LOVE this!!

True...for sure!

Maybe for your FHE?

Long overdue and way to long!!

Good morning! 

Just when you thought I'd died on the vine....I'm back!

Will now play catch up with A Bitsy Booklet of Short Essays...illustrated with some blurry non-photo shopped pictures.

Essay #1  McCall

The now annual family trek to McCall did take place.  Remember we used to go every other year and then Dixie didn't want her year any more so I took it over (older sisters can do those things!)  Because it was our off  year and because of our Grandson's accident on June 11th and Dixie's death on June 13th- I was totally ill-prepared.  Tired.  Nothing planned.  Nothing ready.  Terry not over enthused about traveling and not being home.  Actually he was more totally not in the McCall mode. 

Jeanee was here and so were the girls and we got a minimal amount of things thrown in the little ol' truck.  She baked cookies and froze them and then we forgot to take them.  so that was the end of that plan!

Our family is really small.  Slow to arrive on earth...5 over a 17 year span and slow to multiply and replenish.  We have expanded from the original 5 kiddos with spouses and gr-kiddos to a whopping 19!  So if you add the 2 of us and the 5 beginning group and the additional 19 we tally in at 26!  and that is over a 59 year span.  Yawn.  slow as molasses in January!  This math example reminds me of the complications of the new math.

Just sayin'...that little band of people are like calling a United Nations meeting to meet and spend the week expecting harmonious relationships .  Even warring members look forward to being together.  To me that is wonderfully amazing!

Last name in common is the uniting factor at these events.  Truly...5 such different people and they have each won my heart.  So being worn down, and ill-prepared for a group gathering,  and dealing with my protesting HoneyBunchHubby, I went and it turned out fantastic!!!

Even polar opposites in a family can enjoy being together.  They do it every time!!  At Dixie's funeral I shared that it's much easier to be friends with non-family than family.  it takes huge humility and gigantic amounts of give&take, to bridge that gap and actually value and enjoy and love each other in a family.

Terry was a champ also.  Jeanee , the girls and I just kept packing the truck and he just kept saying...I'm not going...I'm not doing this...I'm not going etc. etc.  When everything was ready and loaded, I made the announcement...time for you to get in the car!  Let's go!  and he said...I would never do this to you!

I would not have used this method if anything was going on that couldn't be handled in the car!  He had a horrible trip up and a horrible trip back BUT he enjoyed every minute of the week there AND his kids and grandkids were just so happy that he came!

The effort that everyone made to get there was so tender and so appreciated.  Kip and Kip d. and family, of course couldn't make it.  BUT...everyone else was represented!!

All of us are looking forward to next year and celebrating our anniversary together!

I'm planning big for 2017 and thinking...of course I can make everyone a quilt (hmmm...didn't I say that a few years ago?  and that plane never left the hangar, much less to become even slightly airborne!)  I guess being co-dependent means getting carried away on all things that might make someone happy!

Hours of fun at Lake!!

grandchildren at Lake day with  Terry and I

Essay #2 Kip d.

Essay #2 Kip d.

Our grandson is starting PT.  Moved his family to the basement level of his in-laws as his own home is split level. In a wheelchair and stood up for first time for a minute.  He has to learn to walk again.  Jeanee and Scott and Tori visited them.  Surprised to see a beard on his mug!  Terry and I were going over but they don't have air-conditioning and it's way to hot for us!  Kim says Kip is more mobile and maybe she can drive them over here where it is cool!  Else wise we will go over there when the weather cools down a bit.  His hardware accumulation is shown below!!

Poor guy!!!

Scott/Jeanee/Tori visiting Kip/Kim/Ava/Kai

Essay #3 Angels

I still feel that we will hear of more and more angel instances.  I have heard 2 stories recently and one was at a Sacrament meeting.  I've always believed about a nearby realm of where spirits reside.  The thing that is new to me, and I believe it now to be true...you can ask for angels to help.  I always felt angels helped, unbidden.  And I still believe that we have that sort of influence a lot.  Maybe all the time? but I'd never internalized or processed asking for help.  I've found enough authoritative quotes to satisfy my quest.  I do believe we can ask for help from angels.

