Worth a thousand words. Easily.

Yesterday was what I'd call a lovely day.  Spent part of it in company of a friend celebrating her birthday, special lunch, and getting caught up on our lives that are on different paths/stages...sharing a special heart connection.

In the evening, sorting through the mail, I saw the new Ensign.  I started to leaf through it and my attention was riveted right out of the chute seeing this painting.  Artist is Frans Schwartz.  It was the illustration for President Uchtdorf's First Presidency message.  I believe every single word he wrote as truth. "...He will strengthen, encourage, and bless us.  He will encircle us in His gentle arms." I know we can be encircled by His gentle arms.  the thought makes me teary and my heart tells me, once again, that it really is true.  I muddle and mull my way through mortality but one thing certain in my life is belief in the Atonement and His power to comfort me.  When things are not in muddle/mulling mode with me trying to understand/learn/figure things out, and I'm faced with things/experiences/challenges beyond my scope...that comfort is there.

Agony in the Garden

I am fascinated, strengthened, comforted and taught by renderings of Gethsemane.  Most especially depictions of Luke 22:43 And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.

Years ago the Ensign (then the New Era) printed paintings by Carl Bloch.  All of us were amazed at scriptures coming to life in such vivid detail.  I don't remember his Gethsemane print at that time but at some point, again the Ensign, printed, in conjunction with an article a small picture of Christ in Gethsemane.

It was the first one I'd seen with the Savior receiving that heavenly help.  I ordered a large one and a smaller one.

The large one I kept in it's original cellophane wrap. The large picture has darkness all around but the center is the light of Christ. There have been times when friends are really suffering that I take the picture to them, share my feelings about it, and let them borrow it until the crisis has subsided or they feel okay about what is happening in their lives.  Because it's not framed they can slip it under or behind something and take it out when they want to think of the available help from Christ.  to ponder what He went through to learn/know how to help each of us.  My friend Myra Faye had the picture at two different times.  Right now a friend struggling/battling the odds of mortality, has it. Last I saw it propped up in her office.

Christ in Gethsemane

 
I have my own favorite framed. a small one that is cropped.  I have never hung it.  it just seems so personal and I have it propped behind my copier!  I know that seems irreverent but I always see it, take it out from time to time, look at it and am reminded of the Atonement.  I have been thinking lately of hanging it but most likely I'll keep it tucked back here in the office.

The very thought of this happening-- of our Father in Heaven, sending an angel to comfort His Son...of His Son learning how to help us.  well, it just strengthens me and comforts me over and over. and over.  It is such a hope-filled idea.  I believe it.  I draw on it.  It is real.  It is true.

This month in YW we are talking about the Atonement and I'm looking forward to sharing Elder Uchtdorf message and bringing my print to show them and share my testimony and belief.

Hopefully I can get the Schwartz print, to share with my Laurels, before the month is out but right now they are 3 weeks out.  Plus WA has different taxes across the board so you can't order online.  you have to call.  If you are in WA then call 801-422-8214 to order Frans Schwartz print.  You can go to BYU Museum of Art store to see sizes/prices.  If you are out of WA you shouldn't have any trouble at all ordering from BYU-MOA.  Now this print would be a great visual for a FHE in talking about the Atonement. well, in my book it certainly would be.

here is a neat deal about Frans Schwartz www.youtube.com/watch?v=CogjXjwwbqY  

Still mulling- Part B

 Still thinking about callings and teaching and love.  So Susie, that I mentioned yesterday sent that note to me and then I sent one to her and then Monday she sent me one more.  I'm sharing as it really reminds me of the power of love...the power we have within us to give and also the power we receive when we receive love.  Love is truly all there is.

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Sent: Sunday, February 22, 2015 1:31 PM
To: Nancy Seljestad
Subject: Love you 

My dear,
I am preparing my SS lesson for 16/17 year olds. I just keep thinking about HOW you taught me.
Not WHAT you taught me, but how.

The answer is love. You loved me. And yes, I have tears coursing down my cheeks. Thank you for loving me when I needed it most. I love you.

