81!!!

What a wake-up call!  Awaking and realizing...today I am officially 81 years old!  How amazing is that?  I am fascinated by the world around me and the happenings in it at large and then extremely interested in my own small personal world.  I am thankful at this age to still be curious about a lot of things...a desire to learn (in a limited way of what is of interest to me)...observing as a spectator the world happenings and how people conduct themselves and to watch the world evolve forward and seemingly, at the same time, spiral somewhat out of control.  This is the exact era of Covid-19 and we are at this moment, quarantined in our home!  This is also the age of hi-tech and I am super duper low-tech.  If something can bring me to the depths of frustration, to the point of tearfulness, it is my battle with trying to master just the basics!  I know what I want this inanimate object to do but I am clueless as to how to make it happen and it is a battle!  At the same time I am just over the moon with gratitude for knowing the super basics and can be in touch with people and the Church happenings.

My Daddy died 37 years ago at the age of 68.  37 years ago I was 44 and thought he'd lived a long life!  My Mother died 21 years ago at the age of 82.  21 years ago I was 60.  I thought my Mother was very old.  Now, here I am, one year younger than when my Mother died, and I don't feel old.  Visibly I can see that my body is naturally aging but within?...I think spiritual maturing is taking place.  And that is a good thing.  (a side note.  If I had another go at life...I'd never tell anyone my age.  At a certain age it seems that people start to categorize you and place you towards pasture land!  you start to become invisible-- that is the feeling)

Anyhow...I decided to gift myself this birthday with a re-vamp on my life. 

#1  For years I've said that I intended to live to be 105 years old or until the 2nd coming.  I've now decided to just live until I die.

#2  I am enough.

#3  Personal Revelation.  President Nelson said we need that.  Elder Bednar shared several ways that he hears Him.  I am familiar with those ways.  At the recent BYU Women's Conference, Kate Holbrook (a woman that is a favorite of mine) talked in a part of her speech about personal revelation.  I was riveted as she described exactly how her way of receiving personal revelation is also my way!  Most exciting to me though- she expressed gratitude for knowing and recognizing that she knew this.  It made me realize that I can be thankful, that I know what I know that works for myself and I can inwardly know and use that ability.  Most likely we are probably all in the same boat with varying degrees of intensity?  I think so. It was so refreshing to hear her acknowledge her gratitude and be so matter of fact about how she receives personal revelation.  I am so thankful also. 

#4  At this advanced age I have found out that I am over-zealous.  To have a weakness revealed at this age is somewhat daunting but with the depth of it, perhaps I will live many more years, as I strive to keep my zeal and my zest for living but to not throw things out of kilter and get all catty-whampus  and flail around like a washer with an uneven load of clothes on the spin cycle.  Yes...seems I may need another lifetime to pick up the lose ends of all unfinished projects be they writing or quilting or organizing pictures/letters or physical fitness or whatever.  Yes...an overhaul is needed but not an overzealous one which seems to be my nature.  I'm not trying to be flippant as it was a rather painful revelatory process but also amazing at the same time.  It was an Ether 12:27 experience.  I  will hold to the promised help in that verse! 

So...that is just the bare-bones of what I want to focus on the next year.  As things unfold in my journey, I will share right here. 

I want to thank each of you for being a reader!  You are patient with me and I appreciate that so much!

(Natalie!- I was glad to hear from you.  Sorry for you needing more surgery.)

Focusing...

The weather is just so beautiful!  Spring greens of all shades and spots of brightness sprinkled around.  Every day I'm so thankful that we are not dealing with some natural disaster beyond the Covid-19!

Today I was thinking about reaching boiling points...both in cooking and emotional stewing and spewing.  I remembered how happy my Mother was when she got a pressure cooker.  Her friend Berna was with us for a few weeks and she and Mother decided to cook split pea soup.  I remember the mess as the gasket blew out and there was a geyser of green spew that hit the ceiling and was dripping all over.  It was a gas range and they couldn't get close to it because of the boiling hot soup just shooting everywhere.

