About Face....

Okay.  I've been trying to figure out what to do about blogging.  I love blogging.  I really do.  My life is so filled with unknowns right now on Terry's health...My health.  Realizing in our life...if it's to be it's up to me. That is an overwhelming thought to me!  I need the health and strength to do way more than I currently do. 

I'm getting everything checked out and so far my heart, lungs, blood work are fine.  Today I had my eyes checked.  My eyeballs are healthy with no macro problems or the likes.  There are the cataracts that render my vision hazy.  Hazy at best.  I really have no idea how dirty my house looks.  I know the carpet needs to be cleaned and the furniture too.  I've sometimes seen a cobweb floating if the sun hits it just right!  Otherwise ...totally invisible!  A friend came over and later sent a note and was concerned for us and said that she and her daughter were good house cleaners!   Houston!-Yes!!  we have a problem.  I know it.  (see paragraph one!)

So first I'm going to do this round of health checks, while at the same time doing yet another eating program to hopefully reduce my size to a healthy weight and miraculously have energy that actually would register to a point of being active!!  Then there is all of the downsizing and de-junk and scrub-a-dub basics.  And then maintenance of myself and my household.

Remember...I'm a Mormon and it takes effort and energy and devotion to not only attend and participate and support and serve in a calling (lucky me.  Truly so thankful that I have a calling!)  but to dovetail all of that with all of the health stuff and then may I remind you that I have 24 in my family that started with my little group of 5 and I want to stay connected in some way with each of them on a regular basis.

And friends close at hand and friends far away and my blogger friends.  I want to stay in touch with everyone and I guess have a giant campfire, introduce each one and express my love and join hands and sing  Kum-by-yah...Just feeling good and sharing with marvelous people that are so dear to me. Me dreaming!

And of course...still at the picture organizing project and the pull to genealogy and loving and attending the Temple.  Indexing?  of course.  A Life History???  really?

Self-evaluating how much actual service I hands on do?  oops!

Do I really render relief to the sisters I VT?

So on and on the list goes!  The health issue stuff...trying to help Terry and figure out what can be done to help him be strong and realizing this may be as good as it's going to get and this truly, for now is our new norm and also the realization that I must get healthy in order to carry a much larger load and figuring out how to do it and then actually doing what I figured out...that seems like a necessary, actually essential thing to accomplish.

So why didn't I do what I originally decided to do?  I felt it made sense.  I felt I have nothing in my head to share.  I started to feel maybe the ride is over.  I decided to stop blogging.  I was filled with self-doubt/frustration/some depression and had nothing to say.  I felt I really needed to trim things back, pare things down and not blogging made sense to me.  Do bloggers get writers block?  Did I have that or was I a block head?!

I talked it over with Terry and he said...if that is your choice then tell your readers and don't just leave them wondering.  So I decided to do that tonight.  Just simply say...I'll be back blogging in a couple of months. Maybe give a date. Also knowing I might just stop altogether.  It seemed rational to me.  Every person can read about the Church and see all the latest things.  Everyone can watch videos and listen to music without me suggesting etc.

Spiritually I knew that I was really going to dig in and study the Book of Mormon and the New Testament and the YW lessons. Go to the Temple weekly. Attend Church and all the things that are a part of my religion.

Then I changed my mind.  I only follow one blog of a woman that I do not know.  I'm interested in how she has survived trauma in her life.  I've prayed for her.  When I first heard about her, I went back and read the entire happenings of her story of a plane crash that nearly killed her.  I read how her sisters took her children for several months.  One sister took 3 of her children and she blogged about how her sister was doing.  I've watched the injured sister become very well-known and respected.  I've watched how she continues to share her story and how people embrace and share things to give her opportunities.  The other sister had a blog and loves to write.  Because I've read it for several years now, I started to feel there was tension and differences.  Then I realized the sister seemed unhappy with the Church and with several things that feminists also find fault with.

