Last night at rehab!!!

Beautiful freedom.  Independence.  Whiteboard gift.  Magic of magic marker!

Tomorrow is the big day.  We are both so excited and happy.  He misses his chair and his bed. We miss being together.  We will lounge around and start his home therapy on Monday.  Not therapists coming to home but the two of us doing therapy in our home.  And walking.  Lots of walking.  Good wholesome food etc. etc.

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Today I was reminded of how wonderful the Holy Ghost is.  I was getting ready to go to the Rehab and suddenly the thought popped into my mind... Zaycon fish is today. I hadn't given it a thought that early December I'd ordered salmon and cod that would be delivered on Jan. 31st.  Today!  I couldn't remember the delivery time and thought I'd missed it but I hadn't.  It was in the evening.  Heading up to see Terry, I took my receipt and had my GPS,  as I couldn't place where the delivery spot was.  they would be there for pick-ups one hour.  Only one. 

I left Terry, and he gave me directions to get to street.  I went to car to set my GPS and couldn't figure out a part of it.  I decided to just follow Terry's direction but I turned the wrong way and ended up on the freeway and time was running out.  I was breaking into a sweat as this was not a little package of frozen fish.  It was a big package!! Actually 2 packages!!

I was praying that I'd not be late and that I'd find the delivery place as I had no clue where it was.  Suddenly the thought popped into my mind....It's behind the Stake Center.  And there it was!  Tucked away behind the Stake Center.  The truck was waiting for me.  I so appreciated that man. 

The Holy Ghost is so kind in bringing things to our remembrance.  I felt so unworthy of such kind help but I still recognized where it came from and it was so appreciated.  

Later I remembered that Shannon had told me where that place was and also some of the Wards in our Stake took some meals for the homeless and I think that was the place I wrote them to go to but at the moment when I desperately needed that fact, I drew a blank.. 

To much going on and my single-minded Stroke focus and rushing and panic feelings worked against me remembering details but the Holy Ghost gently spoke twice and helped me.  My life is blessed with/by this Gift.  Lots of gratitude going on in my heart. 

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Therapy!! 

I is for Independent!

Good morning!  Yesterday was one of the happiest days ever!  They marked his schedule board with I's.  I for independent!  He is free to walk anywhere, indoors or outdoors, on his own!  No one needs to be with him!  Just his cane!

I was so happy for that freedom--for both of us--that it wiped me out!  I was so tired that I came home and took a long nap.  I had realized the last couple of days that I'd been thinking/wondering how were we going to accomplish what needed to be done and regular life at the same time, when he comes home.  I had no idea how deep that concern was until I heard the news that he won't be restricted because of waiting for someone to be next to him.... if he wants to do something, like go to his garage which he's always puttering around in, or go for a short walk, or sit on porch, or walk around at Church, or any of those other little jaunts considered normal.  We have been blessed beyond measure in this entire trial.

I continue to feel at peace but I never know exactly what comes with that peace package.  I knew we'd make it together but I still didn't know what the future held.  And in a way I still don't but I do know he has been blessed beyond measure in his recovery and we are thankful to our innermost selves.  Soul-deep.

We have experienced the miraculous power of Priesthood blessings, results of united prayer from family, friends and strangers that care and also pray.

As we experience the challenges/trials/adversities of life, and live that visible physical life, there is also an inner spiritual life going on.  That physical life is filled with data, drugs, therapy and etc.  At the same time the spirit is speaking and is calming, peaceful & hopeful. I've had several wonderful times of being sustained by the Spirit. I look forward to sharing those happenings with you, that are etched in my heart, when life settles just a bit more.

He is coming home tomorrow!!!!  We are both so excited!! 

This is my life right now.

