Sweet Invite

Looking forward to going to the Temple tomorrow.  With the snow and ice and road conditions not conducive/enticing/inviting me to travel...I've stayed away.  I do like to go weekly so am getting back into that habit starting tomorrow.

Today I feel like a winner of the golden ticket that Charlie found in that candy bar as he unwrapped it.  I found an LDS equivalent of my own Golden Ticket in the mail...an invite to a sealing!!

We love this young couple.  Terry probably won't be able to go but I will go for us...for sure!!  It is so special to me to receive an invite because his family lives in Zillah and her family in Richland.  Just an hours distance from here so you can imagine how many local people in both towns, know the families and in our small Temple (that both towns use) there simply won't be room for everyone.  It was a super joyous time to get the invite. They are just so adorable and I love them.

Visit is over!

Well, she is gone!  We enjoyed every minute of her long stay!  I've mentioned it before but it still surprises me...since she graduated from high school- she has come home at least once a year!  Never a miss!  She used to come home twice a year and then she got married and had her twins and started coming home for an extended length in the summer.  Now she seems to be back on two times a year. One time or two times...we always appreciate her coming home!  She brings a heart full of love for us and it is just so energizing and wonderful to be with her.  Adult children that take the time to care and love and show it are just incredible!!

Jeanee emptied out the tote sitting on the porch, that had the firewood and then we reloaded the tote with the Christmas things, scattered in garage, that had been removed to make room for the firewood.  We tided up the garage to at least have room to walk around!  I told her that I couldn't remember the last time the floor had been so clear.  She laughed and reminded me...not since I did it the last time I visited!  She was right!

We go about things very differently.  She is one that quickly makes a decision to toss anything she views as unnecessary.  I am one that thinks it through.  So I was saying NO and she was saying YES! A word tug-of-war!  Back and forth.  Me being BossyMomma and she being SassyMouth.  She is like my sister.  Dixie always made quick decisions on stuff.  I hang onto stuff until it's near molding!  Jeanee and I may differ on that level but we are so connected at the heart and she is a blessing in my life!

The value of a few consistent actions that end up being a tradition was brought home to me.  I had fresh baked bread on her arrival.  It's a whole wheat bread and she had eaten it and breathed in that aroma for all of her childhood.  The memories that brought back to her were so sweet to hear.  She wants to make sure that she can bake it so she took the recipe and we will work on that next time she comes home.  She will try it on her own and we will do it with phone advice until she returns!

Speaking of bread.  Did you listen to Elder Gong's talk?  It was for the CES folks but also for all teachers.  He gave such wonderful insight about bread and water and fish and most of all, about the Savior.  read it or listen and you will enjoy it so very much!  here  I absolutely love learning about the Gospel.  It buoys me so much and influences me to try harder...to do better and keep my faith growing.

RootsTech 2017 sounded like it was great!  I love and appreciate the technology of today.  I can watch so many things live-streaming and also end up watching it later.  They have 4 full sessions for our enjoyment.  Last year Sister Nelson talked about giving up her personal playing of scrabble, for awhile, to get names ready for Temple.  She never went back to it again and only plays Scrabble with President Nelson.  I enjoyed her book Covenant Keepers when she talks about her conversion to doing Temple work for ancestors.  

This year, for some reason, as I listened to the talks, I picked up on the value/importance of writing our life story and Family History.  The challenge came through to give up 30 minutes of time daily spent on something and use that 30 minutes for research or the likes on names needing ordinances.  You know how I've balked and resisted doing Genealogy (sorry, Natalie!) but I will start with writing stories.  I have lots of tidbits written down from my Aunt Bonnie and maybe, just maybe, it will spur me on, as I start to dig into the information I have of stories and end up with names for Temple?  I hope so.  I'm going to try it.  I will start March 1st and do it for one month.  (they suggested 21 days and I'm going all out!- 4 weeks instead of 3!) IF you haven't watched any of the sessions...check it out here 

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So how are you doing?  I've missed talking to you, so of course am behind on things I wanted to share but I'm back now and ready to resume blogging on a regular basis.  why on earth I didn't say...I'll be back when she leaves...just rude I guess.  Sorry.