There are several different types of angels.  Dixie can be an angel to us.  There are those that have already heard her voice, felt direction, felt her presence.  I shared before--it's rather ironic as the card she shared, with the letters she wrote to friends and family- were cards that had an angel on the front and it read...

There's an angel

watching over you...

to keep you safe

and always light your way.

For you're someone very special

who means more

than words can say.

and this!....

The Lord knows you. He knows your heart and is pleased with your sacrifice. He smiles upon you each day. He will uphold you and prepare the way for you. He will send His angels before you. You will feel their presence. And with the help of heaven, your talents will be multiplied.


I promise you that as you lift those around you, the Lord God, the Creator of the universe, will lift you up. If you will only believe and incline your heart to our Beloved Father, He will place within you a peace that surpasses understanding. He will give you joy. May each of you always remember this.  (on Elder Uchtdorf's FB post) here

Essay #4 Golden Rule - Gold Star

All of you know that I've made no secret about me being Totally possessive about my children.  I've not won any awards or trophies for my obsessiveness on trying to squeeze loyalty or whatever out of my adopted children.  I've been MotherBear to the max.  Recently though I gave myself, in an unannounced private bestowing, a gold star for moving ahead!!

Sometimes we act the part but it's not really in the heart.  I could win an Emmy/Oscar/Tony for that feat!! 

So more math...Said FirstBornAdoptedBabyboy is a whopping 45 years old now.  Birth parents entered into his life and barged into mine 22 years ago.  He would have been 23 years old. 

Finally I moved ahead.  I do regret not getting to know his birth father before he passed away.  At least I'd calmed down a little bit when that happened.  I still remember David calling me tearfully and telling me he'd died and mentioned he knew I had bad feelings for him.  oh, dear. 

So my son ended up with a BirthFather family and a BirthMother family and us/me a RealFamily.  So this baby that is now a man has other folks that lay claim to him with using the title of brother and sister.  No one uses Mother and the other Father is gone.

Through these many years I've tried to come to grips with it and not gripes.  At some point I finally got some resolution and it was so evident that David thanked me, just a few weeks ago, for giving him permission to accept the love others were offering him.  That really surprised me as I had mentioned to him, how nice Vickie was (his birth fathers wife) to always include him in the annual family reunions they have and get them to FL.  That was when he thanked me!  That was when shooting stars whizzed by and I pinned a gold star on my bosom!!  My feelings were so sincere and so deep that it came through clear to the outside and my son could feel it!!!

Florida "family" reunion.  5 of MY family are in this mix!

Vickie says this is 7 of her 11 grands.  Hmmm.  two of those are mine! left #1-#3.

Grace and Sam in my picture also.  #1 &#3 in both pics.

Then he had a Utah family reunion and I have no pictures of that as it was a Maile reunion.

Then he reffed a wild wrestling thing and two of his birth sisters(from birth mother) called him brother.  which they always do.  My darling daughter/only girl in family/only sister and I are cut from the same cloth and when I showed her these messages...she and I both looked at each squinty-eyed, doubled our fists and shook them at each other and growled....GRRRRRR!

Look at the ref!!! My brother Dave Seljestad!!!!! Everyone turn it on! It's on Fox Sports One right now!!! His UFC debut!!!! So so so cool!! We're over here in Cali yellin for the ref and not the fighters! Hahahah We love you Dave!!!!!  (posted by Jaime Snow)

My brother Dave Seljestad!! UFC ref debut! So amazing!  (posted by Becki Collette)

Jeanee lays total claim to both of them in the sister department!

Half of my boy band. Two baby brothers. (her post)

We adopted both boys right from Hospital release time!  what a blessing!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not to neglect our youngest son. #2adopted  Pictured below...Atz Kilcher/His grandson-wife-baby/Jewel & son/Jewel's brother Shane and wife.  Yes.  we know the Kilchers.

Atz...and daughter Jewel

The woman below is Atz ex-wife and Mother of Jewel.  She is the one that connected us in a private adoption for our youngest son.  Jeanee and she had a wonderful lengthy lunch this summer in Homer.  My life is like a French braid!  bits of this and that, all woven together and must be held tight in the making or it loses structure and beauty.

