Truths

Sunday I taught the RS lesson out of the Conference Ensign---  

And a Little Child Shall Lead Them by President Boyd K. Packer.  

 I also shared some of the information from Handbook 2.

Birth Control 

21.4.4 It is the privilege of married couples who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for the spirit children of God, whom they are then responsible to nurture and rear. The decision as to how many children to have and when to have them is extremely intimate and private and should be left between the couple and the Lord. Church members should not judge one another in this matter.

Married couples should also understand that sexual relations within marriage are divinely approved not only for the purpose of procreation, but also as a way of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual bonds between husband and wife.

  

Family Circumstances 

7.2.1 When extending callings, scheduling leadership meetings, and planning activities, leaders consider the family circumstances of members. Church service and participation always entail a measure of sacrifice. However, strong families are vital to the Church, and members should not be asked to make excessive family sacrifices to serve or to support programs or activities.

One family circumstance to consider is the Church calling(s) held by a member’s husband or wife. Individual families should not be overburdened with Church responsibilities. Another circumstance to consider is the overall time demands that members face in supporting their families and taking care of other personal matters. In some areas of the world, members of necessity work two or three jobs. These are legitimate considerations for leaders to weigh in extending callings, scheduling leadership meetings, and planning activities.

19.1.1 Although service in Church callings requires sacrifice, it should not compromise a member’s ability to fulfill family and employment responsibilities (see 17.2.1). Before calling a married person to an assignment that requires a significant time commitment, Church leaders consider the effect of the calling on the marriage and family.

A couple of paragraphs from President Packers talk--

"....I could understand why in all that we do in the Church, we need to provide the way, as leaders, for parents and children to have time together as families. Priesthood leaders must be careful to make the Church family-friendly.

"There are many things about living the gospel of Jesus Christ that cannot be measured by that which is counted or charted in records of attendance. We busy ourselves with buildings and budgets and programs and procedures. In so doing, it is possible to overlook the very spirit of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

"Too often someone comes to me and says, 'President Packer, wouldn’t it be nice if … ?'

I usually stop them and say no, because I suspect that what follows will be a new activity or program that is going to add a burden of time and financial means on the family.

Family time is sacred time and should be protected and respected. We urge our members to show devotion to their families."

http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/05/and-a-little-child-shall-lead-them?lang=eng

Memorial Day

Words: Ju­lia W. Howe, 1861, alt. This hymn, Battle Hymn of the Republic, was born dur­ing the Amer­i­can ci­vil war, when Howe vis­it­ed a Un­ion Ar­my camp on the Po­to­mac Riv­er near Wash­ing­ton, D. C. She heard the sol­diers sing­ing the song “John Brown’s Body,” and was tak­en with the strong march­ing beat. She wrote the words the next day:

I awoke in the grey of the morn­ing, and as I lay wait­ing for dawn, the long lines of the de­sired po­em be­gan to en­twine them­selves in my mind, and I said to my­self, “I must get up and write these vers­es, lest I fall asleep and for­get them!” So I sprang out of bed and in the dim­ness found an old stump of a pen, which I re­mem­bered us­ing the day be­fore. I scrawled the vers­es al­most with­out look­ing at the p­aper.

The hymn ap­peared in the At­lant­ic Month­ly in 1862. It was sung at the fun­er­als of Brit­ish states­man Win­ston Church­ill, Amer­i­can sen­at­or Ro­bert Ken­ne­dy, and Am­er­i­can pre­si­dents Ron­ald Rea­gan and Ri­chard Nix­on.
Music: John Brown’s Bo­dy, poss­i­bly by John Will­iam Steffe (MI­DI, score). John Brown was an Amer­i­can abo­li­tion­ist who led a short lived in­­sur­­rect­­ion to free the slaves.

---

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord;
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword;
His truth is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on.

I have seen Him in the watch fires of a hundred circling camps
They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps;
I can read His righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps;
His day is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! His day is marching on.

I have read a fiery Gospel writ in burnished rows of steel;
“As ye deal with My contemners, so with you My grace shall deal”;
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the serpent with His heel,
Since God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Since God is marching on.

He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment seat;
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! be jubilant, my feet;
Our God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our God is marching on.

In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us live to make men free;
[originally …let us die to make men free]
While God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! While God is marching on.

He is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
He is wisdom to the mighty, He is honor to the brave;
So the world shall be His footstool, and the soul of wrong His slave,
Our God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our God is marching on.