Dad had another great day! He admittedly is weak and lacks some strength but he's trying so hard and has moved ahead to the point that he is going to come home on FRIDAY!!! Tonight he talked about having friends come see him in the evening. Of course he starts to feel that way 2 days before he comes home! It was good to know he has that desire even though the days wear him out. They said he will have to continue home therapy in order to have more recovery. He's ready to do that. He will follow the rehabs plan of a walk and light therapy on Sat. and no therapy on Sunday. That will give him time to catch his breath. Because he came in on a Tuesday he's only had Sunday off. They have to document 5 days a week of therapy and all the details of the 3 hours spent per patient. I never really understood the importance of PT and OT before. Guess I never really understood the brain! Those workers are my favorite people. They do incredible things.

I miss Dad so much and will be glad when he is home. I'm with him during the day but it's still hard to leave. We are used to being around each other day & night. There are a lot of unknowns with him coming home. Uncrossed bridges. A lot of people have wanted to help but with Dad going through his battle and me not here at the house we didn't really need anything but this may be a different story and we may take them up on their offers although I still don't know what we need!

Thank you for every single prayer, love note, pictures and good thoughts.

My heart is so tender towards Dad. He looked so innocent and pure to me tonight. It's 11:30. I'm rambling.

Love,

Mother

PS- Dad is not eating any desserts. The last thing he ate was chocolate cake. Says he will never eat cakes, pies, cookies, candies etc.

In the loop

good morning!  Our son had been keeping his siblings posted and now I have used the time that I could blog to tell my kiddo's the happening.  If you don't mind I'll share those with you today.
His recovery is such a testament to the power of united prayer and Priesthood power.  I have some personal incidents to share but right now I'm getting ready for my day so that will be later.  Thanks so much for your prayers and love.

To children yesterday--

Hello to all. I know you are worried but things are moving along so just keep the prayers and faith going. Just came home to do 3 loads of laundry. In between folding- so wanted to drop a line. Amazing how he is doing. A week ago he couldn't hardly stand up with assistance. This morning they gave him the go ahead to get up out of bed, walk in room with cane, totally go to bathroom....all on his own. doesn't need to let nurse know at all! also he can walk with me down hall or wherever he wants with his cane. We can go anywhere he wants but if a long distance then I need to take a wheelchair. 

The PT Therapist this morning said that his improvement was so great that he was concerned that it was a "false reading" and didn't know whether to write it on chart or wait until tomorrow and check him again. After he left, Dad said...I sure could tell him a lot about blessings and the power of prayer and the love of people and my great kids. We are both stunned at his progress. Plus he finally got his first nights sleep in a week and he has started eating and headache is gone and nausea is gone and IV is gone. I could not believe how straight and firm he walked with the PT and no cane. Amazing! We continue to just focus on his Therapies and rest. I'm doing fine. I won't overdo as I know that would be foolish. People are so generous in their offers and I feel bad to say we are fine but we are. Kipper watches out for us. He will make me a beautiful salad for dinner. I feel very peaceful inside. We will be in battle mode when he comes home with outpatient therapy and other exercises and good food. I'm thinking that he may end up like a reformed smoker and be telling everyone whether they want to hear it or not about....boy, do all you can to not have a stroke and then tell his story. More than once!! Kipper and I were talking about him going to be like Jack LaLanne and maybe wear a headband like Richard Simmons and being my exercise coach. Spare me!!!

Anyhow things are looking miraculously incredibly fantastically amazing and we are so grateful.

He has learned so much from these therapists and I have also. He expresses appreciation to them. I thought of Maureen and her therapy skills. What a service for people to receive. Oh, wow!!! Isn't it Murphy's birthday today!!!??

Sorry about that.

Dryer buzzing.

I will send you a couple of pictures for you to see that he's alive and mostly well.

Love each of you!!!

Mom

 dear children...you would not believe how great he is doing. He said he feels very weak overall but he works like a monster man!! We can just feel the power of love and prayer as his brain heals and that reconnection makes marvelous things happen. We are still working our game plan of rest and therapy. And I keep myself busy fluffing my pom-poms and checking my pony-tail as I cheer for him in my poodle skirt!!