Jeanee lunching with LaNedra.  Jewel's Mom.  made connection for us to receive Ben!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something that helped me move along, was realizing that I will never need to play catch-up or get acquainted or learn about this man-child that I love because I lived it with him.  I held him and kissed him and squeezed him and saw his firsts of all firsts in all that he did.  They have a blood connection but me?...I have a heart connection that cannot be shared.  the story can be told but it can't be transferred.  not even in the smallest detail.  I lived that life with him and we are ever connected.

Whew!  that was a long time coming!!  feeling so good and so free!!  Maybe 22 years will seem short in the next life?  it seemed lengthy to work on a challenge that long to me as a mortal!

(great article about adoption.  one I can totally relate to ...here)

Essay #5 TeeterTotterLife

Still trying to figure out how to balance my NewNorm.  One thing I see that I'm doing, that has to stop, is trying to take on more and not letting anything go.  So I'm trying to take on more responsibility for us and yet still expecting life to stay as it is.  Not decreasing in any way.  Just adding more on top of what I'm already running behind on!! 

For years I yak-yak about organizing and need to lose weight and etc. etc.  Keep spinning my wheels and gasping for air every time  the wheel rolls upward. 

I now understand that things need to change and it might seem drastic to me but it needs to be.  I will cut out some things that I do.  Things that I do just because I always have or because I feel I should or I think it's expected of me or everyone else is doing so much and I do so little etc. etc.  My co-dependent self will have to resist mailing a flyer to everyone I know explaining why I've cut back  on certain events/habits or whatever.  (at this point the jury is still out on what needs to be pared back) 

Three things will be my top priorities...1- time with Terry (he's pretty much stuck at home and although he wants me to go and run and play and etc.  I will see how my flitiness plays out with enjoying time with him...2-me handling all household responsibilities to where we are both comfortable with living conditions (and no one calls in some government agency to condemn our abode!)...3-improving my health ( don't ask how!!)

(Celise- that promised book may be projected a bit further out!!)

Jeanee and Tori were a tremendous help when they were here in getting some things down from high places and we worked on the garage some more.  I am on target with that plan I mentioned.  I really love the book!  (thanks for the tip, Jackie!)

Essay #6  Blog

Love blogging and chatting with you.  This is staying on my-- being/staying/improving health! I will endeavor to be more consistent.  Thanks for your support.  You are dear to me.

This post is miles to long but I decided to just send it anyhow.  by the time I add pictures it will be a novel!!

PS- (Natalie- my email is tseljestad@charter.net Please email me so I can hear how your daughter is progressing with her difficult challenges.  You are in my prayers. Love and thanks!)

Essay #7  Temple

There is nothing better than a trip to the Temple!!  I drove over there with jumbled chaotic thoughts and came out with peaceful orderly thoughts.  So blessed.  Just driving home and feeling so settled and peaceful.  Peaceful does not always mean end of challenges.  Peaceful just means...the Lord is aware and things will work out and I can handle it.  Yes!!  How?  I have no clue but that is fine.  Things will work out and my mind feels at peace.

McCall

good morning and a goodbye!  heading to McCall.  running late on loading truck but will be ready in a split second.  Kipper not going.  He will be the watchdog for us.

looking forward to returning and continuing our visit about angels.

have a fun week making memories as that is what I'm going to be doing.

Checking in...

so here I am again!  I was all ready to blog and then my computer went haywire and then the computer got fixed and I guess I went haywire!! 

I actually feel good and capable and ready to plow through on simplifying things and getting my life in balance, with the switch of me taking on more responsibility, in our life.  Of course when you get started on well-laid and well-thought out plans for your life, then life itself interferes.  Not in a bad way but just a delay.  Like a road trip and traffic stops for an avalanche clean-up and in your real life you are trying to clean-up the debri and feel you can't stop.

But...stop you must.  So time out for a bit of refreshing with those I love.  My family!

Jeanee arrived from Alaska and was so sick.  She felt it was food poisioning (which proably didn't set well with the friend that cooked her last dinner!).  I don't think so, about the fp, as I then started feeling lousy the next day.  Now we are on the mend and plans are moving ahead for an abbreviated, as far as attendees, for McCall.