---

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

---

McCrae's "In Flanders Fields" remains to this day one of the most memorable war poems ever written. It is a lasting legacy of the terrible battle in the Ypres salient in the spring of 1915. Here is the story of the making of that poem: Although he had been a doctor for years and had served in the South African War, it was impossible to get used to the suffering, the screams, and the blood here, and Major John McCrae had seen and heard enough in his dressing station to last him a lifetime.
As a surgeon attached to the 1st Field Artillery Brigade, Major McCrae, who had joined the McGill faculty in 1900 after graduating from the University of Toronto, had spent seventeen days treating injured men -- Canadians, British, Indians, French, and Germans -- in the Ypres salient.
It had been an ordeal that he had hardly thought possible. McCrae later wrote of it:
"I wish I could embody on paper some of the varied sensations of that seventeen days... Seventeen days of Hades! At the end of the first day if anyone had told us we had to spend seventeen days there, we would have folded our hands and said it could not have been done."
One death particularly affected McCrae. A young friend and former student, Lieut. Alexis Helmer of Ottawa, had been killed by a shell burst on 2 May 1915. Lieutenant Helmer was buried later that day in the little cemetery outside McCrae's dressing station, and McCrae had performed the funeral ceremony in the absence of the chaplain.
The next day, sitting on the back of an ambulance parked near the dressing station beside the Canal de l'Yser, just a few hundred yards north of Ypres, McCrae vented his anguish by composing a poem. The major was no stranger to writing, having authored several medical texts besides dabbling in poetry.
In the nearby cemetery, McCrae could see the wild poppies that sprang up in the ditches in that part of Europe, and he spent twenty minutes of precious rest time scribbling fifteen lines of verse in a notebook.
A young soldier watched him write it. Cyril Allinson, a twenty-two year old sergeant-major, was delivering mail that day when he spotted McCrae. The major looked up as Allinson approached, then went on writing while the sergeant-major stood there quietly. "His face was very tired but calm as we wrote," Allinson recalled. "He looked around from time to time, his eyes straying to Helmer's grave."
When McCrae finished five minutes later, he took his mail from Allinson and, without saying a word, handed his pad to the young NCO. Allinson was moved by what he read:
"The poem was exactly an exact description of the scene in front of us both. He used the word blow in that line because the poppies actually were being blown that morning by a gentle east wind. It never occurred to me at that time that it would ever be published. It seemed to me just an exact description of the scene."
In fact, it was very nearly not published. Dissatisfied with it, McCrae tossed the poem away, but a fellow officer retrieved it and sent it to newspapers in England. The Spectator, in London, rejected it, but Punch published it on 8 December 1915.

                   **************************************************************

A National Moment of Remembrance On Memorial Day

That poem about where “poppies blow”
And, “the crosses, row on row”
Still rings true, these ninety years
After written, still brings tears.

We still have Dead, “amid the guns”
And lose our young and our loved ones
Those who lived, “short days ago”
Who, “felt dawn, saw sunset glow”.

In Flanders Fields, “the poppy red”
Still grow near where the blood was bled
They, “Take up our quarrel with the foe”
And still die for Freedoms that we know.

They pass, “The torch” to, “hold it high”
And not, “break the faith with us who die”
For they, “shall not sleep, though poppies grow”
Beneath all those, “crosses, row on row”
In Flanders Fields.

Del “Abe” Jones
4-25-2005 

***************************

Memorial Day
Of every year
The little valiant
Flags appear
On every fallen
Soldier's grave--
Symbol of what
Each died to save.
And we who see
And still have breath--
Are we no wiser
For their death?

~Dorothy Brown Thompson~

Whoa, Nelly!!!!

What about me?  I'm munching so many organic veggies on my new eating program that I feel like Popeye.  Will my negative traits increase and grow????  Heaven forbid!

Bring on the Organic Kale.  I'm such a risk-taker!!!  Me- The daredevil!  Walking the high wire without a net!!  

So....In this modern day and age people no longer go ballistic or postal or have a meltdown....they just go Organic!!!!   That's my take anyhow!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Study: Organic eaters are meaner, more judgmental
Check out this video from foxnews.com!
Watch This Video:
http://video.foxnews.com/v/1653099298001/

Balm Application

 All day I've been in a state of mind that made me sad.  A family situation.  I have absolutely no control over it and being co-dependent, I of course want to fix it.  And I can't. Therefore I'm sad.

I prayed.  I read. etc. etc.  I talked to Terry.  I talked to my son, Greg.  They were both patient and encouraging and gave great counsel.  And still the sadness lingered.  It seemed so impossible.  How do you deal with situations that you have not one bit of power to change???

Answers so many times are found, for me at least, in Conference talks.  Late in the day and actually getting ready for bed....Eureka!--I found just the answer!!  from 1977 by Elder Packer.  The Balm of Gilead.  The counsel is so inspired and just filled in the blank for me.  Especially when he acknowledged, there are some problems that are not put in order because of no control!  there it was!!!!

"Some of it you have to get rid of without really solving the problem. Some things that ought to be put in order are not put in order because you can’t control them."

       

The answer to life's challenges are truly within the Church and between prayer, study, Holy Ghost and searching and pondering and searching and yearning for answers, we can find them and move ahead.  

