I've missed you!!

Thanks for waiting for me to return!!  It's been rather hectic around here to say the least but I think things are now leveling out and returning to our NewNorm.

I was glad I did my trip to see my sister.  She is really fighting for her life on many levels.  I'm impressed with how she handles the whole experience.  We both said...See you in the Spring!!  Hopefully that is a reality and not just wishful thinking!  She sort of pestered me again about doing her obituary while I was there.  I finally told her that I love to write but on something as personal as an obituary, for my own sister!, that I need private time and to be able to just do it without it being checked over etc. etc.  She agreed so that is off of her to-do list.  well, more like off of my assignment list from her.  All of the other details she wanted settled are done.  Funeral arrangements etc.

Terry has had some real challenges due to a side-effect of a Rx that he's been on.  He spent a bit in the hospital and is now on the mend.

Our life is no more challenging than any other mortal!  Just takes a lot of new coping skills and figuring out how to deal with things that have not been a part of our daily life...ill health...no strength...low/no energy.  All that sort of stuff that is a pain to deal with and slows your normal living down to a snails pace.

But...it's okay.  We will rise above it.  We will figure out great ways to cope.

When  I was heading back from Idaho I got in a sort of funk, thinking about things and mentally reading, the coulda/woulda/shoulda book.  We all have those little personal life books in the recesses of our brains.  They are not a good read.  As a person ages, the print seems bolder and darker, and new topics appear.  So there I was doing a life review of doubts/fault-finding type things.

Finally I realized I was being sucked down a self-made vortex, that would only land me in full blown depression, if I bought into believing what I was thinking about.  Do you ever feel bad over decisions you've made, at different times in your life, and think why did I do that or think that or say that?  To feel you know better so why didn't you do better?  So I stopped that stinkin' thinkin' right then and did the only sensible thing...broke into tears and started praying out-loud!

Tears withheld are such a relief when released!  A good cry just feels terrific when it's justified!

From there I started thinking about why sometimes people feel bad and wish they'd done different.  Parents are prone to feel failures many times.  I talk to young Moms, with their bird-nests full of  birdies, endlessly crying for food or the likes, already feeling a failure at times.  A mother isn't the only one that has the feelings of haven't failed ...lots of women do.  All sorts of women...no matter the age or marriage or no children or a full quiver...sometimes flail on themselves.

I reminded myself that the past is to learn from but not to live in.

In the past I had learned the power of consequences.  Seeing someone you love make choices and blast the dream plan and see consequences settle in is overwhelming.  I used to feel it was over.  all was lost.  There was no hope.

There is a grieving process when when we realize dreams will not come true in regards to our children.  Especially in the Gospel.  Hearts are shredded in brokenness when lifetime plans of Missions or Temple Marriage or Embracing the Gospel in full activity or being confronted with a Declaration of no testimony...no doctrinal belief...no more activity...a division that sometimes becomes estrangement.

I have learned that it is true the original dream may be gone BUT as the consequences settle in, a person can regroup.  Life lessons of learning about unconditional love and how to apply it...learning practical application of the Atonement..reminding yourself that the Lord loves this person with a love even greater than you do.  He cares.  He will help you.  He will help your family member.

We have to learn to dry our tears and roll up our work sleeves, by getting on our knees, and listening for the Spirit to direct us.

I have lived what I have written but that is not my life now.  I know of others going through this same thing right now.  My heart goes out to them.

My own challenges are right here in our tiny house.  I have been reminded of the power of prayer.  I shared an incident at Church that really touched my heart.  One of our sons has had a cat for years and years.  The children have grown up with the presence of Junior.  An accident happened, Junior was taken to the vet, it was thought he wouldn't make it but decided to give him a couple of days.  He spent a night at the vets and they brought him home to see if he'd improve.

Digressing...Terry had been in the hospital and we were thinking thoughts like....stroke possibility?...heart attack possibility?  Just thinking those sorts of things in the midst of sleepless nights etc.

So things were hectic here and then I had this quiet thought ...call and see how Junior is.  I called and the family had just walked in from telling final goodbyes to Junior.  It was a sad time.  I was glad I had called.

The impact of that thought coming to me, in the midst of relative chaos, really hit me hard.  In the midst of real life the Lord still cares about all the details.  Even a cat!  This really brought it home to me, again, of the Lord's awareness of all details in our individual lives.  How He loves us and cares for us and we can have faith that he will manage what he needs to manage and give us faith to allow him to do what only He can do.

My heart tonight is with those women that are suffering over choices their children have made that have caused unwanted consequences to be a part of their family.   

ended up on soapbox!!

I'm trying to get ready to go tomorrow morning.  I seem to run a day behind! Just wanted to chat a minute.  Started off soft and sweet (at least that was my intention!)  and ended up....

