I know I keep coming back to the homosexual issue. I have read with personal clarity the message of Church clarity, by those in Apostolic callings, that this principle, of marriage between a man and a woman, is the only sanctioned & ordained relationship in any and all marriages. The two days of General Conference talks really emphasized this. Man and woman. Different roles & responsibilities. Ideal for perpetuation of traditional family. And we have that set in stone document...for the World...to the world...A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD...that leaves no doubt of what our religion believes in and teaches and preaches and asks for others to do the same.
I mentioned to a friend today that the gay issue/the description of marriage, within our Church is not a policy or procedure or program...it is a principle and principles do not change. I believe in and support wholeheartedly the Proclamation to the World.
Even with all of that- I'm telling you, again, I see problems for this situation coming down the pike.
A young man, a Mormon boy, from a Mormon family, in a Mormon Utah community and attending a mostly Mormon school...committed suicide a few days ago. He was gay. He was made most miserable on all sorts of levels. It sounded like peers tipped him over the top.
You have heard me speak of my friend Sam. He is gay. He posted about this young man on his FB.
When I read this, it really hit me that this entire situation will never
be "resolved". There are two differing factions and each feels they are
right. True the words of acceptance but not condoning are surfacing
more and more. Unconditional love is needed. On both sides.
So we have two war zones. both touting families and marriage as the way to go. They feel we are wrong and we know they are wrong. We believe in the Bible and Christs teachings and latter-day authoritative revelation. A lot on the other side believe that also but the interpretation and the source of power differs. and then there is the mix of folks, that don't even believe in a God, and they fault believers of such.
So we have two war zones. both touting families and marriage as the way to go. They feel we are wrong and we know they are wrong. We believe in the Bible and Christs teachings and latter-day authoritative revelation. A lot on the other side believe that also but the interpretation and the source of power differs. and then there is the mix of folks, that don't even believe in a God, and they fault believers of such.
Anyhow it dawned on me that we will never convince each other only our side is the real way to live our lives. It made me incredibly sad to see the warring factions prepare for battle.
I watched the comments come in on Sam's FB and also heard from a mutual friend of ours and also a reader of my blog and we talked back and forth. I told her I was going to blog about it.
I knew some of the readers of his FB and I want to post what they said about the young man, Wes, who took his life at the age of 14. They are all LDS and different degrees of activity. I have known all of them for many many years. They are all in the 40 age bracket, all married, all have children. oldest of those children is probably 19. I think you will find it interesting.
Oh this breaks my heart. I wish I could hold him in my arms. The silent suffering. Sam, so glad that you found your voice and are living authentically and true to who you are. You are so beautiful, eloquent, articulate and raw. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt thoughts. They touch my heart, every time.
If it is of any solace please know in my ward I have never heard anything but love and acceptance towards all people. I also speak candidly to my boys about accepting others while living their own beliefs peacefully.
Sam replied....that really is great to hear and I always appreciate your wonderfully direct approach to loving others. I just want to use your comment to make a point in general, not to you directly. My hope is that this love and acceptance in some wards extends to accepting gay couples who attend (rather than excommunicating them), and to gay families in the ward (if that is happening then I would be truly touched) and to acknowledging to kids growing up that it's ok to say they are (and be) gay. Because all you need is a kid who is scared to death of telling their parents they are gay for fear of disappointing everyone and jeopardizing their eternal future because of what they hear at church, throw in some bullying that a parent may or may not know about, and you have a suicide. It’s as simple as that. And the whole time nothing but 'treat all people with love and acceptance' was being preached from the pulpit, and everyone is ringing their hands wondering how this kid could have gotten the message that they didn't deserve to live. We need to do more. These issues need to be addressed in a healthy way in the lives of young people growing up. Preaching from the pulpits that having a gay life is an unfortunate and grievous sin and that gay partnerships and families are "counterfeit" but also 'treat everyone with respect', and then hoping that every kid is somehow going to get the message and be ok is not actually working. This is the unfortunate evidence, and it’s happening over and over again. These are not acceptable losses. I'm not trying to provoke any active members or trying to get them to agree with me, but these realities need to be dealt with. It's not going to go away. That's why I have tried to tell some of my own story on this thread, because I know there are kids out there suffering in silence knowing that it's not ok to tell what is actually happening in their lives.
