Tradition

Tradition in my life, of all sorts, is so comforting in it's familiarity.  I find a source of security in the sameness.  Knowing and enjoying the expectation of what's to come.  I love the traditions exhibited in the play.... Fiddler on the Roof.
A different religion but emotions that I identify with.  I feel the bonds of tradition, not so much in the song about Traditions, but in the lyrics of Anatevka.  Driven from their homes and reminiscing about the ways of living they all shared, not an abundance of material items, but a lifetime of traditions and connections.  This powerful song of passage of old familiar ways, loss of friends, families being separated, always touches my heart.  The end of an era. 

Lyrics to Anatevka: 

A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

A pot, a pan, a broom, a hat.

Someone should have set a match to this place years ago.

A bench, a tree.

So, what's a stove? Or a house?

People who pass through Anatevka don't even know they've been here.

A stick of wood. A piece of cloth.

What do we leave? Nothing much.

Only Anatevka.

Anatevka, Anatevka.

Underfed, overworked Anatevka.

Where else could Sabbath be so sweet?

Anatevka, Anatevka.

Intimate, obstinate Anatevka,

Where I know everyone I meet.

Soon I'll be a stranger in a strange new place,

Searching for an old familiar face

From Anatevka.

I belong in Anatevka,

Tumble-down, work-a-day Anatevka.

Dear little village, little town of mine 

 Our religion has lots of traditions that bring comfort to the remaining family and friends when someone dies.  The last couple of days in our lives have been spent being involved in those traditions and drawing strength and comfort from the routine of sameness.  


The opportunity to clothe a friend for burial.  Terry felt it such an honor to have been asked to assist in that last act of service.  The prayerful deed of putting Lee's white Temple clothes on and being reminded that life has an eternal purpose.  There is life beyond this life.

Carol calling and asking me to make coleslaw for their big family meal on Wednesday.  I was so happy she called. That evening enjoying the chance to make flower arrangements for the tables with my friend, Chelle.  Our friends, the Whites, were here specifically for the funeral and stayed with us.  What a joy that was!  Linda helped Chelle and I.  (Darrel is writing a book!)

The funeral- such a tender time to hear a friends life in brief summary.... evokes so many personal memories...beautiful music...inspiring words...doctrinal hope.

The graveside service filled with tenderness and beauty and made so personal with a granddaughter's flute solo and a Native American friend, in full regalia, signing The Lord's Prayer.  Even thinking about it makes me teary.   The military salute and passing of the flag to Carol.  So much tradition, in so much we do, when a life ends.  Tradition of great comfort.  


Receiving the chance to help cook a dish, for the big traditional, after funeral meal, for family and friends on Thursday.  A time of gathering, reunions, reminiscing with visiting relatives and friends from years back.  Children, now grown to adulthood, rejoicing over seeing each other and rekindling old times on our friends farm.

This way of doing things is a very familiar, comforting tradition.  It is beautiful to me. 

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Tomorrow we will have the start of 2 days of another tradition that is so familiar and brings me such comfort.  General Conference.  Terry and I have talked about our meal.  There are only two of us but like I said earlier...we like to have food ready to just eat so we can enjoy all of the talks possible.  We ended up with me wanting to do a slow-cooked roast and coleslaw, and appropriately enough, in light of the last week...funeral potatoes.  plus I have overripe bananas so opted for banana bread.  Well, the king of washing dishes for 2012, wanted chicken and dumplings (he's not ever made them!) and he's going to cook.  I'll make coleslaw. Right now I have ingredients out for the banana bread.  Butter is soft so I'll go do that now. Maybe I'll get overly ambitious and make a batch of WW bread!

I will soak up every word of Conference- believing it is inspired, believing it will speak to my direct needs, touch my heart, make me teary, make me laugh, surprise me.  I will experience the full gamut of emotions and savor every single minute.  My testimony and conviction of being involved in the traditions of my religion will surface and be in full-bloom as I listen to these speakers!


Enjoy and I will also!!!!!

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The importance of General Conference really comes through on this quote.  2 General Authorities...one stating, in 1946,  the importance of Conference talks  and then 42 years later, in 1988, another authority quoting him.  I'm excited to hear the talks!!!!

