The excavation...

When I was a school girl my grades were always "A's".  Tests were fun and I breezed through them with understanding.  It was enjoyable to me.  At some point in grade school, I remember taking a test and coming up against a section that I did not know what they were talking about.  I checked it over and sort of figure out what they were looking for.  It was an English test and I loved all things about language and punctuation and grammar and diagramming sentences ...the whole 9 yards. 

So I figured out how to get the correct answers without understanding what I was doing.  I have no idea to this day how old I was or what grade I was in but I distinctly remember feeling sort of lost.  well, not sorta but really lost.

I'm thinking my quest for picking my spiritual life up in different areas is reminiscent of my school experience.  I have surely missed something.  In this instance, I know the basics BUT I don't know how to apply it.  I don't understand how to make the doctrine of grace work in my life.

I am enjoying digging in and researching and have a small pile of books that I'm ready to devour.  Some are old to me and some are new to me.  I don't usually buy religious books, even LDS.  I enjoy CR and commentaries etc. and manuals and stuff that sounds boring but tastes delicious to my soul.

Somehow or other I'm missing a link on application of Grace.  I will be happy when I hit pay-dirt.  When I can shout out BINGO!  Very interesting that word should pop into my mind.  I did not enjoy the feel of everyone doing that #Hallelujah for Easter.  (link here)  I was surprised the Church put it out there and equally surprised with the amount of Hallelujah's and Amen's that popped up on FB.  I felt ill at ease and out of my comfort zone.

I puzzled over that.  But in our Church vocabulary it just seems so evangelical.  I revert to hearing Sunday sermons from my girlhood and my altar-calling Baptist Preacher,  in his loud voice, ringing out....shouting out...Hallelujah!!  Praise Jesus!!  Can I hear an Amen??!!  Give us Your Grace, Jesus!   

Maybe that has been my stumbling block?  Grace is not a word that we hear from the pulpit in our Sacrament talks.  We don't sprinkle it in our conversation or testimonies as easily as we do Prayer... Joseph Smith...the Savior...Restoration...Prophets etc. etc.

Strange-- I'm at ease and comfort and pure enjoyment of hearing. even participating in, The Messiah by Handel.... one of my favorite songs is Hallelujah!  I'm comfortable in singing or hearing it sung but not using it as a part of speaking?  Maybe.

I have never borne my testimony about Grace.  I guess because I can easily explain what it is, and have done so in teaching classes, in a very concise accurate simple description backed up by the BD...but I have no spiritual experience with this doctrine to bear my testimony about.  And maybe I've not really thought of it as doctrine?  It is.

Vernacular.  Do I have some resistance to embracing old words from Christianity and bringing them into my/the true religion that is mine to love and enjoy?  Maybe.  Am I fearful of such a shift?  Maybe.

So I have to raise my comfort level with understanding Grace and in that elevation, increase and actually use and incorporate this doctrine in my life, to where I can bear testimony of it's existence in my life and the blessing it is to me.  I want that. 

I'm on board and working hard at expanding my knowledge, receiving personal revelation and embracing a new level of spiritual understanding.  I am excited!!

Conference will be so revelatory to all of us.  Are you ready for it?