This last week I've really thought a lot about my sister. Thanksgiving has filled my thoughts with memories. The weather just brings out sentiments galore. As her health fails, my memory bank just keeps bringing up past shared experiences, and it's in the segment reserved just for her. All scroll-y and fancy and be jeweled in honor of her love of bling with her name in equally scroll-y Spencerarian Penmanship...Dixie.
Her birthday is December 15th and for this year I have been planning a collage of pictures of the two of us as little girls. I have several pics and they are really sweet to look at. Sentimental things like that make her happy and she has seen some of them and commented that I was always protective of eh and had my arm around her. That was what someone a full 2.5 years older does naturally.
We shared a wonderful childhood and teen years during the magically 1950's. We also shared our beautiful Mothers desire to make everything last as long as possible. Now we didn't share the desire to do that time extension but we shared the fulfillment of what our Mother did. We each endures a Toni permanent yearly. Given the night before school started so it would last longer into the school year! We hated those corkscrew curls with lines showing where every rod had been placed and wound so tight our eyes were pulled to a slant! We also endured weekly shampoos at the kitchen sink with a vinegar rinse that Mother would pull the hair, to make sure it squeaked clean, and let her know that all soap was gone. We also endured shopping for school shoes and Sunday/party shoes. We would plead for fashionable shoes and she only had one thing on her mind...brown leather oxfords with brown laces. She was always pleased that the shoes lasted until we outgrew them and because she bought them a larger size for a long lasting wear...they would see us through until the next school year. We also shared the delight of gorgeous patent leather shoes for special occasions...Church and special parties or gatherings at friends or the likes.
We shared a beautiful Mother. A look-alike Ava Gardner. I thought my Mother was the most beautiful woman in the world. My DixieLou, was also graced with Mother's beauty. She has style and flair and class on so many levels.
When I was thinking about that collage picture, a few days ago, I remembered a dress that Mother had made each of us. Twin dresses. When I grew taller and the dress was to short on me, then mother would cut through the skirt and extend the length by sewing in a wide band. Dixie and I were laughing about some of the hand-me-downs she got that had been worked over.
You know this summer I've been with her quite a bit and getting her household items allocated for when her time comes to exit life. On one of my trips over she emptied an entire large drawer of scarves. She loves scarves and she said...take these I'm not going to wear them anymore. I ended up taking some that I really liked and then divided the rest into 4 piles, packaged them up and gave them away at our Christmas in McCall. I have DIL'S and granddaughters that enjoy scarves. One recently wore one to a concert so they are getting used.
A couple of weeks ago I was looking for my personal stash of sister gifted scarves and could not find them. Today I found them!! I opened the sack and was overwhelmed with her perfume scent. It was so her! She loved her perfume and always wore it. I've cried looking at pictures. I've cried reliving memories. When I saw those scarves and that scent ascended, I cried again as I held them close.
She's not going to make it. We never know when the specific time will happen for any of our life-leaving dates but hers is close. She is in the hospital, they can't do anything for her and she's on Hospice as of this evening. My sweet Sissy. We have shared her entire lifetime!!!
My darling children are being so kind and sweet and good to me as I'm heartbroken right now. Who can find words about caring children and loving friends? Jeanee will be here tomorrow afternoon and we will figure out when to go see her. Maybe the next day? I don't know yet.
I want to hold her and hug her and kiss her cheeks and tell her that I love her and she's been a wonderful sister to me and such a great friend. Just one more time. No matter how long she lives, I feel compelled to go now and reassure her that she will be fine...to not be afraid...that she will see Mother and Daddy....and share/remind her of all of those things that we know to be true. I will see her again. Love is so beautiful and causes such pain when we think about separating. Even for a brief while.
I'm rambling. I'll close and check in when I get back.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Monday, November 23, 2015
Brené Brown on Empathy
A friend referenced this thought today and I LOVE this little short. You will most likely want to mail me money for sharing this with you!! Yes...it is that valuable a tool in communication!! If this way of replying could be a natural reaction, in all of us, in our striving to support, encourage, and show real understanding...now that would be pretty incredible~! Enjoy! (no charge!)
Friday, November 20, 2015
Seeking Balance
No. I did not fall off the face of the earth. Just took a dip in one of those valleys of life that we all go through and am just coming back into the fresh air after a climb out of the muck and mire.
My sister is not doing well. But that isn't what threw me for a loop. Just life and an accumulation of finding fault with myself over my inadequacies. Thank heavens for the Gospel, my testimony, my darling hubby who suggests that he wants to give me a blessing, prayer, and Temple and friends, that don't even realize how valuable they are to me. Aren't words spoken just magical? well, when the words spoken are in the tone of kindness and love. You know what I mean. Anyhow...on with the life, that I do continue to love, after a brief pity party. Waaahh!! Over and done.
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Remember when school started and the first few days were over and in our first Sunday, all of the Laurels were exhausted and school had just started!? I see these girls overdoing and filled to the max with comings and goings. They seem to have no downtime and not much relaxing family time. Something has to happen and have a slow down pace for them. They just can't keep on like this. And their Mom's!! They are on the run also keeping all the plates on poles spinning and not wanting any to drop! This recent talk expresses my feelings of concern!! Fantastic counsel for all of us. Take a bit of your time and read it and see what grabs your heart. You won't regret the time spent reading and it will help, no matter the age of your children or even if you have no children...you will benefit!!
Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson: “Keeping Our Balance” here
My sister is not doing well. But that isn't what threw me for a loop. Just life and an accumulation of finding fault with myself over my inadequacies. Thank heavens for the Gospel, my testimony, my darling hubby who suggests that he wants to give me a blessing, prayer, and Temple and friends, that don't even realize how valuable they are to me. Aren't words spoken just magical? well, when the words spoken are in the tone of kindness and love. You know what I mean. Anyhow...on with the life, that I do continue to love, after a brief pity party. Waaahh!! Over and done.
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Remember when school started and the first few days were over and in our first Sunday, all of the Laurels were exhausted and school had just started!? I see these girls overdoing and filled to the max with comings and goings. They seem to have no downtime and not much relaxing family time. Something has to happen and have a slow down pace for them. They just can't keep on like this. And their Mom's!! They are on the run also keeping all the plates on poles spinning and not wanting any to drop! This recent talk expresses my feelings of concern!! Fantastic counsel for all of us. Take a bit of your time and read it and see what grabs your heart. You won't regret the time spent reading and it will help, no matter the age of your children or even if you have no children...you will benefit!!
Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson: “Keeping Our Balance” here
Monday, November 16, 2015
I like life!!
There is something so magical about being in a place or attending an event where everyone is there because they want to be there and the feeling in the air is filled with anticipation for specialness. I felt that in Hawaii when we were at Oahu and touring the PCC, seeing the Temple, seeing the University and shopping/sightseeing at the Ala Moana mall (Then hyped as the largest mall in the world). Everyone was in such a festive state. Happy and excited and laughing and soaking up the good time along with the weather and beaches. No clocks in sight!
I've seen that at Leavenworth. I've seen that in downtown Seattle and Pikes Place. I've seen that at Disney world in Orlando.
Almost any place I've gone, with a degree of preparation on my part, has always met and usually surpassed all my expectations of enjoyment. The memories stack up and are so wonderful to reminisce about.
I've felt similar emotions at our McCall family reunions or even on a smaller level of involvement when family comes for a holiday or even just a visit. That good feeling is there whether a few or many are here. Anticipated get-togethers have special-ness all around the venue...be it far away or the back yard.
Church events are that way to me also. (I even get a charge out Sacrament meetings!) Saturday I had the chance to attend our Stake Woman's Conference. It lasted for 2 hours. Counting travel time...around 3 hours. A morning gone. It was worth neglecting whatever was pressing in my life and made it to my to-do list (it never becomes my all-done list!). The value of attendance, at anything, vacation/stay-cation, far away or near at hand, events/programs/concerts/conferences--is being awash with feelings that cannot be felt when described. No matter how marvelous/amazing/impressive/tender/spiritual the feelings we experience within our soul...we can only tell. we cannot impart the actual feeling, to where our description makes someone actually feel what we did. The program was well prepared and the speakers and music were just amazing/fantastic/tear-making wonderful! The cello!! The Pianist! The singers! The speakers! It was strengthening and motivating and made feelings of gratitude for Church membership and being an LDS female really grow! I felt the peace and strength and faith and dedication and determination of these women and it strengthened me to be the best me I can be!
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I've seen that at Leavenworth. I've seen that in downtown Seattle and Pikes Place. I've seen that at Disney world in Orlando.
Almost any place I've gone, with a degree of preparation on my part, has always met and usually surpassed all my expectations of enjoyment. The memories stack up and are so wonderful to reminisce about.
I've felt similar emotions at our McCall family reunions or even on a smaller level of involvement when family comes for a holiday or even just a visit. That good feeling is there whether a few or many are here. Anticipated get-togethers have special-ness all around the venue...be it far away or the back yard.
Church events are that way to me also. (I even get a charge out Sacrament meetings!) Saturday I had the chance to attend our Stake Woman's Conference. It lasted for 2 hours. Counting travel time...around 3 hours. A morning gone. It was worth neglecting whatever was pressing in my life and made it to my to-do list (it never becomes my all-done list!). The value of attendance, at anything, vacation/stay-cation, far away or near at hand, events/programs/concerts/conferences--is being awash with feelings that cannot be felt when described. No matter how marvelous/amazing/impressive/tender/spiritual the feelings we experience within our soul...we can only tell. we cannot impart the actual feeling, to where our description makes someone actually feel what we did. The program was well prepared and the speakers and music were just amazing/fantastic/tear-making wonderful! The cello!! The Pianist! The singers! The speakers! It was strengthening and motivating and made feelings of gratitude for Church membership and being an LDS female really grow! I felt the peace and strength and faith and dedication and determination of these women and it strengthened me to be the best me I can be!
***************
Next subject. I was serious, when peace descended on me about the homosexual talk...I realized I really want to do my part, whatever it is, to strengthen young girls. I ordered two books and they arrived and I took them to my Laurel class today. They are about strong women in the Bible and the Book of Mormon. These teen girls have to be strong also! I also ordered a Fisher-Price Nativity set and have one other set I'm looking at. I also bought a beautiful stable-like creche for the set. What am I going to do with these things??? That is the question in my mind also.
I was looking for a book that doesn't exist so I'm thinking maybe I'll write a book for children. I think it's needed. I can at least jot down the ideas and rough draft it!
A young girl is coming to visit in the afternoon and I'm going to wrangle a gospel discussion somehow or other with this little kindergartener.
Sin-Resistant children. That phrase just stays in my mind from President Nelson's conference talk. I want to do my part.
Elder Nelson- A Plea to My Sisters here
Attacks against the Church, its doctrine, and our way of life are going to increase. Because of this, we need women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ and who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation.12 We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms. We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers and who express their beliefs with confidence and charity. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve.
