desiring more...

I'm still biking and have not missed my goal of 5 days a week/40 minutes.  I'll just report from now on when I've hit another month.  I would say I now have the habit and being consistent has paid off.  I realized that when one day I thought, all stretched out on the bed daydreaming after a nights sleep...well, I can just as easily go sit and pedal instead of just stretched out here....and I got up and did it!  I also know I could plummet to the depths of despair by skipping a few times.  I would be as low as I could go, maybe never recovering, and I can't afford for that to happen.

I still have the goal of health, by July 24- my one year goal.  I opted out of the daily smoothie.  Just not my thing.  occasionally but not daily at least for now.  so I'm still drinking Kivass and biking and baking bread. 

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For quite awhile now as I look at my life ladder of daily living, I've felt off kilter.  The rungs are clearly marked by my list.  Not always singular...sometimes multiple lists.  I'm thinking my ladder is propped against the wrong wall!!  or perhaps the rungs are mismarked.  I've decided to lay the ladder down.  not destroy the rungs which would make the ladder unusable but to just take it down and lean it against the prop wall. 

I feel something amiss within me.  I think I'm leaning unto my own understanding and sort of endeavoring to use force with my demanding lists (that never change with endless tasks-assignments).  And I seldom if ever end up where I thought I would or accomplishing what I wanted.

Proverbs 3
5 ¶^aTrust in the Lord with all thine ^bheart;
and lean not unto thine ^cown ^dunderstanding.

6 In all thy ways ^aacknowledge him, and he shall ^bdirect thy ^cpaths.

So I'm going to go on a faith journey.  I will give it all I've got for one month and see how I do.  I'll write down appointments to be kept on my calendar.  I'll keep a running list of errands/groceries whatever.  End of planning days and making schedules of days.  One month...December 12th.  oh, I may as well just go to January 1st!!  Leaning unto my own understanding has not gotten me very far.  It feels like forcing and not flowing.  I want flow!

What do I have to lose?  face?  well, I tossed the daily smoothie and maybe I'll toss this.  after all...how faith filled am I? when I admit the ladder with its marked rungs is just propped on it's side at the base of the wall I desire to scale?  Maybe I need to just throw it away?  remove the safety net?  Just really trust Him for direction?

Gone.  I can't do it half-hearted.  I'm either going to try to live a more divinely directed life or not.  I read all of the marked footnotes in these two verses.  I need to do this.  Ladder gone.