"For the next six months, your conference edition of the Ensign should stand next to your standard works and be referred to frequently. As my dear friend and brother Harold B. Lee said, we should let these conference addresses 'be the guide to [our] walk and talk during the next six months. These are the important matters the Lord sees fit to reveal to this people in this day'” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1946, p. 68).  Talk given by Ezra Taft Benson at 1988 Gen. Conf.

Beautiful Songs! Take a listen!!

 Janice Kapp Perry is amazing!!  I think it's so great to be able to hear several of these new songs on this site.  Enjoy!!! 


Meridian Magazine - As a Child of God- Seventeen New Songs for Children - Meridian Magazine - LDS, Mormon and Latter-day Saint News and Views

An admitted tailgater

Driving to my Dad's funeral, I remember looking out the side window and seeing life just going on as always.  People walking down sidewalks, talking and laughing.  Hustle and bustle.  Cars honking.  Lots of noise and movement.  I thought something so dramatic, so impactful had happened in my life, and they just all went on like nothing had changed.  Shouldn't life stop for at least a few minutes while we drove past?  Didn't anyone care?  No respect at all? 

I've come to understand that a death, without our previous emotional involvement in the life of the one now gone, doesn't register in the same way.  While I will weep over the loss of a family/friend and sorrow over separation, for those unknown to me that have passed on?-- I have sympathy for their loss but not the sense of heartache.  Even with the loss of my friends husband, and my emotional attachment and heartfelt feelings for her...my own life just keeps on moving ahead.  That is the right rhythm of life.  We must keep on moving along.

Our Alaskan friends, our Ward's first Bishop and his wife, will be here for the funeral so we are getting ready for them to stay with us.  Thinking about table centerpieces and working with my friend on that venture.  Planning when to cook my part of the Thursday funeral meal and what to feed our friends while they are here.  Getting a call to help with a judging contest of cooking at YM/YW.  Declined.  Getting ready for a planning meeting for a Woman's Conference Thursday night.

There is one event that I have looked forward to for the last couple of months.  General Conference!!!  It's this Saturday and Sunday!!!! This is my Super Bowl event.   I love being in my own home.  I watch every single hour of Conference and also record all the events in-between, in case I doze off watching the extras!!  I remind myself of those tailgate football folks!!  I have munchies to eat, wear my bathrobe, don't answer the phone, draw the drapes, hole up and enjoy hours of heavenly inspiration.  I admit it....I'm a fanatic about General Conference.

I pray for these speakers.  I believe these speakers receive inspiration and they speak truth.  It's a love fest for me and I'm on spiritual overload!!  

When I first joined the Church I did not feel that way but I grew into understanding what General Conference is and the enjoyment of hearing pure truth.  I'll tell about that later.  Maybe tomorrow.

Are you ready for some Conference!!!!!?????
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Nick Ibarra always send links for kiddos to enjoy Conference.  Thanks Nick!

  

April 2012 Conference Packets

It is that time of year again. Here are a few General Conference packets.

Click on the link for packets. Enjoy.

http://nicksposts.wordpress.com/2012/03/13/april-2012-conference-conference-packets/

 

The Spirit World- our next home

There are several scriptures and Conference talks about The Spirit World.  I really like this Ensign article from 1977.  Lots of questions are answered.  I hope you enjoy it and can maybe file it away, in your memory, as a future source to answer questions your children might have. It's got all sorts of really old articles in it.  like this paragraph from the Discourses of Brigham Young.

  We have more friends behind the veil than on this side, and they will hail us more joyfully than you were ever welcomed by your parents and friends in this world; and you will rejoice more when you meet them than you ever rejoiced to see a friend in this life; and then we shall go on from step to step, from rejoicing to rejoicing, and from one intelligence and power to another, our happiness becoming more and more exquisite and sensible as we proceed in the words and powers of life (DBY, 379–80).  Discourses of Brigham Young

http://www.lds.org/ensign/1977/01/the-spirit-world-our-next-home?lang=eng&query=spirit+world+location

Plans formulated

It already seems so long ago and yet it was only yesterday that I was sitting and taking notes for the Obituary, typing it for her to check over and then a few hours later he was gone!  

There will be lots of people from out of town.  Whites will stay with us and we are happy about that.

