The first calling I had in the Church was to teach in Primary. CTR-B. The perfect calling for a new convert. Preparing the children for Baptism. I loved it and I learned so much. It seems like it was at a monthly inservice meeting that I met Greta. She was the teacher and I adored her. She was probably 20 years older than me, calm, spiritual and I was so impressed with her knowledgeable lessons. I probably came across like a stalker, with my effusive admiration, as I remember her telling me once, that she was only human and not perfect. To me she was just that. Perfect.
Converts many times come into, the one and only true Church on the face of the entire earth, with the expectation that the members are called Saints because they are perfect. The first time I saw a member walking down the street smoking, after seeing him in Church the past Sunday, unnerved me and reduced me to tears and confusion. It was a dreadful feeling. IF the Church was true as proclaimed then why would he do such a sinful thing? Did this act of his make it false?
I am one that saw no positive connection between what the witnesses of the gold plates saw, and then some leaving Church but still saying what they saw was true. It shook me with the nagging doubt of the IF factor. IF it's true then why would they leave? It took a very long time for me to connect the dots on that one and realize the power of what they saw and the impact it had on them until their death as far as not denying it.
Then there was the time that they announced in Sacrament Meeting that a man had been excommunicated. I was so confused and asked the woman I was sitting by, who was helping us adapt to our new found religion, what does that mean? She whispered that he would no longer be a member. The man stood and tearfully expressed his regret over his sin. I leaned over and told the woman...he's very nice to us and I will vote against this. Oh, the sweet innocence of new converts! We have so much to learn!!! (I am glad they don't do that sort of confessing anymore. very uncomfortable for me!!!)
Of course I will never forget a Stake President that I loved and admired and trusted and believed. I was Stake YW President, new to everything, and eager to learn it all. He, a life-long many generational, Church family. On wintry Alaskan roads he would drive our Presidency to outlying areas and answer my endless Church questions as we traveled.
He had lived and learned a lot and was extremely spiritual. He shared wonderful spiritual experiences unlike anything I'd ever heard of. Evidently he could tell that I was absorbing what he shared as an eager student and taking all he said, to heart. He had memorized lots of scriptures and could quote them with ease.
He would tell me often- Nancy, you can't trust in the arm of flesh. You will be let down. Then he would quote 2 Nephi 4:34...O Lord,I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.
We moved away and one day, a few years later, I heard that pride overtook him and he'd been excommunicated. My heart broke. I cried for days it seemed. He had prepared me and taught me to not trust in the arm of flesh and because of that teaching, my faith did not falter, in spite of my heartache. I no longer questioned the validity of the Church, by the often inappropriate choices and actions of members, that I believed had a testimony like I did. I had outgrown my iffiness!
I've seen and know of dreadful stories of unfaithfulness that have rocked Wards, individual members and most especially families that are involved to the core. Some just can't deal with it, the involved and the bystanders, and the fall-out can be sweeping. There are tales of dreadfulness of conduct, by those who should know better, and sometimes you wonder if there are any good Bishops left, as fisherman tales circulate with each one bigger/worse than the last offender!!!
Hearing sides of stories always gives me the jitters, as I feel an unspoken expectation to declare my allegiance, to one or the other. I don't like confrontation and discord. I embrace the Gospel of peace and I shy away from hearing details or taking sides. I remind myself of my creed...even the thinnest of pancakes has two sides. Don't you think the Lord will be busy that 1000 year period sorting all unresolved issues out? Even this sort of divisive stuff that impacts families in such a personal way and Ward members also?
The saying....The Church is a hospital for sinners and not a sanctuary for Saints...is pretty much true in my estimation. People with testimonies, while on their mortal trek, will occasionally fall flat on their face by tripping over their sins. The thing that strengthens me is when they keep on coming to Church. I just love that about fallen Church warriors- when they stay, face the music and fight their way through their trials and problems, and ofttimes humiliation, in getting back on the narrow path.
My faith resides in the name on the Church building and not these humans that are just like me. My religious center, my core, is the Savior-- not the Church members who are working out their own salvation and stumbling just as I do at times.
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