Thinking of Dixie

3 years ago today my sister passed away.  There is not a single day that goes by that I don't think of her.  I miss her so much.  I love her so much.  Love is so powerful. 

There were just she and I as siblings and I was older by 2.5 years.  We ended up at some point in our adult life of talking every day on the phone.  Each year for several years we went on a sister trip...planning elaborate travels and always ending up going to the same place- she traveling from Idaho to my house in Washington and then we headed up to Gilman's Village/Seattle and then over to Leavenworth and back to my house and then she headed back to her house.  We enjoyed it so much!!

She was such a beautiful person.  3 years ago I blogged about her.  well, actually during that time I shared a lot.  If you want to see that...go here  When I went back to find that for you and looked at those pictures...it made me cry.  I look forward to our reunion. 

I love my family and I love my friends.

Sometimes our lives intersect in such a way that a special heart reservation...an Always Open sign is there.  Recently I received the sweetest note.  This marvelous woman entered my life when she was 15.  She would leave high school (in the middle of the day!  or whatever struck her fancy!) and show up at my house.  She wanted to talk and talk we did!  Since then we have talked about me feeling no compulsion to send her away or scold her...I was glad to see her and loved her and we loved to visit. 

Her life ended up with lots of heartache with losing her parents and all sorts of drama that would challenge the best of folks.  We have laughed together and shared life sporadically.  Many years ago she was sorting through a box of books and found a paperback Book of Mormon that I'd given her and written my testimony in it.  Those shared memories came back and she reached out again and we've stayed in touch since then.

her note:
Dear Nancy,

I was dreaming this morning and although I rarely remember dreams, I remember this one.  You and I were on a phone call and you told me you had cancer and that you may not be around much longer. I was saddened and wanted to see you.  I didn’t get to, but I came to be with your family and you were gone.  I know it doesn’t mean anything, but it made me want to tell you that I love you and look forward to seeing you in the next chapter because I seriously doubt I’m going to get to see you again in this one.  So whoever gets there first has to remember to come running when the other arrives.  Okay?  I’ll be looking forward to that. 

I’ll be 63 this year. Can you believe it? 
                                    Suzy

Love always wins out.  Whether it is daily contact with someone in the family or infrequent contact with a friend.  When a relationship is power-packed with a constancy over the years- that keeps that love line active enough to be of great worth.  Frequently or infrequently...it all works as long as we keep in touch!!

Suzy was 15 and I was 32 when we became friends.  Now we are 63 and 80!  48 years ago!!

At this point in my life I really need to be more consistent in staying in touch with family and friends.

IF you read this blog...can that count that we are in touch?  Will you feel that I'm thinking of you and talking with you?  I hope so!!!!

  

Re-group/reboot/moving along!

Life in general, mortality, just keeps on keepin' on.  My own personal life also continues on and I continue to be grateful for the years I've lived and what I've learned.  The learning process never ends with life experiences!  

The last few weeks have been filled with introspection and a review mentally of how things were years ago and pulling me up to how things are now.  Life is every changing.  As Terry battles his own challenges health-wise...I am, seemingly always, feeling the necessity of changing things up in caring for the two of us so we can remain independent and live at home until that cemetery time.  As to when that time will be?  Who knows?  I'm now amongst those saying...I think I may still be here on earth when the 2nd coming occurs!  

One big change for me is seeing that there are things I plan on doing, as far as going somewhere or attending something or keeping a commitment that I end up a no-show...I have cancelled a Temple visit, and also last minute did not attend a farewell party- for a family that I love.  Those sorts of things.  very last minute backing out of something. There are times, like unexpected stormy weather, that things change around here without much warning.  Every time I think I have it figured out...it lasts for awhile and it shifts yet again.

I feel my Saviors love and the power of prayer and the blessings of going to the Temple assist me on so many levels.

Terry and I continue to enjoy the NT study.  I hope you are also!

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It was enlightening to be reminded that Christ asked for this cup to be removed but was still willing to accept His Father's will.  Such a specific request!  I LOVE this line from Elder Oaks...though the Son's request was denied, his prayer was answered.  Isn't that the best thought ever????  How often does that happen to us?  Do we recognize it in our lives?