Visitation Wednesday from 4-8pm

Funeral Thursday 10am

All of this will be a spiritual experience and move healing and acceptance ahead.  I look forward to being with a group of people that knew and loved him and continue that feeling with Carol.  Funerals are powerful in comforting sorrowing hearts.

 Each Life That Touches Ours for Good

Hymn #293

1. Each life that touches ours for good
Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;
Thou sendest blessings from above
Thru words and deeds of those who love.

2. What greater gift dost thou bestow,
What greater goodness can we know
Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways
Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

3. When such a friend from us departs,
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory,
Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.

4. For worthy friends whose lives proclaim
Devotion to the Savior’s name,
Who bless our days with peace and love,
We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

Text: Karen Lynn Davidson, b. 1943. © 1985 IRI

Music: A. Laurence Lyon, b. 1934. © 1985 IRI

Proverbs 17:17; Proverbs 4:18

D&C 42:45–46

He left today...

He's gone.  

About an hour ago.

In Readiness

He labors to leave and the family sets everything in order for his passing.  After all the formalities, the purchasing a favored colored casket, the selecting of a good plot location, the paper work filled out, will come the most private individual experience, we will all go through, as he departs.  We will all grieve.  Friends as well as family members.

I grieve now and he is still living.  I grieve for her.  I will miss him so much but it's his wife left here, that breaks my heart.  I unexpectedly shed tears or tears well up and don't spill over.  

I feel sad for my friend.  I fuss about her not eating lunch or resting when she should rest.  She is surrounded by her children and myriads of friends, that most likely feel as I do.  I have no unique monopoly on caring about her or for her. 

I get out my 1992 RS book.   Open the back cover and see where I wrote...pg. 138  Stages of Grief.  1.shock 2.denial 3.suffering 4.anger 5.acceptance

 Page 138--  A Compassionate Service lesson entitled-  From Grief to Solace.  I look over the sub-headings...

 We Each Have Grief in Our Lives

Grieving Is Part of the Healing Process

Shock and Denial

Suffering and Anger

Acceptance

Solace Comes from the Savior

That was in 1992.  23 years earlier in 1969 a lady named Elisabeth Kubler-Ross created a big stir by writing a book- On Death & Dying- that identified 5 steps of emotions in grieving.  I thought the Church was so modern to have a lesson about stages in grieving.


I just now Googled it to see what comes up and now there are 5 steps, 7 steps and even 10 steps.  some are called steps and some stages but no matter the number we check out, we will go through these emotions in one way or another.  


As the RS lesson stated....Solace Comes from the Savior

I will not leave you comfortless:

I will come to you.

                       (John 14:18) 

  http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

http://www.mycog.com/tenstagesofgrief.htm

The Waiting

 Decisions made out of necessity, and yes, great love- and then starts the vigil of waiting.  Waiting- with no fixed hour of completion.  All things removed with the exception of Morphine.  Morphine- to keep a long ago discussed agreement, a promise backed up by a living will, that neither would let the other suffer when that time arrived.  The discussion years before, when the time of decision was seemingly light years away, started to inch closer, as health started to decline. Today became that time. 


I've been in a mulling state of thought all day as I've watched my friend do things that only she can do---Like the beautiful many-traited  amazing woman she is, filled with strength and courage and buoyed by her resolute faith.  She is tired.  This life trek has been a very long arduous journey, across uncharted ground, of facing losing her husband.  


Walking into the hospital this morning, the wind was blowing and I felt something cold on my face.  Lost in thought and unaware- I had tears.  We cry because we hurt and we feel helpless no matter what we do.  Nothing can fix this.  We can love and be there and make our soup or bread or whatever we feel to do.  We can pray.  Put names on prayer rolls. 

I guess the best thing to do is just be her friend.  

Let the Spirit guide.

 
 

Giving Comfort

Do they still do Lamaze classes?  Is that still a viable alternative to an epidural?  There was a time period in Homer that I was a Lamaze coach for 3 times or wait, was it 4?  I think it was four.  I went to the classes with the Mother-to-be and learned all the assorted breathing styles. The hee-hee and whoo-whoo, in addition to the dog-like pant-pant,   We selected music she'd like to listen to.  Selected a picture to bring along with us, for her focal point.  Packed all the stuff, practiced all the breathing- with the single purpose in mind- to ease her pain as she brought this brand spanking new little baby into the world.  

