Being a Mom ...

Our son is having some health challenges and I'm going to give my all to him, for the next several days, to help him on a program he is going to be on.  I will be back blogging on May 11th!

Gratitude fills my heart....

I knew I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and I also knew that Terry had just gone through a few really rough days.  Sunday I was sitting in Church, without Terry, and my friends -Joyce and Chelle- came and sat with me.  My friend Carol sat behind me.  Sweet Sherry was on my left at the end of the pew.

There was something about the music or just being in Church with people that I know and love...I'm not sure what it was but I really felt so lonely for Terry.  Then the tears started rolling.  I've not cried in a long time.  Especially in Church.  I thought they'd never stop rolling but eventually they did.

Tears are so therapeutic, don't you think?  tears are cleansing and refreshing on so many levels.  it felt good to just let go!  I tried to do it without noise!

I thought and I wondered how things were ever going to work out with him feeling really good again.  I also wondered how will I ever have enough oomph to do stuff that he keeps feeling he will do tomorrow...stuff that may wind up on his to do list but never gets crossed off.  It just keeps stacking up.  AND...he doesn't want help and he doesn't want to hire someone and he's not eager for me to pick up the slack.

He had mowed the yard.  I was happy for both of us that he had the oomph to do that feat!

Today a pack of angels came, invisible until I saw a nearly out of sight car out front, opened the door and saw a beautiful sight...weeds being pulled!  lots had already been done!  most touching was a darling little child that had told her Mommy that she wanted to pull the weeds in our yard!  Honestly, how can a nearly 5 year old, be compassionate?  So wanting to surprise me-- she told her Mother not to rake as I'd hear the noise and know they were working on the yard.

It ended up with the Dad and a son coming over and they just tore through things so fast that I was amazed...pulling the weeds and raking and shoveling the curb and blowing the driveway and the porch and edging the lawn and it was sheer magic!!  And even did edging for our son!

I had no idea that the entire yard project was so stressful to me.  Just the thought was stressful.  When they finished, I felt like a huge weight was lifted.  Terry and I have talked about it and how elevating the entire gift was.  He feels like he can keep it up. (I hope he can as he wants to do it on his own)

I experienced love in action today.  It touched me on a very deep level and I'm thankful for people that care and see something that obviously needs tending and they do it!  I know they will be blessed!

Memories of Myra Faye

One year ago today my dear friend, Myra Faye, passed away.  I have sorely missed her!  I went back in time and relived those days...  here  and here   There are several others right by those two posts if you care to remember with me.  Love my OS.  After Church I'll go take a picture of her headstone and post it for you to see.

Should have cleaned it and didn't think to bring anything to do it with.  I'll clean it for Mother's day.

Grain on his side & music notes on her side & family motto in center

She liked lilacs.

Still having a great time!!!

There is something so crystal clear about listening to these talks individually.  they are so powerful.  We are now into the Priesthood session.  It's all going so quickly.  We have it DVR'd and it is cued up each day and ready to watch.  On the 10 minute talk by Brother Ringwood, it went by so fast and we enjoyed it so much, that we wanted more so we listened to Elder Ballards also.

We usually do this first thing in the morning and I really enjoy two old folks straight out of bed, hair askew, blanket wrapped and just soaking in the goodness of the Gospel and telling each other how true the talk we just heard was...and how much we love the Church and have a testimony.  Super relaxed testimony meeting!

Enjoy the little one minute videos below...

Share this video highlight

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 Share this video highlight.

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Brief video

carried away with Conference talks!!!

I know.  I know.  I need to blog my thoughts and not report on General Conference talks but these 4 little footnotes, below the meme, are impressive!  take a peek.

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(very short excerpt)

 (a few footnotes from this fantastic talk.  Don't you LOVE footnotes!!??)

2. See, for instance, Nelson Mandela’s address at Rice University’s Baker Institute on Oct. 26, 1999, bakerinstitute.org/events/1221. He was likely paraphrasing the well-known statement attributed to Robert Louis Stevenson: “The saints are the sinners who keep on trying.” Over the years many have expressed similar sentiments. For instance, Confucius is credited with saying, “Our greatest glory lies not in never falling but in getting up every time we fall.”

4. Saying that God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were does not mean that the Savior is dismissive of the consequences of an individual’s sin on others. In fact, the Savior cares infinitely about those who suffer hurt, pain, and heartache because of another’s transgressions. The Savior “will take upon him [His people’s] infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, … that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:12).

