My New Norm

so here I am with deadline looming for Wednesday.  Today!  Tweaking of my attitude adjustment meter has moved ahead, more into gratitude mark on dial, and less on gripe-y area!

Seems to me that our lives move in large segments that last for a pretty good length of time.  Long enough for us to get use to it and for it to become our norm.  Years of marriage/childbearing/child rearing /employment-careers.  Homebuilding.  Homemaking.  The nurturing aspect of mortality.  We become comfy in our norm and we each have our own norm.  We can deal with whatever wanders into our norm....as long as it doesn't take up residence and change our old norm to a new norm.

I have a new norm and I kept trying to stop my old norm from seeping away.  I wanted my sweetie to have the muscular strength that he so misses.  I wanted him to have his, also longed for, endurance to work physically, hours on end.  I wanted him to have his balance and his agility and his awareness/alertness of tasks to be performed.  I wanted him to not feel frustrated or overwhelmed.  I wanted him not to have any aches or pains.  He has longings for what is now our old norm...things in the past.

I want to accept this new norm that is not yet familiar to either of us.  I want to settle in and be as happy with this new life phase as I was with our old life phase.  And I want the same for him.  I want to bloom where I'm planted, and simultaneously pull him up by the roots, or am I grabbing his bootstraps?, to join with me?

So putting in the mix my Co-Dependent behavior of wanting to save anyone I know and love, most especially, my aiming at eternity together man, and trying so hard to avoid self-change and wanting to mend/fix and go back in time to the old familiar way...I decided to figure it out for myself. 

Now if you can't understand that long drawn out sentence attempt?....I know what you mean!  I found myself less patient, less kind, less polite, less gentle.  I felt drained of gratitude in this life area of my new norm.

So...I've read a lot.  Thought a lot.  and I have re-grouped in my mind set.  In life I believe...it is what it is.  With that thinking mode then my new norm is what it is.  The old norm left on the night he woke me up and said...I think I'm having a stroke.

In my searching these last few days I realize that my greatest frustration is I want things that Terry wants for himself and I can't help him have those things.  They are not going to happen no matter how he longs for them or I desire to aid/assist in helping them to come about.  He has nothing like life-threatening or diseases etc.  His life has changed physically and he misses how things were.

We both have to totally embrace our current status and be thankful and glad.  I told him yesterday ....if things never improve with your balance etc. we are just blessed beyond measure.  We talked about how fortunate he is with all the normal things he does.

Actually I just want to live with an attitude of gratitude, gentleness, kindness and unconditional love.  Is that to much to hope for? I don't think so.  It's doable because I desire it.  Plus isn't it a part of the Gospel?  The Gospel that I love and believe in.  The Gospel my testimony abides in.

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So right here, in this paragraph, is where I thought I'd share some things I read and thought about, plus some decisions I have made about proper conduct of oneself aka myself, and then my real new norm current life settled back in rather rapidly early this morning.  

I sent this rather stark but factual note to my children early afternoon....

Hi everyone-

Lots of things going on in your lives as well as ours.  Just wanted to give a little update.

Dad has not been feeling real swift lately.  last couple of days he’s had intense stomach pain.  Today it really accelerated and I took him to Emergency at 7am.  His official diagnosis is Acute Pancreatitus and Epigastric abdominal pain with his lab test being way to high at 1450 on the LAPASE part.  In English...he possibly has a gall stone in his pancreas.  Not good.  they will run the tests again next Monday.  IF it’s still high as today or even higher then they will possibly (most likely) remove the stone.  how they find it etc.????  I have no idea.

For those of you planning on visiting Monday etc.  just wanted you to know what is going on if you wanted to pick a different date.  won’t be much fun if he is in for some procedure.  we are fine with you coming no matter what is going on.  just wanted you to know the happenings.

will keep you posted.

I am okay.

love to all from Mom

 

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I forgot to tell them the clothes dryer stopped working yesterday evening!  

In life it never rains but it pours and right now that is self-evident outdoors.  Terrific wind and rain storm.  Smells heavenly and I love to see it pouring outdoors.

This is the place that I was going to list things that jogged me forward, out of slogging along, into a certain skipping gait  (okay.  mental skipping!) that makes me smile.  Life is just filled with challenges but the truth of the matter is Adam fell that man might be and men are that they might have joy!  (something along those lines)  

Through the blessings of the Gospel and my testimony of it and belief in the power of the Atonement, it is inspiring to read Scripturally, how others enjoyed the Spirit of their testimonies, while life went on with all of the individual storms in their lives surrounding them.

Lehi would broken-heartedly plead with his wayward sons,  express his fears for them, be so devastated BUT he would then switch to the Gospel that he loved and bear his testimony.  and be happy, feel the mentioned joy!, and all those traits I want to be soul deep in myself, would be manifested. 

There are scripturally so many others that did that same thing.  Found joy in the midst of their regular lives.  I was going to list them here but this blog post is already way to long.  I will some other time.  

That is what the Atonement means to me...to be joyous in mortality no matter what is happening in your mortal life.

My personal journey these last few days has prepared me for today.  This could be extremely serious for my Terry but I'll just hug and love and smooch him as he endures what he must.  I'll be kind and encouraging.  Gentle and patience.  and very forgiving of him telling Drue that I told him to shut-up.--  he was really complaining/griping and I said it rather gentle.  sort of flirty/smiley?  OK.  it wasn't nice to tell him to stop complaining in that cavewoman manner!!  I've repented and now it's out there for the world, after the Lord erased it once.  Now again to erase it.  hopefully.

 I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow and paint my nails red and take care of the diet the Dr. wants Terry to do.  That will give me strength!!!!

We may be headed headlong into rough waters but I'm geared up and ready to take things as they come.

Thank you for your support and concern about me jumping overboard and sailing away on a raft, in search of my own message in a bottle!!  

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Here are two things I enjoyed reading in my attitude adjustment search.  these are about perspective, don't you think??

During Corrie’s presentations to audiences, she would often hold the back side of a piece of embroidery (pictured), with hundreds of tangled threads hanging from it. Many wondered if she was holding up the wrong side by mistake. As she held up the messy side of the embroidery she would ask...

“Does God always grant us what we ask for in prayer? Not always. Sometimes He says, ‘No.’ That is because God knows what we do not know. God knows all. Look at this piece of embroidery. The wrong side is chaos. But look at the beautiful picture on the other side – the right side.”

Triumphantly she flipped the cloth over and revealed an elaborately embroidered crown – symbolizing our crown of eternal life. The crown was intricately stitched, and had threads of many colors, including gold, silver and pearls.

“We see now the wrong side, God sees His side all the time. One day we shall see the embroidery from His side, and thank Him for every answered and unanswered prayer.”

Click this link to view the Corrie ten Boom Museum virtual tour, http://tenboom.com/Please share.

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 My life is but a weaving
Between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors,
He work etch steadily.

Ofttimes He weave the sorrow
And I in foolish pride
Forget he sees the upper and 
I the underside.

Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needed
In the skillful weavers hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned!

                    (Author Unknown)