This talk is just amazing!!  enjoy it!  here are just a couple of tidbits.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 by Elder Packer

"My message is an appeal to those who are worried or restless or anxious, a plea to those who are not at peace.....All of us carry excess baggage around from time to time, but the wisest ones among us don’t carry it for very long. They get rid of it.

" If you have festering sores, a grudge, some bitterness, disappointment, or jealousy, get hold of yourself. You may not be able to control things out there with others, but you can control things here, inside of you.

"Some of it you have to get rid of without really solving the problem. Some things that ought to be put in order are not put in order because you can’t control them."

       

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/print/1977/10/the-balm-of-gilead?lang=eng&clang=eng

not very computer savvy!

I lost what I wrote!!!!!!  it kept closing down and I guess I punched the wrong button.  It's late.  I'm tired.  I'll be back here Tuesday unless I find what I wrote and then I'll publish it.

take care!

Stay healthy!

I had Vertigo.  Nasty!

Wiped me out on Saturday!  Yucky stuff!  bedrest makes things stop spinning!!

I get sick of this pie!!!

High school plays win over my heart every time!  The actors/actresses all have support of family and friends that know them but I'm also an avid fan and am a stranger to most of them!  I don't have children in school but there are always a few from the Ward participating.

The dedication they have to this creative venture is wonderful.  There are always standouts in the cast in singing, dancing, and actual acting, offset by the off-key off-cue off-beat diehards.  I love them all.  It's a mini-version of their 15 minutes of fame.  Spotlight glaring.  Center stage bowing.  Character costuming.  All make for a marvelous evening of fun!  I love cheering them on.

Last night was a huge musical production for a small school to take on...The Wizard of Oz.  Set in Kansas, I see why the author called Oz the Emerald City.  I've never seen greener hills anywhere than in Kansas.  It's as if it's in technicolor.  No brown earth to be seen!  all green!

What great lessons for the cast to learn about friendship and seeking what you lack be it courage, brains, heart and all that goes with developing those attributes.  I find such truth in Good Witch Glinda's statement, when she told Dorothy that the power was within her to leave Oz and she could have left on the first day had she believed.

It was good to go to the play and I mulled it over later as I ate a slice of humble pie.  Seems I eat a large portion of crow occasionally.  I sometimes in my zeal try to put out what I perceive as a spark, that is going to set off a wildfire, by pulling out all stops in extinguishing what someone else is intentionally trying to flambe/brulee.  I was asked my honest opinion via email, there was a time crunch, I hurriedly shared and hoped the answer got there in time.  Words like...completely disagree, adamantly oppose, don't like.... quickly filled the answer.  I was in a hurry after all!

I was the minority, the sole objector, my thoughts (that I of course knew were right) were rejected. Overruled.  I  pitched a fit to Terry who was nasty and laughed and dared to call me Sister Marsh!! 

Just like ironing- if you press a wrinkle in, with a bit of effort you can press it out nice and smooth.
I'm going to have a smooth day with no pie eating!!!!  I'm sick of the stuff!!!


(want to read about Sister Marsh????)
 http://acandlestick.blogspot.com/2012/02/when-small-things-provoke-us.html

Sweet Relief

After I wrote my blog on the 11th, and examined the emotions that led up to it, I really gave it a lot of thought and prayer.  I've really been gifting myself with this year of health challenge and along with that goes emotional health also.  I've worked through a lot of issues in that 8 month stint of learning about my emotions and felt totally ready and excited to move on to the healthy living aspect.  My mind was clear and ready and not boggled with things over which I have no control.

Something seemed out of sorts with my annual whine fest about poor me and birth-Mom's etc. etc.  I realized that the feelings weren't ever on my mind, this jealous insecurity or whatever you would label it, but it did surface like clockwork on Mother's day and then 2x in March- on birthdays.  Maybe occasionally, when I knew of  their involvement with my sons, I would have tears or the likes.  Private and kept to myself.  and of course Terry would know.

When challenged with setbacks, of some event/situation/circumstance, that I need to deal with and move on, I will give myself an actual time limit on how long the pity-party can go on.  When the clock strikes that hour then it needs to be dealt with, managed, and filed under.... The Whew File- another life experience that I survived/conquered/figured out. Whew!

This monster in me surfaced with our 2nd adoption and that was years and years ago.  And then the birthMoms entered the picture about 18 years ago.  How embarrassing to hang on to those troubling/heartache/heartbreak emotions and to have never set a time limit on it, to get myself moving to resolution.  Find a solution!!!

Maybe it was because it wasn't a 24/7 feeling that I didn't really deal with it.  I don't know.

This I do know though.  I need my mind clear and focused on health and this was a brain drain emotionally and I need every ounce of courage and common sense and peace within myself to succeed.