Kip, the Kip d.'s, the Greg's & Jen will not be with us this year.  Kip d. is home from hospital/rest home and continues working towards learning to walk in 2-3 months.  Usually we go to McCall every other year but we have access to the time share every year (last year I took over Dixie's week).  Next year will be our regular year.

So...Jeanee and girls, the Ben's and the Dave's (minus Jen) plus Terry and I will be our family vacation time.  it will be lowkey.  well, that is what we say it is going to be.  time will tell on that one!

I was so eager to share blogwise when the computer plummeted about my study of angels.  Suddenly everyone seems to be writing about angels!  like here. 

I was going to share this paragraph with you and someone beat me to it!! 

“In like manner our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh” (Gospel Doctrine, p. 436).

Caution has always been my course in studying topics that aren't mainstream like the Word of Wisdom or Temples or Tithing or etc.  Angels have been in my thoughts and on my mind for years but the subject is not something that we hear on a regular basis in a testimony meeting or in our gospel conversation.  Extremism definition for me is-- touting subjects that makes others uncomfortable?  I think that is true for me.

At this point I don't believe that we each have a particular, solely assigned angel, as our guardian angel.  I do believe that angels guard us and therefore are guardian angels in that sense.  but specific one on one assignments?  not feeling that. 

While I do not believe we pray to specific angels, like deceased family etc.... I do believe that we can pray for angels to "be dispatched" and we can "ask for angels to help you".  I'm not inclined to disagree or argue with Elder Holland!  those words are his from 2008 and 2010. two General Conference talks.  you know how I feel about the words spoken at Conference.

Way back in the early 70's, living in Homer, invited to Anchorage to participate in a Woman's Conference, and received a plaque (as did everyone) with the quote by Joseph Smith (from that first RS meeting) stating in part...If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.  That is a very long time to think about a subject!

I do believe that we are in for hearing of more contact/connection between the realms of mortality and the spirit world as these last days unfold.  Hymn #2...

The visions and blessings of old are returning,
And angels are coming to visit the earth.

May as well also throw out there that I do not believe that angels supersede the Holy Ghost.

I need to pull all of my quotes together but that is not going to happen this morning!  To much going on getting ready for McCall.  I say we are going all relaxed etc.  me the lying tongue.  IF I was a betting woman...that little truck will end up looking like the Clampett truck from the Beverly Hillbillies show!

Oh, and I believe that we can be angels to each other.  Not all angels are on the other side of the veil.

Actually I believe a lot of things but most of all....I believe the Gospel has been restored and it is a truth that permeates my being and I simply love it!

******

(I know I shared this before but just wanted to again.  Enjoy!)

One of the things that will become more important in our lives the longer we live is the reality of angels, their work and their ministry. I refer here not alone to the angel Moroni but also to those more personal ministering angels who are with us and around us, empowered to help us and who do exactly that (see 3 Ne. 7:18; Moro. 7:29–32, 37; D&C 107:20).

&

I believe we need to speak of and believe in and bear testimony of the ministry of angels more than we sometimes do. They constitute one of God’s great methods of witnessing through the veil, and no document in all this world teaches that principle so clearly and so powerfully as does the Book of Mormon.

 For a Wise Purpose by Jeffrey Holland-1996 here

**********************

(D&C 84:88.)

When do the angels come? If we seek to be worthy, they are near us when we need them most. The mountain might even be full with the horsemen of Israel and their chariots of fire.

When Do the Angels Come? by Bruce Hafen - 1992  here

Good morning!

So much going on and I should be fired as a blogger for being so inconsistent!  Not making frequent trips to Eagle has allowed me to try and dig out of some of the messes around here!  It's an ongoing thing for sure!

***********************

I have been so happy and feel at peace.  It sort of reminds me of the people in the Book of Mormon that had burdens, that were not removed, and yet they could not feel them.  I know that life, in and of itself, gives us challenges. Challenges that can be viewed as burdens, just from the sheer overpowering weight of helplessness or frustration or just being overwhelmed to the point of feeling paralyzed with fear of the helplessness of desperation BUT with all the aspects of available help, from tenets of the Gospel, we can survive it and actually thrive in our living. 

I grew up terrified of death from about age 14 until I joined the Church and understood it was not the end of life.  Even with that it took years of study and living and faith to really have a testimony of it and to no longer fear death.  With the passage of years and life-experiences and purposeful preparation, on many levels, I understood Dixie's passing was a part of life and someday I would join her. 