Susie

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On Sun, Feb 22, 2015 at 5:14 PM, Nancy Seljestad  wrote:

oh, sweetie, now you make me cry.  it's amazing that you just love someone and at a tender time in their life, they feel it, and years later they still feel it!!  and when you love someone, like I loved you, it holds and you always ALWAYS love that person!!!  I love you darling Susie.  I so appreciate the fact that you shared and reminded me that love is really all there is.  you can strip away all the trappings but what it really boils down to is plain old sincere true love.  what a blessing you are to those girls!!  lucky them and lucky us for having crossed paths and miles and distance and all of that doesn't amount to a hill of beans.  It's love for sure!!!

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from Susie on Monday Feb 23



Thank you.  Well put.  After my Sunday School class, I went to RS which I didn't think I would get to go to and lo and behold, the lesson was Dallin Oaks' talk on Loving Everyone and it really hit home that that is what everything boils down to. You were a good example of that to me.  Yes, love you still and always will.

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This exchange with Susie really made me look to my heart....I'm asking myself if I still love as openly/honestly/wholeheartedly as I did for all those many years.  Have I shied away to a certain extent?  am I as joyful in relationships?  do I talk myself out of being me?  do I hold back in fear of rejection?  do I allow past negative events to fill me with self-doubt?  Co-d types certainly do and I do see shadows/shades of that with my inner vision.  Am I comfortable in my own skin to the point I just am...am who I am???  Do I represent my true self?

Love.  That is the key.  Me loving me and loving everyone else AND letting them know that I love them.  Not necessarily mush-gush but reaching out and leaving no doubt, that those I'm in contact with, are important to me and I love them.  

Just thinking and mulling things over.  Still!

Mullings...

The last while I've thought about the importance of callings in the Church.  Callings extended and accepted are what gives us programs to attend/enjoy/learn from in our Ward.  As you age you are usually sort of phased out...and I think that is fine.  Young parents with young children and teens, need those callings to keep them active in Church.  Older folks need to set the example that they are in Church because they have a testimony and it's the place to be.  So as an older folk (although I feel younger at heart and in my mind.  not so much young on the body rating!)  I'm so happy to have this calling to teach the Laurels.

Anyhow I digress.  There is a side to service that I never thought of until a few days ago.  You know that I'm doing my monthly family note writing and I feel good about it.  I received a thank you note from a woman...she is probably 44 and I was closely involved in her life 30 or so years ago.  Her teen years.  Especially her senior year.

She wanted to thank us for the many ways you served me.  She said- the obvious: My Bishop. She then listed some things that I was involved with.  I think I'll copy what she said because it really hit me hard that we never know, when we are serving with love and loving those we serve, how it will linger in their memory and impact those in our care/teaching for their later lives.  Her note....

So I wrote those 3 above paragraphs, started to copy what she said and then got sidelined (as I'm prone to do!).

Really I think at this age you end up with some sort of identity crisis.  Your body is older and things you used to do?...you simply don't do it.  Either you can't or you simply don't want to.  I see my brain actually thinks young but my body is not young.  When my brain was actually young and my body also, I think of all the activities I was involved in and loved doing with the YW of the Church.  Now I take my young thinker old brain and my fully old body with years heaped on it and I ask myself....what about these Laurels that I teach?  How do I reach them so that I can touch their hearts?? 

So totally shifting gears here...because of the above note from 44 year old, Kirsten, I referenced and sweet 40 year old Ami's comment a couple of days ago and a note I got from 50 something
 Susie...I was reminded that love is what it is all about!!  The world is definitely not the same as when I was involved with these other Laurels that are now women but  the underlying common connecting emotion, no matter the age of these now women, that I still view as girls, was love.  I loved them.  They knew it.  They could feel it.  You can't fake loving a teen.  You either love them or you don't.  Teens I've gotten to really know, love to be loved, in that they always met me at least halfway in accepting what I had to offer. 

This Sunday note from Susie really touched me. She entered my life when she was 16. Reminding/teaching me the value of unconditional love really popped out.  It surprises me how everlasting love is.  I still love these girls that are now women and yet they are still my girls.