(I want to be like this!!! I guess this is way to long for a mantra!!!)
PS- I think my sister is doing better. My daughter's MIL is settling in the home they put her in and she is doing better in adjusting. Hubby, my sweetster!, seems to be better also! I'll embrace and enjoy this interlude, in this area of my life, for as long as it lasts!!
Also...I can't figure out how to put pictures on here after my computer got "fixed"!
Elder Nelson- A Plea to My Sisters here
Attacks against the Church, its doctrine, and our way of life are going to increase. Because of this, we need women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ and who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation.12 We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms. We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers and who express their beliefs with confidence and charity. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve.
(I want to be like this!!! I guess this is way to long for a mantra!!!)
***********************************
PS- I think my sister is doing better. My daughter's MIL is settling in the home they put her in and she is doing better in adjusting. Hubby, my sweetster!, seems to be better also! I'll embrace and enjoy this interlude, in this area of my life, for as long as it lasts!!
Also...I can't figure out how to put pictures on here after my computer got "fixed"!
Friday, November 13, 2015
Still rolling along...
I love fall!! but I equally love the other 3 seasons also! I also love the seasons of my own life although at times I'm eager for a change of season! Right now, I'm thinking how wise the plan is in it's divinity. Practical things like the Awareness that there comes a day, a specific time, that you no longer tend babies or bear babies, but you rather naturally transition to tending adults on varying levels.
Such as...My daughter and her hubby just finished moving his mother, starting to be brain-riddled with dementia, into a safe place. Lots to tend to there! My sweet hubby is still battling Rx side- effects residue, that manifests itself in high BP/irregular heartbeat/racing pulse. Lots to tend to there! My sister has been in the hospital with endless tests and probes and blood draws in trying to help her oxygen level to behave. Tests prove, thus far, to be okay. As the mystery reveals itself & tests go on, there is certainly a lot to tend to there!
That is life. My life. Your life. Our life. We can do it! We can tend and be bumped around but then we can thrive and regroup.
Gratitude. I think gratitude is key, don't you?
Natalie, sent me a lovely letter (thanks so much!) and at the end she penned...Getting older is just not for sissies! Oh the other hand, I think as a general rule our life experiences have given us what we need to cope. Those of us who are blessed to have the gospel in our lives have been given extra tools to do that.
Cope...great power with that skill! My sister says ...we just have to deal with things.
Whether we choose to deal or to cope the bottom line is- life goes on and we have to figure things out...sit and bawl/squall/temper-tantrum fit OR stop the pity party and figure out our plan.
Right now I'm filled with gratitude. I feel peace. I'm happy on many levels. Not exactly ringing the joy bell but feeling good. Happy!
When I look at the trees and the vineyards and the orchards and the sky and the loveliness of small town living...happy!! The wind blowing leaves and the sun shining and the crisp cool air...happy.
How blessed I am to be me! To live here! To have the Gospel! To feel the Spirit! To feel peace within, in spite of chaos and confusion, in the world! To have a Church house nearby and a Temple nearby!! To have shelter and food and clothes and a car and a truck and all those things that I consider necessities!
The changing weather reminds me, that I too will change in the seasons of my life, and even in my winter there is such beauty and homeyness and a sense of safety and security and protection.
This weather makes me feel cozy and makes me feel my nesting instincts surfacing. It's soup weather!! It's wood heat weather! It's reminiscing weather of my childhood and other years of living in Alaska. When I was a girl, Alaska always had so much snow every winter. Slowly there seemed to be less and less but still the cold and ice were relentless.
Bread baking and cookie making weather.
In this nurture/nesting feeling I've made two new soups. I'm thinking sometimes people have to acquire a taste for new foods. Hubby, really enjoyed one and gave the other one a snub! The one he enjoyed was Gumbo! and the one he only did a spoonful taste test on, and immediately voted thumbs down, was a Lentil soup.
I'd never cooked Gumbo and had only heard that Okra (the name for Gumbo) was slimy. I found it's not slimy at all, it releases a sticky starch-like substance that thickens and flavors your soup. Well, it was absolutely delicious. I'd always heard about Gumbo and now I know why people love this veggie soup so much. I made a brown base one and not a red base.
To the Hubby's credit...he has never liked Lentils. Ever. I have another really good Lentil soup recipe and he can't stand that one so it's not surprising that he doesn't like this new one. I appreciated him giving it a try. I was surprised at how good it was (I know. brag. brag.) Are lentils an acquired taste?
I continue to be impressed with the power of a family meal. sitting at the table and eating together. a real time of being together and eating and talking. Things had been really hectic/stressful here and Terry was at the hospital and all that sort of thing. I decided to make that Gumbo and our son came over and the 3 of us had such a great time just sitting and eating a bowl of Gumbo. it was relaxing and pleasant and made for such good conversation and enjoyment of each others company. We could visit and unwind and laugh a bit and savor the goodness of a home cooked meal. I think we could have had the same feelings (well, almost!) if we had Chinese take-out but still sat down and ate at the table together.
Whatever season of life you are in...enjoy it now, as fully as you can, as you are absolutely guaranteed that it will not last forever.
Such as...My daughter and her hubby just finished moving his mother, starting to be brain-riddled with dementia, into a safe place. Lots to tend to there! My sweet hubby is still battling Rx side- effects residue, that manifests itself in high BP/irregular heartbeat/racing pulse. Lots to tend to there! My sister has been in the hospital with endless tests and probes and blood draws in trying to help her oxygen level to behave. Tests prove, thus far, to be okay. As the mystery reveals itself & tests go on, there is certainly a lot to tend to there!
