And the list goes on!!

Food.  Another item on my 2016 list of exciting things to do.  Eat!  It doesn't get better than that! 

You know that I'm a professional dieter and have paid big bucks in fees/supplies/books/specialty items and all of that sort of actually non-helpful stuff for years and years.  And years!!  January is when everyone suddenly wants to be trim/slim/toned and gorgeous bodied!  And there are those willing to take your money, on a regular basis, say weekly, to help themselves to your funds and promising you the moon to boot.  Sort of like the swampland for sale in hype. 

I've long supported them and the entire diet industry will now tank because I'm withdrawing from their ranks!!  Nada!  I've been unsubscribing from all of the healthy food recipes and free programs that come to me daily in my email or even FB.  I've withdrawn from groups that say they are supporting me, when the truth is I'm supporting them!  I give them time and/or $$...their bankroll grows and I grow also.

I'm pulling the latest assortment of books from my shelves...those featuring the eating programs that will save me from myself.  Just glancing to my left and seeing Forks over Knives/The Campbell Plan/Whole/The Rice Renewal/The Starch Solution...and those are just on one shelf.  The Blue Zone is lurking somewhere around here.  And I mustn't forget WFPB (whole foods- plant based) No more programs/plans for me. 

I'm also forgoing watching TV shows that promote weight loss like The Biggest Loser. 

Even non-church sponsored but still LDS promotionals, on FB or elsewhere, will not be in my wheelhouse.

I'm not even going to chase after Oprah Winfrey in my lemming-like way.  I've done that WW program and in a flashback... could see the irony of me paying someone weekly to tell me how much I weighed!  I see all the ads for all the shows, those enterprises that want me to cross their palms with my cash, and they will share the secrets of what I should do in taking care of myself!  I see in full view the evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days...I have been warned...even forewarned...and yet I buy into a bill of goods that takes up way to much of my thought, eats up my time and money, creates stress, sets me up for guaranteed failure and I never seem to learn.

2016!  I've learned.

Section 89

For me.  I'm just going to eat food.  Not try and sub food for other food.  It I want a potato then I won't eat zucchini.  I don't have time, effort or desire to weigh/measure/count/substitute etc. etc.  I don't want to have the word diet mean anything except eating food like normal people do.

(really I'm so dramatic!  I should have been a soap opera star!)

So.  Food.  That is what it says on my list of exciting changes on my 2016 list.  I'm changing it up and feel over time I will be benefited in health. 

The change?  Having dinner ready every day.  Ready first thing in the morning!  Instead of cooking etc. in late afternoon or early evening...First Thing!!  So far it has worked great!  Of course it has been 3 days so maybe that is to early for a test result?

When you just have 2 people, 2 oldsters, it's so easy to get casual about meals.  No children to plan for.  Maybe you get all uppity in discussing what sounds good and maybe others either don't want to eat it or don't want to cook it.  No discussion anymore.  I will cook and we will eat.  Poor Hubby, darling man...we now have a personal chef that will serve full meals but the catering seems to really benefit me.  He's such a great sport and has been on so many eating programs in our very long time together that he is supportive and ready for whatever shows up on the place-mat.

Without a planned evening meal we miss out on sitting and visiting and building our relationship.  It's a special time in our day.  True the conversation is sometimes rather boring about news or indexing or war movies or airplanes but then we get on subject about our family or the Gospel or our own marriage, and that is special.

For all of you figure-perfect gals...I'm still thinking of my fortune cookie fortune slip.  Thinking.  Not doing.  Thinking.  Stay healthy.  Walk a mile.  I'm wondering...how far is a mile IF I did this feat?  A mile out my front door.  Would it be to Yakima?  That is how overwhelming it seems to me!!!  But  I am thinking about it!

My Diving Board!

I need to stop saying what I'm going to write about on the next day as it seems I never do it!  Changing promised topics!...again.

On my list of things I want to accomplish, in this wonderful new year, is developing my talents.  That is hard for me to even write- my talents.  I am not formally trained in any specifics that would normally be thought of as a talent!  All around me I see people that have visible talents.  It's been difficult for me to zero in on what a talent of mine would be.  I've been very reluctant to acknowledge, even to myself, that I have talents.  And yet on my list for this year, there it was...

TALENTS- develop talents.  Write books.

