good morning and a goodbye! heading to McCall. running late on loading truck but will be ready in a split second. Kipper not going. He will be the watchdog for us.
looking forward to returning and continuing our visit about angels.
have a fun week making memories as that is what I'm going to be doing.
Monday, July 25, 2016
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Checking in...
so here I am again! I was all ready to blog and then my computer went haywire and then the computer got fixed and I guess I went haywire!!
I actually feel good and capable and ready to plow through on simplifying things and getting my life in balance, with the switch of me taking on more responsibility, in our life. Of course when you get started on well-laid and well-thought out plans for your life, then life itself interferes. Not in a bad way but just a delay. Like a road trip and traffic stops for an avalanche clean-up and in your real life you are trying to clean-up the debri and feel you can't stop.
But...stop you must. So time out for a bit of refreshing with those I love. My family!
Jeanee arrived from Alaska and was so sick. She felt it was food poisioning (which proably didn't set well with the friend that cooked her last dinner!). I don't think so, about the fp, as I then started feeling lousy the next day. Now we are on the mend and plans are moving ahead for an abbreviated, as far as attendees, for McCall.
Kip, the Kip d.'s, the Greg's & Jen will not be with us this year. Kip d. is home from hospital/rest home and continues working towards learning to walk in 2-3 months. Usually we go to McCall every other year but we have access to the time share every year (last year I took over Dixie's week). Next year will be our regular year.
So...Jeanee and girls, the Ben's and the Dave's (minus Jen) plus Terry and I will be our family vacation time. it will be lowkey. well, that is what we say it is going to be. time will tell on that one!
I was so eager to share blogwise when the computer plummeted about my study of angels. Suddenly everyone seems to be writing about angels! like here.
I was going to share this paragraph with you and someone beat me to it!!
“In like manner our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh” (Gospel Doctrine, p. 436).
Caution has always been my course in studying topics that aren't mainstream like the Word of Wisdom or Temples or Tithing or etc. Angels have been in my thoughts and on my mind for years but the subject is not something that we hear on a regular basis in a testimony meeting or in our gospel conversation. Extremism definition for me is-- touting subjects that makes others uncomfortable? I think that is true for me.
At this point I don't believe that we each have a particular, solely assigned angel, as our guardian angel. I do believe that angels guard us and therefore are guardian angels in that sense. but specific one on one assignments? not feeling that.
While I do not believe we pray to specific angels, like deceased family etc.... I do believe that we can pray for angels to "be dispatched" and we can "ask for angels to help you". I'm not inclined to disagree or argue with Elder Holland! those words are his from 2008 and 2010. two General Conference talks. you know how I feel about the words spoken at Conference.
Way back in the early 70's, living in Homer, invited to Anchorage to participate in a Woman's Conference, and received a plaque (as did everyone) with the quote by Joseph Smith (from that first RS meeting) stating in part...If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates. That is a very long time to think about a subject!
I do believe that we are in for hearing of more contact/connection between the realms of mortality and the spirit world as these last days unfold. Hymn #2...
The visions and blessings of old are returning,
And angels are coming to visit the earth.
May as well also throw out there that I do not believe that angels supersede the Holy Ghost.
I need to pull all of my quotes together but that is not going to happen this morning! To much going on getting ready for McCall. I say we are going all relaxed etc. me the lying tongue. IF I was a betting woman...that little truck will end up looking like the Clampett truck from the Beverly Hillbillies show!
Oh, and I believe that we can be angels to each other. Not all angels are on the other side of the veil.
Actually I believe a lot of things but most of all....I believe the Gospel has been restored and it is a truth that permeates my being and I simply love it!
One of the things that will become more important in our lives the longer we live is the reality of angels, their work and their ministry. I refer here not alone to the angel Moroni but also to those more personal ministering angels who are with us and around us, empowered to help us and who do exactly that (see 3 Ne. 7:18; Moro. 7:29–32, 37; D&C 107:20).
