Onward!

Whew!  It's over!  What a whirlwind!  For me personally, the most unusual lack of Christmas readiness ever!  I never did feel ready.  Probably because I never was ready!!  I felt overwhelmed, out of sync, ill-prepared and sad way down deep in my heart.

How could I possibly feel that way when I love Christmas trappings, and visiting family (even with a DOG!), and traditional menu's reminiscent of years past, and visiting with friends and yet in all honesty I felt a haze of tears.  I probably looked glassy-eyed to any close observer.  Who had time for observing anything?!

Most of all I love Christmas because I love the Savior.  I love to celebrate His Birth...most especially when there are no indications anywhere around surrounding towns, even my own little town, that indicate it is His birthday.  I see "holiday" stars and canes and snowflakes and Santa's and sleighs but nothing of Christ.  Feeling that way you'd think I'd be anything but melancholy.

To be with children and even grandchildren and even great-grandchildren...how can you not be delirious with gratitude???  When they arrived then my happiness factor went full meter.  Off the charts. 

It was like I never fully got up to speed on all the rest of things.  Menu and shopping and that sort of normal busy-ness was all either dropped or done last minute.  NEVER have I grocery shopped, for Christmas dinner, on Christmas eve!!  Thank you Costco!!  Have to admit, the store was open early, and they were so stocked up on everything.  very few people there.  I told my little shopping partner, Grace, to run to the back and see if she could find us a pumpkin pie before they were gone.  Much to my surprise there was a gigantic display of 3 types of pies.  there must have been hundreds.  rather than the available Christmas goods being limited, it was like everything was stacked to the max.  actually could shop quickly.  It made me realize that there must be a lot of people that regularly shop on Christmas Eve Morning!!

I'm used to having not only shopping done but cooking done on Christmas Eve morning.  At least for the most part!

I didn't feel my heart was 2 sizes to small, like Scrooge, but it wasn't fully inflated to nearly bursting with joy. 

The prep process wasn't feeling satisfying, the cleaning readiness seemed to me a joke.  All deadlines were missed.  There were so many things left undone.  It really bugged me.

Slowly it dawned on me that I had the same desires and plans as always but the timing was totally off.  Time wise everything was sort of in slow motion.  One day I felt sort of dejavu.  I remembered back to one year ago, the joy of sharing Christmas, and having little children come over to see the lights etc.

While we were packing things up to go back in the garage, Terry and I talked.  We talked about maybe he needed to cut back a bit on his decorating as it was so labor intensive, or so it felt.  Maybe get someone, like a teen, to come help.  We even wondered if maybe we'd  not do it this year. in 2013.  do it real simple.

We spent a lot of time carefully packing things and making a master map and numbering houses etc.  bagging ornaments etc. all in readiness for ease in decorating.  The plan was, we would put the boxes in garage and then we'd settle in, to me organizing and de-junking, and then having carpet/furniture cleaned and then painting walls and sprucing things up a bit.

We got the Christmas things stored.  And then Terry had a stroke!  Our lives have changed for sure.  Very subtle but my life is definitely not as before.  So here I am one year later, never having moved ahead, carpets uncleaned, mess not sorted etc. etc.  (I use way to many etc.etc. in 2014 I'll pare back!)

One year later and it's like time stopped and I never moved ahead!  I will move ahead in 2014! I will make adjustments in all we do and allow about twice as much time for getting all deeds done.  This house will be de-junked etc.  (last of etc. overuse!)

and right now...today is check over my creed and regroup on that!  

Here and gone!

our second family came over the river and through the woods, jammed into a car for 11 hours with a 106# dog (Princess!), to spend Christmas with us.  It was wonderful!!!

meeting "Princess"

Princess the lap dog does not get on furniture!

watching Monk?

this is after throwing away wrapping paper!

Sweet Grace with her beautiful Mom

figuring out something or other!

Grace learning to play Chinese Checkers

Dave and Sam wood carving

Grace deciding how she wants the table set.  She had free reign.

Jen teaching family game of Clue

Cleaner upper crew!

more wood carving

loves his Grandpa

loves her Daddy

My darling dancer with a neck cushion on her head!  full extension!!!

still wearing neck cushion and dancing for me.  she's only 9!!

can't get enough snuggles with Grandpa

There was so much that didn't get finished but it was what it was and an ample amount of memories made and love was felt by all.  Love this family for making the trek from Utah!!!!

Love this sweet little family!

first family group...Grandson Kip, his precious wife, Kim.  Great's-Ava and Kai.  LOVE this precious family.  They enjoyed Gramps decorations so much!

Ava and Gramps

Grams with Kai & Ava

It is so much fun to have these little ones call us the same name that their Daddy always has...Gramps & Grams.