So I decided to give myself one  more gift, and how appropriate that it was completed by Mother's Day.  Let it go.  Face it.  Warts and all.  And use the power of the Atonement and ask the Lord to take it.  To drop this burden at his feet and leave it there!  If I feel to talk about it, in an objective way, that is one thing but to turn inward with all this negative emotion?...not healthy.  even yearly.

O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. --Alma 31:31

And I headed to the Temple.  Alone.  Terry wasn't feeling all that sharp.  This gave me time for reflection and pondering and prayer.  My heart was tender and I was ready to let these feelings go.  For the last time.

I arrived and decided to get my Temple recommend out of my purse as I'd changed it from where I usually keep it.  Two purse searches later, and the car, and the pavement, and it was confirmed that I had left my recommend home.  So there I was, outside of where I wanted to be inside, but that was Justice/Consequences/Ten Virgin story all come to life.

Deciding to walk around the grounds and just stay focused and calm and prayerful,  I started out.  The grounds are beautiful, peaceful, conducive to the Spirit.  I sat on the bench and thought that I knew the interior and knew the window by the dressing room.  A little prayer of thanks for our Temple that I love.

Headed around to the back and faced the outside window of the Celestial room and even in daylight could see the sparkling chandelier.  I thought of creative marriage proposals that could take place there.  

Being totally alone I decided to pray.  I 100% believe that the Lord looks to our hearts and he knows us.  He knew of my sincerity and my desires.  I love and use a scripture many times in my life, for the promise that it holds and I decided to use it then.

It's Mosiah 4:24.  the part where King Benjamin tells them- if you cannot give because you have not but you would if you could, then that's okay.  I figured if I could go into the Temple to pray then I would.  Outside the Temple, sitting on that bench, was as close as I was getting that day.

It was a wonderful time of intensive prayer and I dropped my ill feelings, my burden, right there.

Feeling very peaceful and thankful, I walked on around by the fountain and enjoyed being alone with such beauty.

Coming to the front entrance I decided to just step into the entry way and just sit for a minute to- as close to the interior as possible.  A sister greeted me.  I explained I'd left my Temple Recommend at home.  She surprised me by saying....come with me.  I can help you.   I said....but I don't have my Recommend with me.  She said....I can help.

I had no idea- if you are a current Temple Recommend holder and for whatever reason arrive without it, you can fill out a slip of paper with your name, birthdate, Ward & Stake  name and they can verify it on the computer!!!

No, I didn't go to a session because my session had started, as I'd wandered for 30 minutes, and other ordinance work was filled.  Nonetheless I felt the tender mercies of the Lord.  My petition was heard and granted.

And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.  Ps. 50:15

My Stargazer

The Saturday before Mother's Day I was sitting on the front porch visiting with a friend and having a great time.  The florist truck pulled up and the man handed me a florist box with a corsage.  I was startled to see the flower was so gigantic that the box wasn't closed but propped open at a steep angle and secured with a delicate sheer bow.  It smelled heavenly!  Gorgeous color!  But the size!!!  truly it must have been at least 6" across, maybe 8" long and 4"-5" deep.   It had a large amount of looped ribbon and the upward base had at it's pinnacle an unopened pod that must have been 3" long x 1" wide.

Both of us broke out laughing as it was unbelievably gigantic and we started making comments/jokes about it.  It was a beautiful flower!  True it was gorgeous and true it smelled divine but also true- I could not figure out how to wear it.  Saturday night it had a little meltdown and the petals folded downward.  I tried to see if I could wear it and sort of spread it out or something.  No luck on that.  I also wondered about those women allergic to perfume and if this, even though it was natural, would create problems.

When Terry saw it he said ....."FEEEEEEDDDDD MEEEEEE!".   Quoting the line from the musical Little Shop of Horrors, when Audrey the plant, demanded food.  It did look like a gaping mouth!  He made me laugh at that line!

Monday I decided to call the florist, assuming a new hire made it, it was an oversight, and give them a heads-up that this flower, this lily, was not a good corsage flower.  Describe the size etc. Couldn't wear it etc. 

I called and the gal answered and I asked if the call had been a local call or from what State as the card was only signed...The Kids.  I figured it was my youngest son. She assured me it was my youngest son, calling for the corsage, that he always has them deliver for Mother's Day.  (she knows him and personally took the call and made the corsage)  He wanted the gardenia that he usually orders but they were out, no time to order etc. etc. so he told her he wanted something big and that smelled really good.  She told him about the Stargazer Lily but cautioned him it was very large but he felt that would still be fine. 

Behold the Stargazer Lily...... (and imagine it as a corsage!!!) 


 


Lilium "Stargazer" (the Stargazer lily) is a hybrid lily of the Oriental group. Oriental lilies are known for their fragrant perfume, blooming mid-to-late summer. Stargazers are easy to grow and do best in full sunlight. ^[1] They have a fast growth rate and should be planted in full sun in well drained loamy or sandy soil. When mature, Stargazers can grow to a height of 36 inches with a spread of 12 to 16 inches with 4 to 5 flowers per stem.