That is a huge stretch of faith to even put that down and yet it is there.  Why do I even put it out there?

Because I'm serious on many levels about the rest of my mortal adventure and being everything that is mine to do/be.  Areas that need to be explored and enlarged and developed as fully as possible.

When I joined the Church, all those many years ago, my first calling was to teach the Co-Pilots.  Preparing 7 years old for baptism during that year.  I told the Bishop...I am not a teacher.  Meaning I'm not a certified school teacher.  He smilingly said... You don't have to be a "teacher".  Just read the book and tell them the stories and sing with them.  This entire call terrified me as I'd never taught anything.  ever.  and I knew nothing about the Gospel or how to read music and sing songs I'd never heard in my life.  I ended up loving my class and loving to learn about the Gospel and to prepare them for baptism.  It was the perfect calling for me.  I learned that I loved to teach the Gospel.

I do wish that he'd explained the lay ministry but more than anything, I would have benefited from being taught about the Holy Ghost, and His aid in assisting us, in all our Church callings.  I've learned that lesson for myself, there is spiritual help available and that is why we can be called to do something, that we have no skills or experience in, and succeed in spite of ourselves.

Most of my Church life has been spent in areas with small congregations and in the Mission field.  The Lord only has so many people to draw on, in trained talent, in small areas from that small roster.  Sometimes we are asked to do things, beyond our scope of ability/experience, and it's exciting when the Spirit fills in the gaps.

As I wrote down the fact that I want to write books...starting with a book of essays and also a children's book about the Gospel...it startled me.  It is truly a leap of faith...both acknowledging it out loud by telling you and then the really big stomach churning leap...actually doing it!! 

In mulling this over I thought of several things.

I remembered a talk from 1976 given by Elder Packer at BYU.  Called The Arts & the Spirit of the Lord.  It was an address to those that have been blessed with marvelous artistic talents/gifts and how they should be used and also a fair amount of chastisement for using their abilities for success in the world and neglecting spiritual matters of sharing in the Church.  Well, that is my take.  You read it.  It's Feb 1, 1976.

I was sort of taken aback by his frank talk to these folks but I was not in that group of the gifted in the way he mentioned, so I was just listening with interest.  What did peak me was his mention of...

Inspiration can come to those whose talents are barely adequate

and

If we know nothing of the arts, we know something of the Spirit. We know that it can be drawn upon meagerly or almost to the consuming of an individual.

It's only taken 39 years for me to decide I will test the water!  IF there is something for me to write then I will exercise faith and seek the Spirit and attempt to do it.  I have confidence that the Spirit will help me as I've experienced His help in Church callings in the past.

I also remembered incidences of that help over the years.

Let the year begin!!

Sunday.  First Sunday of the New Year and I'm not in Church.  Feeling sort of under the weather and opted to stay home.  I personally do not like it when folks go to Church and share what ever is currently ailing them.  I keep it to myself!  You can thank me for your good health! 

Decided to blog a bit.  All cozy in my old bathrobe and winter socks.

It is winter here and I love it.  As mentioned before...I live in a place that has four very distinct seasons and I enjoy each one.  All last, just long enough, to give you a great taste of the glory of each.  Right now we have ice and snow and cold and that just makes for total gratitude, to be snug as a bug in a rug, with that woodstove feeling of comfort/warmth/security.  Cold brings out the hominess in me and also soup-making and bread-baking tendencies.  Comfort foods! 

Today is the 3rd day of the New Year and for me I really am going to rev up my life.  My life has changed so much with the happenings in it and yet I see that I just keep on trying to make my old way of doing things work.  I'm forcing things to stay the same, when the reality is...my life is not the same.  One of my creed points...nothing changes if nothing changes. Time for change!

I've given this a lot of thought and realize that I'm the one that is the strong one, right now, in our dynamic duo.  another creed point...If it's to be, it's up to me.  &  If not me who?  If not now when?

Challenges with hubby's health (Vestibular & stroke recovery), sister's health (Interstitial),  2 sons and their health (1 diabetic & 1 weight challenged) and I may as well throw my own little pudge-pot self in the mix!  So figuring out how to stay alert, when I kick into full-blown co-dependency (in wanting to take care of and relieve all of the challenges of all those I love) that are technically theirs to master, but in that desire perhaps eating myself into a chocolate coma...Feeling that self-abuse will make their world better! 