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here are a couple of pictures from our time together.  We were total homebodies and enjoyed every single day!

Enjoying heat and food.  ready for traveling with pedicure!  sunglasses on head!

A Daddy's girl for sure!

Watching Vera or maybe Sherlock Holmes?

full length down coat & over-sized Goodwill rain boots! Diva!  Firewood ready to use!

Day late-Valentines!

Happy belated Valentines Day!  Enjoying having Jeanee here so much!!  When she arrived it was snowing and everything was totally covered in white.  Gorgeous!  Reminded her of Alaska and staying warm by the fireplace!  She was a heat seeker.  Her brothers would harrass her when she sat on the heat vent, pulled her flannel nightgown over her drawn-up knees and enjoyed the big bubble of warm air that she created.

Here is todays heat seeker!

Blurry!--sorry!

Valentines Day around here was low key but sweet...with chocolates and a lunch with two friends that know Jeanee and the arrival of a new stove!  I'm blaming the old stove for my epic failures in cooking for the last long while!  Today will hopefully prove me right and validate the purchase!

Terry felt bad that he'd not gone to the store and bought me a Valentine so the day was also about 'fessing up.  I tried to make him feel better by sharing that I didn't go buy his card...it was the same card that I've given him for the last several years!  I don't seal it...just save it and it's truly my gift that keeps on giving! He never remembers it from year to year and really, after being together for what seems a million years, it's just fine to do that in my book!

Yesterday I had a super surprise.  A knock on the door and there stood a friend holding a balloon.

 I was stunned and super happy.  She is battling cancer (and winning!) and there she stood!...sharing love and giving her all!  It was such a happy time for me on so many counts.  She is one that I was pummeling myself for not doing things to help her...not weathering the snow and visiting her and just feeling like such a lousy friend in action (although I was not lacking in the love and concern department).  Maybe the weather and the regrouping on exercise etc. sort of aggravated me being Co-D?  Anyhow...just saying that her visiting and feeling her love and appreciation/acceptance of me, just being me, was ample in her eyes- made my heart feel thankful and happy.  She was thankful for our prayers and wanted to share that with us.  It was a great reminder lesson, of just doing what we can in the best way we can.  And that reminds me...I'm still so eager to share about Grace.  Most likely that will be after Jeanee leaves (the 22nd).

Have a wonderful day!

(all sorts of new readers today!  have no idea how that happens but welcome to my blog!)

Sunshine!!

The sun is shining...snow is melting...ice still abounds...my heart is happy because our daughter is here.  She is soaking up this weather and enjoying every minute.  She even went out and chopped ice (with a rake!) and shoveled it...without a coat as I want to feel cold!  Always an Alaskan at heart although her soul can only take so much cold as she is most comfy in warmth.  Not hot.  Just warm.

We had a fun dinner last night and played Five Crowns afterwards.  It was great for us to have 2 of our children here!

These pictures make me laugh.  They are sort of like one of you young Mothers recording every step, almost time lapsed, of your baby's accomplishment in maybe crawling or standing up or rolling over!  She is a married Mother of two college girls and yet I still have those feelings of adoring her as I have her entire life.  So cute in her oversized Thrift Store rain boots.   There I stood snapping pictures of her remarkable feat-- breaking up ice and pitching it in the back of a truck!  Eager to share and show you!!  She thinks I'm FunnyMomma!  Is that the cutest thing you've ever seen?  True she was laughing and saying, in the last picture...Momma!  Translated to ...Mother!  what on earth are you doing???!!

Muth-er!!??

A new day

A new day with a fresh covering of snow!  as the psalmist says...weeping endures for a night but joy cometh in the morning.  Today I breathe deep, feel my flat bottomed boat of life afloat and things feel like MyLife again. A special treat...today our daughter comes for a visit!  I'm eager to get her bed ready and bake some bread and get things in order.  I love my children.  All adults now but still my children.

Yesterday Terry got a letter from the Neptune Society.  Thinking water and mermaids?  Not so.  This was an offer to enter a drawing for a pre-paid cremation!  The bottom half had one of my most favorite quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt.