&
I believe we need to speak of and believe in and bear testimony of the ministry of angels more than we sometimes do. They constitute one of God’s great methods of witnessing through the veil, and no document in all this world teaches that principle so clearly and so powerfully as does the Book of Mormon.
For a Wise Purpose by Jeffrey Holland-1996 here
I actually feel good and capable and ready to plow through on simplifying things and getting my life in balance, with the switch of me taking on more responsibility, in our life. Of course when you get started on well-laid and well-thought out plans for your life, then life itself interferes. Not in a bad way but just a delay. Like a road trip and traffic stops for an avalanche clean-up and in your real life you are trying to clean-up the debri and feel you can't stop.
But...stop you must. So time out for a bit of refreshing with those I love. My family!
Jeanee arrived from Alaska and was so sick. She felt it was food poisioning (which proably didn't set well with the friend that cooked her last dinner!). I don't think so, about the fp, as I then started feeling lousy the next day. Now we are on the mend and plans are moving ahead for an abbreviated, as far as attendees, for McCall.
Kip, the Kip d.'s, the Greg's & Jen will not be with us this year. Kip d. is home from hospital/rest home and continues working towards learning to walk in 2-3 months. Usually we go to McCall every other year but we have access to the time share every year (last year I took over Dixie's week). Next year will be our regular year.
So...Jeanee and girls, the Ben's and the Dave's (minus Jen) plus Terry and I will be our family vacation time. it will be lowkey. well, that is what we say it is going to be. time will tell on that one!
I was so eager to share blogwise when the computer plummeted about my study of angels. Suddenly everyone seems to be writing about angels! like here.
I was going to share this paragraph with you and someone beat me to it!!
“In like manner our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh” (Gospel Doctrine, p. 436).
Caution has always been my course in studying topics that aren't mainstream like the Word of Wisdom or Temples or Tithing or etc. Angels have been in my thoughts and on my mind for years but the subject is not something that we hear on a regular basis in a testimony meeting or in our gospel conversation. Extremism definition for me is-- touting subjects that makes others uncomfortable? I think that is true for me.
At this point I don't believe that we each have a particular, solely assigned angel, as our guardian angel. I do believe that angels guard us and therefore are guardian angels in that sense. but specific one on one assignments? not feeling that.
While I do not believe we pray to specific angels, like deceased family etc.... I do believe that we can pray for angels to "be dispatched" and we can "ask for angels to help you". I'm not inclined to disagree or argue with Elder Holland! those words are his from 2008 and 2010. two General Conference talks. you know how I feel about the words spoken at Conference.
Way back in the early 70's, living in Homer, invited to Anchorage to participate in a Woman's Conference, and received a plaque (as did everyone) with the quote by Joseph Smith (from that first RS meeting) stating in part...If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates. That is a very long time to think about a subject!
I do believe that we are in for hearing of more contact/connection between the realms of mortality and the spirit world as these last days unfold. Hymn #2...
The visions and blessings of old are returning,
And angels are coming to visit the earth.
May as well also throw out there that I do not believe that angels supersede the Holy Ghost.
I need to pull all of my quotes together but that is not going to happen this morning! To much going on getting ready for McCall. I say we are going all relaxed etc. me the lying tongue. IF I was a betting woman...that little truck will end up looking like the Clampett truck from the Beverly Hillbillies show!
Oh, and I believe that we can be angels to each other. Not all angels are on the other side of the veil.
Actually I believe a lot of things but most of all....I believe the Gospel has been restored and it is a truth that permeates my being and I simply love it!
******
(I know I shared this before but just wanted to again. Enjoy!)
&
I believe we need to speak of and believe in and bear testimony of the ministry of angels more than we sometimes do. They constitute one of God’s great methods of witnessing through the veil, and no document in all this world teaches that principle so clearly and so powerfully as does the Book of Mormon.