As I left town, it was symbolic to me to see a mural with hot air balloons and then a real one ascending above it.

On the drive home I thought and prayed a lot and renewed my determination to live life to the fullest while I'm still on earth.  I believe we honor those that have moved to that next realm, by living and enjoying life while we are still here.  Live to live and not live to die. (Dixie's Doctor gave her that advice!)

A couple of days ago I saw this meme!  Confirmation of my thinking!

*****************

This is our wonderful 36 year old grandson, Kipper, and his precious little family--wife, Kim and then kiddos...Ava and Kai.  2 days, before Dixie passed away, he had a dreadful mountain bike accident.

Our son, Kipper, posted yesterday....

6/11 Kip shattered his pelvis - both sides. He's had 5 surgeries in under 3 weeks. This pic was taken today as he learns to do the basics without the use of his legs. No weight on the legs for another 2-3 months.

He's taking it one step at a time. This is a shock to us all, especially him. But I am so impressed at how he is handling this. He inspires me to be a better person.

He is in a nursing home and learning to use a wheel chair plus OT/PT and then eventually will learn to walk again.   He is so young and it's just heartbreaking for all of us that know and love him & his little family that he cherishes.  He is brave and courageous and that will take him far & he now will be carried on our faith and prayers and heartfelt love.

Right now we want him to be able to go home!

***************************

I am still studying about angels and here are a couple of quotes from talks that I recently read...

One of the things that will become more important in our lives the longer we live is the reality of angels, their work and their ministry. I refer here not alone to the angel Moroni but also to those more personal ministering angels who are with us and around us, empowered to help us and who do exactly that (see 3 Ne. 7:18; Moro. 7:29–32, 37; D&C 107:20).

&

I believe we need to speak of and believe in and bear testimony of the ministry of angels more than we sometimes do. They constitute one of God’s great methods of witnessing through the veil, and no document in all this world teaches that principle so clearly and so powerfully as does the Book of Mormon.

 For a Wise Purpose by Jeffrey Holland-1996 here

(D&C 84:88.)

When do the angels come? If we seek to be worthy, they are near us when we need them most. The mountain might even be full with the horsemen of Israel and their chariots of fire.

When Do the Angels Come? by Bruce Hafen - 1992  here

I'm also re-reading the book Covenant Keepers by Wendy Nelson.  She quotes Joseph Smith...if we "live up to our privilege", the angels will not be able to be restrained from being our associates.     

She also quotes Elder Holland, from 2010 --Ask for angels to help you .  (Elder Holland has really talked a lot about angels over the years.  that is what I'm noticing.)

You know that I have been talking about and reading about and desiring to know about angels and how they fit into my personal life or if they even should or if it's even something I should desire or pursue.  After study and prayer and contemplation...yes.  Yes...I am opening my mind and heart to this element of growth and am feeling comfortable to embrace whatever comes my way. 

I especially like the element of available help, for the asking, for family and friends and genealogy.  It fits with my Patriarchal blessing and recorded personal blessings given by my sweet hubby and also most recently our son.

I'll continue to study and understand this fascinating subject.

I wonder how many of us, and that includes you, have done as Elder Holland said...Ask for angels to help you?  Well, something as private as that will most likely be held sacred in our hearts but I'll share with you this fact--I'm going to keep endeavoring to embrace and understand and yes, enjoy the journey. 

               

 ******** 

Thanks for being patient with my sporadic posting.  I'm planning on getting back on course.

(Natalie- sorry I've not responded to your beautiful letter.  I pray for your daughter and for you to have strength. I cannot fathom how one prepares for the pending loss of a child.  True she is an adult but still your darling daughter.  so beautiful and so successful.  I had a friend that lost a son and she said it was so difficult because it was out of synch.  you are strong and faith-filled so you will make it through this impossible circumstance as that is how believers survive.  We rely on the Gospel teachings.  always love to you)  

Lilting

a lilting frame of mind...a sense of lilting.  Can that noun be used beyond some sort of musical experience?  Well, I'm thinking so- as I sensed the pleasure of lilting this morning.  A very relaxed and comfortable and comforting emotion.  all wrapped into familiarity of those that I was with. 