We didn't get enough pictures!  To much fun moving way to fast!

Loving Christmas and still being a whiner-face!!

Curmudgeon--n. a bad-tempered person

Am I that???!!!  Is wanting your way on Christmas Preparations, your timetable, your to-do essentials list, qualify one for such a description?  What if you are at seemingly totally opposite stances, spousewise, on what needs to be in readiness for Christmas?

I'm not having tantrums.  well, outwardly I'm not but inside?  Now that is not real pleasant in trying to hold my wicked tongue in check.  I watch as the sweetest most innocent man born, persists in doing things that I consider off track/bad timing/unnecessary.  He baked another batch of cinnamon rolls!!!  This is now an all day procedure with all of his tweaking, his loved recipe over the years.  Now he's saying he wants to make another batch!! No!!  He doles the batch out one roll per person.  Wishes he could bake for everyone in the Ward.  (Now that is absolutely NOT going to happen.  No Way!)

I mean we have a family + a dog coming.

Here is what some things look like.  I know posting it will make you say...Why the fuss?  Just do it! Amidst your gasps of shock and horror at such a sight, I dare to shock you! I am slovenly enough to treat unused bedrooms etc. as storage rooms.  Rooms to tuck things into until they are properly put away.  Some things into the garage.  Some to landfill?  Hidey-holes filled, slowly bit by bit, by a procrastinating pack-rat in human form!

Mounds of clean blankets and pillows and some "stuff".  a blood pressure cuff????

Note how bed was carefully made at one time.  pile of clean sheets.  Oh!  there is that Christmas paper!

more clean pillows.  resting on a keyboard and a disassembled heater.  of course!

What!?  You don't have one of these sitting inside your door?  needs to be assembled.  of course!

remains from decorating.  some of them!

 

The little tree...partially assembled  and....

fully assembled.  uh, boxes?

invisible cord for tree, nesting in leaves, scattered intentionally, to hide cord.  Right!!!

Success!  first little family having fun!  so worth every ounce of effort!

Happy little sweetie-pies!!!  Ava and Kai. 

Someone with a sweet pure heart, filled with Christmas love, gifted us! Love them!!!

Soooooo...time to stop the whining and for me to say to myself.... Why the fuss?  Just do it!

The Nativity

Time for Family Fun!!

One year, many years ago, we put on the now considered a very old play--My Turn on Earth.  At that time it was popular and the necessary permission was given for us to do it and we forged ahead.  It turned out wonderful and as is the case in creative ventures, especially those you have put your heart into, the lyrics and dialogue stay with you seemingly forever. 

Today I thought of a couple of sing-songy lines from the play....Come Home....I'm not ready....ready or not.

That is applicable to the last couple of weeks.   They are Coming Home....I'm not ready....ready or not.  Time is up!  Tonight it is what it is.

Did it all get done?  No.  It did not.  Is there enough to enchant/charm a child?  Yes.  There certainly is! 

Will tomorrow be wonderful and love filled and great memories made?  Yes...There certainly will be. On all counts!

I learned a lot in my recent shameful harpy way and finally just stopped my fish-mongering tone, of trying to get him to stop and wipe down a spider web, instead of hanging garlands festooned with teeny lights.  Webs don't show in a room that is low-lit to the glow reminiscent of candles.  But light does show and looks absolutely gorgeous.  I love the light at this time of the year.  LOVE it.  so I changed my focus to the light and lifted my sight beyond the nearly invisible web(s) to enjoy the season.  To be thankful for this season and for my honey that simply never quits.  He may not do all that he desires, as in the past, but he will always do as much as he possibly can.  What a guy!! 

Wow!  I need to learn to use this camera that is still new to me!!

Here is something so special!!  so unexpected!  so appreciated!  2x!  Twice we received a bag chock full of love!!!!  We have pondered how good people are in general and how good to us specifically!
My whiny heart just melted at the goodness of others!!!  THANK YOU...anonymous givers of the love gifts!!!

Chugging along!!!

Spent large portion of the day at eye Dr. for Terry.  Glasses in his future.  Things are what they are and we hope that corrected vision will help his balance.

 No outside lights, outside tree etc. etc. There are friends that have offered to help but really that isn't in his mind set.  I'm fine with how it looks.  Enough to make a child happy to see it!  perfect!  

Menu and things to do pretty much ready.  will have extra activities in reserve, should the need arise, so we won't be left wondering what we might do.  Gift cards purchased.  Books for mailing are here.  Toys for little ones ready for playing.