My dear,
I am preparing my SS lesson for 16/17 year olds. I just keep thinking about HOW you taught me.
Not WHAT you taught me, but how. 
The answer is love. You loved me. And yes, I have tears coursing down my cheeks. Thank you for loving me when I needed it most. I love you

I want that same strong connection with these Laurels that I now teach...  a new and different program...  modern Laurels in a modern world...a world that doesn't always clearly reflect the Lord's path  and yet they are still daughters of God... so sweet and beautiful in His eyes.

Transitioning within takes a lot of thought.  Being co-dependent, I'm thinking, maybe I shouldn't put this in...what if someone thinks I'm bragging in some way....what if...what if..  I think I'll be more capable of Loving the Lovely Laurels if I really accept and love myself!!

Hope...

I'm plugging away here and not taking the time to share what I'm thinking while I'm plugging along but my heart is thinking and feeling and loving my blog readers.

With all the things going on in the world I thought this was a good thought to hold onto...

Wisdom...

I have enjoyed this old saying.....

William Edward Norris said:

If your lips can keep from slips,

Five things observe with care:

To whom you speak; of whom you speak;

And how, and when, and where.

Agree?????? I do!

History repeating itself...

Recently our Sunday Sacrament program was done by our youth- introducing this years theme for the YW/YM.  They did all of the talks and had a combined choir of YM/YW.  2nd hour the Stake YM President and our Bishop both talked on the subject of dating to all of the youth and their parents.  They used an Ensign from 2010 about dating standards of the Church with quotes from Prophets and For the Strength of Youth pamphlet.  3rd hour they went to their regular classes which in my case was YW.

I studied the faces of all those young people seated on the stand and thought of how many seated in the congregation love them.  Of course their parents do but in the Church there are lots of us that care also.  Parents pray and so do those of us working with them. 

My time of working with the youth goes back a long time.  I was taken aback when I got called to serve in the YW and yet I know it's where the Lord wants me at this time.  Maybe there is one girl that really needs my love and encouragement.  Maybe they all need to hear my plain talk on things like our recent chastity lesson.  I really don't know.  I just know that they have a special place in my heart and I'm always concerned for them.  The basic standards are the same as way back in 1965 (?) when I taught my first Laurel class. (50 years ago!!  Older than the mothers of my Laurels today!!)

The Church standards have not changed but the world has.  The youth didn't have the challenges of drugs/homosexuality/pornography/rampant sexual activity/foul language, like they do in today's world.  I look at these girls and wonder...how do they fight this battle of worldliness?  I surely don't say anything any different than they've heard for their entire life.  I do back up the teachings that their parents teach them but I say nothing new.

When I looked at them, I could see YW similar in countenances that I've known over the past.  Those that are restless.  Those that are searching.  Those that are content and also the dis-content.  Those that try so hard and those that are sick of rules.  Those wanting to carry on their current religious home life, into their own future home, that they will someday create.  Those waiting to escape, what they feel are restrictive rules, with no interest in perpetuating their home lifestyle.  Some are filled with a strong sense of immunity, to any heartache that might befall them, as they know they know better than anyone else, what is best for them.

In many ways I am not the teacher I was when I started all those years ago.  I'm the same woman but I'm all grown up!  well, I think I am, anyhow!  I have an even stronger conviction of the Gospel and I know you can't fool God and you also can't bend commandments and sneak and think you will end up just fine.  Some girls don't believe that. 

For me...my utmost hope and prayer is to help these YW feel the Spirit.  To aide them in enjoying the baptism gift that they each received....the Holy Ghost.  To feel, to sense, to access through prayer that connection from heaven....their own Liahona for personal guidance!!!!  

Great Vision!!!

What an amazing surgery this cataract removal experience was!!...Long distant vision is so clear and really works in reading roadsigns.  Two more weeks of wearing sunglasses, when needed, and one more appointment for final check and this phase on my health repair is over!!  So glad!!!!  Thankful!!! 

The computer screen is so bright as are overhead lights and sunshine so I just slip sunglasses on. lights are dimmed.  no problem! it's great!

He said I could resume my regular life and I am doing that...blogging...top of work list- to tackle yard work in hopes I'm ready for Spring.  Things that should have been done ages ago are now going to meet their doom!!  To the dump!!  I don't want Spring to arrive and start to grow on top of junk so I'm ready for the battle!!  Over due and over grown but within the realm of possibility!