My main purpose was to offer hope, calmness, guidance and most of all to give her as much comfort as possible.  To ease the way for her in any way I could.  Friends and family would drop by or call to see how things were progressing.  Eventually, with a lot of effort on her part and pain in spite of my best attempts, she would release that baby and we'd all celebrate!  A joyous time of celebration!


Leaving this life is just as much a struggle as the entry.  Many of the same events as that birthing process transpires.  Trained people knowing what they are doing and what needs to be done.  All trying to ease the pain and provide comfort and sustenance to the best of their ability.  Friends and family dropping by to see how things are going.  The focus in this scene is the Savior, the teachings of the Gospel that offer hope, and our testimonies.  Love is in abundance.


There is such a desire to help in the midst of helplessness.  Sunday, his only son-in-law gave a blessing to Lee.  Monday, his oldest son gave him a blessing along with the Stake Patriarch, who is a long time friend.  

Tuesday, was so tender to me.  3 friends, at separate times came to see him, and individually, each gave him the greatest gift they could.  Using the Priesthood they have- each gave their friend, their brother in the Gospel, a blessing of comfort. 


I thought of the people in the Book of Mormon, at the waters of Mormon, when Alma said-

...as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, 

and to be called his people, 

and are willing to bear one another's burdens, 

that they may be light;

Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; 

yea and comfort those that stand in need of comfort...  

                                                                          Mosiah 18:8-11

Decisions

A busy Monday with some regular mundane but necessary tasks, that somehow or other in the familiar routine of the doing are soothing and sort of comforting.  Just plain old laundry, spreading up the bed and those sort of things.  

Taking care of some Stake assignments as given by the Stake RSP.  Lots of details.

Reading some Conference talks (my most favorite literature in the world!)

That is where my time was spent, thoughts sort of free flowing and not always focused on what I was doing, as my heart was elsewhere.

Thoughts of my friend.  A sister in the Gospel.  Having to make decisions that I don't want her to have to make.  A nursing home or Hospice?  Just the words make me teary.  Knowing what that means.  We all talk at times about the final scene of our life and we all want just a quick passage.  We don't want to drag things out, have to make choices, have to suffer.  We just want to go.  And we for sure don't want to have to decide those details for someone that we've spent most of our life with.  Our spouse.

We believe in miracles.  He's rallied before.  Many times over the last 4-1/2 years.  Will that happen one more time?

When we moved here from Alaska, our Alaskan friends- the Whites, told us about this amazing couple and how good they were.  Salt of the earth.  Always doing kind deeds and helping people out.  Living the Gospel as the Savior did in "going about doing good".  They were more than everything described.

Carol has never stopped reaching out to all of us, in every possible way, while simultaneously caring for Lee.  She is amazing.

At noon we munched a hamburger at her favorite old diner and visited.  I marveled at her loveliness.  She is so beautiful.  Coiffed hair.  Cute clothes on her gorgeous figure.  Her jewelery adorning her. I see signs of a life long-lived on her face and well-worn hands that are always busy and think...I'm with an angel.  This verse popped into my mind....

The errand of angels is given to women;
And this is a gift that, as sisters, we claim:
To do whatsoever is gentle and human,
To cheer and to bless in humanity’s name.

Sack Lunch

What a great weekend at Stake Conference!  Being new in the Stake RSP I got the initiation of feeding 50  after the Priesthood meeting.  The SC visitor, attending the dinner, was Brother Brad Risenmay, of the Area Seventy in the Fifth Quorum of the Seventy. The Stake Presidency & wives, Temple President & wife, Mission President & wife, Stake Patriarch & wife, all Bishops & wives were also the guests.   Plus our 4 husbands along with us, were also on the list.  

Terry rode up early for the 4pm Priesthood meeting with his friend Bob.  He asked me why he was invited to the dinner, was there some reason?... and I said because he married me!  

He then called Bob, and his wife answered the phone.  Terry asked her what Bob was going to do for eating in-between the meetings.  She said she was packing him a peanut butter sandwich.  Terry said he would do the same.  We quickly packed him a sack lunch.  Yes.  A peanut butter sandwich. This really touched my heart that he cared about his friend.  Men at times are truly tender!  


He bypassed a great meal with lovely decor...well, that's how the recipients described it!