As I ease back into my life, minus trips to Eagle and care for Dixie, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for my Church membership.

All I did was attend a baby shower.  In and of itself, no different than the hundreds of other baby showers I've attended over my lifetime.  The usual gender colored table setting and treats and gift table and silly games that we all seem to draw blanks on the obvious answers.

Today was a pink theme and we all oh-ed and aw-ed at the adorable baby clothes.

It was the first time in a long time that I've attended a social with this group of women that are valuable to me.  They all knew that Dixie had passed on.  Some are more comfortable with that fact than others.  I waved hello and went and sat with a neighbor who for the moment was setting alone.

There was something so serene to me about being there.  Did I talk to everyone?  Greet everyone?  Did everyone come say hi to me?  No. No and No.  Did I care?  Did it matter?  No and No.  I was just there because I wanted to be.  Did I know all of the women there?  Yes, with the exception of one young woman.

I had no expectation except to just be there.  AND I loved it.  Chelle and Joyce are friends that are so supportive and they sat with me.  Others also.  I enjoyed hearing about the Cub event (what was it called?) and just chit-chat about life happenings.

The weather was hot and I always cover up (you don't see camel riders doing their desert riding unless they are covered!)  Everyone else looked cool and summery and happy and relaxed.  so pleasant to be in that mode!

I was reminded again of the blessings and benefits of church membership and the value of regular attendance.  That affords me the luxury of being surrounded by tenderness and kindness and caring allows me to have that lilting sensation.

Lilt: a light pleasant rhythm

I could easily picture every woman in a flower dress and sunhat, fanning herself, dabbing her brow with her lace-edged hanky, and enjoying the iciness of cool fresh water.  Beautiful caring women that I love to associate with.  That is the relaxed way I felt. 

I know.  I know.  I get carried away descriptively but really it was the best feeling to feel lilty-like!  Still lingering and I'm soaking it up!

*********************

Dixie loved recipe books.  She loved to read them and mark everything with sticky notes that she felt sounded delicious.  I'd give her recipe books for her birthday on occasion.  After her diagnosis, I gave her more recipe books and then would occasionally buy the same one for me.  Then she'd call me and tell me what to look up and we'd talk about it.  Today I sorted through some of the books she had my niece return to me.  so now I have several duplicates...Church Supper Cookbook/Essential Mormon Cookbook/Dinnertime-Ree Drummond/make it ahead-Ina Garten.  Plus  Southern Living cookbooks.  I will gift them to friends and family.  I love seeing the sticky notes spilling over.  She marked a lot!

********************

Our grandson had his 4th major surgery today.  Hopefully he will now be able to get on with healing.  He will go to a nursing home rehab to learn how to maneuver in a wheelchair and how to live without standing on his feet.  no walking at all.  maybe for 2-3 months.  we will find out as he progresses past this operation what the rehab plan is. 

*******************

The evening before I left for the funeral I had an accident in the roundabout over by ShopKo.  I was headed towards the freeway and was on the outside aiming towards the freeway home.  A big truck, that I thought was on the inside track, hit his center bumper on my left rear by the light/and the lower fender area.  He said I did not yield.  I really don't know how I hit him when he was behind me but I do know it was just a bit to much for me to handle right then.  It wasn't his finest moment as he jumped out of his truck, waving his arms and yelling at me.  I just started sobbing and said my sister just died.  I don't know if I thought this gave me an excuse or what but it was just overwhelming to have him hollering at me.  A friend had offered to drive me over for the funeral and I did think that maybe I'd need help but the car was okay.  I was totally rattled.  Terry was kind and wonderful.  I called the Ins. company and they were so kind and told me to get in touch when I got back.  I'm now ready to get in touch with them.  I do not like stuff like this.  (Later that evening the man called and apologized for his behavior.  Poor guy.  He was really waving his arms and yelling)

***************************

I love the teachings of the Gospel and the comfort it gives me.  I know Dixie is doing just fine and I need to be doing just fine also.  Getting back into living life to the fullest, with enjoyment, is the way I want to live.  There is still a lot on my plate but so is there on yours.  that is how life is.  Let's live.