1. 10. Hypocrite as used in the New Testament may be translated from the Greek as “pretender”; “the Greek word means ‘a play actor,’ or ‘one who feigns, represents dramatically, or exaggerates a part’” (Matthew 6:2, footnote a). If we do not give others the opportunity to change at their own pace, we are simply pretending to be Latter-day Saints.
    12. The number of times this message appears in the sermons of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles is striking. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf made this point as he said, “Of all the principles taught by prophets over the centuries, one that has been emphasized over and over again is the hopeful and heartwarming message that mankind can repent, change course, and get back on the true path of discipleship” (“You Can Do It Now!” Ensign orLiahona, Nov. 2013, 56).

Two thoughts to absorb...

(We loved watching this talk.  It would be fantastic for a FHE.  So many ways to present it!) 

So if the basses in your family choir are too loud and overbearing, or if the string section in your family orchestra is a little too shrill or a little bit sharp, or if those impetuous piccolos are out of tune or out of control, be patient. If you’re not hearing the music of the gospel in your home, please remember these two words: keep practicing. With God’s help, the day will come when the music of the gospel will fill your home with unspeakable joy.

(teeny little video of him speaking)

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I like this..

Illumination

Hebrews 10:32:
But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great ^afight of afflictions;...

I remember the first time I read this scripture and felt it was a pattern for things that happened in my life.  I would feel really positive about something that was going to unfold and become a reality, and then things would gunnysack.  

Eventually the positive event/situation/happening/project would occur, just as I had originally felt that it would, BUT it was after a lot of struggling aka afflictions.  That positive feeling of the eventual outcome, earlier seen/felt, would indeed happen but not on an immediate time table...not at the moment of that awareness but it would eventually happen.  

I have learned that there is an illumination  followed by struggles, followed by the reality of the first brightness of hope in that earlier illumination, and that gives me faith and hope to carry on and endure to the end.

That has happened to me in lots of situations/incidents in my life.  I find it familiar and comfortable because I know if I just hang on, endure to the end of a siege of struggles/afflictions, that things will end up okay.  The earlier illumination will become my own reality.  I will recognize that brightness and the Spiritual power source.  A full circle.


also from Hebrews 10:35 &36

35 Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.

 36 For ye have need of ^apatience, that, after ye have done the ^bwill of God, ye might receive the ^cpromise.

and also....Doctrine and Covenants 58:4 & 5

4 For after much ^atribulation come the ^bblessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be ^ccrowned with much ^dglory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.

 5 Remember this, which I tell you before, that you may^alay it to heart, and receive that which is to follow.

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(so many talks about marriage being between a man and a woman!  My friend Mariah, and her wife, had a tough time listening to General Conference.)

Joyful!

I went to the Temple Thursday and  since I got home, I've felt such peace and such joy! It is remarkable!!!  The Lord is so good, isn't He?  We can have challenges and at times feel overwhelmed but in His goodness we can be blessed with such deep wonderful feelings.  I feel so happy.  So joyful. Personal experience has taught me to breathe deeply and savor all of these marvelous feelings of such splendid emotions.  A bit of heaven for sure!  I look around and not one thing is any different.  I look in the mirror and I look exactly the same as always.  Joy is that inward invisible spiritual feeling that permeates my body.  I think it is oozing out my pores!  How thankful I am for persistent prayer that eventually is answered. Sigh.

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Highlight: Therefore They Hushed Their Fears

Highlight: Elder David A. Bednar’s address at the April 2015 General Conference. (0:53)
53 second video

life goes on...

Hello!  Back here again and thinking of each of you.  I really enjoy sharing what I'm thinking about and how the Gospel fits in so PuzzlePiecePerfect with any of life's challenges.  You know we are regrouping and dealing with health issues and trying to age in a graceful manner.  Is that even possible?  I think so.  Sort of like finding a road closed that used to be open and was as familiar to you as the back of your hand and then you are putzy-ing along and suddenly a roadblock.  Like a rock slide that will require a new road being built.  We are into roadwork!  Same destination goal but taking a new untraveled route.  Building the road as we go!  Tedious and overwhelming at times but still well worth the effort and pleasant journeying as paving becomes a reality.