Today he had the head speech therapist come in and she evaluated him. Ended up telling him that he doesn't need another visit with her so that was great. She shared in conversation a fact about drivers' licenses. Interesting that they don't just automatically take your drivers license when you have a stroke. The Dr. can tell you that you shouldn't drive until he clears you but technically there is no law stating you can't. sort of scary to contemplate!!

Today Dad was told that he needs to wear high-tops tennis shoes to aid his balance! That will be interesting. He is an excellent patient in that he does no arguing, feels they are there to help him and he accepts their advice. Those tennis shoes?...uh-huh...ALL the time! What were those boots in AK that were so popular? maybe they would work.

He uses a cane and they are going to get him one that stays upright when you let go of it. He walks so great with it. I assume he will go home with one. Always have to use it???? I don't know yet.

You know how opening jars etc. we say....lefty loosey. righty tighty. ? In teaching Dad how to walk on the practice stairs, the therapist gave him a way to remember it. He said...You know how in the Bible it says that good people go up to Heaven and bad people go down to hell? Going up the stairs ...good leg first. Going down the stairs...bad leg first. Good-up. Bad-down. So there you go in case you have a bum leg.

He can tie his tennis shoes and tries to use both hands which is what they want. That was a first today.

When I take him for a little ride in the wheelchair, I always let/make him push the button with his left hand. At first it was thrashing but they have taught him to slow down and focus and he has become more certain in use of his hand. A lady was so kind and held the elevator door open because of his wheelchair. I stopped and let him stab at the buttons and her face showed that she thought I was not so nice but we are battling for full use of his arm and that is a part of it.

Pictures-- he is tying his shoes. waving to reassure you he is okay. and then being ridiculous and re-enacting that movie...Weekend at Bernie's? by holding his bad arm up. bad acting. Gong!!

I'm pacing myself and it was wonderful and felt normal to do up some laundry and fold it and load up the dishes. It just felt sort of comforting, relaxing and soothing. Not a burden. Just homey.

Kipper fixed a great salad tonight.

I feel very peaceful inside. We are in for what may be a marathon of effort to help Dad but I truly believe that I am witnessing a miracle right before my eyes. We will deal with whatever comes our way as you know how those lutefisk lovers are!!!

take care and know that your parents love and appreciate you so very much.

Mother

At rehab inbetween therapy session

First day-Echo Gram also note upchuck bag

Speech Therapy testing-checking for brain damage

PT showing him fish pictures

PT checking his gait.  No cane.  Awesome.  Roadrunner man.

Yes!  using both hands.  success!!!!

reassuring family that he is okay.

no cane!!  left arm in place! straight posture!!

working on balance.  still on IV in this one. so physically sick at that time.

Sunday night

today, Sunday, started off pretty rough with Terry's battle.  He could not get his mind quiet and slept little, had a headache.  He said he wasn't worrying but his mind was just alive with songs from Abba running around and putting the Christmas things up in the garage etc.  All things he'd done and was reliving or hearing.  We were in hopes for visitors but he was pretty wiped out.  So we put a stop to that.  The Dr.s are so great in figuring out the right meds for him and eventually things leveled out.  that was so wonderful!!  he was able to eat and got some rest.  Hopefully Monday will be awesome and he can really have a lot of oomph to do his therapy.  My thoughts are jumbled!

Here is how his days go.....

He has 3 hours of Therapy a day. awakened at 7, dress, eat breakfast, rest, 45 minutes of PT therapy, rest, 45 minutes of OT therapy, rest, eat lunch, rest, 45 minutes of PT therapy, rest, 45 minutes of OT therapy, rest, dinner at 5pm. The therapy is exhausting but he is doing so great and making such great strides. You can see why he can't deal with a social life like having people visit during day as he crashes after his therapy each time.  It's intense but so worth it. 

Random thoughts

First.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for praying and thank you for your love.  When traumatic events happen it creates a detour that none of us have ever been on.  There have been so many offers of help and each is appreciated.  We didn't need meals or the likes but we sure wanted prayers and we received them.  In abundance.  Thank you!