I'd not looked her up in a long time so I went to it.  She had been called a year ago as Counselor in her RSP.  She was frustrated at a RS presidency meeting about what to do for remembering birthdays, lost her patience and just volunteered to do and bring the senseless discussion to a close.  Recently she became a regular contributor for a blog that looks to me that it expresses what women unhappy with the Church would enjoy and support. can't remember the name right now, and she just wrote, in her first entry,  that at the time of that 2nd Counselor calling, she was having a faith crisis, needed to give the Church a break for awhile and felt her testimony was slipping away.  She accepted the call.  She shared her experience and blogged about her frustrations and 88 other women just couldn't say enough me too, that is my feeling also!  that would be plural agreed.  She had blogged about the solution she did in writing a personal note for each RS sisters birthday and reading it on Sunday in RS and giving them a cookie and here is one of the  typical 88 responses...

 This is a beautiful tribute to your fellow womankind. I can’t find many good things about staying LDS (which is why I chose free myself and my small charges). I see damaged souls in the masses, but you were able to take something slipping and find a place in it for yourself. A place to keep your small life preserver afloat. I would be lying if I said I don’t miss the community. There is peace in knowing you have humans of like-mindedness surrounding you. But I’ve learned community can be found in so many places and under my own terms. Terms where I don’t have to doubt, wonder or shrivel up in guilt ridden skin. I appreciate you though, for your honesty. In this, others will be able to find peace, a home and maybe enjoy a religion that might otherwise sink their souls.

******************************************

Surely I am taxing your patience but one thing just really hit me hard.  In spite of some major shifts in my life that need to be addressed, and really don't we all have that in varying degrees?  I want to go on record and tell you that I absolutely love the Gospel and believe that we are led by Prophets inspired of God and I love the Priesthood and it's Godly powers and have absolutely NO desire to be ordained.  Ever.  My faith is centered in Jesus Christ and I thought to myself.  I will continue to blog and it may be boring to read but I don't have all these spiritual frustrations.  I know it's a miracle when people can agree enough to actually have the programs in the fullest way possible to make a Ward work.  I know that I have never known a Bishop that prayed to take that on.  They are humans.  It's alright.  I'm a human also.  I understand.

Something about reading those 88 frustrating and faultfinding comments of the Church and it's organization, just made me say...I'm going to keep on blogging.  It may be sporadic.  It may be strange/weird? I have no idea where I'm headed.  But this I do know...I will blog.   

Change of heart and mind....

That certainly didn't last long on me holding out setting any specific goals for 2015!  I caught myself off guard when I realized that I actually like the beginning of new years and I also like planning and setting in place a couple of plans.  I do like to read my creed list and see if I still want to endeavor to bring those traits into my life.  I do like the familiarity, the newness, the hope, the dreams, the plans for a fresh start and plans for achievement and progress in setting goals.

I feel more myself, in doing what I've always done, in starting yet another eating program and one more gung-ho organization plan, and reaching for that desired unobtainable perfection-- on a list long enough to fill a ream of paper.  At my age it's sort of like asking myself...Why didn't I make carbon copies of all of these things and just change the year each January 1st?  

So the summary is... (drum-roll!!!!)

Increased Health 

Clean Hearth-side 

Unconditional Love- for Family, Friends and Foes

Spiritual Growth 

So there you go.  No surprises listed.  I have bared my soul and shared my goals and I will check back about my progress January 1, 2016.  Yes.  In one year! 

****************************** 

Now I see this!! the-failure-of-new-years-resolutions-and-something-better ... here

About jelly beans

Almost 2015 and every where I turn I read, and hear about,  the marvelous things that people are setting as goals.   This jelly bean video really made me think about my use of time...here

Mentally I erased the blackboard filled with 2014 writing and lists going every which direction.  some drawn through.  some scribbled out.  I cleaned that mind list.  That should be plural...erased all of the lists. 

Life in and of itself will give me more than enough to do this new year of 2015.  There will be what seems an endless outcropping of brush-fires, amongst family/friends and within my co-dependent self also.  Managing life as it unfolds is enough for me to have on my list!  I think I focus more on my daily to-do list than specialty items like goals.

Terry and I did determine to do better at FHE.  We both like the 4 behaviors that Elder Scott said we should do.  FHE & Prayer & Scripture reading & Temple attendance.  We will do those things.  Is it cheating...we already work at those things... and aren't doing others?  Our FHE needs some attention. 