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Years ago at Stake Conference we always had a "visiting authority".  All of us looked forward to that event.  Then came the day they announced this would end (except for major leadership changes in the Stake) and the local Stake and assigned Ward members would do the entire Stake Conference as far as speaking.  There were the mumblers/grumblers about the end of an era and it wouldn't be hardly worthwhile to go to such a local hoedown affair with only people we saw and knew and associated with all the time.

With anticipation the first SC came around and it was great.  Still with some whining and lots of "I remember when such and such SL General Authority visited out Stake and .....".  There were some that thought it was very good.  Attendance was sparse.  Especially the Saturday night meeting for adults.

Truly Stake Conferences have evolved to something to look forward to.  Saturday night the building was packed.  Sunday morning we left the house at 8am to make sure we had a seat in the Chapel for the 10am meeting.  Every inch of space from front to back, including flowing right up on the stage was filled.

There is something amazing that happens when regular saints, not imports, receive an assignment, dig in and research, think of their own life experience and others they know, and share the Gospel perspective that has worked out for them.  It is so refreshing to hear about the application of Gospel standards from someone we associate with.

The real joy though is feeling the Spirit. That feeling that confirms the truth to my heart.  The Lord will work through whoever has the speaking assignment, be they visitors from far or near, or fellow Stake members.  That prayerful preparation, that dab of feeling overwhelmed, a smidgen of terror- all works together and they feel the Spirit's promptings/direction.  A blessing to us is...we do to!


I love being a member of The Church.  I love feeling the Spirit.  Sometimes getting to where the Spirit is going to be felt, is a lot of effort, but I have never regretted any of it. When I sit there and the opening hymn begins, the speakers start their sharing, and suddenly I recognize the--oh, so lovely feeling--the Spirit is in the room.  It is with those speakers, with the choir, with those conducting and most exciting of all...with me!!!  I feel it!


Stake Conference this past weekend reminded me of this scripture....

Wherefore, 

he that preacheth and

he that receiveth, 

understand one another,

and both are edified

and rejoice together.

                            Doctrine & Covenants 50:22

Back on Monday.....

Dear reader-
I will be here on Monday!!
love from me to you!
Nancy

A beautiful promise.....

The world can be a challenging and difficult place in which to live. We are often surrounded by that which would drag us down. As you and I go to the holy houses of God, as we remember the covenants we make within, we will be more able to bear every trial and to overcome each temptation. In this sacred sanctuary we will find peace; we will be renewed and fortified.  
                           --By President Monson May 2011

Not a fish story!

I have a story that will delight you BUT I have to hear it from the man that experienced it.  Hopefully I will reach him tomorrow.  It's worth the wait!!!

In the meantime, count your blessings and enjoy your day!!

I love the Gospel!  I  hope you do also!

It's a choice!

Baptism does not prepare you for this learning to adjust to being in a Ward. Everything else you do...prayer, fasting, tithing, reading the Scriptures, obtaining Priesthood, readiness for Temple and on and on are all things of a personal nature. Solo flying. Private acts of obedience for the most part. Then you are confronted with the lay ministry and the Ward population and this is an ongoing chapter that is actually the straw that breaks some backs.

At best, those offended/ticked-off souls, pull off to a self-imposed timeout by the wayside, off the little strait/straight sharply defined Gospel path, until maybe new Ward leadership is sustained. Or maybe the offended person moves or some other sort of solution-solving drama. (Although some will still be fanning the flames and keeping those ill feelings of judgement alive within.) It's tricky business this being an active Ward member with a loving heart. The slippery slope. The walking the highwire without a net. Taint easy!

Perhaps signs on the Church door could be posted, giving a heads-up like~~ Weekly Family Reunion - Play Nice in the Sandbox  etc. 

A huge clue to the territory we are entering is found in acknowledging the Bishop of the Ward is also the father of the Ward!  and then the entire congregation are brothers and sisters!  There is also a mother of the Wards of sorts, the RSP, and she is trying to get the girls to visit with each other at least once a month.  The father does the same with the boys.  The first time someone shook my hand and called me Sister, was so awkward, so unfamiliar.  Eventually I got up my courage and said gently, kindly to someone- You don't need to call me that.  You can just call me Nancy.  I mistakenly thought it was as uncomfortable for them as me and was trying to help them be at ease.  It took time for that to be the endearing name that it became to me.