 These soon to be arrivals are not some visiting heads of State!  The Queen is not coming for high-tea! These are grandchildren and our two little greats!  It's not going to be a long visit with this first little group, and I act like they are moving in for several months!,  so we are as ready as we can be!  One of the most wonderful things about Grandchildren is they are born with no preconceived ideas about their Grandparents.  They have no grudges or complaints or memories that you sometimes question the reliability in the retelling....you think that really happened????  The purest of love will soon fill our sparkly room with Gramps deft touch and Grams warmth and happiness.  Life is good in spite of it being altered, simply by amount of years lived, and health issues that showed up without invite!

It's amazing to me the amount of tradition that ends up being in family Christmas celebrations.  A connecting factor that people do until they simply can't for whatever reason.

The one leveling, calming, inspiring deed that keeps me afloat is studying scriptural type things.  So in the midst of the newness of doing the oldest things for Christmas I have set upon a new journey of study.  So unrealistic.  Akin to me saying...Hmmmm.  If I try really hard, bypass chocolate, I think I can lose 25# by Sunday!  Wacko sounding but I'm saying I'm doing it, not saying a completion date, so thereby I have my little safety net in place.

I have decided to watch all of the conferences since 1971!!  I'm a total conference nut.  Now I'm sounding eligible for psych ward admission but it's so soul satisfying and I just kept picking and choosing so I decided to just stop leapfrogging and just systematically read them.  Now I've made that declaration, I'll add a clause that allows me to announce at any time.....GONG!  I don't want to do it anymore!

1971.  2 million members.  22,000 missionaries.  April.  First session of Conference.  At that time there were 2 sessions on Saturday plus a Priesthood session.  2 sessions on Sunday.  AND  2 sessions on Tuesday.  (I think Monday was training of some sort but can't remember for sure.)  talks were substantial in length compared to nowadays.  For instance our last Oct. 2013 Conference, Sat. morning session had 6 speakers.  1971 Sat. morning session had 4!

As you know, this year in RS/Priesthood, we will be studying the teachings of Joseph Fielding Smith.  He became an Apostle at 33 and then 60 years later, age 93 he became President of the Church.  He was known as a doctrinal giant and had written so many books so he had the reputation of being a stickler and the buzz amongst the regulars was he might be real strict etc.

The Prophet before him had been President McKay.  He was tall, robust, a marvelous orator.  He looked like he was a  movie star.  Adored his sweet small wife.  He was President for 19 years.  His passing was mourned by all.  He was 96 when he died but people had that mental picture of him at his younger strength and speaking skills.

I'm saying ALL of this because....the first talk he gave, just a couple of months after he became President, is there for you to see!!   It has to be one of the most powerful testimonies ever spoken.  He just tells every single thing that he knows to be true.  This is great prep for leading into studying his teachings.

He only lived for two more Conferences...Oct. 1971 and Apr 1972.  He died in July 1972.

Do yourself a favor and see this Prophet speak via our fantastic Church Internet....
President Smith.  His very first General Conference talk!-- entitled  Out of The Darkness

So the self-imposed Dec.1 deadline was missed...

on ALL Christmas decorations are up, gorgeous, shared, enjoyed.  Running LATE!! 

 Things are moving along here getting ready for our first arrival of family.  At this point we agree on -Whatever is done decorating wise is enough and as Terry said....a little child can fill in and make this come alive.  I agree.  He is still determined to put lights on the outside and our son will help him tomorrow.  he also wants to hang ornaments on the inside garlands.  Oh, did I mention garlands on the porch?  Oh, and a tree on the porch?  sandwiched in-between an eye Dr. appointment.  etc. etc.  At this moment...it is what it is.  Next page in this book would read.  The End.

His pulley contraption!

Pulley contraption victory!!

For a DIY guy...hard to obey the Doctor imposed No Ladder Climbing!!

Boxes and totes FILLED with decorations!  Me-stop!!  He-go!!  Me -pare back!  He-no way!!

Enjoying building his little village that is packed with houses!

Uh-oh!  ladder for garlands!

Why ladder here?  have no idea!

I had no confidence that he would have oomph to bake these!  Wiped him out but he did it!

Nativity sets.  So wonderful to contemplate.

Some of the houses.  Tree needs gold beads and it's done!

This pretty much sums Christmas up, don't you think?

I feel the peace.  Temple overlay on picture of Christ.  can't see it here.

love this old set.  Has an angel from years ago that we bought in Homer.

My tenacious adorable man!  Stubborn!  He said he'd decorate and he did!!

I created a lot of stress by constantly fretting and trying to stop him from flexing his hidden creative home decorator gene.  That lone gene surfaces each Christmas and I kept trying to put the kabash on it.  Pleading for practicality.  Lecturing on conservation of energy.  His energy!  frustrated me.  wilted pompoms.  not cheerleading.  Instead-- sideline loud voiced heckling--STOP!  YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!  IT'S TO MUCH!!  YOU ARE GOING TO FALL!!  YOU DON'T HAVE TIME!!  OH NO!!  DON'T!!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!??? 