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So...do you keep a journal?  Just a simple journal with the happenings of the day.  nothing poetic and heart wrenching.  just a simple thing of what was done that day.  I know I've mentioned it before and have wished I kept a running list of callings I've had in the Church.  maybe a sentence about it.  when called.  when released.  dates.  who I worked with.  I shared I can no longer recite from memory every wonderful opportunity I've had.  Would also enjoy bits of daily life experiences.

My sister recently was diagnosed with asthma.  I was startled when she said...I've had it since childhood.  I used to have to come in from outdoors and stop playing.   I said...What?!  you never came in from outdoors!  we made pioneer cabins using those sawhorses and putting lumber and sod on top..we played on those cable spools that Daddy brought home and played until Mother called us in to eat and I went on and on.  She said ...I played but I always came in early.  I said..No.  You didn't.  You stayed outside.

I'll spare you the word battle details.  We lived the same life with two 100% entirely different scenarios with this last telling.  Of course you know that I'm going to say...she's totally wrong and I'm totally right.

I thought how nice if we had a journal with the happenings by my Mother.  She could be the arbitrator/mediator!  And I of course!, would be found the sister with the true version of our shared childhood!  Maybe Mother would have written...The girls played outdoors all day as they usually do!!

Then I thought of you and decided to bare such unpleasantness with our sister standoff!  Sharing/baring in hopes that you will keep a journal of your ground hog days as some day you will be glad.  (If I do remember callings.  I can't remember dates/years...of calling and releasing)

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We continue to enjoy the recent conference talks.  We listened to Elder Packers talk and his health is so declined and his speech so mumbly and slurred at times--our hearts just went out to him.  Terry said...Let's read it outloud 'cause I think we missed a lot.  He was right!  I felt like we would never see him at another General Conference but when I read his words they had the power of a super strong powerful person.

Elder Packer gave one of the most beautiful statements about the Atonement ever.  I copied it for you.  3 paragraphs.  You will see it when you scroll down.  Do you ever have trouble really forgiving yourself or even others and what they have done to you????  You will want to copy and print this and hang it on your fridge and you can thank me later! 

Some of the talks are below and if a quote is there?...I just knew you'd want it!

"Subjects for general conference talks are assigned—not by mortal authority but by the impressions of the Spirit. Many subjects would address the mortal concerns we all share. But just as Jesus did not teach how to overcome the mortal challenges or political oppression of His day, He usually inspires His modern servants to speak about what we must do to reform our personal lives to prepare us to return to our heavenly home."

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"As I have prepared for this opportunity today, the Spirit has taught me, and I have committed to speak words of kindness more often to my cherished companion and about him, to lift the men in my family and express gratitude for the ways they fulfill their divine and complementary roles. And I have committed to follow the proverb 'Thee lift me and I’ll lift thee, and we’ll ascend together.'"

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The Plan of Happiness by Elder Packer...here

The Atonement, which can reclaim each one of us, bears no scars. That means that no matter what we have done or where we have been or how something happened, if we truly repent, He has promised that He would atone. And when He atoned, that settled that. There are so many of us who are thrashing around, as it were, with feelings of guilt, not knowing quite how to escape. You escape by accepting the Atonement of Christ, and all that was heartache can turn to beauty and love and eternity.

I am so grateful for the blessings of the Lord Jesus Christ, for the power of procreation, for the power of redemption, for the Atonement—the Atonement which can wash clean every stain no matter how difficult or how long or how many times repeated. The Atonement can put you free again to move forward, cleanly and worthily, to pursue that path that you have chosen in life.

I bear witness that God lives, that Jesus is the Christ, that the Atonement is not a general thing that is for the whole Church. The Atonement is individual, and if you have something that is bothering you—sometimes so long ago you can hardly remember it—put the Atonement to work. It will clean it up, and you, as does He, will remember your sins no more. 

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The only legitimate, authorized expression of the powers of procreation is between husband and wife, a man and a woman, who have been legally and lawfully married. Anything other than this violates the commandments of God. Do not yield to the awful temptations of the adversary, for every debt of transgression must be paid “till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing” (Matthew 5:26).

Heads Up...

I will be back here on April 20th.  Didn't want to leave you hangin'!!

Morning time....

We made that decision to listen daily to a General Conference talk and jumped around and finally decided to just start over with 1971 and plow ahead.  Then the recent General Conference rolled around in all it's splendor and we talked- by the time we got to listening to these new talks, our life might have ended already, as we are 44 years behind! So we regrouped.  Again.