That is life. My life. Your life. Our life. We can do it! We can tend and be bumped around but then we can thrive and regroup.
Gratitude. I think gratitude is key, don't you?
Natalie, sent me a lovely letter (thanks so much!) and at the end she penned...Getting older is just not for sissies! Oh the other hand, I think as a general rule our life experiences have given us what we need to cope. Those of us who are blessed to have the gospel in our lives have been given extra tools to do that.
Cope...great power with that skill! My sister says ...we just have to deal with things.
Whether we choose to deal or to cope the bottom line is- life goes on and we have to figure things out...sit and bawl/squall/temper-tantrum fit OR stop the pity party and figure out our plan.
Right now I'm filled with gratitude. I feel peace. I'm happy on many levels. Not exactly ringing the joy bell but feeling good. Happy!
When I look at the trees and the vineyards and the orchards and the sky and the loveliness of small town living...happy!! The wind blowing leaves and the sun shining and the crisp cool air...happy.
How blessed I am to be me! To live here! To have the Gospel! To feel the Spirit! To feel peace within, in spite of chaos and confusion, in the world! To have a Church house nearby and a Temple nearby!! To have shelter and food and clothes and a car and a truck and all those things that I consider necessities!
The changing weather reminds me, that I too will change in the seasons of my life, and even in my winter there is such beauty and homeyness and a sense of safety and security and protection.
This weather makes me feel cozy and makes me feel my nesting instincts surfacing. It's soup weather!! It's wood heat weather! It's reminiscing weather of my childhood and other years of living in Alaska. When I was a girl, Alaska always had so much snow every winter. Slowly there seemed to be less and less but still the cold and ice were relentless.
Bread baking and cookie making weather.
In this nurture/nesting feeling I've made two new soups. I'm thinking sometimes people have to acquire a taste for new foods. Hubby, really enjoyed one and gave the other one a snub! The one he enjoyed was Gumbo! and the one he only did a spoonful taste test on, and immediately voted thumbs down, was a Lentil soup.
I'd never cooked Gumbo and had only heard that Okra (the name for Gumbo) was slimy. I found it's not slimy at all, it releases a sticky starch-like substance that thickens and flavors your soup. Well, it was absolutely delicious. I'd always heard about Gumbo and now I know why people love this veggie soup so much. I made a brown base one and not a red base.
To the Hubby's credit...he has never liked Lentils. Ever. I have another really good Lentil soup recipe and he can't stand that one so it's not surprising that he doesn't like this new one. I appreciated him giving it a try. I was surprised at how good it was (I know. brag. brag.) Are lentils an acquired taste?
I continue to be impressed with the power of a family meal. sitting at the table and eating together. a real time of being together and eating and talking. Things had been really hectic/stressful here and Terry was at the hospital and all that sort of thing. I decided to make that Gumbo and our son came over and the 3 of us had such a great time just sitting and eating a bowl of Gumbo. it was relaxing and pleasant and made for such good conversation and enjoyment of each others company. We could visit and unwind and laugh a bit and savor the goodness of a home cooked meal. I think we could have had the same feelings (well, almost!) if we had Chinese take-out but still sat down and ate at the table together.
Whatever season of life you are in...enjoy it now, as fully as you can, as you are absolutely guaranteed that it will not last forever.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Onward...
So life goes on and things move ahead and we either stay on the track, holding to the rod or we fall into an abyss, mostly of our own excavating! True, I'm sad for the suffering of anyone for any reason (Church-wise or otherwise) but also true...The Church! I enjoy the specifics of our Church name...not a Church but The Church. Pronouncing it thee Church to give it emphasis and setting it apart as The one and only true Church of Jesus Christ. He referenced it as MY Church and then named it THE Church. I do believe it is The one and only true Church.
Also true...there are living Apostles on the earth and they speak the mind and will of the Lord. I do believe that is true.
There are all sorts of scriptures citing these couple of subjects. We can find scriptures to back up all Church teachings including referencing Conference Reports. The core of my testimony isn't found in the abundance of scriptural proof available. The heart, of all this written/spoken evidence, is the Spirit bearing testimony to me, of the truth, of all that data. Line upon line. Precept upon precept. Here a little. There a little. Building my faith and testimony with rock solid bits of mortar, in varying shapes and sizes that are held together with my personal conviction. With each stone, even pebble-size, laid on my foundational belief in Jesus Christ, I become more converted.
I re-read the changes in Handbook 1... not what others said or are saying but what is actually there in the original document. One thing I already see, popularly misconstrued, is children having to disavow their homosexual parents. It does not say that. They do, when 18 or over, and seeking membership or wanting to serve a mission, disavow the practice of homosexual marriage. NOT disavow their parents.
Now I will watch how this latest subject unfolds and continue to unashamedly/unapologetically enjoy my Church membership. Endeavoring to feel the Spirit and move on with examining-- how does one truly raise a sin-resistant generation-- as we were counseled by Elder Nelson? I want to be involved with that effort. How does that happen?? How can these young ones be trained to accomplish obedience, without standing in judgement of others, with conditional love? How do we teach unconditional love to children? Lots to think about.
Funny thinking, isn't it? Me, with no little ones here, thinking I want to help all women that have young children in their homes or Aunties with nieces/nephews nearby or those privileged Grannies that have grand-babes close at hand. But ...even me with a totally empty nest, strongly feel-- even I can do something to help the children that cross my path. Just when I think I'm becoming less Co-d...I confess my desire to help the entire world!!