We are going to continue to Index and get into Genealogy.

As for me...I'm just going to do the best I can in whatever the situation I find myself in 2015.  That gives me a lot of non-stress.  To just relax and deal with things as they need tending. 

I know me.  In 2015--I will end up with lists and projects and plans and desires and attempts, even if I say I'm not going to do it!!  Just watch!!!

Have a wonderful 2015!!  I will also and let's enjoy life.  We have the Gospel and that means JOY!!

Putting on the brakes for 2015

Now we're talking sensible!!!  Thank you, Julianna!

15...seems to be the number of 2015!!!

This is the time of year that I check and think about my creed list.  some past lists  here   

 It's sort of out of hand as I only want 10 or is it 15 that now beckons?  A lot of them are truly a guide within myself that surfaces when I'm out of line.  Feeling ill will?...like a flash it will pop into my mind...forgive everyone everything...love unconditionally....the Lord looks to the heart.  Or asking questions to make certain I understood or more important they understand... I'll do a trust but verify like Ronald Reagan.  Not saying I instantly melt into goodness mode but it does pull me up short and helps me to check myself and possibly avoid a foot in mouth experience...awkward to think about and rather embarrassing.  Anyhow this year I'm more into changing behavior than managing behavior by dealing with emotions.  living and being more the way I should live.  actual doing things.  does that make sense?  

I was fascinated when the Pope spoke to the hierarchy of the Catholic Church.  All these men sitting in palace worthy chairs in the Vatican, decked out in their robes, looking forward to the Pope's annual Christmas greeting...Perhaps mentally running a mind-movie of what they have been able to accomplish the last year.  Ready for a round of praise, accolades, and joyous greetings of recalling the birth of the Savior.  Oh, not this year!  Much as naughty boys getting a lump of coal in their stockings...they got raked over the coals!!  I was stunned as The Pope listed 15 sins they were guilty of.  My shock grew more intense when I self-evaluated myself and realized that I was in the group needing scolding also.  Ouch!!  Guilty in one way or another, varying degrees of guilt, bits & pieces here & there, or the full brunt, on all 15 counts of his get healthy New Year resolutions. 

*******************************************

VATICAN CITY (RNS) Pope Francis held nothing back on Monday (Dec. 22) in addressing the ills of the Roman Catholic Church in a blistering critique of what ails the Curia, the church’s central bureaucracy. From the “terrorism of gossip” to “spiritual Alzheimer’s,” Francis has a few get-healthy New Year’s resolutions in mind for his staff:

1.The disease: Feeling “immortal” or “immune” or even “indispensible”

The cure: A visit to the cemetery, Francis said, could help us see the names of those who “maybe thought they were immortal, immune and indispensable.”

2. The disease: Excessive activity

The cure: It is the disease of those who, like Martha in the Gospels, “lose themselves in their work, inevitably neglecting ‘what is better': sitting at Jesus’ feet.”

3. The disease: Mental and spiritual “petrification”

The symptoms: It is the disease of those who “lose their internal peace, their vivacity and audacity, to hide under papers and become ‘procedural machines’ instead of ‘men of God.’”

4. The disease: Overplanning and functionalism

The symptoms: “When the apostle plans everything in minute detail and believes that, through this, things progress effectively, they are becoming an accountant. Good planning is necessary — but without falling into the temptation of wanting to enclose or steer the freedom of the Holy Spirit.”

5. The disease: Bad coordination

The symptoms: It is the disease of members who “lose the community between themselves … becoming ‘an orchestra producing undisciplined noise.'”

6. The disease: Spiritual Alzheimer’s

The symptoms: A “progressive decline of spiritual faculties,” making victims live in a “state of absolute dependence on their, often imagined, views.” It’s most seen, Francis said, in those “who have ‘lost their memory’ of their encounter with the Lord.”

7. The disease: Rivalry and vainglory

The symptoms: “When the appearance, the color of vestments and honors become the first objectives of life … it is the disease that leads us to become false men and women, living a false ‘mysticism.'”