It was so vivid in my mind today that I decided to check and see if it was just an exaggerated girlhood memory or a vivid memory of nightmare proportions.  

I found this.  My memory held the truth!  

Split beans and peas are tricky to pressure cook and you should not be attempting this if you're new to pressure cooking. That's because you first need to learn how to regulate heat so that it's not too high at the beginning (which will shoot the beans through the vent, muck it up, and cause a dangerous situation) and during pressure cooking. Any over-pressure situation will be dangerous.

Mother and Berna were horrified and terrified.  Dixie and I were shocked into silence.  Then my Mother got so mad because she and my Daddy had just put a new ceiling tile in the kitchen and it was not painted and waterproofed yet.  I'll let you imagine how she felt.

To her credit, she re-read the book, and did continue to use and enjoy her pressure cooker.

Sometimes in life we let off that type of steam.  Pressure builds up.  Not monitored or attended to and there is an explosion.  

There are pans that overheat and overflow and cause a mess.  Sometimes stuff is burnt.  It's a nasty business sometime. Like life! 

I have learned that I'm more the cup is full type of person.  I experienced that scenario recently.  I am used to my life and the stress and pressures that are a part of my normal.  My cup is filled to the brim all the time and yet I can handle it pretty good and juggle all the plates.  Well, I try.  Because I'm up to my eyeballs with stuff, my stuff, it is familiar and I'm okay BUT a couple of extra things happened and I felt the cup overfilled and ran over the top.  I felt out of my normal. I didn't know how to deal with these extra things.  It was to much for me.  It put me over the top.  I deal with Terry having extreme pain, off and on, and hearing his suffering but what brought me down was...a toilet seat that fell apart.  Very early a.m., I looked in Terry's bathroom and there it was!... on the floor! in 4 pieces- lid/seat/2 screw things.  I tried to put it together and I couldn't!  

This impacted me because earlier my dryer stopped working!  That's a game changer, isn't it???

Also Terry's pain was so dreadful that we were at a loss.

So here we are in the midst of this isolation and we can't call and ask for help.  We don't want anyone in here plus people aren't necessarily eager to come in either!

So my cup was flowing over and I felt like my hands were tied.  I added my own waterworks to the mess and tearfully told Terry that I can't get the toilet seat fixed.  We ended up putting a small chair in the bathroom for him to sit on and he got it put together!  (some things never change!  he asked me for a butter knife!  I said - don't you have a screwdriver in your toolbox?  He said- oh, yes.  I do.  He then opened up the seat of his walker, which has an assortment of tools in his toolbox, and found his screwdriver.)

Terry figured out what the dryer will need and we will get that fixed after detention is over.  I have a short single clothesline that wouldn't really hold a load of clothes.  I ordered two clothes drying racks, similar to what my Mother used during Alaskan winters, and they work great.

When that pain bout was so out of control, and I won't go into the details, but it was dreadful, I ended up calling our son and he gave his Dad a blessing over the phone.  (our ministering friend would have suited up and come but we didn't feel comfy with that)  Eventually the pain subsided and he could get up off the floor.

Anyhow...not trying to be all whiny and complainy.  Just saying- there was a patch of really rough water splashing on everything but we got through it.  We felt blessed.

Today in an effort to stay calm, and keep that peace that I love,  I decided to set one thing in order.  I knew that would feel good.  It did!  Sounds strange to think that organizing a freezer with containers and labels would feel good but it sure did!  I enjoyed it!  I walked past lots of other jobs that need attention and settled on the freezer shelves.

In studying this week...this was just so perfect for me!

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President Russell M. Nelson has taught that “Saints can be happy under every circumstance. We can feel joy even while having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year!” This is because “the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.”

President Russell M. Nelson, “Joy and Spiritual Survival,” Ensign, November 2016, 81–84, online at lds.org.

Lingering...

The essence of Easter remains and the uniqueness of it all is stored as a memory, that all of us will share off and on over the years.  Yesterday we had the remnants of our feast...a ham sandwich, on a homemade roll - gifted by a properly socially distanced friend!

