Onward!

Whew!  It's over!  What a whirlwind!  For me personally, the most unusual lack of Christmas readiness ever!  I never did feel ready.  Probably because I never was ready!!  I felt overwhelmed, out of sync, ill-prepared and sad way down deep in my heart.

How could I possibly feel that way when I love Christmas trappings, and visiting family (even with a DOG!), and traditional menu's reminiscent of years past, and visiting with friends and yet in all honesty I felt a haze of tears.  I probably looked glassy-eyed to any close observer.  Who had time for observing anything?!

Most of all I love Christmas because I love the Savior.  I love to celebrate His Birth...most especially when there are no indications anywhere around surrounding towns, even my own little town, that indicate it is His birthday.  I see "holiday" stars and canes and snowflakes and Santa's and sleighs but nothing of Christ.  Feeling that way you'd think I'd be anything but melancholy.

To be with children and even grandchildren and even great-grandchildren...how can you not be delirious with gratitude???  When they arrived then my happiness factor went full meter.  Off the charts. 

It was like I never fully got up to speed on all the rest of things.  Menu and shopping and that sort of normal busy-ness was all either dropped or done last minute.  NEVER have I grocery shopped, for Christmas dinner, on Christmas eve!!  Thank you Costco!!  Have to admit, the store was open early, and they were so stocked up on everything.  very few people there.  I told my little shopping partner, Grace, to run to the back and see if she could find us a pumpkin pie before they were gone.  Much to my surprise there was a gigantic display of 3 types of pies.  there must have been hundreds.  rather than the available Christmas goods being limited, it was like everything was stacked to the max.  actually could shop quickly.  It made me realize that there must be a lot of people that regularly shop on Christmas Eve Morning!!

I'm used to having not only shopping done but cooking done on Christmas Eve morning.  At least for the most part!

I didn't feel my heart was 2 sizes to small, like Scrooge, but it wasn't fully inflated to nearly bursting with joy. 

The prep process wasn't feeling satisfying, the cleaning readiness seemed to me a joke.  All deadlines were missed.  There were so many things left undone.  It really bugged me.

Slowly it dawned on me that I had the same desires and plans as always but the timing was totally off.  Time wise everything was sort of in slow motion.  One day I felt sort of dejavu.  I remembered back to one year ago, the joy of sharing Christmas, and having little children come over to see the lights etc.

While we were packing things up to go back in the garage, Terry and I talked.  We talked about maybe he needed to cut back a bit on his decorating as it was so labor intensive, or so it felt.  Maybe get someone, like a teen, to come help.  We even wondered if maybe we'd  not do it this year. in 2013.  do it real simple.

We spent a lot of time carefully packing things and making a master map and numbering houses etc.  bagging ornaments etc. all in readiness for ease in decorating.  The plan was, we would put the boxes in garage and then we'd settle in, to me organizing and de-junking, and then having carpet/furniture cleaned and then painting walls and sprucing things up a bit.

We got the Christmas things stored.  And then Terry had a stroke!  Our lives have changed for sure.  Very subtle but my life is definitely not as before.  So here I am one year later, never having moved ahead, carpets uncleaned, mess not sorted etc. etc.  (I use way to many etc.etc. in 2014 I'll pare back!)

One year later and it's like time stopped and I never moved ahead!  I will move ahead in 2014! I will make adjustments in all we do and allow about twice as much time for getting all deeds done.  This house will be de-junked etc.  (last of etc. overuse!)

and right now...today is check over my creed and regroup on that!