8. The disease : Existential schizophrenia

The symptoms: It is the disease of those who live “a double life, a result of the hypocrisy typical of mediocre people and of advancing spiritual emptiness, which degrees or academic titles cannot fill.”

9. The disease: Gossip and chatter

The symptoms: A “serious illness,” the pope warned, that can begin with a simple chat and sometimes end up with “cold-blooded murder.” It is the disease of cowards, who do not have the courage to speak upfront and so talk behind one’s back. “Look out for the terrorism of gossip!”

10. The disease: Deifying leaders

The symptoms: Those who “court their superior,” becoming victims of “careerism and opportunism” and “live their vocation thinking only of what they must gain and not of what they should give.”

11. The disease: Indifference

The symptoms: “When, because of jealousy or cunning, we rejoice in seeing others fall, rather than lifting them up and encouraging them.”

12. The disease: The funeral face

The symptoms: People who are “scowling and unfriendly” with a “theatrical severity” and “sterile pessimism” that are often symptoms of “fear and insecurity.”

13. The disease: Hoarding

The symptoms: “When the apostle seeks to fill an existential void in his heart by hoarding material possessions, not because of necessity, but only to feel secure. In reality we can carry nothing material with us … and all our earthly treasures — even gifts — can never fill the void.”

14. The disease: Closed circles

The symptoms: “When belonging to a clique becomes more important than belonging to the Body and, in some situations, than belonging to Christ himself. Even this disease starts from good intentions, but in time it enslaves all its members becoming ‘a cancer’ that threatens the harmony of the body and causes so much illness.”

15. The disease: Worldly profit and exhibitionism

The symptoms: “It is the disease of those people who relentlessly seek to increase their powers. To achieve that, they may defame, slander and discredit others, even in newspapers and magazines. Naturally, that is in order to show off and exhibit their superiority.”

********************************************************

Then I found a current list of 15 things our Prophets say as resolutions for 2015  here
(printed below for you)

Don't you find that ironic?  The Pope saying 15 things and our Prophets saying 15 things!  So last time I did math...15+15=30!!  At this time in my life everything is changing and I'm adjusting and trying to figure it all out.  I can no more commit to 30 ideals, be it Popes or Prophets than get into the red dress that arrived, in the exact size I ordered, that is well below my current body size!!  On the Prophets list of 15-- diet/health/bodies are mentioned!  Let's just stack the guilt bricks on my back!

*********************************

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from around the world prepare for the new year, many are setting goals for their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual development.

While these goals may be inspired by any number of sources, prophets and other Church leaders mentioned during the October 2014 General Conference some specific changes people can make to improve their lives and their spirituality.

In his address, Elder Elder Quentin L. Cook said, “I encourage everyone, young and old, to review goals and objectives and strive to exercise greater discipline. Our daily conduct and choices should be consistent with our goals. We need to rise above rationalizations and distractions. It is especially important to make choices consistent with our covenants to serve Jesus Christ in righteousness.”

Here are 15 goals from the prophets to help you center your life on Christ during 2015.

1. Avoid contention

Today’s world—especially the online social media world—is fraught with arguments and differing opinions. Church members can emulate Christ by being peacemakers even when they disagree with others.

“On the subject of public discourse, we should all follow the gospel teachings to love our neighbor and avoid contention,” Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught. “Followers of Christ should be examples of civility. We should love all people, be good listeners, and show concern for their sincere beliefs. Though we may disagree, we should not be disagreeable. . . . We should be wise in explaining and pursuing our positions and in exercising our influence.”

The Gilbert Arizona Temple was dedicated in March 2014. (Photo courtesy LDS Church)

2. Find more meaning in temple service

With a new temple set for dedication in Utah County during 2015, now is a great time to recommit to meaningful temple worship. Elder Richard G. Scott taught, “Don’t let anyone or anything prevent you from being there. While you are in the temple, listen to the words of the ordinances, ponder them, pray about them, and seek to understand their meaning. The temple is one of the best places to come to understand the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Seek Him there. Remember that many more blessings come from providing your own family names in the temple.”

