I figured out what to do with the potatoes and onions. I'm building a cupboard to store them in.
I'm stunned. Then I speak rudely. no. I didn't speak rudely, I yelled....NO!
True I was on my way out of the house to help someone (ironic, huh? a do-gooder doing no good to the one that matters most!)
Fervently I prayed on the short ride and thought about the scene I'd just been a part of. I repented. I felt horrible.
On the way home I thought about the lesson I was going to teach at RS that night on Family Councils and realized that Terry and I were not communicating on a good level.
What had happened?
Well, in no necessary order of priority...
*he is one that you want with you, when something needs to be figured out, as to what to do about repairing something. King of Duct Tape. but...it will work. My Dad was a Mr. Fix-it man and I just figured it was a male trait. So when we were young and newly wedded and something happened to the toaster and he said he could fix it?...well, of course he could! My man!! Later when I saw a few mismatched screws in a little pile and ask about them and didn't they need to go back into the toaster? (as I never saw leftovers when my Dad fixed things), he let me know they were just extras and not necessary for the toaster to work.
*in later years I would hear comments like...I didn't know if you used freshly cut green lumber it would dry and twist like that ceiling beam did. I'll be darned.
or
*I sure wish I'd known how important it was to make sure things are square in carpentry.
*he is a diesel mechanic. my clothesline that he so lovingly strung up for me is attached to the fence by a come-along. He is creative and adventuresome. Our children will attest to some of their sweet Father's inventive contraptions, that I won't even mention right now!
I really like my simple little kitchen. I DID NOT want a shed built in it to store potatoes and onions. Yes. I was rude.
I'm one that usually realizes early on when I've erred and want to resolve things, completely, get it over, seek sincere forgiveness from the Lord, from the victim of my action and then I want to move on. My man of choice, is not that way. He can't just quickly forgive and make up. I badger him. He balks. and sometimes we go full circle with me re-offending and the cycle renews.
When I got home, we circled each other like warring animals ready to strike out but actually by then I felt so bad and because of studying for the RS lesson, I realized we could resolve this by a Family Council, so I invited him to sit and listen a bit about my lesson.
We acknowledged we had a problem with the veggie storage and something needed to be done and we both wanted a storage bin of some sort. He wanted to build it. He told me how big, where he'd place it, that it would be square, how he'd design it etc.etc. I acknowledged that it would be something very nice and we ended on a great note after an in-depth conversation.
We talked about how we didn't talk as kindly to each other as we used to. One thing is we have no children at home. When we had children at home and we needed to have a "private" talk, we'd go back to our bedroom to the furthest wall so as to not be heard, keep our voices normal and do our confidential talks, be it about kids or whatever. Years later we found out that our meeting place was over a ducted heat vent and the little rascals could hear us!!
When all the children left home we slowly just said what we wanted when we wanted and didn't worry about anyone hearing us. Somehow though we were off kilter.
I taught the RS lesson and hoped that everyone in the room would go buy the book I'd referred to and start using it in their own life. I was so fueled and excited not only of what I'd read but understanding the power of Family Councils and having dabbled in it a bit with the pending bin.
When I got home from RS, Terry said something about dinner. Maybe negative about leftovers? I'm not sure. Anyhow WW 3 ensued and I realized we were actually fighting about FOOD! and then we got into VACUUMING!! (truly I may post this and then go back in shame and delete it!!)
Several things were at issue in our challenges. He has retired. We are together 24/7. We do not think alike. This is "my" workplace. This is "my" house. He is letting me know that I'm not sole owner and some things are not working out.
We have different tastes in food. One of us likes wheat bread and one white, one likes butter, the other margarine. One milk, one soy milk. One fried fish. One grilled. One likes savory. One likes salt/pepper. Steamed broccoli vs. canned peas. It runs the entire gamut. The Miracle Whip/Mayonnaise opposition ended up with both going for Mayonnaise.
Meals...we ended up making a menu, deciding what days to cook a full meal, how many days Terry could eat leftovers before bolting for the door, a list of agreed upon foods that we both liked, some guidelines for our behavior of being nice to each other. No longer would I be going to cook something and he would not want that meal and on the flip side, he'd ask me to cook something he really enjoys and I'd skip the request and not do it.
Oh, yes. we covered minute details. We talked for a very very long time in figuring out what we could do to never have a single grievance crop up between us about meals. I think our plan of action is as complicated as a pre-nup might be.
Our overall aim was to get on the same page, stop all disagreement, find a middle ground of compromise, draw up a plan that we both agreed on and implement it. We both want peace and order and as a team we can do it.
Sounds silly? Nothing can be termed silly when we work towards greater harmony and unity in our relationships. be it family or friends, it's necessary to face the reality and I think hold a Family Council and deal with the issues that are laid on the table and solve things!!
the housekeeping? I've probably worn you out with the food issues so I'll save that for tomorrow and let you know how that worked out.
Our Wednesday evening was topped off by hearing the strains, in the background, of a tune that we danced to over and over and over as teens. We were transported back to that time of young love as the Lettermen sang (perfect harmony, of course. best dance beat ever! so romantic!!) .....
The Way You Look Tonight
Some day, when I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight
Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft
There is nothing for me but to love you
And the way you look tonight
With each word your tenderness grows
Tearin' my fear apart
And that laugh..wrinkles your nose
Touches my foolish heart
Lovely ... Never, never change
Keep that breathless charm
Won't you please arrange it? 'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight
[instrumental]
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose
It touches my foolish heart
Lovely ... Don't you ever change
Keep that breathless charm
Won't you please arrange it? 'Cause I love you
a-just the way you look tonight
Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look tonight
Some day, when I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight
Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft
There is nothing for me but to love you
And the way you look tonight
With each word your tenderness grows
Tearin' my fear apart
And that laugh..wrinkles your nose
Touches my foolish heart
Lovely ... Never, never change
Keep that breathless charm
Won't you please arrange it? 'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight
[instrumental]
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose
It touches my foolish heart
Lovely ... Don't you ever change
Keep that breathless charm
Won't you please arrange it? 'Cause I love you
a-just the way you look tonight
Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look tonight
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