Stargazer lily

The Stargazer lily was created in 1978 by Leslie Woodriff,^[2] a lily breeder in California. Woodriff called the new cross "Stargazer," because the blooms faced towards the sky. Known for its striking white, red, and pink petals, and heavenly scent, this lily has become a favorite for many occasions. ^[3]
The ASPCA reports this plant as being toxic to cats. They are said to cause vomiting, lethargy, kidney failure, and even death. Cats are the only species known to be affected.^[4]

 ^{**************************************************}

^{She said that next year when he calls she'll tell him and I requested that she not because it is such a sweet loving gesture.  I asked her to remember when making a corsage for me....}If you can't close the box lid then consider the flower to big for my corsage!

tomorrow

blog will be here in the morning!  I just wrote way to much about adoption and have to trim it down.  pare it down?  delete it?  leave as is?  decisions!!!! 

I hope you had a nice Mother's Day!

wait until you hear about my corsage!!!! 

publishing delay

will be posted by 11am

Annual Rant/Rave Time!

Blogging is all about choices.  Choosing what to write, what to share, what to not write, what to not share etc. etc.  So I could put a quote or tell something else but I'm just going to share a brief note.  A truth in my life.  

Do you have a little spot buried deep in your heart that surfaces in all it's blackness occasionally?  I do.  I know the Lord looks to my heart and He knows it's there and He also knows that I've battled it for years.

Two of my 5 children are adopted.  Several years back when they met their "birth-Mothers", I found there resides way down inside of me, negative emotions, to put it mildly!  I found out that I am jealous, possessive, pained, selfish, territorial, angry and all of those emotional unpleasantries that no one wants to own up to, when these two women surface.

They are wonderful women.  Strong LDS women.  Temple going women.  Testimony laden women.  They are everything I should be in the situation and even though some might describe me, in the words I described them, I fall miserably below their standard.  

They have always been kind, loving, sweet, appreciative and good to me.  I'm the one that doesn't reach out.  I don't stay in touch.  One dear soul wanted to be friends.  Real friends.  Maybe we'd write an article or something.  share our story.  I could only go so far in reaching and meeting and then my demons would surface with those feelings of this is my life.  I got up with him at night.  I took care of him.  I love him.  He's MY boy.  Not yours.  You have no shared history with him.  None.  He's my family.  I do not want to share my child with you.  

I see women much younger than I deal with this in a much more civil loving embracing way.  I'm happy for them.  Then I hide my heart riddled with feelings not worthy of mentioning.

My boys have no problems with this situation and are as involved, with these givers of life, their lives, as they choose to be.  They have reassured me that I am their Mother but it was so stormy when all of this unfolded and I tried to be strong for them and not upset them but I didn't do real good, in my assessment.

For a long time there were TV shows reuniting Birth Moms and the children, now adults, that they'd adopted out, and invariably one of them would say...the hole in my heart is now filled.  A friend and I were talking years ago, about the fact that it didn't have those of us that had adopted on the show because we were sitting home bawling our eyes out.  Our lives were forever altered with that reunion.

I realize that you can't have to many people that love your children and they do love these boys, uh, men.  And they love their wives, my daughters-in-law.  And they love my grandchildren.  And they think of them as family, in some sort of way.  There are pictures of my children in their family pictures.  There has been a sharing of special events with them. Now why does that not make me happy?  As my Mother would say....I'm an old biddy!  

That is an apt description of me...an old biddy.

Each year at Mother's day I really think of them and the gift they gave me.  Entrusting me with lives to love and cherish.  Making it possible for me to have these boys in my life.  So tonight I wrote them a note of love and appreciation and an apology for my humanness.  They will find it all to familiar in tone but hopefully they will be the superior women they have always been and treat me with compassion and reassurance just one more time.

Life With Superman!!

When a person takes on a serious effort to eat in a way, that is not the norm around the household, it impacts others in a big way.  Truly....Hubby goes up for Sainthood award!  Remember he already does all dishes.  All things of all dishes-washing/drying/putting away/wiping counter and stove!  He does it without complaint and says it's not a big deal!!  (okay.  maybe he had a little teeny brain mishap?  I don't know.  I only know dishes are a big deal to me and I've loved every minute since Jan. when he made his announcement/pronouncement).  

Now I tell him about my ~year of health project~ and what I'll be eating and he lets me know that he supports me 100% but he can't eat that sort of yucky stuff.  So what to do?  Solution??  He is cooking for himself and I will cook for me!  Anything I cook that he thinks is not gross and palatable then he will eat and fill in with meat or whatever rolls his, little old men white sweat socks up!!  Isn't he amazing?????  