Now we are listening daily to the brand new talks.  It is a miracle that we can see and hear something so recently given!  We started with the General Women's Conference (now the official First session of General Conference).  Terry enjoyed them as did I!  It's exciting to hear them again!  and right there, on the screen, is the printed word and footnotes etc.  Talks vary in length from 10 to 20 minutes it seems.

In 1971 Conference was held, 2 sessions a day, on  Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday plus Priesthood session and some of their talks were longer.

Hope you are enjoying going over the talks also!  We also enjoy visiting about the subject!  It's a brief Gospel connection for us as a couple but we really treasure it. 

The above quote is from the Woman's Conference.  The quote below is from 1st meeting Saturday of General Conference.  Elder Eyring quoted President Kimball and we really liked it so I'm 

going to share it with you.  here you go....

”The commandment to fast for the poor has many blessings attached to it. President Spencer W. Kimball called failing to follow that law a sin of omission with a heavy cost. He wrote: “Rich promises are made by the Lord to those who fast and assist the needy. … Inspiration and spiritual guidance will come with righteousness and closeness to our Heavenly Father. To omit to do this righteous act of fasting would deprive us of these blessings."³

My favorite quote!

 

Overwhelmed???

Today I looked out the window and saw the lilacs in bloom.  I also saw a bouquet size bunch of dandelions in their yellow glory.  Weeds?-those pesty wild morning glories!  All over the place!  oh, yes!

My silent thought...I'm not ready for this.  Spring in bloom?

How many times in life do we acknowledge our un-readiness?  The powerful thing about life, be it age or stage or season, of ourselves or our surroundings...life happens.  Ready or not, there are some things that just roll along in spite of our protest of wanting to put things on hold.

I remember as a girl playing hide and go seek and hearing it count to the agreed upon number of 100 and at the end shouting out...ready or not...here I come!  I remember the sing-songy two syllable ring on the last words...naugh-ott.... kuh-um

I also remembered the play we did years ago, My Turn on Earth.  The scene where the Heavenly voice says...time to come home.  The summoned character says...I'm not ready! and the Voice replies...ready or not. Time to come home!  that same sing-songy way...hoe-ohm  red-dee  naugh-ott.

The play was powerful at that point with the soloist singing the plaintive- I'm not Ready!

Ready or not!  Mortality is happening!  My mortality!  life is rolling on and I better get on board.  now.
  
Those lilacs with all their beauty and scent, that is worth mannerless gulping air, remind me that life will go on whether I feel ready or not.  So the lilacs in bloom remind me to take time to smell the roses!

Needs: To inhale, regroup, and roll with the reality of life and most particularly my own.  To put the chairs on the porch and start to breathe and enjoy the weather that actually caresses my skin, invigorates my mind, creates thankfulness for the life I have.

 The freshly picked lilacs perfume the over-warm room and I feel relatively whole.

Now IF you are having an overwhelming time.  The sort of-- how can I do it all...no matter what I never measure up... this is to much and all that sort of overloaded feeling and ready to blow a fuse and crash and burn....IF that is how you feel then do this--- Get whatever you like to drink or nibble on and go sit out on your porch chair and read this talk by Sister Patricia Holland.  Elder Jeffery Hollands wife.  I remember when she went through this tough time and I felt she was to be applauded with her super honest feelings of being overwhelmed.  It was at a time when we Church ladies didn't really speak out frankly about feeling overwhelmed with our lives.

Anyhow...read and enjoy!

 “One Thing Needful”: Becoming Women of Greater Faith in Christ

One little tidbit to entice you...

"But one of the most unfortunate side effects we have faced in this matter of agency is that, because of the increasing diversity of life-styles for women of today, we seem even more uncertain and less secure with each other. We are not getting closer, but further away from that sense of community and sisterhood that has sustained us and given us strength for generations. There seems to be an increase in our competitiveness and a decrease in our generosity with one another."  read entire talk here

2 Sources of Spiritual Help...

General Conference was filled with available blessings that our ours for the task of obedience.  Sometimes life is so overwhelming we just long for a large dose of spirituality.  desiring spiritual help in the most fervent way.  This marvelous talk is worth a read.  I shared a few paragraphs to pique your curiosity and to give you a jump start to read the original source.  He talks about two different blessings that are ours for the asking...a priesthood blessing and a patriarchal blessing.