I know the past is to learn from and not to live in (Richard L. Evans)  I also know that worry over the future will not change a single outcome and guilt over the past will not undo a smidgen.  I also know the present moment is all we have control over.  Along with Mrs. Roosevelt I feel the present is a gift. (haven't we all used that to teach a lesson or two over the years?)

I'm fairly good at not overly worrying about the future...Be it the world at large or my own little personal world.  The challenge for me?...I have great difficulty at times in dealing with my past.  The strange thing is my past is not checkered with posters plastered at the Post Office with my picture.  I'm neither infamous or wanted. I have no darkness locked away or buried, in hopes you never get word of it.  Don't laugh...I will dredge up things of parenting that I wish I'd handled differently (remember my baby is 42!)....or faux pas or gaffes...and then adding to my wickedness- a list a mile long of sins of omissions (and on that I always back up my badness with- to him that knoweth to do good and doeth it not- it is sin).

I have repented of these things forever.  Over and over!  Why do they pop back up and haunt me and stop me in my tracks with remorse?  Why does this old stuff, some deemed ridiculous in the amount of regret that I relive?

Simply put...I have not understood how to free myself through repentance of even things that others might say...you silly goose! Why on earth do you even think of things like that???

So I've been trying to figure this out so I can move ahead once and for all.  This will be tricky because life is one big test and that is what we are here to conquer.  Ourselves.

In studying I found something that really rang true to me.  Remember how Paul struggled and Nephi's lament over his humanness?...wondering why when they loved the Lord and could feel the Spirit so strong and yet they would struggle.

Then I found a talk that really impacted my thinking.  The fact that even though we chose mortality and to follow The Plan, that did not mean that our bodies would just be eager to choose the right and do the right and know what to do.  Our Spirit, our real self, will have to manage our bodies as there is so much going on against us from Satan's camp.  Remember those 1/3 that did not choose what we did came right to earth and then they gather followers here and etc. etc.  One part I read that really made sense was the 3 Nephites had to have a change within themselves to avoid the perils of the world.

As we recently read the Book of Mormon, I was impressed with the constant pleading from all sources to repent.  Over and over and over.  Repent.  The really big factor was there was no punishment inflicted or waiting for the forgiveness.  Mercy was spoken of.  Love came through those words.  No matter how vile they were, there was that pleading to repent.  There was big time evil behavior going on and still the invitation was there to repent.

Because we aren't ask to light candles or say Hail Mary's or do penance of any sort makes true repentance such a miracle.  We ask and are told...I the Lord remember them no more.  Instead of my doing as Paul said and forget the past...I seem to dig stuff up that has been buried and settled.  Much like a wound that isn't allowed to scab over and heal from the inside to the outside, I pick at it.  Lack of faith?  Actually I don't think so.  I have faith but I think I have lacked understanding of how to move ahead through using repentance as intended.

One really powerful statement I read states that Christ permanently forgives.  That coincides with His remembering no more.

Perhaps I've been arrogant in thinking that my errors in minutia judgment calls from years ago are so unworthy, so beneath me, that forgiveness is impossible?  Does my disappointment in my behavior render me unworthy to take advantage of the blessing and power and beauty of repentance?  Does it work for everyone except me?  Methinks the lady does need a mind adjustment!

(so there are some scattered thoughts of making repentance work in my life and next is how grace plays into it)

enjoy this quote...It really has a lot of marvelous insight.  Mull it over and enjoy.  I did that very thing!

Man's Incapacity in Spirit and Body

While it may be expected that we achieve the "fulness of Christ," we simply cannot do so on our own. Each of us is made up of two things – an eternal spirit and a mortal body (Abraham 3:18; D&C 88:15). Our eternal spirit comes into the world a product of choices made in the pre-mortal world. These pre-mortal choices form our personality, character, and spiritual intelligence. Significantly, no two of our spirits is the same (Abraham 3:19). Each spirit possesses a different degree of spiritual intelligence, or light and truth (D&C 93:36), according to his or her pre-mortal choices. While each of our spirits may arrive in its mortal body at birth clean and pure, and even noble and great, no one of our spirits is yet perfectly developed unto the "fullness of Christ." Perfection of spirit may be pursued during the schooling of mortality and the additional experience of the spirit world (D&C 130:18-19; D&C 138:30-37, 58-59), but perfection of spirit is not finally accomplished until the resurrection. 

