Chapter 1
Gathered key ingredients for massive acknowledgment of Recovering CO-D person that has relapsed!
Key Ingredients for my huge PityParty....
1-Daughter and her family right on the east coast of Florida!
2-Hubby...health issues
3-Eldest son...health issues
4-Second son...health issues
5-Oldest Grandson...health issues
6-Me...health issues (go in for pre-op instructions etc. for a quick day surgery, and my BP goes so skyward, that they are concerned I may have a stroke or heart attack on the spot. Quickly run blood tests and EKG. Will not release me from Hospital until they have contacted my Dr. and I have to go see her. This took ALL day!! Turns out my dabbling in herbal weight loss was not the thing for someone to do on BP Rx. So delay on going under the knife for a bit while that is watched etc.)
Chapter 2
I can check off list in readiness. There is enough in those 6 subjects, that are not mine to actually solve and cure and remedy, to drive my Co-D self over the brink of what little sanity I maintain on a regular basis and endeavor to worry and stew myself to near death in my desire to save everyone!!
7-Absolutely sure I'm not living the Gospel in an adequate way. I lack way to much to make it etc. etc. and all of that sort of DevilTalk put down whisperings. But oh, yes, no list is complete until I kick myself to the curb. Pridefully judging how bad I am and no one really knows me and if they did I'd have no friends and all that sort of nasty talk!
Adding that #7 to the focus list of my miseries and the PityParty of the century is ready to swing into full throttle!!
Chapter 3
Felt as tightly wound as an 8-day clock. So intensely tight that I felt rigid inside. Tears were blocked and I was stoic. The iron woman. I could visibly feel the tenseness. I went to bed and tried to sleep. I was up at 3am in a stew over #1 on my list. My Daughter and her family. Wanting so much to rescue her. To have her just fly home with Scott and girls. Just to be with us.
Today when we talked, one of several times, we shared gratitude for our Alaskan lives/her Eagle Scout husband that lives by the code Be Prepared/being used to storing food. Knowing how to survive without running water and undriveable roads that require advance planning. Making sure her laundry is all done up...that sort of stuff.
So there they sit in a house built hurricane proof of cement blocks and a roof anchored down and windows boarded up and food/water aplenty and 4 cars all fully gassed up. things gathered and carry-on flight luggage packed and all in van, just in case they evacuate.
Scott monitors the barometer readings and all of his weather sites to keep them safe. They feel home is safest place and their reasoning makes a lot of sense but it still had me awake at 3am!
Terry is concerned about the storm surge. I wondered about enough food. After the hit, things won't just suddenly be normal, with trucks bringing in food etc. She reminded me that I'd had sent Costco buckets of food and the shelf life still had years to go. That made me feel better.
Terry also got up at 3am. I was so super tense and we were both nervous about the BP reading and it was just not a good feeling. He gave me a blessing and comfort blessings are always wonderful. I put on Pandora and relaxing music. Funny the one that was playing was called Healing. It was almost 30 minutes of sounds and no real music like violins etc. but it was nice. I sat there and thought about #1-#7 on my list and prayed and endeavored to relax and let tension free through flowing tears. No tears. Like a dam blocking the water!
Challenge #1- I just need to trust and support their decision and not add stress by questioning them staying home. I can stay in close touch and be encouraging and express the confidence that I do have in them being wise. I did tell her that the Hurricane is female. Irma. and females sometimes shift and change direction without warning and to not relax but stay vigilant. We also talked about conflicting prayers ascending with people on the East coast praying for Irma to veer westward and the West coast folks praying for her shifting Eastward. Truly only God knows. We will just pray for everyone!!
Slowly I realized that #2-#5 are also not in my range of available help. I can love and pray and hope and encourage but I can't fix pain. Dreadful pain caused by health issues. I can't fix my Sweetie-Pie or our two sons or our grandson. I can endeavor to fix my own health and grow stronger. So out of my 7 challenges...I can work on #6-#7 and make significant changes.
As I contemplated life and pain and the happenings with this largest ever Hurricane and to know my adorable daughter will be impacted, it was devastating. And the four males that I love will have to figure out how to deal with and survive such pain that I feel it's like they are tortured! I so wished that I could help them.
Chapter 4
Into my mind popped the thought that our Father in Heaven loved our Savior and us simultaneously. He loves us. His plan included allowing His Beloved Son to die. For us. For me. For my family. I was reminded that His Atonement covered any and all afflictions and even this anxiousness, this overwhelming tension that enveloped me and my soul deep sadness was covered. I needed to let go and let God. I was out of my realm of power as far as fixing anything but my part is to love and support and sustain my loved ones as they plow through their challenges. I can do that. I thought a lot about Christ's Atonement and it's constant availability for overcoming sorrow.
I understood I was very sad and very sorrowful emotionally and Christ's gift to me could even help me in that feeling of the heart and mind.
Slowly the hymn words whispered in my mind...
Earth has no sorrow that heav'n cannot heal.
"Earth has no sorrow that heav'n cannot cure."
Earth has no sorrow but heav'n can remove.
Hymn #115 Come, Ye Disconsolate
I looked up the Hymn and the related scriptures and they made me teary.... but comforted and filled with hope and confidence.
Doctrine and Covenants
136:29 If thou art asorrowful, call on the Lord thy God with supplication, that your souls may be bjoyful.
Hebrews
4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of agrace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
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