For a Wise Purpose by Jeffrey Holland-1996 here
**********************
(D&C 84:88.)
When do the angels come? If we seek to be worthy, they are near us when we need them most. The mountain might even be full with the horsemen of Israel and their chariots of fire.
When Do the Angels Come? by Bruce Hafen - 1992 here
Friday, July 8, 2016
Good morning!
So much going on and I should be fired as a blogger for being so inconsistent! Not making frequent trips to Eagle has allowed me to try and dig out of some of the messes around here! It's an ongoing thing for sure!
I have been so happy and feel at peace. It sort of reminds me of the people in the Book of Mormon that had burdens, that were not removed, and yet they could not feel them. I know that life, in and of itself, gives us challenges. Challenges that can be viewed as burdens, just from the sheer overpowering weight of helplessness or frustration or just being overwhelmed to the point of feeling paralyzed with fear of the helplessness of desperation BUT with all the aspects of available help, from tenets of the Gospel, we can survive it and actually thrive in our living.
I grew up terrified of death from about age 14 until I joined the Church and understood it was not the end of life. Even with that it took years of study and living and faith to really have a testimony of it and to no longer fear death. With the passage of years and life-experiences and purposeful preparation, on many levels, I understood Dixie's passing was a part of life and someday I would join her.
As I left town, it was symbolic to me to see a mural with hot air balloons and then a real one ascending above it.
On the drive home I thought and prayed a lot and renewed my determination to live life to the fullest while I'm still on earth. I believe we honor those that have moved to that next realm, by living and enjoying life while we are still here. Live to live and not live to die. (Dixie's Doctor gave her that advice!)
A couple of days ago I saw this meme! Confirmation of my thinking!
This is our wonderful 36 year old grandson, Kipper, and his precious little family--wife, Kim and then kiddos...Ava and Kai. 2 days, before Dixie passed away, he had a dreadful mountain bike accident.
Our son, Kipper, posted yesterday....
6/11 Kip shattered his pelvis - both sides. He's had 5 surgeries in under 3 weeks. This pic was taken today as he learns to do the basics without the use of his legs. No weight on the legs for another 2-3 months.
He's taking it one step at a time. This is a shock to us all, especially him. But I am so impressed at how he is handling this. He inspires me to be a better person.
He is in a nursing home and learning to use a wheel chair plus OT/PT and then eventually will learn to walk again. He is so young and it's just heartbreaking for all of us that know and love him & his little family that he cherishes. He is brave and courageous and that will take him far & he now will be carried on our faith and prayers and heartfelt love.
Right now we want him to be able to go home!
One of the things that will become more important in our lives the longer we live is the reality of angels, their work and their ministry. I refer here not alone to the angel Moroni but also to those more personal ministering angels who are with us and around us, empowered to help us and who do exactly that (see 3 Ne. 7:18; Moro. 7:29–32, 37; D&C 107:20).
&
I believe we need to speak of and believe in and bear testimony of the ministry of angels more than we sometimes do. They constitute one of God’s great methods of witnessing through the veil, and no document in all this world teaches that principle so clearly and so powerfully as does the Book of Mormon.
For a Wise Purpose by Jeffrey Holland-1996 here
(D&C 84:88.)
***********************
I have been so happy and feel at peace. It sort of reminds me of the people in the Book of Mormon that had burdens, that were not removed, and yet they could not feel them. I know that life, in and of itself, gives us challenges. Challenges that can be viewed as burdens, just from the sheer overpowering weight of helplessness or frustration or just being overwhelmed to the point of feeling paralyzed with fear of the helplessness of desperation BUT with all the aspects of available help, from tenets of the Gospel, we can survive it and actually thrive in our living.
I grew up terrified of death from about age 14 until I joined the Church and understood it was not the end of life. Even with that it took years of study and living and faith to really have a testimony of it and to no longer fear death. With the passage of years and life-experiences and purposeful preparation, on many levels, I understood Dixie's passing was a part of life and someday I would join her.