In addition to the current imperfection of our spirits, our mortal bodies also are imperfect. As wondrous as they are, our mortal bodies are subject to decay, deterioration, and death and present desires, appetites, and passions previously unknown to us. Under such conditions, it is enormously difficult to fully subject the body to the will of the spirit. Too often, the spirit succumbs to the dictates of the body. Some of the greatest spirits who have come to earth have struggled to subdue their physical bodies. "[M]y heart sorroweth because of my flesh," cried Nephi. "I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me" (2 Nephi 4:17-18, 27). Paul cried out in a similar way: "O wretched man that I am!" (Romans 7:24). "I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will[,] is present with me; but how to perform that which is good[,] I find not. For the good that I would[,] I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. … I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my [body], warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my [body]" (Romans 7:18-19, 22-23). 

The war between spirit and body referred to by Paul is made all the more difficult by another fact of mortality. Our physical bodies are constructed of the materials of a "fallen" world, which gives Satan a particular "power to captivate" (2 Nephi 2:29). Interestingly, Mormon observed that, for the three Nephites to tarry on earth and continue their ministry, a "change [was] wrought upon their bodies" so that "Satan could have no power over them, that he could not tempt them" and "that the powers of the earth could not hold them" (3 Nephi 28:36-39). This suggests that absent such a change, Satan does have power over our bodies and the powers of the earth can hold us. Perhaps for this reason did Brigham Young make the following observation: "Do not suppose that we shall ever in the flesh be free from temptations to sin," he said. "Some suppose that they can in the flesh be sanctified body and spirit and become so pure that they will never again feel the effects of the power of the adversary of truth. Were it possible for a person to attain to this degree of perfection in the flesh, he could not die neither remain in a world where sin predominates. … I think we shall more or less feel the effects of sin so long as we live, and finally have to pass the ordeals of death” (In Journal of Discourses, 10:173).

Back in Time...

Not trying to be maudlin or the likes....Terry had a really rough tough day pain wise and it hurt me soul deep as there was not one single thing I could do to help alleviate his suffering.  He is not in pain all the time but when it happens it's rough.

I came back to post about repentance (as I said I would) and peeked at Facebook and was taken back to our teen years and all the fun we had and all the dancing we did when I listened to a very familiar song played by two Cherokee Indians.  We loved the song Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers. They had such a great sound. It was dreamy and soft and yet powerful and had a great rhythm. It was so romantic to two Seniors in high school.  In my vivid imagination it was as if everyone else just disappeared and it was just the two of us on the dance floor.  Passionately in love at that young age.

The 50's were so great and memories of he and I washed over me and I cried.

I went into his man-cave (actually it's the pink bedroom where Jeanee and girls always stay) and tearfully told him about hearing the song.  He said...We'll be like that again someday. Evidently he believes there will be dancing in the Kingdom?  Anyhow...we reminisced about how thankful we are for each other and how we love each other and how it seems unreal to think we have been together almost 60 years!!  How can that be?  Did I do the math right?  Yes.  Yes, I did!

This is not the Righteous Brothers rendition but it is beautiful and what started the waterworks with me.  Tears though seem very healing and therapeutic and a tension reliever when they are brought on by sentimental memories.  

I hope you enjoy this!!  here 

Sidetracked

This is not the post about repenting .  I'm sidetracked.

I'm so thankful for a friend that knows my needs and provides for me!  Sweet bliss!

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I said I wouldn't mention weight/exercise/food etc. and of course, right now I take all of that back. Here's the deal.  I did the 6 months exercise faithfully and I've actually continued on but in relaxed fashion with no tallying etc.  I also said that I was not going to do any particular diet/eating program and I'd researched what foods are best for helping with weight loss etc. etc.  I also said that I would weigh daily and figure a weekly average.  I also said that I'd just relax and not make any strict guidelines etc. etc.  I said a lot of things and now I'm going to edit all the things I said!!