Do you ever long for a priesthood blessing but don't ask?  speak up and request it.  you won't regret it.  also it will help the priesthood holder to develop that ability.  Men have to learn to use that power and how to listen and quiet their own thoughts and be used as a vehicle to pronounce that blessing.  a blessing just for you.

Do you study your patriarchal blessing?  Do you long to receive the mentioned blessings?  I certainly do.

These two types of blessings are personal and just remind us that we are truly God's daughter and He loves us and cares for us and about us.

Buoy yourself when you read below.  You will feel better just by reading of the power and promises.  If you are down or just need a boost then these paragraphs will lift you up.

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STRENGTH DURING STRUGGLES by Elder Lionel Kendrick here

Remember priesthood blessings. When we are struggling, we may seek a priesthood blessing. For the blessing to be effective, we must be humble and teachable. We must be willing to submit our will to the will of the Lord as spoken to us in the blessing. This blessing can be a great source of counsel from the Lord. Our minds can be enlightened and our knowledge and understanding quickened. Our vision can be expanded. He has given a powerful promise concerning that which will be spoken by the priesthood holder who is giving the blessing: “And whatsoever they shall speak when moved upon by the Holy Ghost … shall be the will of the Lord, shall be the mind of the Lord, shall be the word of the Lord, shall be the voice of the Lord, and the power of God” (D&C 68:4).

We must have full faith and complete confidence in the counsel we receive. We must have the courage to follow it. If we do so, we will receive added power to succeed in our struggles.

A priesthood blessing should be a great source of comfort to us and can bring feelings of peace, hope, and love. Our confidence can be restored as a result of the blessing. Our mind and body can become invigorated. Our spirit can be renewed, and we can feel a divine determination to deal with our difficulties. We can feel the presence of the Lord and the companionship of the Spirit.

Ponder our patriarchal blessings. Our patriarchal blessings are another source of increased strength during our struggles. President Ezra Taft Benson (1899–1994) gave great insight into one of the purposes of our patriarchal blessings.

He said of the Savior: “He knows in advance every strategy the enemy will use against you. … He knows your weaknesses and He knows your strengths. By personal revelation you may discover some of your strengths through a careful and prayerful study of your patriarchal blessing” (The Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson [1988], 214).

President James E. Faust, while serving as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, taught the principle of power in patriarchal blessings: “God knows our spirits; he knows our strengths and weaknesses. He knows our capabilities and our potential. Our patriarchal blessings indicate what the Lord expects of us and what our potential is. Our blessings can encourage us when we are discouraged, strengthen us when we are fearful, comfort us when we sorrow, give us courage when we are filled with anxiety, lift us up when we are weak in spirit” (“Patriarchal Blessings,” New Era, Nov. 1982, 6)

More on this topic: See Dallin H. Oaks, “Adversity,”Ensign, July 1998, 6–12; Richard G. Scott, “Trust in the Lord,”Ensign, Nov. 1995, 16–18; Ronald E. Poelman, “Adversity and the Divine Purpose of Mortality,”Ensign, May 1989, 23–25. 

On my Soapbox...again!

 

I know I keep coming back to the homosexual issue.  I have read with personal clarity the message of Church clarity, by those in Apostolic callings, that this principle, of marriage between a man and a woman, is the only sanctioned & ordained relationship in any and all marriages.  The two days of General Conference talks really emphasized this.  Man and woman. Different roles & responsibilities.  Ideal for perpetuation of traditional family.  And we have that set in stone document...for the World...to the world...A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD...that leaves no doubt of what our religion believes in and teaches and preaches and asks for others to do the same.

I mentioned to a friend today that the gay issue/the description of marriage, within our Church is not a policy or procedure or program...it is a principle and principles do not change.  I believe in and support wholeheartedly the Proclamation to the World.

Even with all of that- I'm telling you, again, I see problems for this situation coming down the pike.

A young man, a Mormon boy, from a Mormon family, in a Mormon Utah community and attending a mostly Mormon school...committed suicide a few days ago.  He was gay.  He was made most miserable on all sorts of levels.  It sounded like peers tipped him over the top.

You have heard me speak of my friend Sam.  He is gay.  He posted about this young man on his FB.