As I left town, it was symbolic to me to see a mural with hot air balloons and then a real one ascending above it.
On the drive home I thought and prayed a lot and renewed my determination to live life to the fullest while I'm still on earth. I believe we honor those that have moved to that next realm, by living and enjoying life while we are still here. Live to live and not live to die. (Dixie's Doctor gave her that advice!)
A couple of days ago I saw this meme! Confirmation of my thinking!
*****************
This is our wonderful 36 year old grandson, Kipper, and his precious little family--wife, Kim and then kiddos...Ava and Kai. 2 days, before Dixie passed away, he had a dreadful mountain bike accident.
Our son, Kipper, posted yesterday....
6/11 Kip shattered his pelvis - both sides. He's had 5 surgeries in under 3 weeks. This pic was taken today as he learns to do the basics without the use of his legs. No weight on the legs for another 2-3 months.
He's taking it one step at a time. This is a shock to us all, especially him. But I am so impressed at how he is handling this. He inspires me to be a better person.
He is in a nursing home and learning to use a wheel chair plus OT/PT and then eventually will learn to walk again. He is so young and it's just heartbreaking for all of us that know and love him & his little family that he cherishes. He is brave and courageous and that will take him far & he now will be carried on our faith and prayers and heartfelt love.
Right now we want him to be able to go home!
***************************
I am still studying about angels and here are a couple of quotes from talks that I recently read...
One of the things that will become more important in our lives the longer we live is the reality of angels, their work and their ministry. I refer here not alone to the angel Moroni but also to those more personal ministering angels who are with us and around us, empowered to help us and who do exactly that (see 3 Ne. 7:18; Moro. 7:29–32, 37; D&C 107:20).
&
I believe we need to speak of and believe in and bear testimony of the ministry of angels more than we sometimes do. They constitute one of God’s great methods of witnessing through the veil, and no document in all this world teaches that principle so clearly and so powerfully as does the Book of Mormon.
For a Wise Purpose by Jeffrey Holland-1996 here
(D&C 84:88.)
When do the angels come? If we seek to be worthy, they are near us when we need them most. The mountain might even be full with the horsemen of Israel and their chariots of fire.
When Do the Angels Come? by Bruce Hafen - 1992 here
I'm also re-reading the book Covenant Keepers by Wendy Nelson. She quotes Joseph Smith...if we "live up to our privilege", the angels will not be able to be restrained from being our associates.
She also quotes Elder Holland, from 2010 --Ask for angels to help you . (Elder Holland has really talked a lot about angels over the years. that is what I'm noticing.)
You know that I have been talking about and reading about and desiring to know about angels and how they fit into my personal life or if they even should or if it's even something I should desire or pursue. After study and prayer and contemplation...yes. Yes...I am opening my mind and heart to this element of growth and am feeling comfortable to embrace whatever comes my way.
I especially like the element of available help, for the asking, for family and friends and genealogy. It fits with my Patriarchal blessing and recorded personal blessings given by my sweet hubby and also most recently our son.
I'll continue to study and understand this fascinating subject.
I wonder how many of us, and that includes you, have done as Elder Holland said...Ask for angels to help you? Well, something as private as that will most likely be held sacred in our hearts but I'll share with you this fact--I'm going to keep endeavoring to embrace and understand and yes, enjoy the journey.
********
Thanks for being patient with my sporadic posting. I'm planning on getting back on course.
(Natalie- sorry I've not responded to your beautiful letter. I pray for your daughter and for you to have strength. I cannot fathom how one prepares for the pending loss of a child. True she is an adult but still your darling daughter. so beautiful and so successful. I had a friend that lost a son and she said it was so difficult because it was out of synch. you are strong and faith-filled so you will make it through this impossible circumstance as that is how believers survive. We rely on the Gospel teachings. always love to you)
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Lilting
a lilting frame of mind...a sense of lilting. Can that noun be used beyond some sort of musical experience? Well, I'm thinking so- as I sensed the pleasure of lilting this morning. A very relaxed and comfortable and comforting emotion. all wrapped into familiarity of those that I was with.