Sam, I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for how I responded when you first told me that night in Provo. I'm so glad that you were a strong enough person to make it through all of that because I don't know if I would've been. My heart hurts for this young man. I appreciate everything that you are and the fact that you continue to teach us all love and acceptance. I know that I could always do more, but I also know that I have taught my own kids these truths. I hope we're not far off from a world where we can just accept each other and work together to make it a better place to be. I love you!
Sam replied... ...you always get me with that Provo story. The fact that you have become such an ally for LGBT people, especially as a dad and as a teacher of so many kids at tough ages by far outweighs any difficult moments in our past. You're awesome and I love you.
Poor baby boy! The bullying has to stop. Not accepting someone because of your own beliefs of how they should be is bullying. At the same time everyone has to understand that every church is organized by denominations. We can't expect churches to change their beliefs for us as we won't change our beliefs for them. If you find a church that fits you, then great! If not, then great! Let's stop trying to fit the mold.
and this from Sam's active LDS Mother who lives in a nearby neighboring Ward ...To see Wes sitting at the piano, playing so beautifully, reminds me of you, Sam. So sad that this lovely young man has been lost to the world and his family. My heart breaks for them. I can't imagine how that would have been to have lost you. You have added so much to our family, Sam. I think I can speak for the family and say that you have been irreplaceable. And, raising you was a delight. Just wish I had realized what you were going through, at the time, but you know if I had I would not have gone quietly into the night and would have perhaps made things worse than they already were. You are one of the survivors to this terrible tragedy that is happening to our youth, Sam. So proud of you for speaking out and saying the things that you say.. You are proof that these kids can make it in this world. There is a place for them. If only they can get through this terrible time in their lives when they feel all alone. So much more going on, now, with the cyber bullying. Just wish our leaders would rise above it all.
Sam's reply...
Thanks Mom. As I’ve said before I believe our connection during those years may have been the single most sustaining force in my life. It’s the truth. You may not have had a full picture, but your ability to communicate that I was ok got through to me. And I think I speak for the other kids when I say that your and Dad’s ability to accept us and support us in all of our at times extreme differences has made a critical difference in our lives.
Just for clarification what my mom is referring to by if she “had known what I was going through at the time” she is referring to the bullying and negativity I experienced when I was younger directed at me for being gay or feminine or not boy enough. I never once spoke to anyone about it because I was afraid that if the other people who were nice to me found out then they would think less of me and that I was not as deserving of their positive treatment. I was always a bit confused as to why some people never seemed to notice the way I acted. I wondered if whether they were just being nice, or if perhaps I really wasn’t those things. Everyone at church treated me with love and respect and I was grateful for that and haven’t forgotten it, but I had a pathological fear that everyone would find out or agree and unite against me. And when I reached the age of 12 or 13 and actually started having strong sexual feelings for my own gender I was filled with a paralyzing shame that went on for several years, hearing in church that being gay was perverted and degenerate and was the worst thing you could do next to being a murderer and that I would lose my salvation and the right to be with my family in the eternities if I ever “gave in” to such a filthy lifestyle. Tough thoughts for a young person. I realize this is personal and difficult stuff, but it is what has come for me upon hearing about the suicide of this young boy and I think it helps others to hear it.
Yes, this is a super long but I just felt to share it. We all have to come to grips with our own feelings and also teach our children about gay issues. I felt all of this was a good read and might help in some way. You may agree with these viewpoints and you may not but you will think, for sure!
For me a favorite line in the one post sums it up. I think it is a good description of unconditional love.... Not accepting someone because of your own beliefs of how they should be is bullying. At the same time everyone has to understand that every church is organized by denominations. We can't expect churches to change their beliefs for us as we won't change our beliefs for them.... doesn't that ring true with the 11th Article of Faith??
Just one more thing...the post that started it all...