So...I weighed and from the last time I'd weighed (remember I'd not weighed for 6 months) I'd lost a couple of pounds.  Like 2#!!  Even with that exercise I was the same!!  So I thought maybe it was muscle of some sort hidden under the fat fluff stuff.  I've been doing the weighing and averaging and guess what??!!  I've not lost anything!!  I still weigh what I did the last several years!!  No matter what I was eating or not eating or exercising or not exercising...I stay the same!!  Unbelievable!

I decided today (after almost digging the invites from yesterday's trash) to still throw a PersonalPityParty.  Then I opted to talk with my dear Hubby.  He just loves me.  As is.  I asked him the all important question...Do you think that maybe this is just my size?  I feel like a weight lifter in looks.  Surely this can't be how I'm to be?  He said all of the correct answers to preserve his life and not feel the sinking sensation of stumbling onto quicksand and reassured me...You are fine.  Just relax and stop trying so hard.  I love you just as you are.  You can see that he is well seasoned in marriage dialogue when things get dicey.  I then said...I think I'll keep some sort of exercise and just not worry about the food.  I'll just accept this is me.  He then moved to a grey area approaching danger when he said...Probably if you'd stop worrying and fussing about it and making such a big deal about it, you'd lose.  He then recovered quickly with...Go for it.  

So...I'm going for it by doing nothing except some exercise and keeping the Word of Wisdom-- Keeping it in my mind, that is.  The weighing was depressing.  The eating the right food stuff made no difference.  I know.  I really do know that this is a completely wacko, up and down subject, but it is a major issue with me for health plus the sand in the hour glass is picking up speed!  It feels like it is anyhow!

I want to live, darling!.  Remember Auntie Mame saying that in the same name movie?

Okay.  Now you know.  Again!  you know again!  Again I'm saying that I won't say anything again on this subject.  I have no credibility with you because I have little to none with myself on this subject! So again I say...This blog is not a health/weightloss blog...and that you now know to be a real truth!  

Clearing the air...

I seem to use my blog to talk about my life somethings!  Thanks for always listening!  I was readying invites to my PersonalPityParty and then went to Church and decided to cancel it!!  No PPP scheduled in the near future.  Sometimes life just stacks up and it gets heavier and heavier.  Because I had my life moving ahead okay and the weight evenly distributed and manageable...I decided to amp up the load and started calling out mentally, my sins.

I keep a pretty tight rope on sins of commission and have a Temple Recommend and am active in our LDS vernacular.  I just went off the deep end and started an itemized list of my sins of omission!  I was dredging up the dirt on that one!  It was as if I was using an adding machine with tape and there were so many that I needed a new tape!

Then I threw in all of my Co-Dependency thoughts that were buried but I managed to dig those word weapons up.  All of that sort of stuff that is authored by the devil himself...self-doubt/insecurity/feelings of rejection/if you really knew me/unworthy/unloveable etc. etc.  The hole got deeper and the pack got heavier and heavier.

Then I threw in my regular life which has lots going on.  Like a Dr. appointment and topping it off with DearHubby in pain and up until 3:30am.

I, of course had no choice, except to resign from life and starting that off by deciding on not going to Church today.  I felt justified just on exhaustion alone!

It was hard to ignore that the Lord was trying to get my attention.  There had been a wonderful letter this week from Natalie and she was encouraging me to post.  Then I got a note from a friend and she shared her love for me.  Words fitly spoken....

It was also hard to ignore being prompted by a hymn when I woke up today and while reading the lyrics...having 3 more hymns come to mind.  Hymns truly speak to me.  Maybe I should say...prayers are answered by hymns playing in my head.  Maybe a line.  Maybe a stanza.  Maybe a title.  whatever that maybe might be...I do take it as receiving answers to my heartfelt prayers.  It is sweet counsel for sure.

