultimate destruction. So here we see a seemingly mighty man of stature and intelligence and responsibility, that even had his eye on running for President in the future, do himself in by his dalliance. He is 60 and has been married for 38 years and has 2 adult children.
His classic beauty paramour/biographer "a military reservist, scholar" "West Point graduate & lifelong high achiever" is a married, mother of 2, 40 year old.
I looked General Patraeus up on Wikipedia and it's stunning, almost unbelievable the length of scrolling down to see all of his awards, honors and accomplishments. Amazing!
All of that intelligence, ability, and a life time of respected accomplishments, plus marvelous plans for the future, ending in that first paragraph of his resignation letter. note what I highlighted.
"Yesterday
afternoon, I went to the White House and asked the President to be
allowed, for personal reasons, to resign from my position as D/CIA.
After being married for over 37 years, I showed extremely poor judgment
by engaging in an extramarital affair. Such behavior is unacceptable,
both as a husband and as the leader of an organization such as ours.
This afternoon, the President graciously accepted my resignation." --Patraeus
This blog is not the National Inquirer. I mention this because I was asked by a blog reader about my line in a blog....
"Terry
and I have a firm iron-clad marriage rule that we don't befriend those of the
opposite sex"
so just a lot or random thoughts that hopefully will answer her question.
First of all I don't want to have to deal with forgiving myself or my spouse for unfaithfulness, much less deal with life in prison for maiming or perhaps killing anyone.
I want my marriage uncluttered with doubt, lack of trust, heartbreak.
A person is never to young or to old to set up safeguards in their marriage.
After I joined the Church, very soon afterwards, I got a call from a sister in the Boise Stake. I barely knew what a Stake was. She said she was the Stake drama director and she invited me to be in a play. I was shocked, stunned, excited and flattered--all at the same time.
Don't you want me to audition?
She said...No, I've heard about you and you will be just fine.
I said....but you don't know me, you haven't seen me, I've not done a play before etc. etc.
she said...you will do fine. It's a play about the wickedness in Zarahemla and you will be the lead role. A wicked woman.
So much for flattery!! pure type casting!!
The lead man, so handsome and adorable, a righteous character that I would try to win with my wicked wiles, was a wonderful man. His wife played a handmaiden. He and I were on stage a lot. She was occasionally.
So I'd drive in my car and his wife would drop him off and pick him up. One night I said...I can pick him up and drop him off afterwards as it's on my way.
It seemed so sensible to me. The Director finally just told me outright that it wasn't appropriate.
Really? strict Church.
In Los Banos a sister, quite a bit older than me had befriended me to help me learn the Church ways. She had some surgery and was in a Fresno Hospital. I had this brilliant idea to call her husband, because Terry said he'd handle the kiddo's, and ask if I could ride up with him to see her. He thought this was great and would be a wonderful surprise for her. We arrived and yes, she was surprised and started chewing us up one side and down the other....what if you'd had a car wreck? what would that look like to people? you don't ride with other people's husbands. it's not right. Totally inappropriate!
and on and on. Alright! Sorry! We'd had a great visit about Church on the way up but on the way home I was quietly praying the we wouldn't have a wreck!!
In Anchorage, in the days of very large Stake boards, we'd travel to Wards together. I'd be the last one that the Stake YM Pres. would drop off. One night he told me.... sorry, I can't give you a ride anymore as my wife is jealous and doesn't like it.
Whoa. Awkward.
Later on in our Ward there was a man teaching the Gospel Doctrine class and people just loved him. He also worked in the Stake in some position of leadership. He had the reputation of just being so learned in the Gospel. He was really popular. He was thought by many to be really handsome. He had a wonderful wife and beautiful children. I did not like the man. I didn't want to be around him. I would avoid eye contact because he'd call on me in class for what I thought or the likes about some scripture. I couldn't sit still in his class and would leave sometimes and go to the Investigator class. Finally I told Terry that I didn't like the man.
Terry was aghast. Called me to repentance. Told me he was loved, admired etc. etc.
Said I needed to really make the effort to be nice to him. At that point Terry was the Scout Master and they had some sort of a monthly movie (I think). I'd go with him and sit out in the foyer and read.
That man came and sat down and I started to get up and leave and stopped and just endeavored to visit with him. very difficult. Told Terry and we both were proud of my effort. Did that a couple of times but just couldn't anymore.
One week I'm sitting in the Alto section and the sister next to me said...You're next.
What?!? I said...What do you mean? what are you talking about? She then told me that the man that I didn't like had his eye on me, I was his type and hadn't I noticed how he called on me in SS?
I was nauseous and horrified that she would say such vicious things about someone. I felt faint!!
I made a decision to go to the Bishop and tell him....I'm not trying to stir up trouble and I've not done this before but this sister said this to me and I think gossiping like that is bad.
I was floored when the Bishop said...She's right. I was in hopes he'd not target you but he is. He likes spiritual women that know the Gospel. You are not the first. He may send you flowers. Don't acknowledge them. Avoid walking near him. Never speak first. Only say hello. If he calls you then let me know. Don't go to his class anymore. Stay away from him.
My stomach was in knots. Terry and I had quite the talk with me accusing him of throwing me in a pit with telling me to befriend the guy. We talked for a long time. Terry ended up saying...I will never doubt your feelings. And he hasn't.
(the guy did find a new victim. got divorced. excommunicated. married. not sure what happened after that)
I thought long and hard of how to protect myself and our marriage. Somewhere in that time frame someone gave a talk, made a cassette tape, I'm not sure who or what or where entitled.....Out of the Blue like a Scheduled Airline. From that I realized that nothing just suddenly happens with out some interaction first. Usually visiting. how harmless. or is it?
It's one thing to be friendly and just openly talk with others around. It's another thing to confide/share/seek solutions from someone of the opposite sex.
Our rule is simple....
"Terry
and I have a firm iron-clad marriage rule that we don't befriend those of the
opposite sex"
We just work with it, don't draw attention to ourselves, and this is what we both want. There are people our age, and your age, that wreck their marriages with cozying up and it starts with the words they say to each other.
IF I was a young bride today, I'd really be on guard with texting, email, FB, and all that sort of thing. I've heard of sexting and texuality and digital lipstick on your collar. Emails did Patreous in. All that great intelligence between the two of them and not a single grain of common sense.
Terry and I have been together since we were teenagers. We are in it for the long haul. We want it to last forever. For eternity. and that definitely takes a personalized plan.
(I know this is super long but I told my dear sweet friend that I'd explain it and now I have.)
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