As I ease back into my life, minus trips to Eagle and care for Dixie, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for my Church membership.
All I did was attend a baby shower. In and of itself, no different than the hundreds of other baby showers I've attended over my lifetime. The usual gender colored table setting and treats and gift table and silly games that we all seem to draw blanks on the obvious answers.
Today was a pink theme and we all oh-ed and aw-ed at the adorable baby clothes.
It was the first time in a long time that I've attended a social with this group of women that are valuable to me. They all knew that Dixie had passed on. Some are more comfortable with that fact than others. I waved hello and went and sat with a neighbor who for the moment was setting alone.
There was something so serene to me about being there. Did I talk to everyone? Greet everyone? Did everyone come say hi to me? No. No and No. Did I care? Did it matter? No and No. I was just there because I wanted to be. Did I know all of the women there? Yes, with the exception of one young woman.
I had no expectation except to just be there. AND I loved it. Chelle and Joyce are friends that are so supportive and they sat with me. Others also. I enjoyed hearing about the Cub event (what was it called?) and just chit-chat about life happenings.
The weather was hot and I always cover up (you don't see camel riders doing their desert riding unless they are covered!) Everyone else looked cool and summery and happy and relaxed. so pleasant to be in that mode!
I was reminded again of the blessings and benefits of church membership and the value of regular attendance. That affords me the luxury of being surrounded by tenderness and kindness and caring allows me to have that lilting sensation.
Lilt: a light pleasant rhythm
As I ease back into my life, minus trips to Eagle and care for Dixie, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for my Church membership.
All I did was attend a baby shower. In and of itself, no different than the hundreds of other baby showers I've attended over my lifetime. The usual gender colored table setting and treats and gift table and silly games that we all seem to draw blanks on the obvious answers.
Today was a pink theme and we all oh-ed and aw-ed at the adorable baby clothes.
It was the first time in a long time that I've attended a social with this group of women that are valuable to me. They all knew that Dixie had passed on. Some are more comfortable with that fact than others. I waved hello and went and sat with a neighbor who for the moment was setting alone.
There was something so serene to me about being there. Did I talk to everyone? Greet everyone? Did everyone come say hi to me? No. No and No. Did I care? Did it matter? No and No. I was just there because I wanted to be. Did I know all of the women there? Yes, with the exception of one young woman.
I had no expectation except to just be there. AND I loved it. Chelle and Joyce are friends that are so supportive and they sat with me. Others also. I enjoyed hearing about the Cub event (what was it called?) and just chit-chat about life happenings.
The weather was hot and I always cover up (you don't see camel riders doing their desert riding unless they are covered!) Everyone else looked cool and summery and happy and relaxed. so pleasant to be in that mode!
I was reminded again of the blessings and benefits of church membership and the value of regular attendance. That affords me the luxury of being surrounded by tenderness and kindness and caring allows me to have that lilting sensation.
Lilt: a light pleasant rhythm
I could easily picture every woman in a flower dress and sunhat, fanning herself, dabbing her brow with her lace-edged hanky, and enjoying the iciness of cool fresh water. Beautiful caring women that I love to associate with. That is the relaxed way I felt.
I know. I know. I get carried away descriptively but really it was the best feeling to feel lilty-like! Still lingering and I'm soaking it up!
*********************
Dixie loved recipe books. She loved to read them and mark everything with sticky notes that she felt sounded delicious. I'd give her recipe books for her birthday on occasion. After her diagnosis, I gave her more recipe books and then would occasionally buy the same one for me. Then she'd call me and tell me what to look up and we'd talk about it. Today I sorted through some of the books she had my niece return to me. so now I have several duplicates...Church Supper Cookbook/Essential Mormon Cookbook/Dinnertime-Ree Drummond/make it ahead-Ina Garten. Plus Southern Living cookbooks. I will gift them to friends and family. I love seeing the sticky notes spilling over. She marked a lot!
