Fathers Day

One certainty about blogging...or at least my endeavors...if I don't keep up then it seems that suddenly I have an avalanche of thoughts to share and they spill over and I feel behind.  I'll just start with Father's Day.

My Daddy (we always called him Daddy) passed away at age 68....34 years ago.  If had lived he would have been 102 years old right now!  I miss the things that I now wish I'd done.  I wish I'd felt comfortable in talking to him and learning what he'd learned about living.  I would have encouraged him to sing Barbershop and join a group.  I would have asked if we could be involved in theatre together.  He was a natural at story telling and had won a debate competition in high school.  He won people over with his humor and personality.

My Take- children are born into a family and the parents care for the child.  As child growth occurs there is a distancing in that relationship.  And then one day...the child is an adult just like the parent is an adult.  They become more like friends IF both parties can let any past debacles go.  It's almost like everyone becomes the same age!  Easier said than done.

My father was a strict disciplinarian and my sister and I walked extremely careful on egg shells.  My Mother once told me that she was thankful that she never had sons as she felt Daddy would be to strict and mean.

I think Daddy grew up and softened and mellowed as he aged.  Although I too grew up...I never quite knew how to be conversationally fluent with him.  Never quite figured out how to pick that brain, so intelligent, and learn from his life experiences.

He was wonderful and I know he is still wonderful and I look forward to visiting when I move into his realm of existence.

I remember when our daughter was born in Boise.  Terry was fogged in and couldn't fly home and try as hard as I might, this baby was not going to wait.  My Daddy took me to the hospital and waited outside in the hall (that is how it was done then!).  When they wheeled me out with this beautiful baby in my arms...he broke into tears.  He couldn't talk.  For several months that tenderness of his, that tearing up, persisted each time he saw her.

What a shame that I was unable to tap into that depth of tenderness and get to know him on that adult level.

He called me regularly and would tell me ribald jokes and laugh at me when I'd try to shame him.  He smoked and it ended up destroying his heart and eventually took his life.  He drank.  He swore like a sailor (isn't that the saying for those that swear every other word?).

He adored my Mother. Dixie and I were in their life but his devotion was to my beautiful Mother.  He gave her a great life and loved doing it.  He had a marvelous work ethic.  Strong and unafraid to try things.  Loved cars and drove way to fast and justified his recklessness because he'd never had an accident.

I must say that I love him whole-heartedly and am glad he's mine and I his.

This relationship has made me want to have a more open friendly one with my own children.  I feel it's that way on many levels and I appreciate it.  What I see now that we have grandchildren ...those little folks reap the benefits of what their grandparents have learned plus they come with no preconceived notions or grudges of any sort and they become the recipients of what the grandparents have learned...unconditional love.  It's a love fest!

*************

So being as how it was Father's Day...I celebrated the Father of my children...children that we both love to pieces!  Dinner was shared with our Firstborn who happens to be a son!  He is the one that made my sweet hubby a Father!  It was tender for me to be with them.

We had a great dinner (me patting myself on the back!!) of ribs and steamed veggie medley and a salad of just greens.  Kalamata olives (yummers!)  and dessert?...oh, yes.  Ice-cream!  (me the hostest with the mostest!)  I cooked way to much but leftovers are scrumptious!

I thought about my sons and how thankful I am that they each have had the life experience of being Fathers.  Terry has always been a lover of babies and children and especially his own.  Our sons each love their children so much and are hands-on Dads. That makes my heart so happy.

Yesterday Jeanee posted on FB a picture of Terry and I dancing. We were at a friends birthday party in California.  Terry is all tan and oh, so everly handsome!  I remember that night and the fun we had. That made me cry for days gone by.

Then she posted pictures of Terry dancing with the girls.  Home from work and dancing with his dolls!  Tears again for days of such joy that are now a great memory.

Then there was a picture posted of David with his two loves.  I looked at that and tears again for love going full circle.

I see the love the men in my life give to their families-Terry...Kip...Greg...David..Benjamin...Scott...and now our grandson...Kip d. carries on the tradition of Fathers loving and caring for their children.

and then full circle as our Grandson honors his Father with this picture and comment.

This guy, my pop, my hero, Your amazing, I love you!!! Happy Father's Day Pop!!!!

***********************

So there you go...my life cycle keeps on moving along and my heart grows more grateful and appreciative of my family which is very small by most standards but most amazing.  At some point these stats will change but for now...I'm savoring the time even if I cry about it every once in awhile!