Before I get into food stuff, I must digress and share why I decided to just take charge and live for joy and gratitude and all that sort of emotion that makes for a scrumptious life sans a lot of just eating chocolate as my go to solution.

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Years and years ago.  Maybe 22 years ago?  I learned a lesson (but it's not fully kicked in, as being a foundation block, for my own personal life until this year).  All those years ago, one of our children was in a situation and an action-consequence was going to come down.  It appeared it would be harsh, as the powers that be, wanted him to be used as an example.  We were told that fact by the prosecutor.  No amount of  logic or persuasion or facts impacted anyone in charge. 

I was beside myself with anguish.  fearing the worst!  All friends were telling me that nothing was going to happen to this remarkable young man.  It is nothing/he will be fine/don't worry and all those sort of platitudes- did not impact me or comfort me.  I got lots of Priesthood blessings.  Visited with lots of friends.  Prayed until no words would come.  Constantly seeking peace and yet I would wake up sobbing in the middle of the night in addition to crying all day, knowing all was doomed, dreams would be dashed and it just tore my heart out.

I felt I had faith but I tried and couldn't get on the page with everyone else in how they just seemed to know this was going to end up just fine.  I could not find peace.  Even with all I was doing and reading and fasting, and everything one does, when panicky and seeking relief and help and hope and that promised peace...no matter what I did!  I can deal with peace, as an answer, even when I don't know the outcome of any situation.  Peace lets me know that all will end up okay even though I don't see how it can come about.  I was grasping and there was no brass ring!

One day a friend and I drove to the closest Temple, the Bellevue one.  I told her I was going to go to seek peace and ask for faith.  On the way over we talked and she admitted that she was surprised at my lack of faith in this calamity in our life.  I acknowledged that I was also.   I just couldn't seem to latch on to it and hold on, in that way that feels familiar.  Faith and Peace would not stay with me.  Why couldn't I feel like my friends and even my own hubby!

True, the Temple felt wonderful and I fervently prayed for some relief but by the time we got back home?...I'd already lost it.

We all know the wheels of judgement grind exceedingly slow and time just drug on and I just kept on thrashing about, unsuccessfully, for what I needed most.  Did I mention that I was also repenting for my lack of faith?  Boy, did I ever do that!  Praying I could feel confident like everyone else.  Starving for peace.

Came the day of judgment and guess what folks?  I was right!  Everyone else was wrong!!  Full penalty enforced!

All of those that had encouraged me all those months were aghast and could not believe what happened in sentencing!  The friend I had gone to the Temple with was shocked out of her socks!  I told her what I had learned was...I was the only one that was right but I did not listen to the Holy Ghost.  I listened to everyone else.

2 Nephi 4:34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

 35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.

Moral of story:  I'm still learning from that lesson.  IF I'd accepted those feelings I had, even though contrary and contradictory with everyone else's feelings.... and IF I'd prayed for how to deal with this coming reality and how to help my son to hope for the best and prepare for the worse....Then I do believe that I would have felt peace and had faith throughout the entire scenario.  The life scene was in motion and would have happened whether I was sobbing or felt peace BUT I could have increased my faith and spiritual reliance and felt peace IF I'd trusted my feelings instead of repenting of them!!  And I'm sure I would have received some personal revelation on all sorts of levels.

I lived through this situation and thought I'd learned from it but now I realize, there is still more for me to learn, and 2016 is the year to make those changes.  I'm sort of doing it again...listening to what others say...seeing what they do...feeling I need to follow...reading what I need to do...feeling inadequate...sensing time is running out etc. etc. Most important!-- not really seeking the guidance, that as a baptized member endowed with the Holy Ghost (He will reveal ALL things to me for my life actions).  Listening and heeding those personal promptings will bring me increased faith and peace and ultimately joy!...That will be my 2016 route.  Mortality is a bumpy ride but joy in the journey is what I want!!

*****************

( A PS- our son ended up having to let go of some of his plans but just forged ahead, accepting/owning what he was dealt -for a very careless choice of action that brought no harm to anyone- but had a gigantic consequence attached to it for him and also all of us.  He has a great life and is very successful.  We had some miracles occur in the midst of all of this but that is a story for another time.  okay?)