Conversion...small step but vital..

I don't label myself cold-hearted.  I'm warm-hearted.  I love people.  I'm seem to have lots of tender emotions towards the living.  Not so much though with those departed.  I have no idea why I'm such a sinner about that and I also have no idea why I always just blog my evilness.  But I do.  So be it.

Don't we always want to blame others for our shortcomings in character?  Isn't that the appropriate behavior?  As a girl, every relative of mine was living in Missouri.  I was in Alaska and had been there since 5 (I think).  My Mother wrote carbon paper copies of letters to the Missourian clan and Dixie and I were always made to put in a note of ...

Dear so & so,
How are you?
I am fine.
It is snowing.
I like school.
My dogs name is Cocoa.
Love,
Nancy

I knew and loved and my Grandmother Clark and my Ransdell Grandparents and adored my Aunt Bonnie.  I vaguely knew the others from my little girl memory and two trips to Missouri.

Could all of that saga be to blame in some way?

Am I just an out of sight, out of mind type person?

All of this pussy-footing around just to get back to the fact that I've not felt the warm fuzzies of doing genealogy that every other active LDS woman with a testimony seems to feel!  For me it's like a disconnect of non-concern if their Temple work has been done or their names are found.

I was given lots of genealogy information early on after I joined the Church, which was totally confusing to me, and eventually, my niece grew up and put it together in a more complete fashion than me. She is the one that I say...oh, my nice niece does that.  Our work is all done. 

Then came shifts and changes and advances in technology and the Church embraced it and put it to good use.  Indexing.  Specifically indexing the 1940 Census.  My husband fell in love with indexing.  Feeling that he would not go on a regular full-time mission, he decided that Indexing would be his Mission.

He worked at it for hours and loved it.  In his overzealous ways he tried to save my sinful soul that refused to even try indexing.  I gave it a couple of attempts and said it wasn't for me.

For a long time I've looked for information about the connection between this life and the life from whence I came (pat. bls.)  That coupled with the thought that I needed to index and not expect any soft feelings but just view it that we have been asked to do it by the General leaders so I should do it actually motivated me recently to really give it a try.  To go into it out of obedience with no expectations of confirming emotions.

Terry has been the most loving patient teacher and I have been impatient and fed-up many times.  He has always straightened out my messes and encourages me.  Always telling me how great I'm doing/how proud of me he is.

I decided to just plow along, realizing that maybe someday, somewhere, the information would make someone very happy.  I would read about 87 year old Mabel died Tuesday at Miller's Merry Manor and not really be touched.

I was touched when I did entry number 1,928.  My heart felt emotion, real tenderness and I so hoped these people heard the Gospel on this side and the other side also.  2 obituaries made a difference.  One was a little 3 year old boy that died in his sleep. I felt the horror of the parent finding him that morning.  The other was a father and a son, pushing strollers holding a 1 and a 3 year old.  Because of lack of funds for road/sidewalk upkeep they were walking almost in the street.  A truck hit and killed both children.  They described the emotion of the Father seeing his little ones in the street and really, my heart came alive with compassion.

There is hope for me.  Hope that I will continue to move past the letter of the law and further into the Spirit of the law.  My new number is 2,329.  I feel like I'm helping someone.  Perhaps it will be down the road but the information is there for their use.  I'm okay with just the feeling of willingness to Index, not needing endless spiritual confirmations to know this is the right thing to be doing.

Tuesday RS Meeting

There is a gigantic push in the Church for all things family and that includes all phases of finding family members...be they here or on the other side of the veil.  The RS invited all to bring laptops and learn to index.

My husband is a fantastic dedicated indexer.  I bring him ice water, rub his shoulders and give him smooches for a job well done.  You get the picture?  this is one of those "fill in the blank" paragraphs or read between the lines for the entire story.

I have dabbled. dipped my toe in the water.

He is ever vacillating between encouraging and badgering me to join the throng of the obedient.

A lot of times, okay,  most of the time, alright...all of the time--I like to know what the promised blessings are for acts of obedience.  This inspires me...It excites me...It's exhilarating to me....when I know what the outcome will be.  I also know what I'm missing out on if I don't obey.  True- obedience brings forth blessings.

It's all choice, isn't it?

So I recently made a real commitment, to my resident indexer, that I would actually do it.  Often. Just because we are suppose to.  Not even thinking  (the one exception in my life, that I didn't!)....hmmmm.  I wonder if there is a blessing attached to this?

I went to the class because I wanted to support my RSP, wanted to take my friend and wanted to find out, if what the invite said, about being able to index on my tablet was true.  (not true.  well, not yet.)

A wonderful blessing being there.  The brother who introduced the hands-on indexing class, mentioned that there were blessings/promises about doing the indexing work!  I listened and then asked where the source was.  My ears were perked up all the way.  He said it was Elder Bednar.

I'd never heard what he said before.  It took me forever to find it but I did.  It's in things for the youth which I don't usually read.  maybe it was somewhere else.  maybe it filtered through the holes in my head at some previous time.  But I don't remember ever hearing the things printed below.

I'm for sure not a youth but I'm young at heart so I'll claim these blessings for myself!

Remember my continual quest for more association of the Holy Ghost?  well, Elder Bednar said....  

Elder Bednar has testified that family history work is one way to bring that strength and to protect us from the world. He said, “The Spirit of Elijah is the Holy Ghost. The Spirit of Elijah will influence anyone who is involved in this work. That, for a young person in the wickedness of the world in which we live today, is one of the greatest safeguards against the temptations of the adversary. The Spirit of Elijah will not only bless you, it will protect you” (“The Time Is Now,” lds.org/fhy).

“I invite the young people of the Church to learn about and experience the Spirit of Elijah. I encourage you to study, to search out your ancestors, and to prepare yourselves to perform proxy baptisms in the house of the Lord for your kindred dead (see D&C 124:28–36). And I urge you to help other people identify their family histories.

“As you respond in faith to this invitation, your hearts shall turn to the fathers. The promises made to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob will be implanted in your hearts. Your patriarchal blessing, with its declaration of lineage, will link you to these fathers and be more meaningful to you. Your love and gratitude for your ancestors will increase. Your testimony of and conversion to the Savior will become deep and abiding. And I promise you will be protected against the intensifying influence of the adversary. As you participate in and love this holy work, you will be safeguarded in your youth and throughout your lives.

“… Any young person can do what I am suggesting, using the modules available at lds.org/familyhistoryyouth.”