Sam's post...
I watched the comments come in on Sam's FB and also heard from a mutual friend of ours and also a reader of my blog and we talked back and forth. I told her I was going to blog about it.
I knew some of the readers of his FB and I want to post what they said about the young man, Wes, who took his life at the age of 14. They are all LDS and different degrees of activity. I have known all of them for many many years. They are all in the 40 age bracket, all married, all have children. oldest of those children is probably 19. I think you will find it interesting.
*************************
Oh this breaks my heart. I wish I could hold him in my arms. The silent suffering. Sam, so glad that you found your voice and are living authentically and true to who you are. You are so beautiful, eloquent, articulate and raw. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt thoughts. They touch my heart, every time.
********************
If it is of any solace please know in my ward I have never heard anything but love and acceptance towards all people. I also speak candidly to my boys about accepting others while living their own beliefs peacefully.
Sam replied....that really is great to hear and I always appreciate your wonderfully direct approach to loving others. I just want to use your comment to make a point in general, not to you directly. My hope is that this love and acceptance in some wards extends to accepting gay couples who attend (rather than excommunicating them), and to gay families in the ward (if that is happening then I would be truly touched) and to acknowledging to kids growing up that it's ok to say they are (and be) gay. Because all you need is a kid who is scared to death of telling their parents they are gay for fear of disappointing everyone and jeopardizing their eternal future because of what they hear at church, throw in some bullying that a parent may or may not know about, and you have a suicide. It’s as simple as that. And the whole time nothing but 'treat all people with love and acceptance' was being preached from the pulpit, and everyone is ringing their hands wondering how this kid could have gotten the message that they didn't deserve to live. We need to do more. These issues need to be addressed in a healthy way in the lives of young people growing up. Preaching from the pulpits that having a gay life is an unfortunate and grievous sin and that gay partnerships and families are "counterfeit" but also 'treat everyone with respect', and then hoping that every kid is somehow going to get the message and be ok is not actually working. This is the unfortunate evidence, and it’s happening over and over again. These are not acceptable losses. I'm not trying to provoke any active members or trying to get them to agree with me, but these realities need to be dealt with. It's not going to go away. That's why I have tried to tell some of my own story on this thread, because I know there are kids out there suffering in silence knowing that it's not ok to tell what is actually happening in their lives.
****************************************************
Sam, I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for how I responded when you first told me that night in Provo. I'm so glad that you were a strong enough person to make it through all of that because I don't know if I would've been. My heart hurts for this young man. I appreciate everything that you are and the fact that you continue to teach us all love and acceptance. I know that I could always do more, but I also know that I have taught my own kids these truths. I hope we're not far off from a world where we can just accept each other and work together to make it a better place to be. I love you!
Sam replied... ...you always get me with that Provo story. The fact that you have become such an ally for LGBT people, especially as a dad and as a teacher of so many kids at tough ages by far outweighs any difficult moments in our past. You're awesome and I love you.
*********************************
Poor baby boy! The bullying has to stop. Not accepting someone because of your own beliefs of how they should be is bullying. At the same time everyone has to understand that every church is organized by denominations. We can't expect churches to change their beliefs for us as we won't change our beliefs for them. If you find a church that fits you, then great! If not, then great! Let's stop trying to fit the mold.
**********************************
and this from Sam's active LDS Mother who lives in a nearby neighboring Ward ...To see Wes sitting at the piano, playing so beautifully, reminds me of you, Sam. So sad that this lovely young man has been lost to the world and his family. My heart breaks for them. I can't imagine how that would have been to have lost you. You have added so much to our family, Sam. I think I can speak for the family and say that you have been irreplaceable. And, raising you was a delight. Just wish I had realized what you were going through, at the time, but you know if I had I would not have gone quietly into the night and would have perhaps made things worse than they already were. You are one of the survivors to this terrible tragedy that is happening to our youth, Sam. So proud of you for speaking out and saying the things that you say.. You are proof that these kids can make it in this world. There is a place for them. If only they can get through this terrible time in their lives when they feel all alone. So much more going on, now, with the cyber bullying. Just wish our leaders would rise above it all.
