Last year for my birthday I gifted myself with starting my blog on the first Monday after the big day. I have enjoyed my first year and appreciate you reading it.
Knowing that Terry would be in Norway for a trip last fall, I decided to wait until then to figure out what else I wanted to focus on. I like to give myself a challenge, something that if I can carry it out, will hopefully better me as a person. So I went on a delightful self-indulgent sabbatical to come up with what I wanted to do. I ended up with a post called Blank Page or something like that. And said I'd figure it out. And figure it out, I did!
I'd read the Church Publication of the Addiction Recovery Program based on the 12 steps of AA. I'd heard it helps with lots of habits you want to be free of. I'd also read Conference talks where it was mentioned. A couple of them mentioned weight loss. I asked some questions of some local leaders and although they didn't know of any accomplishments like that, they did feel it would work. Feeling I was missing a puzzle piece in solving my battle of the bulge I decided to go to a meeting.
I have a friend that we share the inner happenings of our hearts so I told her I would go IF I could swallow my pride!! I was choking on my uppity-ness! I thought of several entrances/explanations to those in attendance. A fluttering of the outstretched hands with a shoulder shrug and an attitude of....I'm not like you or I don't really belong here or the arrogant inclusiveness of...we both know I'm a step above this.
I squelched my pride to go see what the class offered. No explanation to anyone as none was needed nor expected. It's all based on anonymity and strict confidentiality. It's the- all things said in this room stay here and that goes also for who attends. Hush. Shhhh.
Trust.
Well, I'm still my fatty self and turns out that I found out right away that is not the reason I needed the class. I am a very co-dependent person. True I'd overcome a lot of those tendencies but there were still lots of areas to work on and work through and gain insight.
Early on I told the missionary couple, that leads the class, that I had a problem as I couldn't relate to the book assignment to seek counsel with the Bishop for repentance/help if needs be, find out when you can take sacrament, find out what you need to do to obtain a Temple recommend etc. etc. Food issues paled in taking up a Bishops time, compared to the need to confess the soul suffering events, of some of my classmates. I was already in full fellowship, I had a current recommend and was confused on how to repent for overeating or eating an overabundance of Chocolate.
The first night in reading through papers the leaders gave me I realized I needed help not in the food category at all. well, yes I needed it but not as my class focus. I told the leaders something was needed for me beyond what the book was teaching me. They were so amazing. The Church has a program, sort of like Al-Anon, actually based on it. They got me a copy of Healing Through Christ and it has been amazing.
The Church of course has access to all sorts of great material and they reference fantastic talks in the HTC booklet. I've printed and read over a ream's worth of talks and have enjoyed, learned, grown and overcome a lot of personal issues. Not things that can be viewed, noticed or measured by anyone if they look at me but it's there. Nestled inside of me and I really appreciate it.
I've met wonderful people that have struggles and all of us similarly want to overcome what is bothering us, that elusive something holding us back from our dreams. I've shed tears for some. I pray for them. I've grown to love them. I have said many times, in sharing, that no one needs to be ashamed for being in the program because it is a part of the Church program and in our case the class is held right in the Church building. The very same building that we attend our meetings in.
It has been a wonderful experience for me. There are two women in the class that needed something very specific from me in the way of words. I did what was mine to do. They know it and I know it and I have a very special bond with them as I had the great chance to aide them in their marvelous progression. They are my sisters in the Gospel and I love them. I've learned from every single attendee.
Terry has been wonderful. He was surprised to come home from Norway and learn I was in a "12 Step Program". That would throw you for a loop, if you think it's all about behavior/indulgences/choices that he was certain I wasn't involved in. I have the specialness of being married to someone that feels I can do it all without outside help. All on my own. Bless his sweet heart! I can't.
I needed to learn how to access the Lord's atonement in a deeper way and how to apply that knowledge to my daily life. The class and my personal study and application of suggested steps have helped me to do that. This class is like a DIY course in personal growth.
I'm still battling the food so for my birthday this year, I will go a new route. More on that tomorrow, if you'd care to join me for a no lamenting blog but just my idea for this birthday year. I'm quite excited!!!!
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