 Terry has an excellent attitude of...This is life.  Let's deal with it.  No questioning or whining or feeling sorry for himself. 

 He is moving ahead rapidly and we are just amazed and thankful.  My thoughts are all scrambled into a weeks worth of scrambled events.

A week ago today we ended our Sunday as we always do by going to bed.  We stayed up to late.  Again!  Probably 6am I was awakened by him turning on his lamp and shocking me by saying....I think I'm having a stroke.  He was right.

From there it's been a mad dash of tests and evaluations and rehab.  I am so thankful for rehab and how things are going.  Thankful for specialists.

Thoughts are strange sometimes in their randomness.  Some of my thoughts have been so random!

He's having an Echo gram to check his heart, to see if they can trace where the blood clot originated and I'm watching all of this, sitting against the back wall, facing the screen and the tech's back and looking at Terry on the bed and suddenly out of nowhere the thought pops into my mind...I don't know how to tie a necktie.  What if he can't ever tie a necktie?  Will I take him to Church and ask the first man I see to tie his tie?  Maybe I can have someone teach me that skill?  Could the Deacons Quorum take that on as a service project?  To weekly make sure his tie is tied?

Random.  For sure.

 He was admitted early Monday morning, diagnosed with a TIA/mini-stroke, & spent the night.  Tuesday, around 4:30 he was going to come home. We were excited to think he was leaving to come home but as we were about to leave, the entire plan changed.  He was going to rehab as an in-patient.  It was really hectic and we didn't even come home for a minute.  We went right up to the Stroke Center.

He wanted to come home and I wanted the same thing.  I felt emotional and so did he but we decided to not start crying.  We were tired and had been through a lot of shock.  That was very hard to leave him there but he wanted me to go home that night and I knew I needed to.  He wasn't in danger, they were professionals monitoring him closely, and he had no pain.  We had talked in the car about me staying rested and strong etc.  So I drove off late that night and headed home.

As women, with our divine nurturing nature, we are automatically tuned in to multitask in caring for our chicks and even our tough old roosters.  I felt like I dropped my only child off at some new daycare.  I wanted to leave them a list of what he needed and make sure they'd check on him etc. etc.
In the middle of the night I awoke with a start...what if they didn't give him the Plavix???!!!  They had taken him off of aspirin and went "next step above aspirin".  I had not filled the Rx from the hospital.  At the rehab center I was to show the nurses what the hospital doctor wanted him on.  The rehab nurses said they had their own Doctor and their own Rx and that might not be given.  The Rehab Dr. would decide.  So I awake in a panic that he has no aspirin AND no Plavix....Does he have Thick blood!  Sludging towards his brain?  Clots!! Another stroke?  At any minute!  I need to call them.  Did they check the chart?  Do they know?  Maybe I should go over there even though it's 2am?   Me hyperventilating!!!  Prayer calmed me and reassurance came and I kept to my original plan of staying in bed until 7am.

Yesterday morning, 5 days later,  as I headed over, I suddenly felt so overwhelmed with mentally scanning through the what if  book.  What if the car breaks down?  What if our kids think we are a burden because maybe we are or will be?  What if he can't go to the Temple?  What if we run out of $$$?  What if they tell us we need to build a new bathroom?  What if I can't do my Church calling?  What if he can't get the Christmas tree down for next year?  What if he can't go to McCall?  What if he falls and breaks a hip?  What if I get sick?  What if he has another stroke?  What if the brain damage causes him to be a horrible mean man?  What if he gets depressed?  Rapid fire doubts rolled over me like a steam roller and tears welled up.