(2 great paragraphs)....The Savior gave us the model for that kind of faith and trust. Remember how he prayed to the Father in the agony of Gethsemane? This was the culminating event of his life, the climactic fulfillment of his mission as our Savior. The gospel of Luke, as corrected in the inspired translation of the Prophet Joseph Smith, describes how he knelt down and prayed: “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me; nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done” (JST, Luke 22:42).

Here we see the Savior’s absolute faith and trust in the Father. “Nevertheless,” he said, “not my will, but thine be done.” The Father’s answer was to deny the plea of his Only Begotten Son. The Atonement had to be worked out by that lamb without blemish. But though the Son’s request was denied, his prayer was answered. The scripture records: “And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him” (JST, Luke 22:43).

His full talk- Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ here

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Also Elder Faust talked about the varying intensity of prayer. But, of necessity, some prayers are more intense than others....Prayers vary in their intensity.

(a great paragraph!)...Jeremiah counsels us to pray with all our heart and soul.⁸Enos recounted how his soul had hungered and that he had prayed all the day long.⁹ Prayers vary in their intensity. Even the Savior “prayed more earnestly” in His hour of agony.¹⁰Some are simple expressions of appreciation and requests for a continuation of blessings on our loved ones and us. However, in times of great personal hurt or need, more may be required than mere asking. The Lord said, “You have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.”¹¹ Blessings sought through prayer sometimes require work, effort, and diligence on our part.

full talk- The Lifeline of Prayer here

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As always- I'm in re-vamp mode!  I may never fully succeed in all the things I desire for my life but I will always be called up for a gold star awarded for never giving up/always trying! 

still!!!

6 days into this 80th year and the feelings persist.  Last night Terry and I talked and it dawned on me that the feelings I have are beyond just being super happy...I feel joy.  I've felt joyous on occasion and for short lived times but I've never felt joy for 6 days.  Now maybe you feel joy all the time? and I'm the odd man out?  All I know for me- this is an incredible feeling and I will savor every minute! Not really feeling lack of faith but...the reality of life, or at least mine, is- this will fade away as that is how mortality is!  It's accompanied by a feeling of excitement and anticipation...that feeling of something pending!  What a marvelous gift I'm enjoying right now! Most exciting and enjoyable birthday I've ever had!  Most memorable!!

And the beat goes on...

I'm still reveling here on turning 80!  It has got to be the most exciting birthday ever!  I'm blessed to have no pain or diseases or pending surgery.  My vision is fine if I wear readers.  I can hear okay.  My joints aren't in pain.  I'm not undergoing some ongoing affliction.  I take 3 Rx...2 for BP and one statin drug (by choice).  I can still read/study and understand and love doing it.  I live in a safe place with no steps and a shower and not a tub.  I'm right next door to the Church and only an hour away from the Temple.  I can still drive but don't drive at night if I can avoid it as my vision isn't as sharp then.  And on and on my list goes.  If all of these things started to fall apart...maybe I wouldn't be as yippy skippy?  I just know I'm grateful to the core of my being.

I'm grateful for family and friends.  My life is rich in relationships and I don't take it for granted.  All of my associations can be enriched by me focusing on thatk, as a priority, and not procrastinating a call or a note or a visit. 

I have learned so much in these years and I'm so thankful for that.  Thankful to see that I've grown and changed.  Thankful to have learned self-forgiveness and self-love.  Thankful for all of the things that have trained and taught me and helped me to grow over many years.  Thankful to realize that the lessons I've learned have mostly been hard-fought for and most were learned, in/through a lot of suffering and pain and I endured and stayed the course.  I understand that a person can declare in a sentence, a perfect distillation of thought, something that has taken years to learn!  I also understand that sharing what we have come to know, when unasked, is usually offensive and unwelcome and seldom heeded!  I have come to know that even when one is absolutely 100% positive that they are the exception to rules of law, be they land or Lord, that eventually they will be brought to their knees and cry Uncle!  My list of LifeLearnings just goes on and on...and on.