In our family of two parents and five children, our total is now 26 people.  With t-shirts at family reunions blaring to the world....We put the FUN in dysfunctional!!...  and hoping fisticuffs amongst aging wrestlers and those with smartaleck word tendencies when younger, have all gone by the wayside...we meet to reconnect as a family.  Knowing the risk factor of happy ever-aftering for even a week at these get togethers--Why would I expect a weekly bed of roses with an entire roomful of "brothers and sisters" who refer to themselves as Saints?  Is that said with tongue in cheek or wishful thinking?

The thing that brings us together in the Ward is the personal choice we have all made, be it 8 or 18 or 80, to take upon us the Name of the Savior through baptism and come into His Church which is housed in Wards.  Thus there we are, a batch of brothers and sisters, all working together to create a happy home for ourselves with no bickering, faultfinding, backbiting, gossiping and on and on.

The hands down #1 reason that brothers/sisters leave the Ward family is because they get offended.  Offense is given in as many ways as there are people to give offenses.  The trick to survival is not to take offense.  Literally don't take offense.

 Choose Not to Be Offended  by Elder David Bednar  (excerpt from Conference talk)

When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.

In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14). As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation.

Read Elder Bednar's 2006 Conference talk.....  And Nothing Shall Offend Them

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=e

 

Living with the lobsters!

 I've heard it said that you can throw live lobsters in a lidless pot and none will escape because as one starts to get a little higher and pull ahead, a fellow lobster will pinch them and pull them back down.  True or false?  I don't really know.  I do know I've heard it in stories over the years.  Sounds like something a kettle of humans would do!!

It is quite the art to resist being offended, isn't it?  It's scriptural but it's a toughie!

Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.  (Ps.119:165)

These things have I spoken unto you, that ye should not be offended. (John 16:1)

A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city:  and their contentions are like the walls of a castle.  (Pro. 18:24)

Thoughts tomorrow on the most challenging aspect of Church membership....
                                                          
                                                              Surviving being offended!

Overcoming the IF factor

The first calling I had in the Church was to teach in Primary.  CTR-B.  The perfect calling for a new convert.  Preparing the children for Baptism.  I loved it and I learned so much.  It seems like it was at a monthly inservice meeting that I met Greta.  She was the teacher and I adored her.  She was probably 20 years older than me, calm, spiritual and I was so impressed with her knowledgeable lessons.  I probably came across like a stalker, with my effusive admiration, as I remember her telling me once, that she was only human and not perfect.  To me she was just that.  Perfect.

Converts many times come into, the one and only true Church on the face of the entire earth, with the expectation that the members are called Saints because they are perfect.  The first time I saw a member walking down the street smoking, after seeing him in Church the past Sunday, unnerved me and reduced me to tears and confusion.  It was a dreadful feeling.  IF the Church was true as proclaimed then why would he do such a sinful thing?  Did this act of his make it false?

I am one that saw no positive connection between what the witnesses of the gold plates saw, and then some leaving Church but still saying what they saw was true.  It shook me with the nagging doubt of the IF factor.  IF it's true then why would they leave? It took a very long time for me to connect the dots on that one and realize the power of what they saw and the impact it had on them until their death as far as not denying it.

Then there was the time that they announced in Sacrament Meeting that a man had been excommunicated.  I was so confused and asked the woman I was sitting by, who was helping us adapt to our new found religion, what does that mean?  She whispered that he would no longer be a member.  The man stood and tearfully expressed his regret over his sin.  I leaned over and told the woman...he's very nice to us and I will vote against this.  Oh, the sweet innocence of new converts!  We have so much to learn!!!  (I am glad they don't do that sort of confessing anymore.  very uncomfortable for me!!!)

Of course I will never forget a Stake President that I loved and admired and trusted and believed.  I was Stake YW President, new to everything, and eager to learn it all.  He, a life-long many generational, Church family.  On wintry Alaskan roads he would drive our Presidency to outlying areas and answer my endless Church questions as we traveled.  

He had lived and learned a lot and was extremely spiritual.  He shared wonderful spiritual experiences unlike anything I'd ever heard of.  Evidently he could tell that I was absorbing what he shared as an eager student and taking all he said, to heart.  He had memorized lots of scriptures and could quote them with ease.  