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We are fast adjusting to our new norm and I feel fine to take it on.  Terry is doing the best he can and he is the one having more trouble adjusting.  First of all he does not like change so his health has changed and he had no say in the matter.  His strength has diminished and that is a source of huge frustration and discouragement.  Not complaining about it to you, just letting you know a couple of our challenges.

Sunday he and I talked about having an attitude of gratitude.  Looking at the glass half-filled...finding goodness and good things in all things.  Expressing thanks for so much of good in our lives.  And it is there!!!

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I started to chop on my hair with my pinking shears and suddenly had an aha! moment!!!!  I told you my hairdresser closed her shop and you know I have a really bad habit, of waiting until it's an emergency on hair length, to get it bobbed.  It dawned on me...SuperCuts!  made for people like me, that never end up looking like they feel they should look or want to look.  no appointment needed.  Just drop in!!  Yes!  

I found one picture to show the way I'd like it cut (it never works that way!!!)  My artiste-- was young.  a huge tattoo on her arm. (scissors stabbing the center of a rose??)  another large colored tattoo flower up the side of her neck.  black hair, flawless white skin.  gorgeous young thing with a short adorable hair style, for her thick hair.  she confessed that she'd shaved her head last Sept. and this was the growth since then.

I then showed her my picture of my dream haircut.  Okay...she said.  I relaxed and smiled.  this is great!!!  a very simple question from her...do you want the sides trimmed?  me...just a bit.  Next thing I knew I had hair shorter on the sides than Terry!!  

So....it's been an adjustment for sure.  Young people (under 50) were kind and complimentary... I love it!!  Older people (60+) reassured me... it will grow out quickly!  Terry got himself in hot water, right off the bat, by telling me I had a bald spot on the right side of my head!!  

Truth be told- I ended up liking it.  Especially, when Betsy said it makes your face looked thinner.  Now I do not see that but I liked hearing it! 

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Sunday I taught the YW on purity/chastity/virtue and all points that might be awkward but our class felt comfy/cozy/relaxed.  Now that is how they appeared to me visually.  I  hope they weren't screaming and mortified and horrified in their thoughts and wishing the floor would open up and swallow them.  I hope they listened and will remember at least some of of what I said.

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thanks for your love, support and encouragement!  I'm back to blogging!

Right eye...

Cataract in right eye is scheduled for surgery at 8:30am!!  Left eye turned out fantastic and I'm hoping and praying that the same results will come about for right eye.  I will be back here the end of the week.

All I'm thinking of are my Laurels and the upcoming April Supreme Court banter and the challenges these girls are up against-- in coming to grips with where they stand and how they will deal with this whole situation.  Something is in the air!!!!  We are being readied for something.

Be back here as soon as I can.

Prayer?....you silly goose!  Of course you can pray for me!!  I thought it went with the territory of our being BlogFriends.  I selfishly thought you would pray because I need it and want it!!!!

Forewarned is forearmed???

Did you hear this talk?  This has to be read and then you have to talk with your kiddos about this.  I believe that this very subject is where we are going to turn on each other and others turn on us.  It all comes back to the 11th Article of Faith.  When the Church first did that 2 hour news conference on this, to me that was a heads up that something is coming down the Pike.  read about it  here 

And now this talk!  by Elder Christofferson  read it here

 here is one excerpt from the above talk that boldly states that there will be NO change in that doctrine.  Ever.   this is really going to be tough for some people in Church to accept. 

Some voices in society urge those who deal with same-sex attraction to give full rein to their feelings and that the standards of chastity and morality that are taught in the Church are wrong and should not apply in their lives, he said.

“Some even suppose that those standards will someday change. That is simply not true,” he said. “The law of chastity has applied since the very beginning, when the Lord commanded a man to leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and to none else. Our doctrine—not just belief, but doctrine—that sexual relations are only appropriate and lawful in the Lord’s eyes between man and woman legally and lawfully married is unchanged and will never change.”

Just a note!