This is going to be a very interesting year around here!!  My blog will not become a constant rambling about the merits of spinach/kale shakes with frozen fruit and soy milk or a rant on meat being for cavemen and everyone needs to go veggies or go home.  Maybe just a monthly check-in UNLESS I actually shed weight and am super excited.  When a heavy loses it's like unrolling saran wrap and it takes forever to show up body-wise that anything is gone.  Like a wad of fat!   

Terry and I were talking and I told him how awesome he is about his support of my eating program, and the dishes also, and how amazing it is, that he would do all of this, to help me.  He told me he loves me and would help me anyway he can and he said he felt like Ebeneezer Scrooge from A Christmas Carol, when he said...."....I am not the man I was....".

I quite adore this man!  If I could clone him there would be a waiting line.  Of that I have no doubt!  

One Year Old- Today!!!

One year ago I started my blog!  Today is my one year anniversary!  I decided to post 5 days a week, M-F, and just share what I felt like talking about.  52 weeks and 5 days a week should equal 260 entries.  I accomplished 252!  and that includes this entry.  


It has been an interesting, satisfying, intriguing and occasionally overwhelming trek but I can say that I've really enjoyed it.  Actually I love writing and this is a great outlet for sharing my thoughts and heart.


It has been fun to hear from you via email or a blog comment!  Thanks for the encouragement, support, affection, and appreciation!  


So into year two.  my year of seeking health and spiritual growth and knowing that you will be there for me as I share my journey!

One year!  

Party Central!!!

Everything about my birthday was just amazing!!  I heard from just enough people to make it so wonderful.  All of my children checked in one way or another....  Alaskan friends as far back as 7th grade!...  Close-by friends that live here and all in all it was a feel great day!  Two cards are so priceless that I'm figuring out how to frame them!!!  I know, I think I'll put them on the edge of my bathroom mirror.  They are hilarious and just thinking of them makes me laugh!

I opted to start my year of healthy living on the day of my birthday and not later on and was glad I did.  Also feeling that even an old barn looks better with a fresh coat of paint, I've decided to monthly choose one thing, or a little collection of small things, to be consistent in and to improve how I look on the outside on a more regular basis or something to move me along in my health quest!  

Collection One- for May

 I got a new haircut to start that off and am happy with it.  I will swear off attacking my hair with my sewing shears and actually make a timely appointment to keep it decent looking almost all the time.  Try to keep it less unkempt, dragging, hanging, drooping and all that sort of wilderness camping look.

Also at least use mascara every day. Not the full make-up although I should but I know I won't! and I want to set myself up for success here!  

and nail polish, at least for Sunday!  I love nail polish and used to be a fuss-pot about nails done for the Sabbath.  And that was with kids etc.   

Well, if that doesn't beat all I've ever seen!!!  a grown woman having the goal to do her hair, mascara and nail polish??????  Maybe I am grazing!!!!  These goals are sub-basic!!!

One thing I am consistent in and probably there are fashionistas that wish this was off the list but I almost always have a smear of red lipstick across my mouth.  I'm always glad when the reds come back into style as I feel less garish but I do love having ruby lips and that will continue!  (older women are such mules sometimes!!!)

Ruminating!!!!

When we were young newlyweds, we had other young newlywed friends and most weekends would find us sharing dinner at one of our rental duplexes.  One of our favorite meals was spaghetti, served by candlelight, which made our Melmac plates shine.  We all had the same single candle centerpiece.  An empty wine bottle-- globe shaped at the bottom with a long slender neck, a candle would drip colored wax that would slide down the neck, spill over at the bottom and build up layer after layer.

That southward wax slide sort of reminds me of life in the seventies.  Not the 1970's.  Being 70 something in years.  It's the years of things going south body-wise.  

It's also the years of the 4 C's- cataracts that make cobwebs and chin hair and crepe paper neck skin invisible!  What you can't see can't hurt you! 

Things purchased with a lifetime warranty information are assessed to figure out if it will for sure last your lifetime.

It's driving the highway of life and realizing you are edging over to the exit lane and the sign is saying you must exit.  Now.

Seventies are the age of summation.  You add up all the things you have done and even with brightness of hope, for do-overs, on the LifeBasket labeled- try again. one more time.  You realize- time is pretty much up.

At 60 you thought you knew a lot about life and living.  At 70 you know you know a lot about life and living.  No one cares because you have entered ghost-ville and are now invisible to the majority of people.

It's now pasture time and yes, sometimes the pasture does look greener as others dash about doing all the things that you once did on that lush green other fence side.  The women who once led Stakes and Wards and served on every committee that got mentioned and put on all sorts of extravaganzas and were forever being asked to speak or teach or take charge of something are now relegated chewing fodder.  A lot of time is spent with others in chewing the cud.  Oh, those memories of bygone times of full Church activity.  That's a mouthful!

Last week a seasoned sister, not from my Ward,  said that she didn't know why she went to RS because she wasn't learning anything new and would rather stay home but decided she had to show the young ones that it's important and she wanted to show them about endurance. 


