Lots of hub bub!!!

and that is putting it mildly!!  Thursday I went to the Temple and came home and found out.....

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NEWSFLASH

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced Thursday (April 4) that church members in same-sex marriages will no longer be considered apostates. The policy change also clears the way for children of LGBT members to be baptized.

“Previously, our Handbook characterized same-gender marriage by a member as apostasy,” the church said in a statement posted on its online newsroom. “While we still consider such a marriage to be a serious transgression, it will not be treated as apostasy for purposes of Church discipline. Instead, the immoral conduct in heterosexual or homosexual relationships will be treated in the same way.”

“We want to reduce the hate and contention so common today,” the statement read. “We are optimistic that a majority of people — whatever their beliefs and orientations — long for better understanding and less contentious communications.”

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MY REACTION TO ABOVE NEWSFLASH

Totally caught off guard!  

Very thankful and relieved about the children being able to be baptized. That had made me feel bad/sad before when they couldn't!

I am totally clueless as to what this sentence means.... "the immoral conduct in heterosexual or homosexual relationships will be treated in the same way.”

WHAT I DID....

I contacted my friend Mariah as she had been so wounded by the previous statement. (She brought 4 children to her marriage and her wife brought 5.  some of the children were already baptized)  When some of their children wanted to be baptized that wasn't allowed.  I felt so sad over it so I'm very happy they can do that.  

The aftermath is...after these several years and a lot of water under the bridge...I don't know if they are even interested in baptism.

I called another friend, Jan, as I knew she, like Mariah, had really suffered on so many levels.  Jan is not gay but 50% of her children have some sort of LBGT issues.  I told her, what I told Mariah...my thoughts were with them and I knew this wasn't going to fix anything in their lives but I hope they felt something akin to better. I also exchanged thoughts with Jan's son, Sam.

TERRY AND I TALK

By this time you know that I embrace change and Terry has to take time to adjust to anything new or different or unexpected or foreign to him.  He mentioned how our Church has changed over the years.  We then talked at length about this really isn't our Church.  This is the Church of Jesus Christ.  We talked about living Prophets and both of us believe in that fact.  We talked about The Church is either true or it's not.  We talked about lots of changes that have happened over the years and how sometimes people just keep holding onto grudges about changes like...polygamy...all men and the Priesthood and other things.  Things that used to be said and shied away from and then they were acceptable.  It used to be interracial marriage was frowned on and not suggested.  and Now?  totally fine.  the list could go on and on.  Some are having a lot of problems with the new Church meeting times and the Come Follow Me program.  It's just history repeating itself.  I know I've said a lot, blogwise, against homosexuality being embraced/accepted Churchly and have made bold statements that the Church will never change their stance.  and now from the Church..."the immoral conduct in heterosexual or homosexual relationships will be treated in the same way.”   Who knows?  I know I don't!

MY TESTIMONY

I believe in Jesus Christ.

I believe this is His restored Church.

I believe in living Prophets.

I'm on board.

I want to stay on the covenant path.

I'm overboard with excitement about General Conference tomorrow!  I'm ready!

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this expresses, so beautifully, how I feel....here

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After the big Thursday leadership, and a lot of things were shared beyond what I just wrote about, I enjoyed reading what President Nelson and others said...

Members of the First Presidency offered remarks at the end of the Thursday morning instruction. “I am highly gratified with the teaching that has taken place,” said President Russell M. Nelson. “If you folks are not being persecuted on a daily basis, you are not doing your job very well. Fortify our people. The adversary is an incorrigible insomniac. He never sleeps.”
The prophet told leaders that it was important for Latter-day Saints “to become stronger
in a spiritually darkened world.” He taught that the “Book of Mormon comes to our 

rescue” (see Moroni 7:14–19).“Our members are standing like a rock
 in a moving river,” explained President Nelson
“I can’t remember a more inspiring … and more motivating set
of instructions 

than we’ve had here today,” added President Dallin H. Oaks, First Counselor
in the First Presidency. “I pay tribute to our prophet.”