Yesterday I went to Costco and applied for their Visa card.  When it came time to enter my birth year...I scrolled forever!!  It was such a visual, of my reality, as the years whirled past until it came to 1939!!  I celebrated this personal milestone in my life by buying two perennial plants...red Knock-out rose and a yellow lily.  I desire to endeavor, and it's a goal, to beautify things in some way!  Right now they are sitting in front of the pale yellow garage door and really...they are gorgeous.  Hopefully I can keep them alive!

The other goal is entering pictures into family search/tree.  I'm actually excited about that and you know I have had a ton of guilt on my back because of my proclaiming that My niece has done our genealogy.  I went to a great class and learned (well, sort of learned!) how to use my tablet to put the pictures on.  I will need help for a bit but I'm really looking forward to it.

Yes...I need help changing light bulbs as I don't climb up and I don't do good getting down on my hands and knees so I figure if I stay upright...I'll be just fine!

Oh...I can still sew and that makes me happy.  Even looking at all of my unfinished quilt tops...it makes me happy!  That sounds like a winter goal!  but at this point I'll not commit (again!!)

 

Yes! 80!!!

Yesterday was one of the most exciting days ever for me.  My 80th birthday!!  I've wondered how that day would feel...how I would feel...would I feel 80?  How would I even know what 80 feels like anyway?  It was a day I've anticipated with a lot of wonderment and fascination at the unknown.  I have looked forward to it and it did not let me down!  Even one day later, I'm still on a high.  A feeling of accomplishment.  A time of reviewing my life.  I think it's an awesome achievement!  I feel a sense of joy!  Is this just a little gold star of emotions for surviving?  Is this just a euphoric day or two and then things fall apart...like my body might?  I've never traveled this path but I am truly excited and happy for my future.  I don't feel old.  When I looked in the mirror yesterday at my face...I thought to myself...I quite like this 80 year old face.  It doesn't look battle weary to me.  Is the skin wrinkling as 80 year old skin has permission to do?  80 year old skin probably doesn't need permission to do anything!  It's not in my control!  Then I reminded myself that I was in a bathroom with low-lit bulbs of the wrong wattage and no glasses!

To make the best of the rest of my allotted years...I did what all chubbettes do...started an eating program...on Easter of course!  Really...the excess of me has to depart...can an 80 year old body keep hauling to much weight around?  I was even virtuous yesterday, and told a friend (I knew she'd bake me cookies) that I was off sugar...on my birthday!  although another friend asked what I wanted for my day and I said dark chocolate so she splurged on her 2 favorite bars.  My precious daughter bought me a Jouvay Chocolate bar when she was in Granada and mailed it from Florida.  So I have things to eventually nibble on!!  A sugar addict nibbling on chocolate bars...hmmm.  well, dark is suppose to be healthy and I'm now into health at age 80 so....well, time will tell the truth on this!

There have been other years that have been milestone years for me, in that I wanted to see what it felt like 50...60...75...and the biggie...80!

I went to the Temple yesterday morning and was by myself...so much time to think and feel the moment.  I thought of how beautiful the earth is and the work that went into preparing it for all of us...I thought of how different our world compared to say 60 years ago when I was 20.  I thought about memories of family and friends.  I thought about accomplishments and the joy of Church callings.  I thought about mistakes...and successes...and heartbreak/heartache/despair/tears and pleadings at midnight  and how the Lord has blessed me as the hymn I wander through the still of night states and then I sang it.

I can't really remember 2 hours worth of musings but a couple random things...when Walter Cronkite used to read the nightly news off a paper.  You had heard the news.  YOU figured out what you thought of it and there was no bickering or arguing or anyone telling you what had just been said and what it meant.  I do not watch TV news.  I read headlines and then if a story grabs me I try to figure out the real story....schools did not have signs about no guns allowed...there were no billboards advertising marijuana behind the McDonald's sold in an upcoming town...on and on with comparison of years and years and gratitude for experiencing so much and seeing so much and thinking of how we used to laugh at the comic book Dick Tracy talking into his watch or Matthew Smart talking into his shoe...from radio to technology- amazing!  A long time of trivia thinking and it was fun and amazing to think of how many things I've seen happen in my 80 years.