3. Take care of your body

Physical well-being is closely connected to mental, emotional and spiritual health.

“Take responsibility for your own physical well-being,” Elder Jörg Klebingat taught. “Feeding the spirit while neglecting the body, which is a temple, usually leads to spiritual dissonance and lowered self-esteem. If you are out of shape, if you are uncomfortable in your own body and can do something about it, then do it! … [P]lease use good judgment in what and especially how much you eat, and regularly give your body the exercise it needs and deserves.“

4. Learn more about the gospel

Before Church members can fully live the gospel, they must understand it. Elder M. Russell Ballard taught this important truth:

“In searching the scriptures and the words of past and current apostles and prophets, we should focus on studying, living, and loving the doctrine of Christ,” he taught. “In addition to developing the habit of personal scripture reading, we need to be like the sons of Mosiah and give ourselves ‘to much prayer, and fasting.’ It seems that these things which are not easily measured are of great importance. Stay focused on these simple things, and avoid becoming distracted.”

5. Be a better parent

Children are the future of our homes, the Church and the world. Therefore, the role of parents is of paramount importance.

“It is my firm conviction that there has never been a period in my many years of life when our Father in Heaven’s children have needed the guiding hand of faithful, devoted parents more,” Elder L. Tom Perry taught. “… We must find within ourselves that same determined spirit and overcome the challenges we face with the same spirit of sacrifice. We must instill in future generations an ever stronger reliance on the teachings of our Lord and Savior.”

6. Improve personal scripture study

Prophets have repeatedly counseled that scripture study is essential to gaining a testimony and maintaining the companionship of the Spirit.

“Don’t yield to Satan’s lie that you don’t have time to study the scriptures,” Elder Richard G. Scott taught. “Choose to take time to study them. Feasting on the word of God each day is more important than sleep, school, work, television shows, video games, or social media. You may need to reorganize your priorities to provide time for the study of the word of God. If so, do it!”

7. Serve someone every day

The small acts of service we offer may seem insignificant, but Elder Jeffery R. Holland taught that when we do what we can, our offering will make a difference.

“A journalist once questioned Mother Teresa of Calcutta about her hopeless task of rescuing the destitute in that city,” Elder Holland said. “He said that, statistically speaking, she was accomplishing absolutely nothing. This remarkable little woman shot back that her work was about love, not statistics. Notwithstanding the staggering numberbeyond her reach, she said she could keep the commandment to love God and her neighbor by serving those withinher reach with whatever resources she had.”

8. Have more meaningful prayer

Improving prayer habits can improve every facet of life. Elder Richard G. Scott taught, “Choose to converse with your Father in Heaven often. Make time every day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most mundane facets of your life. Share with Him your full range of feelings and experiences.”

9. Increase your fast offering

When speaking about caring for the poor, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland asked Church members to be “as generous as circumstances permit” in their contributions.

“Cherish that sacred privilege [to fast] at least monthly, and be as generous as circumstances permit in your fast offering and other humanitarian, educational, and missionary contributions,” he said. “I promise that God will be generous to you, and those who find relief at your hand will call your name blessed forever.”

“Because the Atonement of Jesus Christ is very practical, you should apply it generously 24/7, for it never runs out.” —Elder Jörg Klebingat, Of the Seventy

10. Repent daily

Repentance has some negative connotations, but daily repentance helps disciples of Christ become closer to the Savior.

“Because the Atonement of Jesus Christ is very practical, you should apply it generously 24/7, for it never runs out,” Elder Jörg Klebingat said. “Embrace the Atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance as things that are to be welcomed and applied daily according to the Great Physician’s orders. Establish an attitude of ongoing, happy, joyful repentance by making it your lifestyle of choice. … Keeping your eyes on the Savior, care more about what He thinks of you, and let the consequences follow.”

11. Have Family Home Evening

As Church members strengthen their own testimonies, teaching family members gospel truths will increase their understanding and increase the influence of the Spirit in family members’ lives.