“This has been one of the most challenging and wonderful meeting
that I’ve ever been in [in] my life,” said President Henry B. Eyring, Second Counselor
in the First Presidency. “I have to do better. The members are going to
need our help.
We’ve been given incredible new resources.”
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(sorry this is so messed up!!  I tried to make it easy to read and I made it hard!)

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I just read this...that gives me a better understanding .... This was from that same Thursday
leadership meeting.

Now, however, children of parents who identify themselves as lesbian, gay, bisexual

 or transgender may be blessed as infants and baptized in the Church, President 

Oaks announced. In addition, the Church will no longer characterize same-gender 

marriage by a Church member as “apostasy” for purposes of Church discipline, 

although it is still considered "a serious transgression."

The changes, issued at the direction of the First Presidency, “do not represent a 

shift in Church doctrine related to marriage or the commandments of God in 

regard to chastity or morality.”

Searching for the right words....

so a part of my comments yesterday on Sam's FB was offensive to his sister-- that I know and have no ill will towards.  I told Sam I was sorry that I offended her.  He explained that she'd had a lot of persecution when she declared she was gay in high school and had to go through a lot of pain.  I re-read the offensive part of my comment...

True it is legal but you know that I will say, with my LDS beliefs... it is not moral.

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and I re-read her FB post to Sam on what she wrote about me offending her....

I keep coming to your page to post a response but the previous response is too upsetting to me to do so. I've tried several times tonight. It is too painful to be called immoral on my brother's page and i find it offensive.

Sam, thank you so much for posting this. The statement was respectful and kind. Marriage equality, especially in Utah, is something that is awkward and scary to see things play out and amazing our society progressing with fervor and that most of our nation wholeheartedly supports gay marriage. I hope all this makes sense. I decided to just go f or it and respond. This our night to celebrate and not to have a mormon try to cleverly past judgement. 

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I do believe what I said.  completely.  BUT I can see why it was rather high and mighty in sound if it was just read cold turkey... it is not moral.  Maybe even any reading of it sounds judgmental?  I see why she would be offended.  A time of joy, for she and her brother and their friends, and then I pronounce, without mincing words, it's immoral.  Raining all over what to them was a time of joy.  Me the wet blanket!

I was totally caught off guard with her comment of.... This our night to celebrate and not to have a mormon try to cleverly past judgement.  That really seemed strange to me to read that about someones opinion of my motive!

anyhow Sam is a schmoozer fellow that makes everyone feel they are right and he understands what they are feeling/saying so he reassured me that he knew what I meant & reassured his sister the same thing (she did go ahead and write a celebratory comment) and the train got back on track.

I've really thought about how to express myself with exactly what I believe, when it is contradictory to what someone else believes, and not end up in a sword fight.  I thought the legal/not moral words were the way that I would go.  Now I'm thinking that may not work for me.

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Sam later posted this on FB...  

 Yes it's a difficult topic, and I think its important to remember that people's hearts are often more in the right place than we realize, on both sides. Here is another article that better expresses what I was trying to say in my original post, perhaps I did not do it so eloquently. and that is that the church is making clear strides toward normalizing this situation and accepting the laws of the land and to try to reduce the "war" atmosphere and the us against them, and increase civility. The truth is there are many many Mormons who while they may not agree with gay marriage from a religious perspective, they are very willing to accept the legal right for gay couples to marry and to respect the free agency of them to do so. I think the church is moving very quickly in this direction. What I meant to say is I am always very touched when a Mormon expresses happiness for me even though they may not agree, and my hope is that when and if I ever get married, there will would be many active mormon friends and family happily at the ceremony. I don't think that is a very farfetched idea. well, at least that part. Me ever settling down and getting married could definitely be called farfetched .

I will not comment about this recent post on his FB as he is not seeking to change his viewpoint and neither am I.  He feels he is right and I know that I am.

