Not Ready!!

Kiddos start arriving, more like straggling in, one or two at a time...this week!!  Panic attack time if I was into that nervous condition.  I'm co-d, ever trying to recover and constantly relapsing as true addicts do!

Usually...I'm totally ready!  You know all of the stuff I do for McCall.  and I love doing it.  I'm a lame duck this go round!  The Hubby?...he makes me look strong with his lameness.  The family joke is Dad and his duct tape usage.  I'm feeling like I'm taped or need to be!  Masking tape/super glue/painting tape/scotch tape/duct tape/band aids.  I'm falling apart at the seams it seems!  Dr. tests say nothing wrong with major functions but now my leg is bum and for a couple of weeks I've been a hobbler!

And then my weight!  All of that extra stuff I'm hauling around and sitting down with and sleeping with and oh, it's just so IRRITATING!!  The Dr. said to lose and I'm determined to do it.  I know I told you that situation already.  I also said I wouldn't bother to mention what/how etc. until my photo shoot for Vogue was signed BUT I can tell you the things I'm doing in preparation to drop the fatness.  Fatties are usually talking about WHAT they are going to do but seldom do it and if they start something they seldom finish it and they seldom have success.  Hey, now!  don't give me stink eye.  I'm saying that is how I am but actually I think you are also if you've fought the lard battle for very long.  Anyhow...sort of lamenting sounds from my plump lips!!

So...I bought one of those arm bracelets to count steps.  To me is looks like one of those ankle bracelets for home arrest.  it's not tiny and lovely.  it's black and thick and heavy looking.  Yep, like house arrest.  It' immediately went to 20,000 steps as my goal.  Rechecked my age, size etc. and has dropped it to 4800!  I usually have a red flat line across the top...signalling...get up and move it!!  If I don't move it then it goes black.  probably saving the battery which at this rate will last a very long time.  My lifetime perhaps?

I decided that I have shelves of cookbooks and need no more.  I've been on every diet program known to mankind and refuse to do them.  I will not go talk to a nutritionist!  I will cross no one's palm with money for them going to the effort to weigh me and tell me I gained a pound or two or more.  So you can see...I'm not real open minded nor do I have my arms out hoping someone will whisk me away to some FatFarm.

I really do like The Blue Zones book and I also sort of, kinda like, Knives over Forks.

I stopped watching the Food Network and it's shows and that was made easy because we decided to cancel our Direct TV.  I know I can get it online etc. but I decided to give it up.  What a huge sacrifice! (I hear your snickering!)

We had Roku which we'd never even turned on!  A son set it up but we left it alone.  Suddenly my dreary black and white world went full technicolor!  A world of whatever I wanted to see and no commercials etc. etc.

So...instead of books and eating programs and all of that, I decided to watch documentaries about food.  Now remember, I have that bum leg and am sitting or reclining more than I care to admit, so that allows me hours of Rokuing.  I remembered how much I enjoyed FedUp and decided to see if their were other food documentaries.  Not recipes but shows about the industry and the politics and the corruption etc. etc.

Believe me....there are oodles of them.  I've been shocked and stunned at some of the things I've watched.  Now this is super scary... okay.  I have to preface this super scary story with telling you that I like mysteries but I only like the solving of them. I don't like to watch the violence.  that is my preface.  I cover my eyes when violence takes place.  I loved Agatha Christie's Murder on the Orient Express but I had to cower and cover my eyes...anyhow I'm watching a documentary and they showed a slaughter house for a brief bit.  Actually it appeared brief to me because I covered my eyes!  it was actually long.

Anyhow I've seen bits and pieces of mayhem involving cattle and chickens and pigs and I soon knew when they were going to start the killing spree and I would stop the show.  I hollered to Terry (who couldn't hear me anyhow) oh, my gosh Terry!!!  I may end up a vegetarian!!  NOOOOOOO!!!  They can be so obnoxious!

I've watched so many shows about corruption and political clout in the food industry... I'm needing to make some changes.

What?  Time will tell.

Lots of shows about Corn Syrup and the negative aspects of it.  So I decide to chill some canned fruit for smoothies for us.  One can had corn syrup and one had sugar.  I determined that I would not eat the corn syrup.  I asked Hubby...there is corn syrup in the apricots.  does that bother you?  I'm not going to eat them.  He said...it doesn't bother me.  it's fine.  I said...okay.  I'll eat the peaches with sugar.  Corn syrup is like poison.  He said...okay.  fine with me.

So there you go.  I'm poisoning my Honey and feeling sad over animals being murdered.

I have nothing ready for my precious children.  True they are all adults but in my mind...if I could be a darling Norman Rockwell Mother/Grandmother type with my hair in a bun, sturdy brown shoes and a flour sack apron covering my homemade dress- carrying out a tray laden with a scrumptious meal or a pie and smiling brightly...wouldn't they be happy?

We will never see that scene played out.

Sigh.