Also true...there are living Apostles on the earth and they speak the mind and will of the Lord. I do believe that is true.
There are all sorts of scriptures citing these couple of subjects. We can find scriptures to back up all Church teachings including referencing Conference Reports. The core of my testimony isn't found in the abundance of scriptural proof available. The heart, of all this written/spoken evidence, is the Spirit bearing testimony to me, of the truth, of all that data. Line upon line. Precept upon precept. Here a little. There a little. Building my faith and testimony with rock solid bits of mortar, in varying shapes and sizes that are held together with my personal conviction. With each stone, even pebble-size, laid on my foundational belief in Jesus Christ, I become more converted.
I re-read the changes in Handbook 1... not what others said or are saying but what is actually there in the original document. One thing I already see, popularly misconstrued, is children having to disavow their homosexual parents. It does not say that. They do, when 18 or over, and seeking membership or wanting to serve a mission, disavow the practice of homosexual marriage. NOT disavow their parents.
Now I will watch how this latest subject unfolds and continue to unashamedly/unapologetically enjoy my Church membership. Endeavoring to feel the Spirit and move on with examining-- how does one truly raise a sin-resistant generation-- as we were counseled by Elder Nelson? I want to be involved with that effort. How does that happen?? How can these young ones be trained to accomplish obedience, without standing in judgement of others, with conditional love? How do we teach unconditional love to children? Lots to think about.
Funny thinking, isn't it? Me, with no little ones here, thinking I want to help all women that have young children in their homes or Aunties with nieces/nephews nearby or those privileged Grannies that have grand-babes close at hand. But ...even me with a totally empty nest, strongly feel-- even I can do something to help the children that cross my path. Just when I think I'm becoming less Co-d...I confess my desire to help the entire world!!
Doctrine and Covenants 115:3
3 And also unto my faithful servants who are of the high council of my church in Zion, for thus it shall be called, and unto all the elders and people of my Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, scattered abroad in all the world;Doctrine and Covenants 115:4
4 For thus shall my church be called in the last days, even The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.Doctrine and Covenants 1:38
38 What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.Sunday, November 8, 2015
A Clarion Call!!
I ended up going to the Temple because I felt so sad. I must clarify....not sad over any doctrine or changes by the authorities...not sad over the future of what this means for homosexuals...just sad over the reality and ramifications, as yet unknown/unspoken/unclarified, what will happen to those children already in the Church.
You readers know that I only have two friends that are gay. I love my friends. One is a single young man. Is 41 considered young? In my ancient life script...he's young. The other is my friend Mariah. Mariah married Taliatha and they have 9 children.
As a co-dependent woman, trying to recover at all times!, it makes sense that I would feel such sadness as my mind goes whirling on all of the what ifs. Can I fix this and make it easier? Uh, no. No, I can't!
I read Sam's FB and feel and see the anger from friends/family, some that I know and most that I don't. I also read of people trying to explain their take on the announcement and arguing. I read of his Mother's anger and feel her pain and frustration. 2 of her children are gay. In his case, I PM him so as not to cause any flareup on FB because I'm an active Mormon. I watch with interest how his peers are taking this. I read of their anger etc. with the Church. I read of those trying to persuade others to their viewpoint. Viewpoints that vary with those trying to calm things down and those frustrated and mad.
I agree with what Sam sent me about the announcement....
Frankly i don't think they are all the way through that recommend process i'm afraid.
To me it makes sense for the Church to issue a guideline as to what to do about those children already in the Church and living with 2 married homosexuals. Maybe they will just tell Bishops but I do know that they will cover that base. Eventually. Not mine to lose a wink of sleep over but still thinking of it. Ever Co-D!!! Don't want anyone hurting in any way!!
I love these 2 friends but we are in total disagreement over the subject of Gays in the Church. We know how each of us feels gospel-wise and those feelings are in cement. We are still caring friends in spite of this. I believe homosexuality goes against Bible teachings. I believe the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. I believe the Roman Empire fell in part because of rampant homosexuality. I believe homosexuality is a part of and a sign of the last days.
It does not stun me that the Church has come out with this clear statement. I do not believe that homosexuality is along the lines of all men receiving the Priesthood many years ago and that it's just a matter of time before the governing men get real/get modern/ get with it and finally realize their error.
We need watchmen on the tower that give a clarion call. We need to have peace in our worship. Bishops need to focus on the Ward task at hand and not issues that must be debated and end up with fights in the midst of defining what needs to be done. They needed this clear direction. This addition to Handbook 1 defines exactly the way things are to be done. (except what needs to be done for children like Mariahs beautiful brood).
I can see it will create less confusion. I've always wondered about classes teaching Gospel truths like...a man and a woman...and the children in their home are with 2 of the same sex...and how do they grapple with that? Your religion tells you one thing and your parents live another. I do feel sad for the lack of baptism and receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and all child/youth centered activities and classes, for these children with believing parents but not obedient parents (put your stone down!)
In 1995 (already 20 years ago??) the Family Proclamation was given. I, with others was somewhat taken aback, a little embarrassed, that it was declared, by Apostles, intelligent men, the phrase...marriage between a man and woman is ordained of God. My thoughts...of course it would be a man and a woman....that is a given!! everyone knows that! Well, egg scraped off of my sheepish face...no! not everyone knows that fact! IF a person wants to be in our religion...that marriage criteria is in stone. This recent announcement is solidifying that simple statement with no if's/ands/buts!