In December I was talking to our son, Greg, about staying in touch with the family.  More specifically...me staying in touch with the family in such a way that they realize I'm thinking of them and love them and all those sorts of things that we want in family relationships.

Right out of the chute there are limitations because I do not have a Smart Phone, so no texting. Skyping didn't seem to fit the bill for all sorts of reasons.  Practically no one emails.  Personal conversation on FB is not my ideal.  With time changes spanning across the states from WA to FL, adding in the fact those most work or are in school, calling doesn't seem the answer either with me not having a cell phone.  So confronted with an aging dinosaur with a very young heart, that truly loves and wants connection with my family...I had that aforementioned talk with Greg.

He said...Mom, your best bet would be to send a personal note in the mail. He pointed out that it's unique/unexpected/personal and a really neat thing to receive.  Whether he used those words in pointing things out, might be in doubt, but that was what I took away from our time.  I made the decision to send each member of the family, all 23, a monthly note for the entire year.  You know that I'm always taking on these over the top schemes, at least mentally taking them on, and yet more times than I hate to acknowledge they stay lodged in my brain and just sprinkle little guilt droplets on my thought patterns.  With family in 2 places in WA, KS, FL,UT, NV, ID...you can see how desirous I am to pull them into my heart with a connective thread.  So I'm doing it!!  I did January.  I got some great responses and thank-yous from them.

Looking ahead to February, knowing all the Dr. stuff going on and one being that cataract in my right eye, I knew I'd have to really work hard to get them mailed off early.  I really thought it out.  made my deadline. I did see it through and got them mailed off.  I went way overboard.  Cards for each one!!  Then I got really crazed....bought mailers and put a sucker and a bitty little Valentine pin in and spent $4 per family, to send  20 cents worth of stuff!!!  Never again!  Once I started I had to see it through.

Then I decided to mail each of my Laurels a Valentine.

Then I decided to bring a sucker and Valentine pin to Church on Sunday for each Laurel.

Found some fantastic Valentine glasses to use in my Laurel lesson and bought each of them a pair.

Bought Valentine stamps.

Really got carried away but in all truth...I loved doing it.

Want to see?????  I was hoping so!!!

should have put these pictures in order.

love the stamps!!

Fun!

Working hard and having fun!!

Lollipops and bitty Valentine buttons for Greg's family

Aren't those heart glasses adorable for class?  guess you really can't see them.

23 Family Valentines plus 5 mailers

9 Valentines for my Laurels

On my mind...

So.... I've been through my own tornado/hurricane/whirlwind, or whatever weather definition is apt, when one feels steamrolled by their personal life.  Well, there I was RoadRunner flat, pancaked out with cartoon eyes whirling and boing-boinging.  Me starring as RoadKill!  Then I was revived through the work and kindness of my daughter (who unbeknownst to her didn't know I'd lost steam, regrouped and had selected what to totally neglect, in order to downsize and personally survive).  My own little whirlwind came to call and she saved me!!  Talk about to the rescue!

So...life is still totally changed in many ways but I can handle it now.  I changed.  Looking around there are still those things that need to be cleaned including the furniture and carpet but so much was dejunked/given/shared/donated/tossed/mailed--maybe you read about it and saw a portion of what we did.  Amazing and just a feel good situation.  Sighs of relief!!!!

So...life is still busy and I'm still making the shift, to take on more responsibility, to take care of the two of us and I'm okay with that.  I'm ready!  come on life!  let's go!

February-  28 days.  take away weekends and that leaves 20 days.  Those days are already booked at a 50% filled up on Dr. things alone...10 of the 20 days will be used with Dr. Appointments.  They usually take 1/2 a day.  Drive to Yakima etc.  In that 10 day time frame I will also have my 2nd Cataract surgery on my right eye.  (Left eye is doing super!)  you would not believe how many eye-drops Terry is dripping in my eyes!  3 different bottles of drops.  Down for 2 day recovery.  gobbling up the time!!

Beyond the planned 10 Dr. days...I went to an Ensemble Recital that my very young BFF Lydia played in...plus her brother and the Grigg Boys and the Westfall children and a few others that I really care about.  I have family and friends that I try to stay in touch with and I use TIME.  Have to schedule when I can visit with my friend!  I also went to BookClub.  I still have one high-school play to go to that one of my Laurels is in.  And a wonderful baby shower that I'm excited about.