This attitude of some about the new Apostles and wanting someone of "color" is really bothering me!!  (will spout off on this later!  when I get back from my trip!!)

also faulting the age of the Apostles!!  Did any of these folks really listen to the same conference that I did??  Really?!  you actually heard what Elder Bednar said??  Even if he hadn't spoken about it, I really like the older experienced men (and yes!  I don't want female Apostles or a female Prophet).  I like someone that has life experience and is settled and someone that has proved their mettle by years of Church service.

So someone might want a 4o year old?  so let's cram in that time a 2 year mission, being a Bishop, and a Stake President, and an Area Representative, and other callings. Did I mention he is educated and does heart transplants?  Oh, yes...and he was willing to leave that and move to Africa for 5 years until last week?  Why last week?  Well, this 63 year old man (young in my book) has willing closed the book on anything he wants to do in life, along with his dreams and plans with his wife, and has taken on the role of serving until the day he dies.  There will be no retirement and traveling or doing what appeals to him.  He will now testify of Jesus Christ until death!  And you want a younger man???  This "older" man will never wonder what he might have missed if he had pursued a career.  This man knows because he lived his dream and gave it up to be an Apostle.  He has surrendered every single plan, every dream, everything that you and I just take for granted!!  And you question him being to old??? (Elder Renlund)

 These are the last days and I want just exactly those men the Lord has seen fit to put in these roles.  Their age, whatever it is, is fine with me!!  Older or younger!  but don't tell me that everyone should be young!  I probably need to refine all of this but I have a trip so see you next week!  Hope I don't come back and have to eat my words or pull my foot out of my mouth but REALLY.  Support the Apostles!!!

Okay.  I admit...I am soapboxing!!  getting a little frothy around the mouth.  A bit frenzied.  I did not start out that way but this really has me dumbfounded!!  remember this???

He was only 52 when he was called as an Apostle and that seemed like a baby to me!

listening and leaving....

 

I'm going to go see my sister.  Her health is not good right now.  I just have to see her and spend a few days.  I'll blog when I get back Wednesday or so.  Okay?

I told Terry that I think I'm sort of in denial as to how sick she really is.  It seems out of sync for the youngest sister to be the most likely to die first.  It's just us.  Our parents are both gone.  We are the only ones of our small family of 4.  I've been very teary and sentimental the last couple of days.

We will enjoy being together and I can then relax about winter coming on and plan on seeing her in the Spring.

My heart is still enraptured with Conference!!

No way to FB etc. from Dixie's so...I'll be here next week.

Conference!!

Between Sunday sessions of General Conference I checked to see if Ordain Women followers were still beating their heads against a brick wall...they are.  I wanted to post something like...stop counseling living Apostles and just follow them!!  I didn't do that because it seemed a waste of time and inappropriate for what I feel to do with my time.  I want to bear testimony of truth and my trying to live the truths I know about.  I definitely don't want to word battle over it.  I feel as I feel and they might say the same holds true for them.  This beautiful Conference has reaffirmed for me to speak my truth, proclaim my individual testimony of Jesus Christ, and speak of the joy that the Restored Gospel can bring into our lives.  To continue to grow and figure out how to have more personal revelation through the gift of the Holy Ghost.  More guidance.  Heavenly guidance!  I'm liking that.  like cures like?

I always want a bundle of things accomplished in all aspects of my life.  Scattered and jumping around in all areas at times.  Never staying focused long enough to really move ahead or I guess that is better said by ...never feeling I've done enough of whatever I'm trying to do.

Definitely my feeling is the Gospel does work for me but I need to simplify on so many levels.

I was spiritually overwhelmed by Conference.  The Holy Ghost was with me and I just couldn't get enough!!  The man who spoke about Pondercize???  Brother Durrant.  He was the Mission President for my friend Betsy's son, Cody.  Small world, huh?  And...Mindy, Bob and Maureen's daughter...Elder Rasband was her Mission President!  Small world indeed.  Anyhow I was saying how that pondering/memorizing challenge was given and I'll join in on that but my heart is feeling pulled a different way and I'm not quite sure exactly how I'll pull it off but I am going to do it.

I was impressed years ago when I heard what President Harold B. Lee said.  I might have read it in his book or heard it quoted but it has really stayed in my mind.  You know that I'm just MsGeeky about Conference talks and this has always felt right to me-- To somehow or other really use the Conference talks for 6 months.  I do read gobs of them and love everyone but this October Conference was so dynamic and so spirit-filled that I want to do more.  Oh, here is the quote...