He would tell me often- Nancy, you can't trust in the arm of flesh.  You will be let down.  Then he would quote 2 Nephi 4:34...O Lord,I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever.  I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh.  Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.   

We moved away and one day, a few years later, I heard that pride overtook him and he'd been excommunicated.  My heart broke.  I cried for days it seemed.  He had prepared me and taught me to not trust in the arm of flesh and because of that teaching, my faith did not falter, in spite of my heartache.  I no longer questioned the validity of the Church, by the often inappropriate choices and actions of members, that I believed had a testimony like I did.  I had outgrown my iffiness!

I've seen and know of dreadful stories of unfaithfulness that have rocked Wards, individual members and most especially families that are involved to the core.  Some just can't deal with it, the involved and the bystanders, and the fall-out can be sweeping. There are tales of dreadfulness of conduct, by those who should know better, and sometimes you wonder if there are any good Bishops left, as fisherman tales circulate with each one bigger/worse than the last offender!!! 

Hearing sides of stories always gives me the jitters, as I feel an unspoken expectation to declare my allegiance, to one or the other.  I don't like confrontation and discord.  I embrace the Gospel of peace and I shy away from hearing details or taking sides.  I remind myself of my creed...even the thinnest of pancakes has two sides.  Don't you think the Lord will be busy that 1000 year period sorting all unresolved issues out?  Even this sort of divisive stuff that impacts families in such a personal way and Ward members also?

The saying....The Church is a hospital for sinners and not a sanctuary for Saints...is pretty much true in my estimation.  People with testimonies, while on their mortal trek, will  occasionally fall flat on their face by tripping over their sins.  The thing that strengthens me is when they keep on coming to Church.  I just love that about fallen Church warriors- when they stay, face the music and fight their way through their trials and problems, and ofttimes humiliation, in getting back on the narrow path.  

My faith resides in the name on the Church building and not these humans that are just like me.  My religious center, my core, is the Savior-- not the Church members who are working out their own salvation and stumbling just as I do at times.

Seafood!! Yummy!

Our family loves to eat fresh seafood!  Fresh Alaskan seafood!  We only like fresh and turn our noses up at anything else. Admittedly snooty. We lived in a town/area where lots of folks made their living by fishing.  

3 of our 4 sons were, at one time or another, working the boats.  One son went on to get his Masters license and was Captain of a fishing vessel out of Dutch Harbor.  He has stories to beat any you've ever seen on TV!  A very dangerous career and we were relieved, after many successful years of fishing, that it was no longer a part of our boys lives.  

Our petite daughter, lovely and talented enough as hostess on Royal Caribbean, summered as a deck hand on one of the local charter boats.  She could fillet a halibut right along with the best of the men. We have a video of her astraddle a 220# halibut and making quick work, of a tough job, as tourists watched her work.  

And Hubby worked on the diesel engines of the local boats and sometimes he'd get a bonus of fresh seafood, then our boys would bring some home, our daughter would sometimes bring halibut plus we had friends that had boats.  We always had banquets with all sorts of fresh seafood.  King Crab, and I mean KING crab, so succulent and delicious.  Over-sized!!  We'd have a huge bowl on the table!  Alaskans never grow tired of fresh seafood nor do they take it for granted.  Clams, salmon, crab, halibut, cod, shrimp....all sorts of types, kinds, varieties.

Our 3rd son, 4th child, was born with an addiction to adrenaline rushes (really, I believe this!)  he was born a dare devil and has scared the life out of me more than once with his antics.  We have a picture of him, that is terrifying but so typical of him.  A vessel pulling a gigantic bag of fish behind it and he is standing on the bag of fish!!  In the water!!  being pulled by the fishing boat!!  Could have easily been his ruination but he just loves daring adventures.

Sometimes bags of fish when emptied out will yield catches beyond the goal fish.  Strays of other species get in and are tossed back in.

There is a most ugly worthless fish that is frightening...It's called an Irish Lord.  Gigantic mouth, bulging eyes, prickly spines sticking out of it, inedible.  downright disgusting to tangle with one. It's monstrous looking.

If we liken the Gospel net to a bag of different species of salmon, all with the same quest, despite their individual differences, to return home....then we have to acknowledge the Gospel net catches all sort of other fish also.