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How anyone can feel the Church is changing it's stance on Gay marriage, after reading the Official statement yesterday, is puzzling to me.  The laws of the land have changed and things deemed, last- day-foretold-corruption, are now legal but they are not a part of our religion.  This goes back again to my standby favorite...11th article of Faith...

 11 We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

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Yes.  I will not be blogging everyday about this but when I figure out a more self-satisfactory way, to gentle out my words, when I state my feelings about my religious truth?....I will let you know!

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Here is the map the gays are happy about....

Divergent Paths

Perhaps it was my resolve to find and touch base with people that I'd lost touch with that brought us together again.  I don't really know.  He was one that the separating had been painful for me.  Very hurtful.  I was wounded by his unkind treatment to me.  When you love someone and they use words/actions to spite you, at least for me, I retreat.

Years later, while he was in the deepest of depressions, in intense therapy plus a 12 step program, he called me.  Seeking forgiveness.  I was less than nice in my response (I am so weak/mean at times!!) and yet my heart still felt for his suffering.  I mailed him all sorts of books, thinking something would touch his heart and help him.  Then we totally went our own ways.

He had entered my life as a 15 year old so that would make him 42-43? by now.  He had exited my life about 18 years ago and we'd had no communication.  My daughter sent me a note with a blog post he'd written....  Mother, I read this and felt so sad for him.

I read it and felt what he'd written was poignant and gave a perspective of being gay that I'd never considered before.  I sent him a note and told him how touched I'd been with what he'd written, that I missed him and the love I had for him had not diminished and I would enjoy seeing him and visiting.

He responded with a ... Yes.  He was coming home for Christmas to a nearby town.  (He now lives in Germany.)  So Sunday afternoon he came over and we visited for over 2 hours.  was it 3?  it was a long time.  A great time.

Our losing contact had nothing to do with him being gay.  When we visited he told me that his inner struggles about being gay and having not yet come out, caused him to hurt a lot of those people that loved him.  Within the Church we so love those youth we are involved with and he named some other Ward friends that he'd wounded besides me.   Others that loved him as I did.

He was one of those charming youth with great talent...singing, playing piano.  Wit.  Humor. Great speaker.  So much fun to be around and talk with.  Handsome.  He still has that gift of gab, talent, and handsomeness.

We talked about his lifelong desire to serve a Mission, staying worthy to serve and how it was everything he'd dreamed of and how great it had turned out for those 2 years... how he told his parents he was gay... how he'd taken on BYU to get the Church to change it's policies and be more accepting of Gay students...Students that were living all aspects of the honor code, as he was, at that point.  He is now openly gay and no longer rallies in any way for the Church to change it's policies. After feeling he'd fought and not made great inroads, he realized he had no more desire to fight for anything changing within the Church, feels it won't change and just wanted to get on with his life. 

We understood, without discussion,  that we weren't trying to persuade each other to change or point fingers of blame/shame.  We each accepted that he is gay and chooses that lifestyle and feels at peace about it.  Equally it was understood that I am a staunch believer in my religious faith.  He knows how I feel and believe and endeavor to live because he has walked in my shoes of LDS faith.  I, on the other hand have no experience in his new world, nor desire to have.

We talked about the Church stance encouraging members to not render harsh judgement. He thought that was a much needed move.  (I forgot to mention the new Church website for gays to him.  He is not seeking help or reconciliation with the Church but I wish I'd told him about it.  Maybe he already knows)

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A couple of quotes on how we should conduct ourselves about homosexuals.

ELDER OAKS: The First Presidency made a wonderful statement on this subject in a letter in 1991. Speaking of individuals and families that were struggling with this kind of problem, they said, “We encourage Church leaders and members to reach out with love and understanding to those struggling with these issues.” Surely if we are counseled as a body of Church membership to reach out with love and understanding to those ‘struggling with these issues,’ that obligation rests with particular intensity on parents who have children struggling with these issues… even children who are engaged in sinful behavior associated with these issues.    (full interview and other data is found here  )