Stress eliminator would have been for me to encourage him, from a prone posistion on floor, and reassure him if he fell, he'd have me to cushion the blow. 

All that fuss and he just never listened and bulldozed his way right down his chosen path.  I'm worn to a frazzle and be darned!--he did every thing he wanted to do.  Well, almost.  But he's happy with the outcome even if the rest doesn't get completed. 

I wasted time and energy.  You'd think as long as we've been married that I'd know better.  I know this...  I love the guy and I didn't want him to get exhausted or fall.  I'm the exhausted one!!

Sweetness....

Who knows how we were so fortunate to make a list of people to be Santa'd!!  What an incredible gift!!  perfect timing and absolutely 100% appreciated on all counts!!!  Have never had that happen before and it was so exciting to both of us!  Who ever you are...allow your heart to feel the happiness of blessing us and know that you are loved!  You have enriched our lives!  THANK YOU!!!!!!

Do I detect a bah-humbug tone???....

It's feeling different here this year!  I don't like stress/stressful/stress-filled pockets in my life!  Hmmmm.  Do I know anyone that does enjoy that overwhelming feeling?  At Christmastime I want to be busy donning my kerchief and have Pa in his cap with both of us settling down-- for a long winters nap!  not being a fuss budget!  a nitpicker!  a whiner.  complainer.  If the shoe fits?...figure out how to unlace it and discard it!  Now!!!!

We have family coming and I want super simplified and my adorable hubby wants over the top spectacular with enough lights etc. to possibly bring down the town!  He wants to work magic for little children!  I'm Ms. Scrooge!  By Dr.'s orders he cannot climb on ladders.  At least not alone!

And my back aches!!

I'm fretting over un-mailed gifts.  partially, well actually wholly, because they are not yet purchased!  gift cards.  how hard is that to go do?  but I don't trust him alone!  Even though he promises.  He feels he has that little thread of krypton running through that hearty Norwegian body.  Invincible!

People have kindly volunteered to help.  No help needed.  He enjoys the entire process (and I have also.  except for right now!!)

Today the interior will be finished.  I hope that he will bypass doing the outside.  Hope.  Hope. Hoping.

This is a time to think of the Savior.  of Love.  of Giving.  of Gratitude.  not ladders and strokes and aging and all that sort of mortal baggage.

So...to regain perspective and endeavoring to create a hallowed inner space, called my heart, that hopefully will be filled with the warmth of the Spirit, I turned to what never fails me.  General Conference talks.  Love them!!  They are the mulled warm cider stirred with it's cinnamon stick in times of freezing cold weather.  The hot cocoa in a cheery mug.  They are the warmth to my frigid soul when my heart has a thin layer of black ice.  Invisible but yet known to me.  Hearing those talks just melts my heart.  bringing a comfort of familiarity.  Centers me.  Strengthens my core & at the same time, it strengthens my resolve to do what is daily necessary, for fortifying my spiritual strength.  Inner and private.  Essential for surviving mortality.

One of the things I read, not a Conference talk but by early Church leaders, was the recently translated talk of Heber C. Kimball.  Don't you love this????

 Travails of First Pioneer Company
You think you have sorrow and trouble. Many of you [are] living in wagons; [you] just came in here and [are] living in your wagons [with] not much of anything to eat [or] of [the] comforts of life. I have been in here with President Young, with a 140 others, and we was in our wagons, and [had] … nothing in [the] country to eat, without it was crickets. When we got to Green River, making our way to this land, breaking our road, [there was] not a track [or] trace for 700 miles in wild country. [We were] strangers and it [was] full of Indians, and when we got to [the] Platte River, one half of our men [were] out of food. They had no provisions at all. [There was] no one in [the] valley to bring out flour to us, [and] teams and wagons and potatoes and cucumbers and [the] comforts of life. We had no person to extend a hand [of] benevolence, of kindness to us. [Yet] we [didn’t] murmur. [I] never saw a man cry once in the whole camp. We had one man that was appointed “General Murmurer” and there was no man allowed to murmur, only that one person. You would think you had awful trials if you could not all have [the] chance to murmur. We placed it all upon one man, and we concluded that [if] there was two that murmured, we appointed [the] greatest murmurer to be [the] boss. That is recorded and will come in [to the] history by and by.

there is still time...

A friend sent me this today.  I'd not seen it before.  It's an advent calendar from the Ensign in 1989.  Something wonderful for your household to do each evening.  there is still time.  you can catch up.  It's only the 5th.  I love the way they have set this up.  by the way this isn't a cut and paste or the likes.  I'll be using this every year!!  this has to be looked at to appreciate it!  enjoy!  Advent Calendar

I so admire all women that nurture....