********************
Our grandson had his 4th major surgery today. Hopefully he will now be able to get on with healing. He will go to a nursing home rehab to learn how to maneuver in a wheelchair and how to live without standing on his feet. no walking at all. maybe for 2-3 months. we will find out as he progresses past this operation what the rehab plan is.
*******************
The evening before I left for the funeral I had an accident in the roundabout over by ShopKo. I was headed towards the freeway and was on the outside aiming towards the freeway home. A big truck, that I thought was on the inside track, hit his center bumper on my left rear by the light/and the lower fender area. He said I did not yield. I really don't know how I hit him when he was behind me but I do know it was just a bit to much for me to handle right then. It wasn't his finest moment as he jumped out of his truck, waving his arms and yelling at me. I just started sobbing and said my sister just died. I don't know if I thought this gave me an excuse or what but it was just overwhelming to have him hollering at me. A friend had offered to drive me over for the funeral and I did think that maybe I'd need help but the car was okay. I was totally rattled. Terry was kind and wonderful. I called the Ins. company and they were so kind and told me to get in touch when I got back. I'm now ready to get in touch with them. I do not like stuff like this. (Later that evening the man called and apologized for his behavior. Poor guy. He was really waving his arms and yelling)
***************************
I love the teachings of the Gospel and the comfort it gives me. I know Dixie is doing just fine and I need to be doing just fine also. Getting back into living life to the fullest, with enjoyment, is the way I want to live. There is still a lot on my plate but so is there on yours. that is how life is. Let's live.
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Onward...
When I'd leave Eagle to head home, I'd always tell Dixie...when you get to the other side, be sure and tell Mother and Daddy and Grandmother Clark and Da-daw and Grandma Ransdell and Aunt Bonnie hello for me...give them my love...give them a hug. IF you can, then come see me or contact me. She would always tell me...I will.
We were and are dealing with fields that we've neither walked in before. Today I thought about the card that she gave to her daughters/grandchildren/friends/and my family also. The outside/inside of the card reads...There's an angel watching over you...to keep you safe and always light your way. For you're someone very special who means more than words can say.
No. this is not some shared blog experience with life beyond this sphere. (at least not yet) but I've been thinking of angels and blogging about them a while back. I remember this quote...
President Joseph F. Smith declared: “When messengers are sent to minister to the inhabitants of this earth, they are not strangers, but from the ranks of our kindred [and] friends . . . . In like manner, our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters, and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, of reproof and instruction to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh.”
What a nice thought. I think we will hear more and more about angels and have experiences more and more with angels. Just my opinion.
Marvelous Treasures...here
The Angels Among Us.... here
Root Nourishing...here
Time to Think...here
We were and are dealing with fields that we've neither walked in before. Today I thought about the card that she gave to her daughters/grandchildren/friends/and my family also. The outside/inside of the card reads...There's an angel watching over you...to keep you safe and always light your way. For you're someone very special who means more than words can say.
No. this is not some shared blog experience with life beyond this sphere. (at least not yet) but I've been thinking of angels and blogging about them a while back. I remember this quote...
President Joseph F. Smith declared: “When messengers are sent to minister to the inhabitants of this earth, they are not strangers, but from the ranks of our kindred [and] friends . . . . In like manner, our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters, and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, of reproof and instruction to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh.”