I thought about the deceit of the tobacco industry and lives lost and I now think the sugar industry is just as corrupt.  that brings me to a thought about fatness.  In my teen and young adult years there were no elastic waistbands.  all of our clothes had zipper or buttons.  all clothes were fitted.  I believe it kept you in check!  Sweat pants were what football players used and they had drawstrings.  Material did not stretch.  there was no give.  it was what it was.  Blame weight gain on sugar and elastic!!

You will have memories whether you make memories or you don't make memories.  Make as many enjoyable memories as you can.  they bring you such joy just reliving them and feeling that same emotion again.  This is a precious memory of Terry dancing with the girls, on their annual summer visit, as he did each evening when he came home from work.  Family memories take planning but they are so worth it years later.

I thought of things that I wished I'd done but I did enough things that at this stage, this age, I'm thankful for what I did do and am not crying with regret over things that I now wish I'd done.  I'd take a do-over in a heart beat with the stipulation that I can take all of the things I've learned that would cause me to do things different.  Well, that is not going to happen and without that happening...I'd most likely do exactly what I originally did!  There are seasons for doing and some things have a very limited time frame and you really have to strike while the iron is hot, as time and seasons are fixed and they move off into the sunset!
The one absolute in my life is the Gospel.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ.  The Savior, my Savior, has never let me down.  He has been with me in my darkest hours and my brightest, most joyful times.  I can be guaranteed in my life...if things are really rough and I'm bouncing around in some sort of anguish or trial or whatever- He will comfort me and help me and I will end up at some point with peace and eventually clarity through His kindness.  I endeavor to stay on the covenant path and hold to the rod and a lot of times I'm desperately grasping the rod and pulling myself along until I can regain strength to stand upright.  My covenant path walk is more like a water walk...a slippery film of water on my path that sometimes deepens and if I dare to look to the storms around me...I will nearly drown until I re-focus on Him.  In thinking about my 80 years...my testimony and conviction and experiences of feeling the Spirit are what has pulled me through the last 60 since joining the Church.

My love for my family and friends is intensified and made deeper and more real because of my love of the Gospel.

thanks for your patience with me on being so on-off about blogging.  Thanks so much Celise for your words of motivation to me!

Of course all filled with birthday excitement, I say, yet once again!...sorry and I'm really going to do better and more regular posts.  I plan on living to 105 or until the Savior returns so forward march!

I ask my kiddos to not put on FB that it was my birthday and they obliged.  Friends called me and dropped gifts and flowers and it was all just so great!  It could not have been better.

jawdropping excitement!!!

Who'd of thunk it????  civil marriages approved...in Chapel (if they want!).  Can then go to Temple immediately if they have a Temple Recommend!  Those having civil marriages and not yet a Temple recommend...can go as soon as they qualify for a recommend!!

My Mother became so bitter about not being able to see her granddaughter in the Temple that she was not going to the reception.  This change is wonderful!!!!   I LOVE it!!!!

read all about it  here

Amazing Time!!! Stupendous!

I continue to marvel at all the changes in the Church!  I love them and you know that I'm so excited about the prophecy of President Kimball and I've gone on and on about that.  I believe it is now totally in place.  Now all the wives are traveling and speaking...mentioned in the calling of their husbands...subjected to the cameras and the press and whatever is going on!  amazing!  When their husbands were called...apostles or 1st quorum of 70...the lay of the land was waving good bye at airports (well, I'm thinking that was how they did it!) and sending their men off!  Nowadays they pack their bags and jet off with them.  Hair to be done...clothes to wear...household things to take care of like walk the dog (well, I'm thinking that is how they did it!)  And tah-dah...speak before thousands...into cameras...and absolutely no time for jetlag!  No time to decide to start a scripture study program or gain a testimony of the Savior that is solid and on and on.  Ready or not...it's center stage!  What a magnificent job they are doing!!  It's here!  I see it!!  I feel it!!  I LOVE it!!  Women are representing the Church on a National level...like Sister Eubank just did!!  Go women!!! The hills are still alive with the sound of music and the Church is alive with the sounds of women's voices.  So cornball, I know, but I woke up with that thought on my mind!!  Deal with it!

Sister Eubanks talk here

AND



Sister Joy Jones praying at the White House  here