Sam's reply...
Thanks Mom. As I’ve said before I believe our connection during those years may have been the single most sustaining force in my life. It’s the truth. You may not have had a full picture, but your ability to communicate that I was ok got through to me. And I think I speak for the other kids when I say that your and Dad’s ability to accept us and support us in all of our at times extreme differences has made a critical difference in our lives.
Just for clarification what my mom is referring to by if she “had known what I was going through at the time” she is referring to the bullying and negativity I experienced when I was younger directed at me for being gay or feminine or not boy enough. I never once spoke to anyone about it because I was afraid that if the other people who were nice to me found out then they would think less of me and that I was not as deserving of their positive treatment. I was always a bit confused as to why some people never seemed to notice the way I acted. I wondered if whether they were just being nice, or if perhaps I really wasn’t those things. Everyone at church treated me with love and respect and I was grateful for that and haven’t forgotten it, but I had a pathological fear that everyone would find out or agree and unite against me. And when I reached the age of 12 or 13 and actually started having strong sexual feelings for my own gender I was filled with a paralyzing shame that went on for several years, hearing in church that being gay was perverted and degenerate and was the worst thing you could do next to being a murderer and that I would lose my salvation and the right to be with my family in the eternities if I ever “gave in” to such a filthy lifestyle. Tough thoughts for a young person. I realize this is personal and difficult stuff, but it is what has come for me upon hearing about the suicide of this young boy and I think it helps others to hear it.
************************
Yes, this is a super long but I just felt to share it. We all have to come to grips with our own feelings and also teach our children about gay issues. I felt all of this was a good read and might help in some way. You may agree with these viewpoints and you may not but you will think, for sure!
For me a favorite line in the one post sums it up. I think it is a good description of unconditional love.... Not accepting someone because of your own beliefs of how they should be is bullying. At the same time everyone has to understand that every church is organized by denominations. We can't expect churches to change their beliefs for us as we won't change our beliefs for them.... doesn't that ring true with the 11th Article of Faith??
Just one more thing...the post that started it all...
Sam's post...
This is the photo of Wes Buckner, who sadly is the latest Mormon teenager who has died from suicide. He died last week, and was 14 years old. According to kids who went to school with him in his overwhelmingly Mormon Utah community he was being bullied for being gay. Troublingly there was a threatening Instagram account set up against him 4 days before he died. He was the youngest of four children and is being remembered as an intelligent, sensitive boy who was kind to others who felt left out and who was a very talented pianist and composer. Several of his original songs and arrangements are on Youtube.
Sadly this not a new or very uncommon phenomenon in the Mormon community. I remember this time of my own life and unfortunately it was a time when I had zero support from family, friends, school or church, even though they were all good people who had no idea how a young gay person like me would feel when every single message I heard from all sides about being gay was negative, being spoken by people who thought they were doing the right thing by holding these positions. I can only be grateful that I survived this period of my life and to be honest I relate to how this boy must have felt and that’s why it hits close to home.
Ironically this last weekend was also the world-broadcasted semi-annual general conference of the church where the highest leaders of the church used their official speeches to continue to speak against the acceptance of LGBT people and relationships. In a conference full of wonderful messages of love and decency the church insists on asserting their position in the fight against non-traditional lives, for example in this direct quote from the 3rd highest ranking leader within the church.
“We want our voice to be heard against all of the counterfeit and alternative lifestyles that try to replace the family organization that God Himself established.”
Sadly this voice is being heard, mostly by its own members who feel very confident in their continued ignorance and cruelty. I saw online comments of numerous LGBT Mormons who were wounded by these words, people wanting only to be treated with dignity, and who know that their lives and the lives of their partners and children are not counterfeit. I pray that enough members of the church have the courage and decency to question these outdated, prejudiced views, to actually open their minds and hearts and educate themselves, and extend the message of love and compassion that they believe so dearly and honestly, to more of the human family. It’s a tragedy and it doesn’t need to keep happening. A much higher level of love is possible. RIP
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