Clearing the air...

I seem to use my blog to talk about my life somethings!  Thanks for always listening!  I was readying invites to my PersonalPityParty and then went to Church and decided to cancel it!!  No PPP scheduled in the near future.  Sometimes life just stacks up and it gets heavier and heavier.  Because I had my life moving ahead okay and the weight evenly distributed and manageable...I decided to amp up the load and started calling out mentally, my sins.

I keep a pretty tight rope on sins of commission and have a Temple Recommend and am active in our LDS vernacular.  I just went off the deep end and started an itemized list of my sins of omission!  I was dredging up the dirt on that one!  It was as if I was using an adding machine with tape and there were so many that I needed a new tape!

Then I threw in all of my Co-Dependency thoughts that were buried but I managed to dig those word weapons up.  All of that sort of stuff that is authored by the devil himself...self-doubt/insecurity/feelings of rejection/if you really knew me/unworthy/unloveable etc. etc.  The hole got deeper and the pack got heavier and heavier.

Then I threw in my regular life which has lots going on.  Like a Dr. appointment and topping it off with DearHubby in pain and up until 3:30am.

I, of course had no choice, except to resign from life and starting that off by deciding on not going to Church today.  I felt justified just on exhaustion alone!

It was hard to ignore that the Lord was trying to get my attention.  There had been a wonderful letter this week from Natalie and she was encouraging me to post.  Then I got a note from a friend and she shared her love for me.  Words fitly spoken....

It was also hard to ignore being prompted by a hymn when I woke up today and while reading the lyrics...having 3 more hymns come to mind.  Hymns truly speak to me.  Maybe I should say...prayers are answered by hymns playing in my head.  Maybe a line.  Maybe a stanza.  Maybe a title.  whatever that maybe might be...I do take it as receiving answers to my heartfelt prayers.  It is sweet counsel for sure.

Yes.  I did go to Church.  Yes.  I was so blessed for doing so.  It was like feeling balm drops on dry hands that feel sort of sand-papery.  It was smiles and greetings.  It was singing hymns and being with the believers of The Church.  It was being asked how I was and encouraged to keep forging ahead. It was hearing testimonies.  It was someone moving up to sit by me in Sunday School.  It was being asked if my invitation to a baptism (that was last night) had arrived and being told I had been invited.  Even though I didn't know and I didn't go...the thought warmed my heart that I was wanted and welcome.  It was a short visit and hug from Celise. It was being with the YW and seeing how they are becoming a closer group of girls.  It was hearing a lesson about The Plan of Happiness.  It was everything about those 3 hours that filled my soul.

I've been studying about Grace and also Repentance.  Both of these heavenly powers helped me to get back on track after a bit of derail.  I will share how repentance helped me.  tomorrow.  I'll share it tomorrow.  For now it's like this meme says....  

True!