Calling the celebratory meal a feast is a stretch of the imagination!  I did have ham at the ready in the freezer.  Potatoes were on hand.  I can always make gravy.  Packets of frozen veggies, like corn and peas, are always good.  Olives add a bit of zing.  Piecrust was home baked but not homemade!  A jar of mincemeat, purchased for storage last year, made for a specialty dessert.

There were just us two.  I was glad that we had each other and weren't alone.  True we are alone from the world but we are not alone here in our home.

We talked about what we wanted to do for Church at home and we decided to have a celebration of music.  I'm admittedly sad when our Christmas and Easter Sacrament meetings aren't filled with music...to listen to and to sing our hearts out!  We both love beautiful sacred music.  So we did a goose-bump Sabbath meeting!  It was follow-up to our listening to The Messiah on Good Friday!  Surely isn't there something that says a person can't have an overload of music!

So we ended up enjoying Andrea Bocelli here in his live concert from Italy with his Music of Hope.  It was tender.  Such a nice gift he gave.  We could only understand Amazing Grace but we felt the other few songs in our hearts.  Then we listened to two previous Easter Spoken Words.  The 2014 one ended with Hallelujah! and we wanted that as our closing song so it was perfect.

We talked about our thankfulness for our Church membership and our testimonies of living Prophets and all those sorts of things.

We each visited another Church service so to speak.  Terry attended an old Billy Graham revival.  I attended the live from Italy, full Easter Mass conducted by Pope Francis from the Basilica.  Except for the cc on his blessing to the world, it was (as the saying goes) all Greek to me.  I found his apostolic blessing to the world so interesting.  Our Prophet, the true lead Apostle, gives us blessings and they are for all the world. here I found the mass interesting on all counts.  This gigantic edifice and them doing their social distancing with their 8 member choir or was it 12?  9 short pews with one person per pew.  Actually several people were involved...2 nuns and the rest all men.  I wondered about the incense...how can they breathe that without coughing?  The thing that really got my attention was when the Pontiff blessed the sacrament.  Only he partook.  I thought of millions of people, throughout the world of our faith, that had the sacrament in their home- without the necessity of waiting for the all clear signal to congregate so that they could partake of that renewal.  The Pope's belief of the meaning of the Sacrament, and my belief, are much more than a difference in the language spoken but I did enjoy the long mass- just out of curiosity.

We shared what we had learned from attending other Church services and shared our gratitude for being believers of the truth in the Restoration!

Speaking of gratitude...every single day I'm just thankful to the max for this absolutely beautiful weather!  The gentleness of seasonal changes around here never gets old.  Spring softly and slowly is unfolding and I LOVE it!  We do not live on property considered prime viewing.  We live smack dab in the center of a small town and our subdivision property is more safety-wise than beautiful-viewing wise of any mountains but there is one window that allows me a view of Mount Rainier, the top anyhow, if I stand at a specific angle and gaze out.  I check it out each morning.  Love our earth!

Have a great day!  Happy Hibernation!

I miss seeing people on Sunday!!!

I believe this, don't you?

Easter week is all tied up with General Conference and anticipation of the World-Wide Fasting tomorrow...just seems like an overload of abundance in the joy factor!  I will take it.  Yes.  All I can absorb...I will soak it up!

This  morning I read a lot and I really enjoyed the bit below.  I told you my favorite study source is Book of Mormon Central...from today... 