“Be cautious not to make your family home evening just an afterthought of a busy day,” Elder Richard G. Scott taught. “Decide that on Monday night your family will be together at home for the evening. Do not let employment demands, sports, extracurricular activities, homework, or anything else become more important than that time you spend together at home with your family. The structure of your evening is not as important as the time invested.”

12. Forgive quickly

People who forgive others relieve themselves of heavy burdens that decrease happiness. Immediate forgiveness increases joy and strengthens relationships.

“Forgive everyone, everything, all the time, or at least strive to do so, thus allowing forgiveness into your own life,” Elder Jörg Klebingat said. “Don’t hold grudges, don’t be easily offended, forgive and forget quickly, and don’t ever think that you are exempt from this commandment. Spiritual confidence increases when you know that the Lord knows that you bear no ill feelings toward another soul.”

13. Maintain a clear vision

As Church members set new goals and resolve to become better, it’s important to keep the end goal in mind. Elder Carlos A. Godoy taught this important principle: “Making decisions that can impact our lives and those we love without having the broader vision of their consequences can bring some risks. However, if we project the possible consequences of these decisions into the future, we can see with greater clarity the best path to take in the present. Understanding who we are, why we are here, and what the Lord expects from us in this life will help give us the broader vision we need. … We have the scriptures, the temple, living prophets, our patriarchal blessings, inspired leaders, and, above all, the right to receive personal revelation to guide our decisions.”

14. Evaluate yourself honestly

As people improve their lives and become more committed disciples, constant self-evaluation helps the process continue. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave this helpful formula for self-evaluation:

“[H]ow can we shine the pure light of God’s truth into our souls and see ourselves as He sees us? May I suggest that the holy scriptures and the talks given at general conference are an effective mirror we can hold up for self-examination. As you hear or read the words of the ancient and modern prophets, refrain from thinking about how the words apply to someone else and ask the simple question: ‘Lord, is it I?'”

15. Emulate Jesus Christ

The best goals and resolutions lead Church members toward Jesus Christ. President Thomas S. Monson taught, “As we strive to place Christ at the center of our lives by learning His words, by following His teachings, and by walking in His path, He has promised to share with us the eternal life that He died to gain. There is no higher end than this, that we should choose to accept His discipline and become His disciples and do His work throughout our lives. Nothing else, no other choice we make, can make of us what He can.”

**********************************************

In my frantic frazzlement state of mind...about all I can attempt to do is...be nice/kind, try to be loving, try to eat clean-2015.  Even that is pushing it.  Listen, you make your list and I wish you the best.  We all need the example of the finishers/the achievers/the racers.  I'll wave and cheer you on. 

Me?...I will breathe deep and keep the faith the best I can!!  that is ALL I can summon up the courage to admit I'll do.  Not one other thing!!!   End of story.

 

Mystery box opened...

remember this?.....

My Mystery gift box...

here is what my honey gave me...

A marble pastry board! so light reflective, it's hard to see how gorgeous it is!

16"x20"...42#'s...3/4"!!!  It's gorgeous!  I thought it sweet and romantic and unexpected and nothing on my must have/wish I had/longing for list...he's sentimental.  At some point I mentioned that I missed my old marble cutting board that I had in Alaska.  I used it for all sorts of things...bread dough, poured candy, rolling pie-crust and I sliced and hacked on it also.  When we moved it was one of those last things to be packed...when you are tired and all that sort of thing and for some reason (momentary insanity?) I gave it away!  I've sort of watched for one over the years but never really talked about it.  Never had it on my desire list and never looked online as you can do nowadays.  But my sweet guy did!  

and he opened his headset!  loves it also.  as do I.  this headset is a marriage saver when you have one person with hearing loss that likes TV and likes shows that the wife isn't necessarily crazy about...ah, bliss!  he can catch up on WW1 and also any other war or historical fact or the world situation and I can choose silence or play music or whatever appeals to me!!  It's a winning situation so we are happy campers on the home front.

Terry has had a couple of rough days health-wise.  we have been barricaded indoors and some kind angelic soul actually came and put our garbage can up and Kip's!!  Talk about angels!!  We are blessed!!

File away for Christmas 2015

a little advance gift for you! save this for next year!!!   here