All guess work is removed. All careful examination of what to do in each and every single case, on a one by one basis is gone. It's man/woman. That is what our religion believes and IF you want to belong to our Church then this has to be what you live. I cannot imagine having a testimony and yet not feeling we are led by living Prophets. Why even join? or why stay? My religion is so personal to me and if I wasn't a member I'd be searching for a faith that would sustain my basic beliefs or what I'd always longed for. I would not consider becoming LDS knowing all of the stipulations if they countered my personal needs. I seek peace in my faith. Not confusion.
I cannot for the life of me understand why, why oh why!, are people trying to change the Gospel? Trying to swell the ground troops to ban together and awake the sleeping 15 men that support this statement. The 15---They received it. They support it. They shared it. I sustain them. I expect a clear clarion call. They did it. No more guessing. Yes, this does break hearts of adults that truly believe the leaders are wrong and out of step and that makes me sad for them but most of all it makes me sad for the children.
And that is where my sadness comes in, for people like Mariah. I sent her a note....
You readers know that I only have two friends that are gay. I love my friends. One is a single young man. Is 41 considered young? In my ancient life script...he's young. The other is my friend Mariah. Mariah married Taliatha and they have 9 children.
As a co-dependent woman, trying to recover at all times!, it makes sense that I would feel such sadness as my mind goes whirling on all of the what ifs. Can I fix this and make it easier? Uh, no. No, I can't!
I read Sam's FB and feel and see the anger from friends/family, some that I know and most that I don't. I also read of people trying to explain their take on the announcement and arguing. I read of his Mother's anger and feel her pain and frustration. 2 of her children are gay. In his case, I PM him so as not to cause any flareup on FB because I'm an active Mormon. I watch with interest how his peers are taking this. I read of their anger etc. with the Church. I read of those trying to persuade others to their viewpoint. Viewpoints that vary with those trying to calm things down and those frustrated and mad.
I agree with what Sam sent me about the announcement....
Frankly i don't think they are all the way through that recommend process i'm afraid.
To me it makes sense for the Church to issue a guideline as to what to do about those children already in the Church and living with 2 married homosexuals. Maybe they will just tell Bishops but I do know that they will cover that base. Eventually. Not mine to lose a wink of sleep over but still thinking of it. Ever Co-D!!! Don't want anyone hurting in any way!!
I love these 2 friends but we are in total disagreement over the subject of Gays in the Church. We know how each of us feels gospel-wise and those feelings are in cement. We are still caring friends in spite of this. I believe homosexuality goes against Bible teachings. I believe the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. I believe the Roman Empire fell in part because of rampant homosexuality. I believe homosexuality is a part of and a sign of the last days.
It does not stun me that the Church has come out with this clear statement. I do not believe that homosexuality is along the lines of all men receiving the Priesthood many years ago and that it's just a matter of time before the governing men get real/get modern/ get with it and finally realize their error.
We need watchmen on the tower that give a clarion call. We need to have peace in our worship. Bishops need to focus on the Ward task at hand and not issues that must be debated and end up with fights in the midst of defining what needs to be done. They needed this clear direction. This addition to Handbook 1 defines exactly the way things are to be done. (except what needs to be done for children like Mariahs beautiful brood).
I can see it will create less confusion. I've always wondered about classes teaching Gospel truths like...a man and a woman...and the children in their home are with 2 of the same sex...and how do they grapple with that? Your religion tells you one thing and your parents live another. I do feel sad for the lack of baptism and receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and all child/youth centered activities and classes, for these children with believing parents but not obedient parents (put your stone down!)
In 1995 (already 20 years ago??) the Family Proclamation was given. I, with others was somewhat taken aback, a little embarrassed, that it was declared, by Apostles, intelligent men, the phrase...marriage between a man and woman is ordained of God. My thoughts...of course it would be a man and a woman....that is a given!! everyone knows that! Well, egg scraped off of my sheepish face...no! not everyone knows that fact! IF a person wants to be in our religion...that marriage criteria is in stone. This recent announcement is solidifying that simple statement with no if's/ands/buts!
All guess work is removed. All careful examination of what to do in each and every single case, on a one by one basis is gone. It's man/woman. That is what our religion believes and IF you want to belong to our Church then this has to be what you live. I cannot imagine having a testimony and yet not feeling we are led by living Prophets. Why even join? or why stay? My religion is so personal to me and if I wasn't a member I'd be searching for a faith that would sustain my basic beliefs or what I'd always longed for. I would not consider becoming LDS knowing all of the stipulations if they countered my personal needs. I seek peace in my faith. Not confusion.
I cannot for the life of me understand why, why oh why!, are people trying to change the Gospel? Trying to swell the ground troops to ban together and awake the sleeping 15 men that support this statement. The 15---They received it. They support it. They shared it. I sustain them. I expect a clear clarion call. They did it. No more guessing. Yes, this does break hearts of adults that truly believe the leaders are wrong and out of step and that makes me sad for them but most of all it makes me sad for the children.
And that is where my sadness comes in, for people like Mariah. I sent her a note....
My love for you is still intact and
so is our friendship. Are all the children baptized
in your family except for the youngest little girl?
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Your
nice, I have been thinking about you. We have three who aren't
baptized but it really reaches further than that. We have boys who
won't get the priesthood this year and won't be able to pass the
sacrament and we don't know if the oldest girl will still be able to go
on youth temple trips, which she has been doing. Will they be required
to stop taking the sacrament if they have been baptized, but aren't 18? I
just really hope they offer clarification on all of this soon.
Taliatha's ex's new wife got divorced because her husband was gay. The
kids live with them, but the language indicates that her kids will also
be excluded from everything as well just because their dad is in a same
sex relationship.