As the Latter-day Saints go home from this conference, it would be well if they consider seriously the importance … of this conference and let it be the guide to their walk and talk during the next six months. These are the important matters the Lord sees fit to reveal to this people in this day” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1946, 67–68).  President Harold B. Lee

Then President Ezra Taft Benson shared it and put his words in also....
 “For the next six months, your conference edition of the Ensign should stand next to your standard works and be referred to frequently. As my dear friend and brother [President] Harold B. Lee said, we should let these conference addresses ‘be the guide to [our] walk and talk during the next six months. These are the important matters the Lord sees fit to reveal to this people in this day’ (in Conference Report, Apr. 1946, p. 68).


Elder Boyd K. Packer said this of how to use the Conference talks in our lives.

1. 1. 
   Plan and set aside personal time to listen to and study the conference addresses. This may require that you remove yourself from distractions or interruptions. Make the environment in which you view, listen to, or study the conference addresses acceptable to the Holy Ghost.
2. 2. 
   Pray in faith that you will receive messages of significance in your own life. Pray for the Church leaders as they prepare and deliver their addresses.
3. 3. 
   Before listening to or studying the conference addresses, list personal questions or concerns for which you are seeking answers. By taking a spiritual inventory you may notice aspects of your life where you want to improve. In a journal or notebook, record the answers and impressions you receive during the conference.
4. 4. 
   After listening to or studying the conference addresses, recommit to improve your life in those areas that impressed you.

I was so bowled away by the opening talk of Elder Uchtdorff  that I felt we could have closed with prayer.  I felt he gave enough information and encouragement that I could live by it the rest of my life and come out ahead.  At that point I remembered what President Lee said so that is what I'm going to do.  Commit myself to studying and figuring out how to best live the next 6 months as counseled.  I will start with that first talk.  It's not yet available in print but I did find this snippet...

Brothers and sisters, if you ever think that the gospel isn’t working so well for you, I invite you to step back, look at your life from a higher plane, and simplify your approach to discipleship. Focus on the basic doctrines, principles, and applications of the gospel. I promise that God will guide and bless you on your path to a fulfilling life, and the gospel will definitely work better for you. …

God will take you as you are at this very moment and begin to work with you. All you need is really a willing heart, a desire to believe, and trust in the Lord. …

As you exercise a little faith and begin your walk as a peaceable follower of our Lord Jesus Christ, your heart will change. Your whole being will be filled with light.

God will help you become something greater than you ever thought possible. And you will discover that the gospel of Jesus Christ is indeed working in your life.

--Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorff  (Saturday Morning- Oct. 2015) 

There is so much, in even these couple of paragraphs, that just touches my heart and makes me eager to experience it!!!

And you???  What are you going to do to enrich your life spiritually???  Time for all of us to step up the plate and grow spiritually!!

Amazing!!

So much in line of being spiritually fed that I can't sort it out and condense it in any fashion.  This is the first General Conference that I've ever heard witness after witness testify, at length, about the Savior.  It was like this huge shift from...I know the Church is true... to ...Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world.  It was so powerful!!!!  I loved every talk and felt that Elder D. Todd Christofferson summed up what I'm trying to say...We do not strive for conversion to the Church but conversion to Christ and His gospel.  I am a believer of Jesus Christ, a follower, and enjoy the blessing of His gospel as found in our Church.  Love it!!!

This was absolutely the most powerful Conference ever about us being true Christians.  I hope a lot of doubters took note.  I just absorbed it and marveled over and over and over.  I felt as if we were being armed with Christ-centered Gospel-power for upcoming days.

I'm in awe of what I've been taught these last two days.  Awe-struck.

Maybe a night of sleep will let my thoughts settle enough to untangle.

My heart was accelerated when I saw President Monson fade right before my eyes.  I wanted someone there to rush to him and hold him because I couldn't.

Those 3 wonderful new apostles!

What a Spiritual feast!  Pondercize!!  loved that!  Yes!  and the list goes on and on!

 

Stories to cherish...

21 LDS Church leaders describe how they were called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles | Deseret News

 A little PS note before I go to bed...So it's now late Friday night and I feel like a child awaiting Christmas morning....October General Conference...just a few hours away!!!

I love the way the Church is....

As you know I'm on fire for General Conference!  I love all the buzz and chit-chat about how many Apostles will be called!  I especially enjoyed reading the article below by President Nelson.  I didn't put the part about his own particular call but do take time to read it.  Such an interesting experience in the way that came about.

Take a couple of minutes and read the rest of the article about his call here

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“People are wondering if there will be apostles chosen at this conference,” Elder Nelson said in a conversation with the Church News on Sept. 29. He said there probably will be announcements of new apostles, “but that is a matter between the Lord and His prophet.”

“There have been conferences where a vacancy has not been filled,” he explained. “President Heber J. Grant had announced to the Twelve that ‘so and so’ would be called, but it didn’t happen. Members of the Twelve asked him when the conference was over why he didn’t fill the vacancy. He replied that the man he said would be called wasn’t ready yet.