What a nice thought. I think we will hear more and more about angels and have experiences more and more with angels. Just my opinion.
 |
Marvelous Treasures...here
The Angels Among Us.... here
Root Nourishing...here
Time to Think...here
******************
I am feeling a sense of renewal and feeling rested and ready to get on with my life. I don't weep as much as I seep! Trickles of tears not torrents. Gliding/sliding down my cheeks in slow motion. Missing her and loving her. Knowing she is living where she is and I must live where I am. Not half-hearted but whole-heartedly. Gusto! Planning ahead and realizing that I won't be making those frequent trips to Eagle. I need to figure out how to bring some balance into my life.
Always the house stuff! Another organizing plan...Tidying-up! A friend shared the plan and I'm going to try it out.
Family...more letters/cards and endeavor to draw us all closer.
My Laurel class...love those girls and want to reconnect as I feel I've been gone a lot.
Friends...reconnecting with all of them. Finally going to lunch, as has been talked about for a few months, with an equally busy friend.
Just life stuff...isn't it? nothing spectacular or out of the ordinary. Just living life and being grateful for it and enjoying it as much as possible.
I'll start a list! Heading will read....Creating Balance in My Life!
Don't hold your breath on this transpiring BUT I will try!
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Plans carried out...
Surely it has not already been 10 days since she slipped away. Surely not! and yet today the impact of her leaving and impacting a shift and change in my life, that is now my new reality, in regard to my normal routine with her. This is the time of day that I'd give her a call and see how her day had gone...check on whether this would have been an up or a down day by her estimation...and just chit-chat. She'd tell me HSN and QVC shows for me to watch (which I never did) or some upcoming TV show that she thought I'd enjoy or a new recipe that she'd read about and wanted me to try.
Our Mother passed away in 1999 and from then, until 10 days ago, Dixie and I talked daily. As her illness progressed we increased the numbers of our daily calls. Sometimes we had long conversations but mostly it was just that long conversation, broken up into shorter sound bites.
When you don't live in the same town, then your grieving is impacted by the need to just pick up the phone, as always...then it dawns on you- oh! she's gone!!! I did this with both of my parents and now it will be with her...ready to call and realizing. It's over.
Three of my 4 nieces handled all of her desires on funeral arrangements and it was exactly as Dixie pre-planned it and wanted it. Remember she wanted it at the mortuary...nothing "Churchy" or preachy from speakers...wearing her white suit with some sparkles on it....make-up/hair/nail polish/sparkly earrings--all to perfection.
(one of her daughters could not deal with the funeral. Dixie had talked to her and reassured her it would be okay and her sisters all understood that fact)
There were probably 200 people there and it was wonderful to meet so many of her friends. Friends that I'd heard about over the years and recognized some of the names. She has been retired for years and I wondered if business friends would be there, after such a long time and no contact...they were there!
Her sweet son-in-law, Scott, conducted the services and as the last speaker, he did talk a bit about the plan of salvation, and her goodness and the fact of all of us will eventually be resurrected. It was beautifully done and I'm sure Dixie was pleased, even if he did bring scriptural doctrine briefly into the day!
You know by now that Dixie had unfailing faith in the principle of tithing...personal priesthood blessings (but only by the same 3 men--my Terry/her son-in-law Scott/& Arnold -husband of her best friend Linda)...& prayer was always happening with her. She had tremendous faith and felt strongly that the Lord knew her heart and understood her reluctance, her personal reasons, to not embrace all of the Gospel. She would say...He understands.
You're aware of how prepared she was in the handling of her estate and it went off like clockwork. She'd even met with the realtor and made arrangements for her handling the sale of her house!
There was a fee for using the mortuary, that doubled, if the service went over the allotted time. Therefore all speakers were told about their time and to stay on task. No one went over! I was the last speaker of 4 and you know how that goes when you are last... you may end up with 30 minutes or 30 seconds!
I had thought and thought of what do you say about someone, your sister, that has lived 75 years and condense it down to 5-7 minutes????
I don't deal well with reading notes or typed pages when I give a talk, so I just decided to focus on the one thing she wanted...her 4 daughters to unite and bond and care for each other throughout their lives.