It is just heart wrenching from so many perspectives!
I
broke out in tears at envisioning these exact complications for those
already involved in the Church. I'm still so sad. I immediately
thought of you and yours.
I didn't realize there were 3 to be baptized.
This is just a mess! đŸ˜Ÿ
an apt description. I put your name on the prayer roll today. My heart goes out to you!!
I appreciate you. All eleven of us are off to church....come what may! I appreciate your prayers!
I hope you were treated kindly and lovingly. I will pray for you and your family. always friends.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Thinking...
The new Church directive on children of homosexuals made me cry. Just so sad to me. So sad. How on earth this will be dealt with by all of us just breaks my heart. I have said before that my belief is the entire gay issue will be divisive in the Church and this just makes it more so!! I never saw this coming. Did you?
I'm thinking back on what President Nelson said at our recent General Conference about the need for strong women in the Church. I remembered him saying attacks against Church doctrine will increase and strong women are needed. I want to be a strong woman. Right now I feel vulnerable and soft. I will need to find my will of iron that brings me up to par. How on earth can any of this be explained? Explained to adults, much less children. And teens!!! Oh, wow!
Am I still a believer in the Church that I love? yes. Do I still believe in Apostles and Prophets and that this is the Lord's Church and He directs it? yes. yes, I do.
The news... here and here
Elder Nelson- A Plea to My Sisters here
The part I remembered from that talk...
Attacks against the Church, its doctrine, and our way of life are going to increase. Because of this, we need women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ and who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation.12 We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms. We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers and who express their beliefs with confidence and charity. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve.
I'm thinking back on what President Nelson said at our recent General Conference about the need for strong women in the Church. I remembered him saying attacks against Church doctrine will increase and strong women are needed. I want to be a strong woman. Right now I feel vulnerable and soft. I will need to find my will of iron that brings me up to par. How on earth can any of this be explained? Explained to adults, much less children. And teens!!! Oh, wow!
Am I still a believer in the Church that I love? yes. Do I still believe in Apostles and Prophets and that this is the Lord's Church and He directs it? yes. yes, I do.
The news... here and here
Elder Nelson- A Plea to My Sisters here
The part I remembered from that talk...
Attacks against the Church, its doctrine, and our way of life are going to increase. Because of this, we need women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ and who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation.12 We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms. We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers and who express their beliefs with confidence and charity. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve.
Monday, November 2, 2015
I've missed you!!
Thanks for waiting for me to return!! It's been rather hectic around here to say the least but I think things are now leveling out and returning to our NewNorm.
I was glad I did my trip to see my sister. She is really fighting for her life on many levels. I'm impressed with how she handles the whole experience. We both said...See you in the Spring!! Hopefully that is a reality and not just wishful thinking! She sort of pestered me again about doing her obituary while I was there. I finally told her that I love to write but on something as personal as an obituary, for my own sister!, that I need private time and to be able to just do it without it being checked over etc. etc. She agreed so that is off of her to-do list. well, more like off of my assignment list from her. All of the other details she wanted settled are done. Funeral arrangements etc.
Terry has had some real challenges due to a side-effect of a Rx that he's been on. He spent a bit in the hospital and is now on the mend.
Our life is no more challenging than any other mortal! Just takes a lot of new coping skills and figuring out how to deal with things that have not been a part of our daily life...ill health...no strength...low/no energy. All that sort of stuff that is a pain to deal with and slows your normal living down to a snails pace.
But...it's okay. We will rise above it. We will figure out great ways to cope.
When I was heading back from Idaho I got in a sort of funk, thinking about things and mentally reading, the coulda/woulda/shoulda book. We all have those little personal life books in the recesses of our brains. They are not a good read. As a person ages, the print seems bolder and darker, and new topics appear. So there I was doing a life review of doubts/fault-finding type things.
Finally I realized I was being sucked down a self-made vortex, that would only land me in full blown depression, if I bought into believing what I was thinking about. Do you ever feel bad over decisions you've made, at different times in your life, and think why did I do that or think that or say that? To feel you know better so why didn't you do better? So I stopped that stinkin' thinkin' right then and did the only sensible thing...broke into tears and started praying out-loud!
Tears withheld are such a relief when released! A good cry just feels terrific when it's justified!
From there I started thinking about why sometimes people feel bad and wish they'd done different. Parents are prone to feel failures many times. I talk to young Moms, with their bird-nests full of birdies, endlessly crying for food or the likes, already feeling a failure at times. A mother isn't the only one that has the feelings of haven't failed ...lots of women do. All sorts of women...no matter the age or marriage or no children or a full quiver...sometimes flail on themselves.
I reminded myself that the past is to learn from but not to live in.
In the past I had learned the power of consequences. Seeing someone you love make choices and blast the dream plan and see consequences settle in is overwhelming. I used to feel it was over. all was lost. There was no hope.
There is a grieving process when when we realize dreams will not come true in regards to our children. Especially in the Gospel. Hearts are shredded in brokenness when lifetime plans of Missions or Temple Marriage or Embracing the Gospel in full activity or being confronted with a Declaration of no testimony...no doctrinal belief...no more activity...a division that sometimes becomes estrangement.
I have learned that it is true the original dream may be gone BUT as the consequences settle in, a person can regroup. Life lessons of learning about unconditional love and how to apply it...learning practical application of the Atonement..reminding yourself that the Lord loves this person with a love even greater than you do. He cares. He will help you. He will help your family member.
We have to learn to dry our tears and roll up our work sleeves, by getting on our knees, and listening for the Spirit to direct us.
