Dusting myself off!!!...

a verse from a Nat King Cole song...

Nothing's impossible, I have found
For when my chin is on the ground.
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off
And start all over again.

I'm thinking that I have a handle on regrouping my life and figuring out this WinterSeason of living life in the Exit lane.  It's been a pretty rough transition in my mind but I think I'm ready.  Well, as ready as I can be.  At this age with HubbyHealthIssues, it's so easy to look ahead and being realistic with the realization, there will be no recovery and goingn back to the SummerSeason of life, and things will just keep motoring along and we will have to PatchPatchPatch as we go along.  I need to ask for and trust that the kindly light will lead me on and not ask to step one step beyond.  I have been feeling overwhelmed and full blown anxiety and fear as to how I can possible handle everything.

Lead, kindly Light, amid th' encircling gloom;

Lead thou me on!

The night is dark, and I am far from home;

Lead thou me on!

Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see

The distant scene--one step enough for me

Finally I was able to get calmed down (prayer/study/blessings/conversations/contemplation/meditation/thinking/gratitude etc. etc.) and just get back to reality.  Handle what is on my Daily To Do List and not try to project out to end of life!!

Isn't it amazing how we can know something, and know it in detail, and then step in quicksand and forget the rules for getting out of it??

I see myself isolating myself and self-doubting and being super co-dependent and on and on. and on!  I like to think that was just a downward spiral on a slippery slope. That I was wiping my tears and never grabbed any safety bars.  Hitting bottom I'm now picking myself up, dusting myself off and starting all over again.  More like carrying on than going back to square one!

Our son Greg was here and he is such a great son.  And then Kipper is always so good also.  And Jeanee.  And David.  And Benjy.  And...of course!  Terry!

Of course- No Pity party event would be complete without feeling friendless etc.  And as Terry would say...who is putting that in your mind???

On the upside...so enjoying the Book of Mormon and Conference talks and teaching my Primary class (that I love to pieces!!)  and watching changes transpire in such quick order Church-wise. It's amazing!!

Got a Temple Recommend renewal.  so Temple attendance is back on my weekly list of marvelous things to do!  That is a guaranteed endorphin fix!

Walking will get the feel good endorphins moving in my mind and so good for emotional health.  Do I do it?  Have I done it?  No.  Am I being prompted to?  Yes.  Will I?...that remains to be seen!

It's just life folks.  Plain ol' mortal life.  Please don't tell me fairy tales that I'm the only one that has occasional harsh lapses even while doing their best to be obedient.  We do not fib.

So now you know that I was a bit low (okay. bottomed out! not a bit low) and didn't even blog.  You are so patient with me.  Thank you!

Back at 'em and ready for another go round!

**********************

I had wondered about the Be One event.  I was prepared for different scenarios but the actual happening revealed something that I hadn't thought of.  How long so many faith-filled potential members waited, with super strong testimonies, and they could not receive the Priesthood-- I knew that but I didn't think about the racism issue that was there with some members.  To experience rejection and experience racism because of their color and then add rejection and racism from members also.  Even if it was just a few.  The thing that also caught me off guard was their happiness.  Those testimonies are so deep rooted and their joy is just so evident.  I loved every minute of the production.  you didn't see it?  here you go!

I saw President Nelson slip a cough drop or something in his mouth and when he spoke his voice was scratchy.  I so hope he is okay.  His talk was incredible!  We are truly in a world-wide Church and he really let all know that!

Elder Oaks...terrific message and so real and so moving and so let go of the past and move ahead!  

*******************

There are so many changes in so many things and now tomorrow...a talk for the youth.  and what a letter President Nelson sent out!   I keep hearing things, little tidbits, a couple of words here and there- about the 2nd coming and Last Days.  what an exciting and interesting time to be alive and be a member of the Church.

Here is the letter regarding tomorrow's broadcast.

Dear Youth of the Church: I am deeply impressed by your goodness and potential. As we prepare the world for the Second Coming of the Savior, I want you to know that you have a personal role to play! To help you gain a vision of who you truly are and understand your role in the latter days, my wife, Wendy, and I will share a special message with you on Sunday, June 3. We invite you to gather with your family and friends to watch the broadcast together. Until then, I encourage you to prepare by reading from the Book of Mormon daily and pray that the Lord will reveal to you what He would have you personally do and become. Sincerely, Russell M. Nelson President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints **************************************

“There is something undeniably special about this generation of youth,” President Nelson added. “Your Heavenly Father must have great confidence in you to send you to earth at this time. You were born for greatness! The days ahead will be breathtaking. Father in Heaven must have known that you would be just the people He needs to do remarkable things in the latter days—the days leading up to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.”  (uh-oh.  I didn't write the source.  I need to find it but still wanted to share. more talk about the 2nd coming!)