Oh, and not to forget...I call in for Jury Duty, on Friday the 13th (yikesters).  I will be 3 days out of my cataract surgery so I'm thinking they will give me a pass when they see my goggle shades.  I've already been excused once so this time they want to see me in person! 

There are other life events like grocery shopping/ cooking and of course we need some clean clothes etc. etc.  It's a short month for everyone and mine is the same amount of days as yours.  My hairdresser closed her shop and perhaps in sadness of her doing that.. confusion?, bad habit?- I pulled out my pinking shears and gave myself something dreadful looking but it's not hanging in my eyes as bad.  Did I drive her to close down with my scissor hacking??   I'm planning on finding someone to rescue that part of my life. real soon.  This month!

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Today I went to the bank and got some $$.  Went to Pharmacy and got some Rx for Terry.  Went to the Post Office and mailed off my project (more later on that feat!)  Went to Costco.  Went to Eye Clinic for check-up on left eye and confirming appointment on right eye.  Honestly I got home at 1:30pm and felt like the day was over.  Not so.  You know the routine.  You Momma's with your little ones that mess things up as fast as you clean it or unfold what you just folded or do the toddler naughties or grade school battling or the the teen sass-mouth or whatever they do that drives you wacko...we are all doing the best we can.  Plus you do all of that diaper changing and dressing and bathing and etc.

We are all at these different stages and you regroup, as much when you age, as you do when you enlarge your family by a person weighing just a few pounds.  Family dynamic changes are not easy breezy on the ride that we are individually on.  Whether we want to do it or not, we lose the power of choice and can only choose our reaction to what is thrust upon us and sometimes without warning!  Changes in health...Changes in relationships...children marrying...grandchildren struggling....friends in the hurt locker on different things. The list is endless!!   Mortality is not for the faint of heart.

We can do it.  I feel incredible powerful and strong right now.  (I sure hope the devil didn't read that and think I'm up for him to challenge me!!)  Sort of funny to think of me, the ever pudgy one, feeling all this strength!  I do feel it though.

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BookClub...several years ago when I was RSP, our trio desired to start a book club.  It eventually transpired, thanks Chelle!, and still continues.  For several years I faithfully attended.  Then I got called to work in Stake RS and was visiting other Wards on book club night.  Finally I realized I just couldn't do it anymore.  Then I got released from RS and back to Ward and work in YW (love it!)  I sort of started the womanly thing of putting on my cozy robe in the evening and snuggling up with a book or something solo here at home.  Things have now leveled out in my new norm of living and I have made a commitment to go each month.

The minds of the women attendees are so brilliant.  I love their insights and how they dissect a book from all angles.  I am very opinionated and don't like some of the books.  My friend Carol (avid reader) declared that she read half of the book and felt it was the most stupid thing she'd ever read and stopped.  I declared that I'd seen the movie and did not like it a bit.  We weren't totally dominating things but we did let others know that we did not like it.  And here are all the young intellects seriously talking about what they had learned and what the Author was trying to get across.  What the meaning of such and such meant.

Later, I thought about that and called Carol around 10pm.  I told her...it's only once a month.  it's only one book.  we can read one book all the way through!  let's read each book, each month- and you and I talk about it and see if we can get a take on it and maybe understand where others are coming from.  We agreed and the next book is on it's way from Amazon.

When you age you have no patience for anything that you feel wastes your time!!  You also are a fuss-pot about what you like and don't like!  We are going to see if we can gentle down and become somewhat refined.  We will play nice in the sandbox.  Hopefully!

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blogging.  When I started 5 years ago, I made a commitment to blog M-F.  I want to do that schedule again.  If I can't blog then I won't be rude.  I'll let you know.  If things get out of hand with stuff around here in our new norm...I'll tell you.  It feels good to want to keep that 5 day a week schedule again!  I thought it might have to float away and be a distant memory.

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thanks again for encouraging me.  You were a part of me regaining my balance.  You are loved!!!