I've heard other comments like....new people in the Ward don't even know who I am....I could easily move and not be missed...people act like I don't have a brain anymore...If I do say anything, I feel like people roll their eyes and really don't care what I think.


There is depression and some take meds to get through it.  There is painful resignation to life as it is.  There is denial that our body is actually aging.  That we are sick.  That we actually can't do what we used to be able to do.  We are tired.  As a friend told me about going on a trip and pausing for a snack and then finding a place for a nap.  In the car!  I told her we are at the "snack and nap" stage of our life.


My very own life is so blessed.  I'm of the age to be munching grass but actually I don't feel like grazing yet.  I still feel alive and am busy with both life & my Church calling.  I'm happy most of the time.  I feel ready to take on my birthday challenge, of increased health and feeling closer to the Holy Ghost, and to work hard to create a great year.  (I find it funny to think that I feel this way and yet someone else could look at me and think...poor thing.  She's delusional and doesn't know the barn is now her residence!!  

I know my friends in Pasture-Land just sort of ended up one day, not by choice, gunny sacking and never having the strength to get up and out.  

So I will keep a wary eye and make hay while the sun shines!!!!  

73!!!

The best gift ever!!!!

The #1 gift that I desire is....

Spiritual Energy from the Holy Ghost

"When we invite the Holy Ghost to fill our minds with light and knowledge, He 'quickens' us, that is to say, enlightens the inner man or woman.  As a result we notice a measurable difference in our soul.  We feel strengthened, filled with peace and joy.  We possess spiritual energy and enthusiasm, both of which enhance our natural abilities.  We can accomplish more than we otherwise could do on our own.  We yearn to become a holier person."

--Keith K. Hilbig -Oct. CR 2007

Getting ready for the party!!!!

There is to much of me!  I'm to big!  Yesterday Terry took exception with my blog post when I said I was "still battling the food".  To him that statement means eating habits like folks on The Biggest Loser type shows.  He didn't like me saying that and told me...You don't overeat etc. etc.  Truly, is he to die for or what?  Sigh.  Blinded by love...that must be his problem.  Lucky me.

Regardless of my Romeo, that perhaps sees me as willowy wisp of a Juliet (in his dreams!) I am, stage opera star with the horned helmet, size.  Now he is Norwegian so maybe that get-up is appealing.

He is right that I don't do  regular drive-byes through the drive-ins or indulge in consuming quarts of ice-cream or drink pop except for a 1/2 root-beer at a movie.  Okay.  A root-beer at Dad's if I get a hamburger.  oh, and fries there also.  But I don't do that very often. Yes, I have a sweet tooth but nothing that I sip siphoned chocolate from a fanny pack or wallow in eclairs or buy boxes of chocolates and eat them.  Uh-oh...a fib.  I used to do that sometimes on the chocolates.

My diet history is checkered with indulging in every diet in the Universe.  Spending hundreds of dollars that total easily into a few thousand.  I paid a lot of money/sweat/tears to put on extra pounds.  If I made a list of all the programs I've been on you'd probably find it hard to believe but that is what happens with us fatties that really jump in (if jumping is a possibility!) to all the brass rings just dangling for our chubby little fingers to grab hold of and give it a whirl.

So for my birthday challenge this year I'm going to work on health and yes, I'm going to do one more program.  I've ordered the book (of course you have to pay some $$ to make it an official program!!).   Now this is a program I've never gone on but I'm going to give it a try.  Eat to Live by Dr. Fuhrman.  Heavies should never tell what they are doing or going to do but I'm putting it out there because it is a truth in my life.  

I know you eat greens, onions, mushrooms, beans/berries, seeds/nuts.  I don't even know about meat/wheat etc.  but I'm going to try it.  I read about Kale, cooked it tonight and Terry, Mr. Tactful King, took a bite and said that it was the most horrible bitter thing he ever ate and spit it in the sink (vikings are such barbarians!!).  Took one bite, had that violent judgement reaction and refused to eat another bite of it.  He has said that he will try bites of whatever I concoct but he's very resistant to embracing this program so I will do it solo.  

The wonderful thing about a blog is...I can just erase the blog and deny that I ever said I would do any such bizarre thing OR I can just say--this is not going to work for me and I quit right now.  Over and done!!   

This is about my birthday gift challenge and that is what I'm going to do for myself.  to me.  from me.  A food feed plan that may not be pleasant!  Along with 2 other things...Yoga and also--meditation!  PBS pulled me in on a gal named Peggy Cappy.  I waited until the promotion was off and went online, for super reduced prices,  and ordered the tape Yoga for Pain and also a meditation one.  Admittedly--you sit on a chair and do yoga.  We  looked at it and even chair sitting it looked so easy peasy.  We are like 2 stiff pretzels!  Not a pleasant picture at all but Happy Birthday to me anyway!   (yes, he watched it with me and agreed to try it.  at least once!)