When I read this, it really hit me that this entire situation will never be "resolved".  There are two differing factions and each feels they are right.  True the words of acceptance but not condoning are surfacing more and more.  Unconditional love is needed.  On both sides.  

So we have two war zones.  both touting families and marriage as the way to go.  They feel we are wrong and we know they are wrong.  We believe in the Bible and Christs teachings and latter-day authoritative revelation.  A lot on the other side believe that also but the interpretation and the source of power differs.  and then there is the mix of folks, that don't even believe in a God, and they fault  believers of such.

Anyhow it dawned on me that we will never convince each other only our side is the real way to live our lives.  It made me incredibly sad to see the warring factions prepare for battle.

I watched the comments come in on Sam's FB and also heard from a mutual friend of ours and also a reader of my blog and we talked back and forth.  I told her I was going to blog about it.

I knew some of the readers of his FB and I want to post what they said about the young man, Wes, who took his life at the age of 14.  They are all LDS and different degrees of activity.  I have known all of them for many many years.  They are all in the 40 age bracket, all married, all have children.  oldest of those children is probably 19.  I think you will find it interesting.

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Oh this breaks my heart. I wish I could hold him in my arms. The silent suffering. Sam, so glad that you found your voice and are living authentically and true to who you are. You are so beautiful, eloquent, articulate and raw. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt thoughts. They touch my heart, every time.

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If it is of any solace please know in my ward I have never heard anything but love and acceptance towards all people. I also speak candidly to my boys about accepting others while living their own beliefs peacefully.

Sam replied....that really is great to hear and I always appreciate your wonderfully direct approach to loving others. I just want to use your comment to make a point in general, not to you directly. My hope is that this love and acceptance in some wards extends to accepting gay couples who attend (rather than excommunicating them), and to gay families in the ward (if that is happening then I would be truly touched) and to acknowledging to kids growing up that it's ok to say they are (and be) gay. Because all you need is a kid who is scared to death of telling their parents they are gay for fear of disappointing everyone and jeopardizing their eternal future because of what they hear at church, throw in some bullying that a parent may or may not know about, and you have a suicide. It’s as simple as that. And the whole time nothing but 'treat all people with love and acceptance' was being preached from the pulpit, and everyone is ringing their hands wondering how this kid could have gotten the message that they didn't deserve to live. We need to do more. These issues need to be addressed in a healthy way in the lives of young people growing up. Preaching from the pulpits that having a gay life is an unfortunate and grievous sin and that gay partnerships and families are "counterfeit" but also 'treat everyone with respect', and then hoping that every kid is somehow going to get the message and be ok is not actually working. This is the unfortunate evidence, and it’s happening over and over again. These are not acceptable losses. I'm not trying to provoke any active members or trying to get them to agree with me, but these realities need to be dealt with. It's not going to go away. That's why I have tried to tell some of my own story on this thread, because I know there are kids out there suffering in silence knowing that it's not ok to tell what is actually happening in their lives.

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 Sam, I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for how I responded when you first told me that night in Provo. I'm so glad that you were a strong enough person to make it through all of that because I don't know if I would've been. My heart hurts for this young man. I appreciate everything that you are and the fact that you continue to teach us all love and acceptance. I know that I could always do more, but I also know that I have taught my own kids these truths. I hope we're not far off from a world where we can just accept each other and work together to make it a better place to be. I love you!

Sam replied... ...you always get me with that Provo story. The fact that you have become such an ally for LGBT people, especially as a dad and as a teacher of so many kids at tough ages by far outweighs any difficult moments in our past. You're awesome and I love you.

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Poor baby boy! The bullying has to stop. Not accepting someone because of your own beliefs of how they should be is bullying.  At the same time everyone has to understand that every church is organized by denominations. We can't expect churches to change their beliefs for us as we won't change our beliefs for them. If you find a church that fits you, then great! If not, then great! Let's stop trying to fit the mold. 

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and this from Sam's active LDS Mother who lives in a nearby neighboring Ward ...To see Wes sitting at the piano, playing so beautifully, reminds me of you, Sam. So sad that this lovely young man has been lost to the world and his family. My heart breaks for them. I can't imagine how that would have been to have lost you. You have added so much to our family, Sam. I think I can speak for the family and say that you have been irreplaceable. And, raising you was a delight. Just wish I had realized what you were going through, at the time, but you know if I had I would not have gone quietly into the night and would have perhaps made things worse than they already were. You are one of the survivors to this terrible tragedy that is happening to our youth, Sam. So proud of you for speaking out and saying the things that you say.. You are proof that these kids can make it in this world. There is a place for them. If only they can get through this terrible time in their lives when they feel all alone. So much more going on, now, with the cyber bullying. Just wish our leaders would rise above it all.