I said a little --help me.  Please-- prayer.  Immediately the quote from Joseph Smith, popped into my mind, about doubt and faith cannot be in the same thought.  You either have one or the other.  And then the words to the hymn, I will not doubt, I will not fear popped into my mind.  I ran those words through my mind.  and then a reminder thought popped up ...reading the what if  book of my future imaginings was as much a waste of time as reading the if only book of the previous years of my life.  What if...dealing with the future.  If only... dealing with the past.  I can't change either one.  One dealing with worry over non-existent future happenings and the other dealing with guilt/regret over a past event.  A total waste of energy.  I pulled my thoughts into the present and breathed deep and looked at how things really were at that very moment.  Now is called the present because it is a gift. (not my original idea but one that impacted me when I read it years ago) 

And that present moment, was a good place to be, as I drove down the freeway and looked at how wonderful things are right this second!  He can talk.  He can walk.  He can feed himself and all those simple tasks that get you going for the day.  Rehab is strengthening all those areas!  At that moment, that very moment, all was well.

Last night when I came home I got out the Hymnal and read/sang/hummed #128. 

When Faith Endures

I will not doubt, I will not fear;

God's love and strength are always near.

His promised gift helps me to find

An inner strength and peace of mind.

I give the Father willingly 

My Trust, my prayers, humility,

His Spirit guides; 

his love assures 

That fear departs when faith endures.

Letter to our kiddo's....

Dad's nausea stopped!!! Yes!!! He just called me. He sounded tired but wonderful!!! I was just feeling so concerned and tears welled up and I was just ready to call the hospital nurses and find out how his night went and he called!

I am so thankful that stopped!!!

This is just the boost we needed! I will call Kipper during the day and he will let you know what is going on. Calling him was long distance and that wasn't working but we have that figured out. If Dad's evening energy is okay etc. etc. then he will call each of you one by one so you can know he's okay. Maybe not all in one evening but you will hear from him so you can know for yourself that he is okay.

 

Yesterday he was so nauseous and then horrible headache and had been since admission to rehab. He arrived that way and it was around the clock. Horrible. Horrible! Oh, he sounded so good! Last night the Dr. said if they couldn't get a handle on it then they'd do another Cat Scan

 

He mastered his OT and PT yesterday even though he could barely hold his head up and I was carrying a little barf bucket & some water wherever he was going or whatever he was doing. They were able to do a lot of testing and therapy right in his room. They did all they could to work with him being exhausted and nauseous. There is no choice. He either does it or he's out. We don't want him out until he's as strong as possible.

 

They said there are two kinds of stroke patients that come to rehab. One has to really be motivated to do the work and encouraged to move faster. The other has to be encouraged to slow down. Dad is slow down type. On his white board notes they wrote...poor deficit awareness. Translation-- they say, after putting a safety belt on him and having him sit up...we are going to walk to the door. Okay? He, waiting like a slathering race horse, suddenly bolts. Lumbering and lurching with the young therapist, pulling on the safety belt and saying...Sir!! Whoa!! Slow! Slow!

 

I am fine. Truly. I know you are concerned for me but I'm not the martyr type. I won't run myself into the ground and think that's impressive. I know I must do the oxygen mask counsel on airplanes....First put your own mask on THEN on your sweetie. Right now my goal is to stay strong and even keeled which is easy since I'm not an emotional person!!! Ha! Right!

 

I have absolutely terrific friends here and so many offers of kindness and help and food but right now I just go to rehab and come home and visit with Kipper and then just quietly unwind and go to bed. I have wonderful women friends and I'm at ease in calling any of them, if I need anything at all. Dad has men that love him also.

Kipper has been a rock, in spite of dealing with his own challenges, and we feel good having him in our lives and so close at hand.

 

I'll cut this short and get ready to go see Dad and start another day in paradise! He's alive and can talk and flexing his muscles and moving his arm and all those good things. Last night we talked about the fact, if how he is right now, this very moment, ended up being as good as it's going to get in his recovery...we'd make it work. We'd be okay. He said...Hey. This is life so why complain? I'm blessed. And we really are!

 

Love to all of you chickadees from Mother

 

confession: I was rude to a mail nurse yesterday so today I will apologize. I still feel the same but I shouldn't have spoken to him like I did. I'll let you know how it goes! 

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Thanks to each of you, my blog friends, for your kindness and concerns!!  I'll write more later.