Yes.  I did go to Church.  Yes.  I was so blessed for doing so.  It was like feeling balm drops on dry hands that feel sort of sand-papery.  It was smiles and greetings.  It was singing hymns and being with the believers of The Church.  It was being asked how I was and encouraged to keep forging ahead. It was hearing testimonies.  It was someone moving up to sit by me in Sunday School.  It was being asked if my invitation to a baptism (that was last night) had arrived and being told I had been invited.  Even though I didn't know and I didn't go...the thought warmed my heart that I was wanted and welcome.  It was a short visit and hug from Celise. It was being with the YW and seeing how they are becoming a closer group of girls.  It was hearing a lesson about The Plan of Happiness.  It was everything about those 3 hours that filled my soul.

I've been studying about Grace and also Repentance.  Both of these heavenly powers helped me to get back on track after a bit of derail.  I will share how repentance helped me.  tomorrow.  I'll share it tomorrow.  For now it's like this meme says....  

True!

Did you see this?

I enjoyed reading this!

Love this!!

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Blue Skies

Life has been a bit rocky here.  Terry's health challenges make for an unsettling time emotionally for me.  Not all the time but some of the time.  Today he has a Dr. appointment and things will level out.  I find when our house becomes a house boat and the waters seem rough that I retreat to my co-dependent self.  Filled with all things negative... self doubt and insecurities and faultfinding and harsh judgment and meaningless guilt. Hiding away and figuring out- what is an appropriate meal for a possible PityParty that is looming like a dark cloud?

 In that frame of mind, I left the house to go pick up a Rx for Terry.  I saw blue skies!  A very large patch and truly it lifted my emotions.  Yes, there were still lots of the overcast grey/white cloud cover but blue was spattered around.  There was a large feather plume of muted white and the outside edge was ragged with blueness moving in. It was the promise of hope.  A reminder that God's in His heaven, all's right with the world. (Browning)  I always change that to my world and not the world.

Thinking back to Alaska's overcast skies, I told Terry that I thought I was having a bout of SAD, which impacts so many with lack of blue skies/sunshine.  I know I've mentioned that before but yesterday I really felt so down and out and gloomy.  A part of life preparation is to take out my personalized First Aid emotional survival kit and apply what works for me.  #1- a Priesthood blessing!  so comforting and reassuring.

Along with those Alaskan memories, I had a flashback to early mornings when I was a girl.  My parents would be up early.  I would smell coffee brewing.  Hear the muted voices of my parents.  Faintly I would also hear the radio playing music.  Yesterday I remembered this song and sang my blues away driving down the road!!!

I think it was Bing Crosby that sang it at that time.

Not all of the words came back to me so I came home and looked it up and then I could sing it all.

Hope you enjoy it!

Blue skies smilin' at me
Nothin' but blue skies do I see
Bluebirds singin' a song
Nothin' but bluebirds all day long
Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
Never saw things goin' so right
Noticing the days hurrying by
When you're in love, my how they fly

Blue days, all of them gone
Nothin' but blue skies from now on
Blue skies smilin' at me
Nothin' but blue skies do I see

Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
Never saw things goin' so right
Noticing the days hurrying by
When you're in love, my how they fly

Blue days, all of them gone
Nothin' but blue skies from now on

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That blue sky reminded me of last years Pantone Color- Serenity.  Time to change things up color wise!  I'm always curious about the influence companies have on what is considered the latest.  So if you used last years Pantone colors (two for the first time ever!) then it's time to paint over Serenity (baby blue) & Rose Quartz (baby pink) and put on Greenery!!

Quote from the New York Times here

Yet if you believe the team at the Pantone Color Institute, which calls itself the “global color authority,” green will be everywhere in 2017. Not just any old green, of course: Pantone 15-0343, colloquially known as greenery, which is to say a “yellow-green shade that evokes the first days of spring.”

Photo

“Greenery,” which is Pantone’s Color of the Year for 2017. (It’s also known as Pantone 15-0343.)

That is, the Color of the Year for 2017.

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You were wondering about this... weren't you?  Now you know!

It would be so marvelous to have life be so easy change wise, if all we needed to do is change colors.  Perhaps mood altering is a subtle change of colors??