This Church has felt the bitter sting of persecution and marginalization early in our history, when we were too few in numbers to adequately protect ourselves and when society’s leaders often seemed disinclined to help.  Our parents, young adults, teens and children should therefore, of all people, be especially sensitive to the vulnerable in society and be willing to speak out against bullying or intimidation whenever it occurs, including unkindness toward those who are attracted to others of the same sex. This is particularly so in our own Latter-day Saint congregations. Each Latter-day Saint family and individual should carefully consider whether their attitudes and actions toward others properly reflect Jesus Christ’s second great commandment - to love one another.  (full Church statement is found here

Both of these quotes are only a paragraph out of much more information.  So read both articles in their entirety.  I just printed these 2 paragraphs on how we should conduct ourselves, in our own feelings, towards those involved in such action or desire.  There are several other articles that will pop up when you go to either of the above sites.

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My family at this point of time, at least as far as I know, has not had to deal with this overwhelming challenge.  That is what it is to me.  A gigantic challenge for everyone involved.  Even with friends it is a challenge, don't you think?  How do you love someone that lives under scriptural condemnation?  Choosing "sin"?  How do you accept them and not condone their choice?  How do you love the sinner and hate the sin?  How do you deal with your own judgement calls?  Am I self-righteous, judgmental and condemning to the point that I am sinning big time??  The kettle calling the pot black?  How am I treating someone, that goes against what living prophets say is "not to be acted upon", and they are choosing to do so?

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I have a friend, now living on the East Coast.  We moved from Anchorage to Homer in 1971.  One day she called and told me about her son.  He was gay.  It broke her heart.  It also broke his heart.  He stepped out in front of a truck and tried to kill himself.  He could not move past the guilt and shame he felt.  Eventually he married and was miserable.  At the end of his relatively young life, he was so off mentally, that when he died, his Mother just hoped he had peace and felt he was better off not living.

A few years after finding out about her son, she called me.  There was a howling on the phone.  I couldn't even recognize her voice and was trying to figure out who it was and what was happening.  It was her, feeling like she would die from the pain, as now her oldest daughter was gay also.  Last week when I talked to her, she shared that was the worst moment of her life when she found that out.  The pain was more so than any she'd ever felt and remains so this day. 

I have friends with gay children that have to deal with siblings rejecting sibling, court battles for grandchildren, family reunions, holiday celebrations, etc. etc.  Talk about estrangement!  What a challenge to figure out.  No matter what the situation.  How do you deal with being ostracized? blamed? wagging tongues?  Ward members choosing sides?  Complicated challenges for all of us.

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I thought of this part of my creed.  A main focus.  This seemed fitting to loving unconditionally.  by Elder Uchtdorf ...

I am not suggesting that we accept sin or overlook evil, in our personal life or in the world. Nevertheless, in our zeal, we sometimes confuse sin with sinner, and we condemn too quickly and with too little compassion. We know from modern revelation that “the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.” ⁴ We cannot gauge the worth of another soul any more than we can measure the span of the universe. Every person we meet is a VIP to our Heavenly Father. Once we understand that, we can begin to understand how we should treat our fellowmen.

One woman who had been through years of trial and sorrow said through her tears, “I have come to realize that I am like an old 20-dollar bill—crumpled, torn, dirty, abused, and scarred. But I am still a 20-dollar bill. I am worth something. Even though I may not look like much and even though I have been battered and used, I am still worth the full 20 dollars.”

 Entire talk..."You Are My Hands"  here

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I also thought of a talk, my all time favorite given by a High Councilman, several months ago.  He was talking about the scriptural account of the lost coin.  He pointed out that while the coin was lost, and couldn't be found, and couldn't be seen, it had not lost it's value while missing. 

My young friend, in my estimation, is lost but he has not lost his value.  He won't agree with my observation just as I won't agree with his explanation.   I believe that we 100% feel right in our individual life choices and at the same time, 100% disagree with each others choices.  

I also believe that we love each other as dear friends.  Friends with parameters of protection and acceptance... but embracing/sharing what the other deems essential, for their own life path, will never be enjoyed together.  

His blog.... here