I showed some of her sparkly jewelry and shared things, that I knew all who knew her well, would recognize as her personality and traits. I then told that 55 years ago she'd experienced a harsh, undeserved experience in her life, by those who should have known better. I made a promise to myself to be a loyal sister and would never side with anyone that was against her-- for any reason. I would be there for her. And I was. When she died I had no regrets and no guilt.
We were different and yet connected in the uniqueness of being sisters. I shared that it was much easier to be close to friends than to have siblings be your close friends but that was what Dixie wanted for her 4 daughters. I shared how Dixie and I were different in many ways but we made it work and to realize that I have no regrets or guilt is a beautiful feeling. Reads kind of abrupt but it was not that blunt!
Our youngest son, Ben, flew in from Nevada and our second son, Greg, came from Utah plus his daughter Britta drove in. I'd told them that I'd be okay but they all 3 came. It was sweet support. It was such a blessing for me to share that afternoon with them.
One thing that you would have enjoyed...people were startled when they saw me! They were taken aback by how similar we looked! They thought we looked alike, sounded alike, talked alike, gestured alike- so they were startled! I'd hear little intakes of breath and see eyes widen and eyebrows raise. Some said it was comforting...lots of smiles and chuckles from others. I'd never met my oldest niece's children and they were really surprised! It was a fun sort of experience getting hugs for looking like my sister! I wore some of her sparkly jewelry in her honor and that made me look more authentic!
I remember when our Mother died and we readied her house for sale. On the last walkthrough, devoid of every single solitary thing that had been in her house, it was a shell. It hit me then --we live...we learn...we leave. I had the exact same feeling as I took a last walk through Dixie's house. A house that she loved so much and had created such beauty with so much finery of her choosing... Chandeliers and lace and greenery and china and crystal and teacups aplenty and paintings and everything to her liking. Beauty everywhere. Just like her! Now a white empty shell, with not one smidgen of my sister remaining there. Nothing.
Everything meted out according to her plans on that master list we did a few months back. Treasures, her treasures dispersed and heading out different directions, to now be enjoyed by others, and a reminder of a very important person in so many lives.
Details so fine, right down to the last week of her life, giving me her bookmark! I'll take a picture of that bookmark and share with you later. It's jeweled!--of course!
My personal life has been altered and now I will not be leaving and going to Eagle as I have been doing. Greg is still here and he will be leaving... I am still catching up on sleep...I'm just about ready
to get on with my life. That is what we have to do. Live while we are still living.
I was reminded of Ecclesiastes...a time to be born and a time to die. I was also reminded of a picture that an Alaskan friend posted from her Matanuska Valley home. Age and health and other challenges made her close up her green house and garden. It's so symbolic for life and it's seasons. Dixie was blessed to live 75 years and experienced all seasons of life.
Friday, June 17, 2016
Last Trip to Eagle...
Good morning. Heading over to Eagle. It will seem very strange to not have her in her house for the first time.
I had a wonderful Temple session yesterday. Very peaceful and calm. I'm still trying to condense 75 years of life into the 5-7 minutes for my talk. I'm the last speaker so you never know how much you will end up with...could be 12 minutes or 1 minute. There is a fixed time schedule as it's being held at a mortuary. Dixie's choice. I'm more used to rather open time at the Church. I'm good at closing on time so I'll watch the time.
I'll check back in with you when I get home.
Thanks for your love and prayers. Very much appreciated.
I had a wonderful Temple session yesterday. Very peaceful and calm. I'm still trying to condense 75 years of life into the 5-7 minutes for my talk. I'm the last speaker so you never know how much you will end up with...could be 12 minutes or 1 minute. There is a fixed time schedule as it's being held at a mortuary. Dixie's choice. I'm more used to rather open time at the Church. I'm good at closing on time so I'll watch the time.
I'll check back in with you when I get home.
Thanks for your love and prayers. Very much appreciated.
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