In that light it's typical that each Ward will keep company with some fish that are unique and often troublesome and quarrelsome.  They swim right alongside us, as we are frolicking with the dolphins and enjoying the eye-catching beautiful tropical fish.  Haven't we at times felt we are swimming with the sharks, fleeing from a killer whale,  have a pesty piranha nipping on our heel,  dared to approach a stingray and almost get zapped, reach to touch an innocent gauzy looking jelly fish and get stung?  Don't we all know or act like an Irish Lord at times?

No Ward is immune to this mixed bag of characters with their distinct characteristics.  The challenge is to make it work, as we all figure out how to endure to the end, and endure each other to that end, as we overcome our weaknesses!
    

For Parker

 Sunday was a long day of Church responsibilities and I really enjoyed it so  much, while at the same time missing my home Ward and hearing testimonies of those I know.  One of the Wards, was actually my previous Ward that was divided to create my current Ward!, so I did know several people.  It was a great reunion to see people that I'd first met years ago.  

The Ward is now very small by most standards but strong in spirit.  I was touched by the strength of the testimonies of the youth.  Probably the youngest was 8 and on up to a senior in high school.  Parker will be 12 on his next birthday.  What a fine young man he is.  His Mother has been someone that I've loved since I met her many years ago.  Although I've heard about Parker, I'd never officially met him.  Until today.  

We visited afterwards and talked about his upcoming role in leadership in the Priesthood as he matures.  I told him that I'm counting on him to take care of the Church as the rest of us are aging fast.  We will check in with each other on occasion.  We did a pinkie promise that he'd live the Gospel and so will I. 

Parker this old poem is for you! 

 

 IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

                            --by Rudyard Kipling

                           1895 

Desiderata

I share this as a beautiful gift.  It was written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann.  The word desiderata is Latin for...desired things.  It reminds me of a creed.  That is probably why I find it so special.  I  hope you enjoy it also!  Have a great day and mull these poetic words over and soak them up. 

Desiderata

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Upstream ALL the way!!

Alaska, oh, I love my Alaska!  When I was a girl and the salmon were running, I remember my Dad driving us somewhere to see the stream filled with salmon.  Somewhere?  where was this Somewhere place?  I remember also seeing huge fish jumping up out of the water and fighting their way upstream. We lived in Anchorage when I was that young girl.  Would I have seen a spectacular sight like that at Ship Creek, Bird Creek, Chugach, Eklutna, Eagle River?  Was it on the way to Palmer?  Truly, I'm drawing a blank!

A couple of years back, while we were at our annual visit to Leavenworth, we visited the Fish Hatchery.  Salmon migration was stopped by the building of Grand Coulee Dam so the hatchery met the need of a home to start in and end in.  Birth and eventual death.  When I looked into the holding pen of the beat-up, worn-out, gouged-out spots, salmon- just waiting to die- I thought they endured the race, they fought a good fight.  They accomplished what their purpose was.  To be born, live, return home to die.

Rather eerie that I can identify with a salmon living out it's life purpose!  eggs, to fingerling, growing, maturing and gathering survival strength, and finally striking out for home to create a family, fulfilling that purpose, and dying.  Yes.  sounds very familiar.

Making adjustments along the way, including physical adjustments that enables them to make the transition of water types.  It wears me out to even think of it and yet I can so easily grasp the difficulty of....swimming UPSTREAM!!  ALL the way!  Fighting that flowing water and even achieving the impossible and leaping up powerful waterfalls!  True, some die on the journey but the majority make it- even battered and bruised and torn up and their purpose is fulfilled. 

Salmon have many varieties.  I've heard of silvers, pinks, reds, kings, Chinook, chum, coho and sockeye.  There are probably many others that are new to me.  These are familiar sounding names.

Me? I left that pre-mortal heavenly place, arrived on earth with my own uniqueness of skin tone, grew to adult size, struck out on my own, had a family, and daily fight my own uphill battle, in my effort to return to the home from whence I came.  Sounds a little fishy doesn't it?  But it's true!! 

I have the salmon-like determination to fight all odds to return back home!! 

Just like you, at the end, I want to say.....

I have fought a good fight,

I have finished my course,

I have kept the faith:

                                  (2 Tim. 4:7)