Sam's reply...
Thanks Mom. As I’ve said before I believe our connection during those years may have been the single most sustaining force in my life. It’s the truth. You may not have had a full picture, but your ability to communicate that I was ok got through to me. And I think I speak for the other kids when I say that your and Dad’s ability to accept us and support us in all of our at times extreme differences has made a critical difference in our lives.

Just for clarification what my mom is referring to by if she “had known what I was going through at the time” she is referring to the bullying and negativity I experienced when I was younger directed at me for being gay or feminine or not boy enough. I never once spoke to anyone about it because I was afraid that if the other people who were nice to me found out then they would think less of me and that I was not as deserving of their positive treatment. I was always a bit confused as to why some people never seemed to notice the way I acted. I wondered if whether they were just being nice, or if perhaps I really wasn’t those things. Everyone at church treated me with love and respect and I was grateful for that and haven’t forgotten it, but I had a pathological fear that everyone would find out or agree and unite against me. And when I reached the age of 12 or 13 and actually started having strong sexual feelings for my own gender I was filled with a paralyzing shame that went on for several years, hearing in church that being gay was perverted and degenerate and was the worst thing you could do next to being a murderer and that I would lose my salvation and the right to be with my family in the eternities if I ever “gave in” to such a filthy lifestyle. Tough thoughts for a young person. I realize this is personal and difficult stuff, but it is what has come for me upon hearing about the suicide of this young boy and I think it helps others to hear it.

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Yes, this is a super long but I just felt to share it.  We all have to come to grips with our own feelings and also teach our children about gay issues.  I felt all of this was a good read and might help in some way.  You may agree with these viewpoints and you may not but you will think, for sure!

For me a favorite line in the one post sums it up.  I think it is a good description of unconditional love....  Not accepting someone because of your own beliefs of how they should be is bullying.  At the same time everyone has to understand that every church is organized by denominations. We can't expect churches to change their beliefs for us as we won't change our beliefs for them.... doesn't that ring true with the 11th Article of Faith??

Just one more thing...the post that started it all...

Sam's post...

This is the photo of Wes Buckner, who sadly is the latest Mormon teenager who has died from suicide. He died last week, and was 14 years old. According to kids who went to school with him in his overwhelmingly Mormon Utah community he was being bullied for being gay. Troublingly there was a threatening Instagram account set up against him 4 days before he died. He was the youngest of four children and is being remembered as an intelligent, sensitive boy who was kind to others who felt left out and who was a very talented pianist and composer. Several of his original songs and arrangements are on Youtube. 

 

Sadly this not a new or very uncommon phenomenon in the Mormon community. I remember this time of my own life and unfortunately it was a time when I had zero support from family, friends, school or church, even though they were all good people who had no idea how a young gay person like me would feel when every single message I heard from all sides about being gay was negative, being spoken by people who thought they were doing the right thing by holding these positions. I can only be grateful that I survived this period of my life and to be honest I relate to how this boy must have felt and that’s why it hits close to home.

Ironically this last weekend was also the world-broadcasted semi-annual general conference of the church where the highest leaders of the church used their official speeches to continue to speak against the acceptance of LGBT people and relationships. In a conference full of wonderful messages of love and decency the church insists on asserting their position in the fight against non-traditional lives, for example in this direct quote from the 3rd highest ranking leader within the church.
“We want our voice to be heard against all of the counterfeit and alternative lifestyles that try to replace the family organization that God Himself established.”

Sadly this voice is being heard, mostly by its own members who feel very confident in their continued ignorance and cruelty. I saw online comments of numerous LGBT Mormons who were wounded by these words, people wanting only to be treated with dignity, and who know that their lives and the lives of their partners and children are not counterfeit. I pray that enough members of the church have the courage and decency to question these outdated, prejudiced views, to actually open their minds and hearts and educate themselves, and extend the message of love and compassion that they believe so dearly and honestly, to more of the human family. It’s a tragedy and it doesn’t need to keep happening. A much higher level of love is possible. RIP