Have not listened to the meditation tape yet.  I know it's based on stillness and deep breathing.  Hopefully my Lamaze experience as a coach will help me to excel.  Time will tell.  

So there you go.....2012 Birthday challenges...to me.  from me.  for me.  go me!!!

#2- Eat to Live  program

#3- Yoga (I'm glad they didn't put Yoga for Dummies on the label!!)

#4-  Meditation  

#1?????-my top birthday gift to myself will be told tomorrow!!!

I will officially open all my gifts on Monday and let the party begin!!!!!   Yes!!!

The Gifting

Last year for my birthday I gifted myself with starting my blog on the first Monday after the big day.  I have enjoyed my first year and appreciate you reading it.

Knowing that Terry would be in Norway for a trip last fall, I decided to wait until then to figure out what else I wanted to focus on.  I like to give myself a challenge, something that if I can carry it out, will hopefully better me as a person.  So I went on a delightful self-indulgent sabbatical to come up with what I wanted to do.  I ended up with a post called Blank Page or something like that.  And said I'd figure it out.  And figure it out, I did! 

I'd read the Church Publication of the Addiction Recovery Program based on the 12 steps of AA.  I'd heard it helps with lots of habits you want to be free of.  I'd also read Conference talks where it was mentioned.  A couple of them mentioned weight loss.  I asked some questions of some local leaders and although they didn't know of any accomplishments like that, they did feel it would work.  Feeling I was missing a puzzle piece in solving my battle of the bulge I decided to go to a meeting.  

I have a friend that we share the inner happenings of our hearts so I told her I would go IF I could swallow my pride!!  I was choking on my uppity-ness!  I thought of several entrances/explanations to those in attendance.  A fluttering of the outstretched hands with a shoulder shrug and an attitude of....I'm not like you or I don't really belong here or the arrogant inclusiveness of...we both know I'm a step above this. 

I squelched my pride to go see what the class offered.  No explanation to anyone as none was needed nor expected.  It's all based on anonymity and strict confidentiality.  It's the- all things said in this room stay here and that goes also for who attends.  Hush.  Shhhh.
Trust. 

Well, I'm still my fatty self and turns out that I found out right away that is not the reason I needed the class.  I am a very co-dependent person.  True I'd overcome a lot of those tendencies but there were still lots of areas to work on and work through and gain insight.  

Early on I told the missionary couple, that leads the class, that I had a problem as I couldn't relate to the book assignment to seek counsel with the Bishop for repentance/help if needs be, find out when you can take sacrament, find out what you need to do to obtain a Temple recommend etc. etc.  Food issues paled in taking up a Bishops time, compared to the need to confess the soul suffering events, of some of my classmates. I was already in full fellowship, I had a current recommend and was confused on how to repent for overeating or eating an overabundance of Chocolate.  

The first night in reading through papers the leaders gave me I realized I needed help not in the food category at all.  well, yes I needed it but not as my class focus.  I told the leaders something was needed for me beyond what the book was teaching me.  They were so amazing.  The Church has a program, sort of like Al-Anon, actually based on it.  They got me a copy of Healing Through Christ and it has been amazing.

The Church of course has access to all sorts of great material and they reference fantastic talks in the HTC booklet.  I've printed and read over a ream's worth of talks and have enjoyed, learned, grown and overcome a lot of personal issues.  Not things that can be viewed, noticed or measured by anyone if they look at me but it's there.  Nestled inside of me and I really appreciate it.

I've met wonderful people that have struggles and all of us similarly want to overcome what is bothering us, that elusive something holding us back from our dreams.  I've shed tears for some.  I pray for them.  I've grown to love them.  I have said many times, in sharing, that no one needs to be ashamed for being in the program because it is a part of the Church program and in our case the class is held right in the Church building.  The very same building that we attend our meetings in. 

It has been a wonderful experience for me.  There are two women in the class that needed something very specific from me in the way of words.  I did what was mine to do.  They know it and I know it and I have a very special bond with them as I had the great chance to aide them in their marvelous progression.  They are my sisters in the Gospel and I love them.  I've learned from every single attendee.

Terry has been wonderful.  He was surprised to come home from Norway and learn I was in a "12 Step Program".  That would throw you for a loop, if you think it's all about behavior/indulgences/choices that he was certain I wasn't involved in.  I have the specialness of being married to someone that feels I can do it all without outside help.  All on my own.  Bless his sweet heart!  I can't. 

I needed to learn how to access the Lord's atonement in a deeper way and how to apply that knowledge to my daily life.  The class and my personal study and application of suggested steps have helped me to do that.  This class is like a DIY course in personal growth.

I'm still battling the food so for my birthday this year, I will go a new route.  More on that tomorrow, if you'd care to join me for a no lamenting blog but just my idea for this birthday year.  I'm quite excited!!!!