Exit Lane Living!!!

Life has such a way of being Dorian-like on a personal level and it's been stormy for sure lately around here!  The real Dorian, so massive and destructive, was headed directly towards our daughter's family.  She sits right on the coast, on Merritt Island...you know...Cape Canaveral! They were fully prepared for the onslaught but it's nail biting for all concerned.  Mandatory evacuation of the island.  Dorian turned North, just enough to bypass them with devastation but left wind damage to many.  They were spared. 

At the same time...our son and his wife were traveling from Utah to New Mexico to see her parents.  A drunk driver, while they were driving through Cortez, hit them, on the drivers side.  Not on the door but just before the door and smashed in that entire section of the front.  They were spared.

At the same time...their daughter, our granddaughter in Utah, was diagnosed with Mono and had to quit her job and also her tonsils were so enlarged that they had to be removed.  She is painfully recovering.

At the same time...well, let's just say...life is challenging on the home front also!  I've been feeling that something is not right with Terry and had made the decision to call after Labor Day for a Dr. appointment.  Things took a massive turn though on Labor Day.  I realized I needed to take him to ER.  Called our son next door to help me get him ready.  Son (bless his heart. he has all sorts of pain that he deals with daily) rushed over and long story cut short...Terry had a full blown seizure and we both thought he had died right then and there.  I called 911.  Kip got his Dad on the floor on his side.  Police came and all sorts of other medics.  They did what needed to be done.  Words seared in my brain by attendants...CPR?...No. He's back.  Ambulance and ER and all sorts of blood work and scans and x-rays and watchful care of nurses by his bed.  Admitted to hospital.  Scheduled for outpatient MRI.  Blessings for both of us.  Beautiful blessings by Bishop and friend.  Released from Hospital.  Home.  Now MRI is done and Monday we will find out the goings on in his brain.  Whew!  I should say Over and Out but you know I won't.

He is much improved from how he was to start with.  I had not felt he was nearing a stroke when I had those concerns I mentioned earlier.  I never even considered a seizure.  This is what I do know.  I was aware that something was not right and for me to identify that something seems impossible to identify.  I'd written our children and told them of my concerns-- something was amiss and told them what I was seeing that felt/was different.  I think I blogged about a sleepless night I had over this situation.  And that eventually I felt peace...which always indicates to me that the Lord is aware of my personal going-on's (is that an actual word?)

So I gave you bare bones synopsis but enough to bring you into the current challenges in my life.

Is this when I turn this post into a booklet?  bitty essays?  I don't know.  maybe random yet connected dots in my mind?  I don't know but there are a few things that I do know.

I know my prayers are heard and always answered.  I may not get my request but I do get an answer and I do get help and I do know it is what is the best for me.  I rely on the examples scripturally of the Savior asking, in Gethsemane, for removal of the cup.  a cup of bitter pain.  That request did not happen but two angels came to comfort Him in answer.  Also in the Book of Mormon when the back burdens were so heavy and they pleaded for removal and that request was not answered but the burden was lightened and they didn't feel them. (Mosiah 24:13-17)  both times prayer requests did not happen but answers did come.

Sometimes I am absolutely positively certain, with no doubt, that my prayer is exactly what is needed and I with confidence ask for that request with full faith but many times, many times, I am off base.  Nevertheless...my prayer will be answered and if I open my mind I can see the answer in a most unexpected way.

Always at some point, after much prayer and study and pondering, patience in waiting- I will see and know ...this is the answer.  not as I requested but this is the Lord's answer.

Once I feel peaceful without knowing the outcome...I'm okay.

I'm fascinated with the comments in the BD about prayer.  Just like a combination lock...or all the ducks in a row or etc.  This paragraph is amazing to me...

As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are His children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7:7–11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.

(this post is book length and not a booklet!!!)

Much like any car accident or traumatic event or unexpected shock ...I always have a delayed reaction.  I can get through the initial event and know with certainty that 3 or 4 days later, I will feel the pain surface.  Emotions will surface and tears and feeling overwhelmed will come.  I know this will happen like clockwork and I know what to do to heal and move on.  I just put on my robe...indulge in whatever I feel like doing...napping/binge watch mindless TV/eat chocolate-if I desire/talk to family/visit with a friend if the urge hits to do so...just totally create peace for unwinding and wading through the murkiness and muddiness until my path is cleared of debris of the reality of a life event...Not of my choosing but nonetheless mine to deal with.

They way this happened has a good side in my mind.  I knew something was wrong.  I listened to those feelings although I didn't know what was wrong.  I gave my children a heads-up.    I did realize I needed to get him help.  Happening the way it did...all of the necessary procedures were done in one fell swoop.  All of the blood work and lung ex rays and EKG and Cat Scan and on and on were systematically done.  One right after the other.  We didn't have to wait for appointments and sit for hours waiting our turn for a single test.  It was all done within hours and he was stretched out on a bed.  I was thankful for that.  He's already had the MRI and we already have an appointment for Monday.  I am thankful for that.

I feel at peace today.  I feel rested.  I feel thankful for so much.  Thankful I have the strength that I do to care for someone that I love so much.  Thankful for our children and grandchildren.  Thankful for running water and the feel of showering.  Thankful for the Gospel and my testimony of it.  Just on and on and on goes my gratitude.

I'm also thankful for friends.  Friends that stay in close touch and know me.  One friend, that I shared my earlier concerns with, picked me up that first night from the hospital as she knew it was late and dark and I don't see very good at night.  I rarely travel at night.  If ever!  She volunteered and came and got me.  We were driving along and she announced that my window was so dirty inside that she could barely see!!!  I'm still laughing over that scenario!  reminded me of that Church video about the woman with the dirty windows!  the next day she showed up with Windex and a roll of paper towels and cleaned my windows...inside and out!  Still makes me laugh over that conversation!  Last night I drove home in the dark from a late evening MRI and I could actually see!!  So many lessons in that incident!

None of us have sure knowledge of what tomorrow holds for us individually.  actually we don't even know the next hour!  I'm okay with that.  That is life.  It is what it is.  I don't know if I will be even more housebound.  I just don't know.  I do know that if  that turns out to be the case...it's a fantastic time for it to happen as the Church site is just filled to overflowing with things going on.  I/we can watch and enjoy so many things.

I now realize that blogging and sharing my feelings, with you, is one of the ways of the ways for me to create peace and recover from this emotional car-crash!!  Thanks for listening (or did the length of this epistle lose you?)

I checked...my feet are still on the Covenant Path!

Yawn.....zzzzzz