I have lived what I have written but that is not my life now. I know of others going through this same thing right now. My heart goes out to them.
My own challenges are right here in our tiny house. I have been reminded of the power of prayer. I shared an incident at Church that really touched my heart. One of our sons has had a cat for years and years. The children have grown up with the presence of Junior. An accident happened, Junior was taken to the vet, it was thought he wouldn't make it but decided to give him a couple of days. He spent a night at the vets and they brought him home to see if he'd improve.
Digressing...Terry had been in the hospital and we were thinking thoughts like....stroke possibility?...heart attack possibility? Just thinking those sorts of things in the midst of sleepless nights etc.
So things were hectic here and then I had this quiet thought ...call and see how Junior is. I called and the family had just walked in from telling final goodbyes to Junior. It was a sad time. I was glad I had called.
The impact of that thought coming to me, in the midst of relative chaos, really hit me hard. In the midst of real life the Lord still cares about all the details. Even a cat! This really brought it home to me, again, of the Lord's awareness of all details in our individual lives. How He loves us and cares for us and we can have faith that he will manage what he needs to manage and give us faith to allow him to do what only He can do.
My heart tonight is with those women that are suffering over choices their children have made that have caused unwanted consequences to be a part of their family.
I was glad I did my trip to see my sister. She is really fighting for her life on many levels. I'm impressed with how she handles the whole experience. We both said...See you in the Spring!! Hopefully that is a reality and not just wishful thinking! She sort of pestered me again about doing her obituary while I was there. I finally told her that I love to write but on something as personal as an obituary, for my own sister!, that I need private time and to be able to just do it without it being checked over etc. etc. She agreed so that is off of her to-do list. well, more like off of my assignment list from her. All of the other details she wanted settled are done. Funeral arrangements etc.
Terry has had some real challenges due to a side-effect of a Rx that he's been on. He spent a bit in the hospital and is now on the mend.
Our life is no more challenging than any other mortal! Just takes a lot of new coping skills and figuring out how to deal with things that have not been a part of our daily life...ill health...no strength...low/no energy. All that sort of stuff that is a pain to deal with and slows your normal living down to a snails pace.
But...it's okay. We will rise above it. We will figure out great ways to cope.
When I was heading back from Idaho I got in a sort of funk, thinking about things and mentally reading, the coulda/woulda/shoulda book. We all have those little personal life books in the recesses of our brains. They are not a good read. As a person ages, the print seems bolder and darker, and new topics appear. So there I was doing a life review of doubts/fault-finding type things.
Finally I realized I was being sucked down a self-made vortex, that would only land me in full blown depression, if I bought into believing what I was thinking about. Do you ever feel bad over decisions you've made, at different times in your life, and think why did I do that or think that or say that? To feel you know better so why didn't you do better? So I stopped that stinkin' thinkin' right then and did the only sensible thing...broke into tears and started praying out-loud!
Tears withheld are such a relief when released! A good cry just feels terrific when it's justified!
From there I started thinking about why sometimes people feel bad and wish they'd done different. Parents are prone to feel failures many times. I talk to young Moms, with their bird-nests full of birdies, endlessly crying for food or the likes, already feeling a failure at times. A mother isn't the only one that has the feelings of haven't failed ...lots of women do. All sorts of women...no matter the age or marriage or no children or a full quiver...sometimes flail on themselves.
I reminded myself that the past is to learn from but not to live in.
In the past I had learned the power of consequences. Seeing someone you love make choices and blast the dream plan and see consequences settle in is overwhelming. I used to feel it was over. all was lost. There was no hope.
There is a grieving process when when we realize dreams will not come true in regards to our children. Especially in the Gospel. Hearts are shredded in brokenness when lifetime plans of Missions or Temple Marriage or Embracing the Gospel in full activity or being confronted with a Declaration of no testimony...no doctrinal belief...no more activity...a division that sometimes becomes estrangement.
I have learned that it is true the original dream may be gone BUT as the consequences settle in, a person can regroup. Life lessons of learning about unconditional love and how to apply it...learning practical application of the Atonement..reminding yourself that the Lord loves this person with a love even greater than you do. He cares. He will help you. He will help your family member.
We have to learn to dry our tears and roll up our work sleeves, by getting on our knees, and listening for the Spirit to direct us.
I have lived what I have written but that is not my life now. I know of others going through this same thing right now. My heart goes out to them.
My own challenges are right here in our tiny house. I have been reminded of the power of prayer. I shared an incident at Church that really touched my heart. One of our sons has had a cat for years and years. The children have grown up with the presence of Junior. An accident happened, Junior was taken to the vet, it was thought he wouldn't make it but decided to give him a couple of days. He spent a night at the vets and they brought him home to see if he'd improve.
Digressing...Terry had been in the hospital and we were thinking thoughts like....stroke possibility?...heart attack possibility? Just thinking those sorts of things in the midst of sleepless nights etc.
So things were hectic here and then I had this quiet thought ...call and see how Junior is. I called and the family had just walked in from telling final goodbyes to Junior. It was a sad time. I was glad I had called.
The impact of that thought coming to me, in the midst of relative chaos, really hit me hard. In the midst of real life the Lord still cares about all the details. Even a cat! This really brought it home to me, again, of the Lord's awareness of all details in our individual lives. How He loves us and cares for us and we can have faith that he will manage what he needs to manage and give us faith to allow him to do what only He can do.
My heart tonight is with those women that are suffering over choices their children have made that have caused unwanted consequences to be a part of their family.
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