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Regarding Alma’s teachings of Christ, his use of chiasmus makes it clear that Christ’s mortal nature—the “flesh”—was an essential part of His Atonement. It was His mortal nature that enabled Him to suffer in Gethsemane, and to endure death at Golgotha. But Alma also taught that Christ’s mortal experience itself—His “go[ing] forth” and experiencing the “pains, afflictions, and temptations” of mortality—was a vital aspect of His atoning sacrifice.4

This aspect of His Atonement enabled Him to be merciful and succor all who come unto Him during their own times of suffering. Elder Dallin H. Oaks recently taught:

Our Savior’s Atonement does more than assure us of immortality by a universal resurrection and give us the opportunity to be cleansed from sin by repentance and baptism. His Atonement also provides the opportunity to call upon Him who has experienced all of our mortal infirmities to give us the strength to bear the burdens of mortality. He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us.5

 Elder David A. Bednar similarly taught,

The Savior has suffered not just for our sins and iniquities—but also for our physical pains and anguish, our weaknesses and shortcomings, our fears and frustrations, our disappointments and discouragement, our regrets and remorse, our despair and desperation, the injustices and inequities we experience, and the emotional distresses that beset us.

Elder Bednar concluded, “There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first.”6

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2 minute testimony of Elder Holland.. here

A puzzle piece! found!!!

The last year and a half in the Church, for me at least, has been absolutely the most amazing unexpected adventure since I joined the Church!  The most exciting time ever, with change after change in policies and procedures but never a single change in the doctrinal base line- adherence to the 5 pillars...faith in Jesus Christ/repentance/baptism/Holy Ghost/endure to the end.  Led by revelation from living Apostles and Prophets!

I, along with every other member of the Church, looked forward with eagerness, to this specific Conference and it definitely went way beyond mere imagination!  It was, and still is, overwhelming and exciting with all that was announced!

The feeling of our being Christ-centered was cemented for the world to see!  It feels so good to be so Christian!!

When Elder Uchtdorf spoke with his powerful invitation to... come.  come unto Christ.  Come join with us.  We need you.  Christ needs you.... I had a flashback to a tent revival in Anchorage when I was a teenager and also a reminder of my Baptist preacher, ending each sermon, with a loud pleading call to repent and be saved.  Elder Uchtdorf's  had no resemblance in delivery but it was such a beautifully enticing summons to Come Join the Ranks (hymn #250).  here

If a General Conference could be likened to a celebration, then this was it!  To me, it was like the most glorious Christmas ever!  Package after package opened and revealing the most unexpected beautiful gifts ever heard of!  Line upon line.  Precept upon precept.  Joy!  Joy beyond description!

I'm thankful for modern technology that allows me the luxury of just sitting and hearing or listening to all of these gems, one by one...over and over!  

On a very personal note, I received an answer to something that I'd long tried to understand.  It has been a long time in my longing.  Years and years.  In my mind I have a Pondering Pot.  Much like a slow cooking crock pot.  I put in there things that I wonder about.  Things that I need a more clear understanding of or even just plain understanding.  I'm always on the lookout for answers.  They are like puzzle pieces to my gospel journey.  Occasionally I happen on something and check to see if I can now take that elusive puzzle piece out and place it on my board.  This Conference, to my shock and amazement...I took a very personal puzzling piece and placed it on my Gospel Journey board.  It felt right and good...Solved and resolved enough!!

Each day since Conference I've awaited when I could read the talks and check the footnotes as I wanted to see the footnotes in the most eager way!  Today....footnotes!

This was my personal miracle...one single paragraph!...from The Great Plan by Elder Oaks here  I cannot find the words, at this point, to explain how this impacted me.  I will try later.  Here is the paragraph that I've read over and over and over!  This paragraph created a mind-boggling experience of understanding for me!!!  

Fourth and finally, modern revelation teaches us that our progress need not conclude with the end of mortality. Little has been revealed about this important assurance. We are told that this life is the time to prepare to meet God and that we should not procrastinate our repentance (see Alma 34:32–33). Still, we are taught that in the spirit world the gospel is preached even to “the wicked and the disobedient who had rejected the truth” (Doctrine and Covenants 138:29) and that those taught there are capable of repentance in advance of the Final Judgment (see verses 31–34, 57–59).

General Conference....

Stupendous!

The day of...

all geared up and ready to go!  fueled by anticipation and excitement and conviction!  so wishing I'd seen this 6 months ago!!!  here 

This will be great to savor over the next 6 months!  What a fantastic resource!!!!

Tablet at the readiness!  General Conference will be on in less than 2 hours!!!!!